"So what does it mean if I tell you to go fuck yourself
Or if I say that you're beautiful to me
It's affection always..."
Sometimes you're feelin good. Sometimes you're just ok. Tonight I really don't know and I don't give a damn which means I'm just...alright. Ready to accept whatever comes my way as great or good enough. For great will give me something wonderful and good enough will teach me something valuable. Ready to pick it up or set it down. Ready to shoulder a tear or welcome a laugh. Whatever comes, tonight I care not.
I see it all and still choose to walk in pits of fire stoked by the specific. I see it all and walk in fields of roses meant for my ease by life itself. I know how to get here but it takes feeling it all. Something that way too many are afraid to do. The exhaustion of emotion is key in finding mental neutrality.
My uncles funeral is tomorrow night. There will be tears and laughter. Poise in pain and of course...hidden anguish with a little regret mixed in. I know he found his peace but I pray that at least he get to see how many actually loved him among this impromptu reunion held in his honor...
I also found out that a wonderful soul has lost her fight with cancer. I didn't know her that well. I met her on Facebook through our love of poetry. She had asked me if I wanted to do a show featuring spoken word artists. I said no but the fact that she saw something in me is enough to write something about her here. Nicole Miller AKA Noe Stradamus...may you rest in peace...
So what is the truth of my mood? "Cigarettes After Sex" plays my soundtrack tonight and I'm alright...
~Moses Apollo
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