Misery...

"...without her I will be in misery..."

She sure hates drinkin alone...

A funny thing happened today...I found something worth writing about to take a break from my work.

I remember the days when I was married.  My friends would always try to coax me into going with them "out on the town" and though some would understand my hesitance to place myself in situations that may end badly for my marriage, others would consider it an a-front to their way of "living"...if that's what you want to call it.  They just didn't understand that my reluctance to join them was not just out of fear that some things may get out of hand...it was more than that.  I loved my wife.  I loved my children and as such, they were my peace.  It was way beyond their level of comprehension that a man could love his family so much that he would choose TV nights on the couch to booming noise and drunken stupor.  Why?  Well, it's simple really.  At that time, I never found myself needing such "escape".  Escape from what?

Misery

Fast forward to single man Apollo.  These "friends" now found themselves with an agenda.  A) Take him out with us so he can attract the women and B) Prove that their lives aren't so bad by converting this man into the same animals they were...lacking sound judgement and self-control.  Incidentally, to which both I said "F*ck off".

People, remain understanding and be wise to intention.  Whether it be from friend or foe and do not allow yourself to be stuck in the downward spiral of the divorcee.  To the tee, every divorcee I have come across has had the same experience.  They all want to "put the past behind them" and friends will use that phrase constantly as if to say "I'm lookin out for you".  I f*ckin hate it when people say that shit.  That phrase implies that we are to forget everything that made us who we are.  We are to start fresh everyday and forget all that happened yesterday.  Yeah?  Well good luck with that.  I look back all the time because I am the sum of my experience and all new experience only adds value to me.  I learned much.  How do I know?  I still "remember".  Folks, the "past is not the past".  The past is all you are in the present.  To seek to divulge oneself of everything obtained from the failed relationship is natural but where we go wrong is when we choose to devolve into everything we think we missed out on by ridding ourselves of even the good we obtained from the so-called "failed relationship".  Where we question and push back lines drawn from deep introspection.  Where we become everything we at one time scoffed at as "sad and pathetic".  There is a reason why clubs are so loud...they drown out your thoughts.  There is a reason why drinks are served...they dull your senses.  There is a reason why lights are so low...they don't allow you to see right.  Am I making any sense?  Now please understand I have nothing against these places and sometimes I might even go for the sake of diversion but if you f*ckin live there every time you have some downtime?  I'm sorry but you strike me as someone running away from an inner you that needs serious attention and guess what that makes you...miserable.

My friends love me and I them but they have a problem...they're single humans lol  Try and teach me anything you want but when it comes to relationships?  Shut the f*ck up.  I held onto a marriage for 17 years with a woman I can still say I love like family and have two great men to show for it.  So you can have your loud music and beer goggles.  I'll be at the jazz club sipping on my "Old Fashioned" while I absorb an art that helps me contemplate on life.  Seems a bit harsh?  Yeah...

~Apollo