The Difference...

"As critics scorn the thoughts

And works of mortal man

My eyes are drawn to you

In awe once again..."

Ladies and gentleman, I am not one that chose to be "unique" for the sake of it or to claim some fake ass edgy "outsider" status. I carry most of the views regular folk have. The difference? Is how I came to be who I am ;-) To quote an old flame of mine: "I came by my views and ways... honestly..." 

In my last disjointed rambling screed, I lamented being fore-labeled into categories that I only ever knew as "my life" before they became boxes for everyone else to fit into. Call me whatever you want if it means you're tryin to understand me better but always be aware that it will always take more than studying where I seemingly "fit" these days to do so. This screed will touch on something else but it will revolve around the same topic. Consider it a somewhat useful tool to tell apart the imposter. To tell apart those that have often been referred to by others as a "he reminded me of you" type. To be clear, I am NOT implying folk walk around impersonating me. I'm nowhere near that famous and it's not that serious (lol) BUT there are people that try to emulate areas of character that I and a handful of others are sincere about to get close enough to get what they want. Only to be revealed as being pieces of sh*t later on. Why does this bother me? Because then I am painted with the same damn brush as these wanna-be's. For you new-comers, I actually had a young man come up to me and tell me "I read your blog and I now know your tricks" as in... "I know now how to get as many women as you do" (as if  I had a harem and this was the handbook lol). I wound up schooling him in a piece I wrote about him later that night. In short, it was a "sorry kid but you don't know sh*t" piece lol It was both fun and enlightening :-)

So what IS the difference between "me" and all those others out there that may sound, walk and talk like "me"? THE major difference? Is that unlike those going through motions (learned actions meant to imply character)... I annoyingly have a storied lesson for almost everything I've come to incorporate into my life. Yes... it's THAT simple and THAT freakishly uninspired lol I can tell you what grand epiphany brought me to wanting to dunk my Oreos into fat-free milk. Why I dig the body types I dig and so on. If you had a chance to hear my inner monologue on any given day, you'd want out as soon as possible as I am always asking myself "why questions". Folks, it is the "why" that separates me from all the rest and it's the "why" that keeps me sincere in everything I do. Why am I so honest? Is it because I'm so righteous? Hell no... it's because I know that I could never lie about my intentions to a God that knows my heart better than I do. So at every turn I endeavor to not do a thing for the wrong reasons or to find a right reason to do what I'd like to do... being honest about my intent the whole time. At first, it's a pain in the ass to train oneself in this but after being this way for years... it's now second nature. 

An example you all might understand would be "why do I follow this social media account or that one?". Oh I could give you so many thought through reasons why I follow x, y or z but why did I even start? If you know me, you'll see I follow a few that do "Only Fans" and some of you that know this secretly clutch your pearls at the thought of it. Sometimes I will like a thing knowing it will show up on my timeline... just to get you all clutching even harder lol What you all don't know is that many of them come from my time on Instagram. They migrated to (or began finally using) X (formally known as Prince lol) from there and I have spoken to them sporadically. I never subscribed to any of them. Not as judgment... it's just not my thing but I came to dig the way they were. Here's how that goes: Something nice to my eyes shows up on my timeline a few times, I dig their look, their body, their ass (I am an ass-man lol) etc but I won't follow unless I see something more will interest me. Something sincere and unique to them that I find fascinating. Something that keeps me wanting to find out how they got from point a to point b and something that lets me know THAT journey... is worth watching. Shots of T and A are fine but there is NOTHING more interesting to me than a life on a trajectory of real probable growth. But hell yes... it begins with aesthetic. I can lie to try to stay above the fray in your minds but no... the truth is the truth. I love pretty things (still) and I dig beautiful things. I am a MAN and if that hurts your sensibilities... to bad, so sad, bye bye lol What's even funnier is that contrary to possible popular belief, I'm not lookin to bag anybody!! It's just my way and the truth is, without a good enough reason... I just won't do a thing. It is annoying to me but it keeps me honest and therein lies the difference. It's the difference between living out book knowledge and experiential knowledge. Knowledge learned in books and/or videos can be easily faked or discarded. Knowledge learned through experience... can never be faked or discarded so easily. Remember that and you will soon be able to tell the difference rather quickly. Just listen to them speak... you'll hear what you need to hear after a while.  

Most cats lookin to bag you will play the "good man" role for awhile. Especially when they know what you're looking for. Some are smart enough to measure your "situation" and act out the role that will fit according to what you would seemingly need and/or desire in a man. They usually begin as the "me too" man and turn into the "let me perform this action pretending I don't know she's watching so that it looks like this is really me" man (AND breathe lol). Folks, I am completely settled into the notion that I am an odd bird and I really am constantly lookin to evolve. I try VERY hard not to do things to "impress" but the act of not doing so is impressive in and of itself lol You see how I overthink? lol 

So in closing... this is me at my core: I see ALL truth as seven layers deep. Truth that interconnects at different layers where each layer provides a different level of applicable truth. Truth that flows on a cellular level. Sorry but you can't fake that and this is why I never want to hear "he reminded me of you" ever again. As annoying as it may be... there is only one... of me. I've come to know who and what I really am and the only competition I see before me is the man I meet everyday in the mirror. I pray as much for you who want to improve as well. If you should try to emulate me in any way... be more than what you were yesterday but always stay true to your design. Much love... I'm out

~moses apollo

My Way, Now "New"... Again!!...

"All said and done, I stand alone

Amongst remains of a life I should not own

Takes all I am to believe

In the mercy that covers me..."

So apparently I fit into two new nifty categories!! I'm a Sigma male that practices ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy). Before I begin, two quick statements on that if I may: "f*ck you" and "f*ck off!!" lol 

Once again the Intermittent Fasting situation I went through years back rears its ugly ass head. Folks, I practiced IF for YEARS and got so much sh*t about it ("it's not 6 meals!!!"), it was unreal. Since it acquired it's nifty name in books of dietary rules... everybody that did it became an innovator. Wantin to give me advice on how to do this new diet that just came out after you forgot you shunned me when I shared it with you months prior because you said it "didn't sound healthy"?!? F*ck outta here with BS sheep mentality. The Sigma male thing (yeah that's another one!! not even gonna write about that one!!) is hilarious but this one?... Oh ya'll gonna love it... 

So I'm perusing through X (formally known as Prince lol) and I stumbled upon a post from an up and coming artist. She's talking about how folk that wanna play games just to get some ass get turned off when they find out she's an "ENM" (first time I'm reading this term... so it's a "thing" now ok? lol). As though this makes anyone that practices this somewhat less desirable. To her point... check it: 

"Yeah, I came here to get you into bed by any means necessary but to find out that you keep everything out in the open and upfront? AND you have boundaries?!? Listen, I just came here to pretend I didn't want to share you so I could treat you like a piece of fried chicken from time to time but since you're not into the exclusivity thing I can't come at you this way!! Way too mature!! Weirdo!! Bye!!" LMFAO 

Oh I felt "seen" reading that after I wrote it lol 

So that this was a "thing" was new to me but before I get into that, allow to explain some things. She also said that practicing this cannot be based on anything frivolous (lust, notches etc) but that it must be based on personal values. Again... perfectly stated. Why? Because without transparency, you fall into the category of a piece of sh*t, f*ckboy liar and what's worse, you wind up lying to someone that doesn't deserve it. Yet in this, she also alluded to a caveat. In being honest, you run the risk of driving away those that believe you just "want to have your cake and eat it too" and those that seek exclusivity as a sign of devotion... something I understand all too well which makes this lifestyle a bit more complicated for me because the truth is... a part of me feels the same way. This way (in my mind) allows me to keep it somewhat special without the required chains. Keep reading... you might understand. There are some women that want the married life I had for 17 years and as much as I want them... I tend to resign myself to staying away until they come to a place where that is no longer a necessity. I take on this posture until they reach the place I find myself but to encourage this life upon them would feel self-serving so I don't do that either. I don't live this way for clout, notches or free ass. I've chosen this route to stay open and true to how I view love and passion. Free to flow as it wills under a banner of true selflessness and if it leads into a case of pure monogamy... than so be it. On top of this, the level of standards is raised beyond the "one night stands" and the "why nots" because to venture into something like this with eyes open requires a level of maturity and experience most no longer have and that in itself minimizes the pool of prospects. It's why I constantly speak about "connection". So you see, for those that think this life is akin to "swinging"... you have no idea what you're talking about. It ain't about sex... it's about experience and anyone tryin to use this for sex is barkin up the wrong tree. It's "relationshipping" (damn right it's a word now lol) with its own tailor made rules and boundaries... without possessiveness and the standard required exclusivity. It is what it is... and it allows me to be all that I am... keeping my honor and integrity in tact. 

The only other plus I see in this becoming a bit more mainstream is the idea that it may relax the double standard when it comes to the stigma of it. To read a woman talk about it was refreshing as one of the problems I've always had was that if a man spoke this way, it must've been all about sex. Whereas if a woman did it... she MUST be "empowered". Another f*ckin joke. Most women that dealt with me wanted to keep it quiet because I openly spoke to other women (mostly as friends) and if their friends saw it and they knew she was "talkin" to me, their friends would come down on her as being "used" or "belittled" by me. They would tell her she was stupid for talkin to me while tryin to DM me themselves if they could. Silly on its face, but understanding the double standard and issues... I'd oblige. Even though everyone got something out it, it had to be kept quiet and it never made any sense to me that two consenting adults needed such secrecy... but such was life.

Now I could talk about this till the cows come home but I started this as a rant of why this bugs me and what bothers me is finding out how this is getting it's own category in the lexicon of relationship rules. Something I been doing for years... something my conscience at times would struggle with, will now become "something people do" as opposed to being something of a well thought out choice... as it was and still is for me. It will be yet another reason for someone to claim "yeah so and so reminded me of you" after so and so did them dirty pretending to be sincere. Then to be absorbed into a category is a disgusting proposition to me as WAY too many folk are zero summers. It's "this way" or "that way" and that's NOT me. Yes, I heavily lean "ENM" but I'm amenable to monogamy if the feel is right. It would just take something special to put me back on that track but in short... f*ck all your boxes. I just don't fit into any and that can suck sometimes but when it doesn't... it's f*ckin glorious!! I'm out...

~moses apollo

Why So...

"those three words are said too much... though not enough..."

I feel a heaviness on my heart as I type this... & I don't know why. Is it mine? Is it yours? Or does it belong to both of us tonight. I really don't know. The answers may come soon or not at all but tonight... I will bear it as it fills my chest.

If it's you... please feel better. If you need to talk to me... reach out. It'll always be OK. No expectations or strings. I will always listen but if not me... give it to God. He's the only person outside of myself I would trust to send anyone that needs a heart to hear. My heart to yours... & my own... be at peace...

With love...

~moses apollo

Maybe... Maybe Not...

"Blue sky... you made me happy for a while

Don't keep me waiting... my blue sky"

Fineness, beauty, sexiness and fire... all wrapped up in a package anyone would desire, but for him... there was always something more. He "noticed"...

You see, he don't fold like everyone else. He'll do a double take at something sweet but he knows how to put that aside. He can fantasize in passing without falling into obsession. He can imagine what it would be like in a few seconds time but when he takes "note"... the involuntary thoughts intrude upon the everyday. He will not pursue every such fancy but he will ruminate on "the why" until he comes upon an answer. In this case... believe it or not, with everything else to desire... it was her eyes.

Eyes that spoke of an ocean of experience packed into a smaller suitcase than his. Good, horrible and everything in between. He knew that in all that, there was something drawing him to "want". It called to him like something "supernatural" but he also knew... he could do nothing about it. You see he was also aware... she wanted him too and that any inquiries along these lines would put them both on a road that could end in heartbreak. A heartbreak he knew he could handle as it would be one that experience had prepared him for throughout his years but one he worried would not be the same for her... as she was not as seasoned as he. He did not want to be a source of pain for her or some sweet memory turned to grief. To pursue her was to chance a bitter end. Maybe even the crushing of a flower... but the question then became: was that up to him alone? Maybe... maybe not. 

Maybe we both come up to the line that says "let's give it a shot"... or maybe we leave well enough alone and live with the memories our imaginations have provided. Where everything was perfect and everything fit just right. Where the path to our intimate moments never needed getting to know each other. Where everyday required a new uplifting piece of music to describe it all. Taking in all this unrealized goodness but never really knowing if it could have been even better than imagined. Never really knowing what our love making sessions would have inspired. Never getting to see with our own flesh borne eyes what our shadows looked like as they danced against the backdrop of candlelight on my wall. Maybe... maybe not.

He knew he had the power to take what he wanted but understood that this truly came with the responsibility of carrying the consequences as well. Was it arrogance to take her decision making out of the equation? If she knew the risks and decided to take the chance anyway, would it still fall on him if the expected transience was more than they could bear? Maybe... maybe not. Asking these questions had him loosen his grip on the reins he had held back on and decided to let everything happen as it was. To check his steps alone and simply match the energies of an alluring partner. Like a dance to lead and flow in corresponding energy. Where the dangers are clearly mapped out and discussed beforehand. This... set him free...

This made him stronger. More confident... more assured. More aware of the wind. Yet on the flip side... it also made him more intimidating. As it is, in a world of learned gamers, he would not play and how to approach a man or woman like this will always become an issue for most. Where most women believe every man approached would be an easy "yes"... this one... could go either way and women feel the same trepidation being denied that men do. He wishes it weren't so but it is what it is. 

These small revelations reveal who and what he is. To the soul that fits, he could be the best or worst thing they will ever have in their life. Is he worth that risk? That, he now leaves up to the bearer of it. He knows women like this and if given the choice to be with them or not... however temporary... he'd choose "with" every time. Because in a world where the "all or nothing" types aren't worth the "all" they demand, he'll take the "close enough" among the worthy connected every time.

As for the beautiful soul with "the eyes"... we'll see. Maybe... maybe not. He just ain't into dancin alone no more. Energy exchange is king now ;-) I'm out...

~moses apollo 

The End Of "Now"...

"Suddenly I know what it's about

Thoughts come in, and words come out

Suddenly I'm not killing time

It's all over now... You get me"

The road ahead brings me nearer to my goal and as it does... I can see the bridge whose toll has been paid by faith. A crossing that produces a sense of bright melancholy... a sense of completion approaching peace. A stage I know that will inspire new challenges and adventures my soul must encounter before the end of this iteration of "now". I am grateful. My immediate plans are set but the future is wide open... and beautiful.  

It's never "the goal" my loves. It's the journey that falls slightly short of expectation that is the key to it all. This is what teaches us what we need to know. It is what inspires us to aim even higher than the goals we've set after falling short. Along the way we learn about ourselves and others and all that was ever needed to navigate those levels we wanted to reach is picked up on the journeys we thought stifling. Looking back... we always come to find that they were never a waste of time... or even a mistake ;-)

Some things along the way were meant to pass us by but others... just weren't ready for us to take on as we (and they) took on what we (and they) needed to tackle for our own growth. As though some of us needed to be formed by fire a bit more before meeting again in that place designed for our state of readiness for what was truly meant to be. I pray it come soon... I'm out

~moses apollo

What Can I...

"this is a song about somebody else..."

...say about today (or should I say yesterday)

It was a day where everything seemed to have something to say. Even buildings had rich histories of emotion to share. It was somewhat overwhelming. No clue what that was about but as I become more aware of what I'M about... it seems apropos to me.

Imagine driving by and leaving an imprint on everything you looked at, everywhere you walked and on everything you touched. You should've told me... anyway.

On this tip... I'll share a story:

Last vacation I went on was to Niagara Falls (just a few months ago) and it was for the most part all about sightseeing except for one day, when we decided to go eat at a restaurant that also served as an inn. You could tell it was old and as soon as we walked in, we were struck by an oversized fireplace that served as the rooms old school centerpiece. The person I was with got a nauseating feeling from it but to me... it seemed somewhat alive. I immediately laughed and said "Here we go again" lol Nothin new to me. As soon as we sat down, I excused myself (I don't use my phone at the table unless its an urgency or required) and did a quick search on my phone about the inn. It turns out I was right... it was reported as being "haunted". So we asked the front desk clerk if we could see their best room and were taken through the inn's entrance, into the first floor suite. All redone and beautiful... it was definitely a sight. They kept the old school charm but added modern amenities. As the manager showed us the room, the stereo system turned on to one of my favorite classical pieces. Made me stop in my tracks and just listen. She said "oh, they must've programmed it before me" as it was her job to prepare the room for the coming guests and that included programming the stereo. I just smiled as we left.

When we get back to the front desk, I asked her about the "hauntings" and she quickly confirmed the stories. Some might say this was a marketing ploy but no. She was surprised I had found it online since it's not something they wanted to be known for. I had actually found it on a review board. In either case, she began retelling all she had seen and even provided us with video from her phone. As she shared the stories, she was obviously spooked and some of the cooks didn't even want to talk about it. Now, unlike the blurry stuff we catch online, this was clear as day and as true as all this was... I perceived no pure evil. One thing folks; when you're able to identify evil, it cannot hide from you and it will usually emanate a fear as this is the nature of pure evil. When one cannot identify it, they will sometimes hide that emanating fear and appear as something kind or benevolent until identified. I can identify them and as such... I am NOT liked by them lol In this particular case, there was only fear of the unknown among the people there. This is when I "saw" that this place had been built on a portal and the traffic was lively. All types comin through. I explained this to the clerk and she was wide eyed as to how I knew all that. So basically, this was an inn for the living and the "not so much" lol Interesting to say the least lol

There are many convoluted "teachings" out there about this stuff but it is as straightforward as they come. The convolutions you see and hear, where many branches spring out into different "energies", "entities" and belief systems are meant to obfuscate how simple all this is and again, it is designed that way by "evil" so that evil could hide in plain sight. Designed for folk to get lost in their own "intel-lect". Filling themselves with so much knowledge (most of which is false) they lose sight of the forest from the trees. Opening themselves up to being easily tricked by nefarious sh*t. I found it interesting that Jordan Peterson said (as a non religious man) that of all the belief systems, teachings and philosophies he's studied, he found The Bible to be THE clearest and most straightforward when it comes to the supernatural and having studied many myself... I absolutely agree. It is without ambiguity when it comes to detailing the state and origins of good and evil. It stands apart and there is no overlap. Whatever overlap there seems to be are based on faulty interpretations made to look like intersectionality. Why? Because everyone wants to claim The Bible as being parallel to their own belief system as this seems to add weight to their own. I suspect this is why it is usually the last book most truth seekers wind up picking up... it's too simple lol

Ok well... another "spiritual" post lmfao I have NO IDEA why I keep writing about this stuff but this one might wind up being deleted in a few days as it may be way too heavy for some to take. Anyway... I'm out...

~moses apollo

My Honey Bee...

Honey bee

Come buzzing me

I ain't seen you for so long...

 

I need to feel you

I mean to reel you

Like the one described to me in song...

 

Out in the woods

Tall pine tree woods

She gave sweet loving to me...

 

Her woodland grace

Her soft embrace

My face in shadow

Honey bee...

 

Won't you come see me in the morning?

Won't you come see me late at night?

For it ain't right, no it just ain't right

You're meant to turn away from the light...

 

Night, all my lights are on

I need a little one on one

This useless, helpless feeling..

 

A young man should be blessed with love

There's just flesh and fire below

This drunken, senseless reeling...

Hands on my face

Some silk and lace

Sweet perfume kisses

For me...

 

Wherever you burn

I have returned

You lucky lady

Honey bee

 

I have to leave you in the morning

You always wanted to be free..

 

Stay with me

Sweet lucky lady

Don't ever leave me

Honey bee...

 

Awake in cold places

Cool eyes and icy faces

Some dead and some living

Most of them doing something in between...

 

My lady in waiting

Must have turned to hating me

Some bitter awakening this has been

The next time she calls I'm gonna let her in...

The next time she calls I'm gonna let her in...

 

And if she leaves me in the morning

At least we both have been relieved...

 

Now... stay with me...

Stay with me...

Sweet lucky lady

Don't you ever leave me

Honey bee...

~ madrugada

Duende...

"from authenticity... no imitations will ever do..."

To feel the exchange... in the closeness it takes to breathe in and out of each other. All with the aim of reaching way more than some random orgasmic payoff. Strip back the layers of the act in the superficial plane and you will see that what we all want and crave is an ultimate connection within the safety of our purest expression. One that satiates our need to feel whole. Where a kiss and an embrace is only the prelude to something closer. Where the energy that flows through touch is palpable in it's ability to help us find what we're looking for... the oneness of Adam and Eve. One of the entryways to a peace that inspires a sincere sigh of relief.

In an embrace, I once asked a beautiful soul to grant me a gift. I asked her to show me her heart. She acquiesced by opening her button down... removing her bra. I didn't flinch at her literal interpretation and in response, proceeded to remove my shirt. She indulged me with a smirk implying she knew where she wanted this to go... and I was more than willing. I pulled her in close enough to feel her soft breasts pressed up against my chest... flexing so she could feel the contrasting elements of her soft on my hard. In that simple embrace, I smiled and sighed as I felt her heartbeat and for those few minutes I understood what "this" was all about. I experienced a strong sense of peace through the sharing of the most beautiful energy. In that moment, I received an epiphany; this was God's gift to His creation. Like all of this was designed and ancient. I asked myself why it couldn't always be like this and soon came to understand that much of what we might consider "dirty" was only narrated that way by an enemy looking to keep us from the benefits of such a thing. The enemy made it about something unclean and we went with it... when in its inception, there was nothing more pure.  

She and I went from shirts to bottoms off and everything else. We never ended contact. From position to position, there was never separation. I was in-tune enough to experience her initial implosion before her explosion on me. After which of course I followed suit. All beginning my understanding of intimacy. My journey into a discovery of love and connection that continues to this day. My love, if we value creation and its' beauty... what makes the creation of humanity any less beautiful? How can we see it through the filth and all that taints our experiences? By peeling back the layers of all that is selfish and contrived. Stop asking in those moments what you can get from it and start asking how best to give. Gauge her movements, her breath... her very air like music... and dance accordingly. Until... "duende"... not in it's literal translation but in a way that is more profound and pure:

"Duende is a Spanish concept of artistic inspiration that comes from the chthonic depths of the soul, from the body and the groin, from death itself. It is a mysterious force that can take over the artist and make them create art that soars..."

I'm out...

~moses apollo     

Ladies and Gentleman...

"...I will love you all the time

So please put your sweet hand in mine

And float in space and drift in time

All the time until I die

We'll float in space, just you and I..."

Thirteen year old gets up in the middle of night to go the bathroom. He splashes water on his face and he straightens up to face the mirror. Looking back at him... he sees someone else. It was him... only later in life. His face didn't show much signs of aging but you could see it. Yet what stood out the most was that one side of hair was long and white, while the other remained short and dark. Signaling a duality he would face as a man. He stood looking at it for awhile. Moving his head in and out of frame... making sure it was him. He woke up in a cold sweat and just sat in the sofa bed he slept in... contemplating what it meant. It was one of THE most vivid dreams he would ever have in his life. I used to think I knew what it meant but maybe there's more to it than simply having a profound grasp of "wisdom" at a later age. What more could there be? I guess we'll soon find out won't we?

Folks, it is true that we never see or are even shown the full picture. We oftentimes see "outcomes" when dealing with something on its way and more often than not... it is to make sure we don't mess with "time" when it comes to such things. If I knew how I would get "there", my humanity would push to get there sooner... or I'd try to alter things to get to what I'd view as "better". Ruining what was shown to be "the perfect outcome". Sometimes we are shown glimpses of the road and when we are, it's usually for reassurance or guidance into an outcome that any way you try to slice it... will take on the range from harmless to beautiful. All left up to us. It works the same way in the warning. I can see a bad "outcome" and what is needed to look out for to avoid it. I've found those tricky because sometimes bias gets mixed in so that must be included in "the telling". It's so much easier when it's just about you. Sometimes I hesitate in telling someone when it's about them and to me... that is a "disobedience". We aren't given these things for fun, or because we are "special" or because we learned some new trick that makes us "powerful". "Giftings" are GRANTED for a reason and some are passed on after they've been granted through family line. In either case... stay responsible with them. I will always eventually speak to who I need to tell something to but I'm almost always concerned with how I'll be seen and I shouldn't. I'm just not lookin to be a "guru" or seen as "otherworldy". I don't float when I walk and I have issues like anyone else. As you all have seen for yourselves, I'm very much a man with a history to prove it. I've just learned to say "it comes with the gig" on many things but especially this. Humans gonna human you dig? And to be absolutely and 100% crystal clear... ALL of this comes from My Lord. He gets ALL honor and glory for all I am and all I hope to become... period. It's just that with me, it's never business as usual and how you envision whatever conventional box you try to stow me in... it won't do the job. Your box will always be too freakin small you dig? 

Anyway, allow me to explain some things:

Imagine stepping outside of time and noticing yourself floating in space. You look down and see what looks like a rat maze floating just a few feet away... except this one's for humans. You see where the rat enters and all the infinite choices that shift the maze but you also notice... there are only two ways to end. One way "out" and one way "through". What we all want is to get "through" into the "so much more" on the other side of that door. The real goal is to navigate the maze in the best way possible. Navigating every decision based on your truest internal design will always produce the best outcome inspired onward by destiny. Humans are "destined" based on our "design" (not to be confused with "fate"). Which is precisely why it is crucial that we come to the truest awareness of who we are... warts and all. I must also include that failure and trials are part of the process as once the lessons are learned and the trials completed, they are then refined into what becomes the most poignant parts in the fabric of "our best". Never accepting we should settle for less than what we were meant to become and guess what? No matter hold old you are... that process never ends. When you come to understand that there is no limit to our "learning" and "becoming", you can accept & acknowledge how far you've come while understanding you still have a ways to go. This reality and mindset leaves no room for arrogance or false piety. No matter how many "gifts" we are given, they pale in comparison to what we "become" at heart. In character, in love... in all things beautifully God and beautifully human. The more we "become" at heart... the more we are entrusted with. "The last shall be first"... remember that? Sorry but you can't that fake one. THAT one demands it be true at HEART... you can't hide it and you can't fake it folks. Now, you can fake it for some that don't know any better to boost your ego on virtue but to the ones where it matters most... they will see right through that BS. Keep it real or don't keep it at all...

When I started this one, I didn't know where it would go but I guess it's just another one of those pieces someone, somewhere needed to read. I'm out...

~moses apollo

Just Ranting...

"Hold on. I hear the silence in whole this empty space... like noise.

Every whisper and every single breath..."

Once gain!!! I'm having to say this more and more and part of me hates it... "I sometimes hate being right"

Folks I am no way perfect but I can say something with a certainty: "I've not been nor ever will be f*cked up". I will never be the kind of person that sees evil as good or that finds manipulative control over another human being something to work towards. I have my own issues one can criticize but I guarantee you that what grief I may cause will never be intentional or due to selfishness. My "good" will always outrun my "bad" by miles and that... is by design. Pretenders are getting exposed for what they are and I'm sittin back watchin this whole thing happen. Things I've written and warned about are now openly hurting more folks I've come to care over and there is absolutely nothing to do about it. I can only watch, shake my head and do my best to be there for them. These hearts are like my own. They only lack my experience and ability to grasp the lessons as fast but they are in no way weaker than me. These are the ones getting hurt and disillusioned & it honestly feels like a concerted effort to break down the heart that beats in real-time. The hearts that have the ability to see things as they are as these hearts are free and the free heart... cannot be easily controlled.

In a nutshell, what I'm saying to you is this: DO NOT look to your list. I don't care who told you that you were worth this or that. If any man or woman is gonna meet ANY of your "must-haves", it must be from a sincere heart or the fulfillment of such things is just window dressing meant to hide the sh*t on the screen they never got around to cleaning. Meeting your "demands" can be easily faked for the sake of ass. Look to CHARACTER first... even before love. You can be in love all you want but I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Love may be blind but it doesn't have to be stupid". To be hit with love before vetting character happens but it's up to you to step back & use the brain God gave you. Vett their character and if it ain't up to your standards... move the f*ck on. On one side, you have the "women" that believe they deserve it all simply because they are woman and because men supposedly need them. In turn making demands that are laughable. On the other, are the "red-pilled" men answering that nonsense with their own brand of extreme nonsense that is just as manipulative and small. Both seeking partners that will never put them through the slightest discomfort. Discomfort, two mature individuals would typically work through... creating a stronger bond in the process. 

People need to be human beings again to be able to find that connection that's been lost. As opposed to seeking out algorithms that work, I suggest taking the time getting to know each first before looking at how this person works into your idea of a committed relationship. I never got around to conforming to this and I never will. In fact I run from it like the plague... but that's just me. I'm out...

~moses apollo  

Soft Place To Land - A Poem by Moe

to navigate all loves design

can often taunt the hearts decline

so sought he soul to call his peace

and came to find them more cerise

such royal hearts require more

than timely visits at their door

that worthy should their moments be

of poems writ on passions' knee

tis gold all worthy loves abyss 

this navigating heavens bliss

thus sails he skies with open hand

sojourning loves' soft place to land

~moses apollo