Fineness, beauty, sexiness and fire... all wrapped up in a package anyone would desire, but for him... there was always something more. He "noticed"...
You see, he don't fold like everyone else. He'll do a double take at something sweet but he knows how to put that aside. He can fantasize in passing without falling into obsession. He can imagine what it would be like in a few seconds time but when he takes "note"... the involuntary thoughts intrude upon the everyday. He will not pursue every such fancy but he will ruminate on "the why" until he comes upon an answer. In this case... believe it or not, with everything else to desire... it was her eyes.
Eyes that spoke of an ocean of experience packed into a smaller suitcase than his. Good, horrible and everything in between. He knew that in all that, there was something drawing him to "want". It called to him like something "supernatural" but he also knew... he could do nothing about it. You see he was also aware... she wanted him too and that any inquiries along these lines would put them both on a road that could end in heartbreak. A heartbreak he knew he could handle as it would be one that experience had prepared him for throughout his years but one he worried would not be the same for her... as she was not as seasoned as he. He did not want to be a source of pain for her or some sweet memory turned to grief. To pursue her was to chance a bitter end. Maybe even the crushing of a flower... but the question then became: was that up to him alone? Maybe... maybe not.
Maybe we both come up to the line that says "let's give it a shot"... or maybe we leave well enough alone and live with the memories our imaginations have provided. Where everything was perfect and everything fit just right. Where the path to our intimate moments never needed getting to know each other. Where everyday required a new uplifting piece of music to describe it all. Taking in all this unrealized goodness but never really knowing if it could have been even better than imagined. Never really knowing what our love making sessions would have inspired. Never getting to see with our own flesh borne eyes what our shadows looked like as they danced against the backdrop of candlelight on my wall. Maybe... maybe not.
He knew he had the power to take what he wanted but understood that this truly came with the responsibility of carrying the consequences as well. Was it arrogance to take her decision making out of the equation? If she knew the risks and decided to take the chance anyway, would it still fall on him if the expected transience was more than they could bear? Maybe... maybe not. Asking these questions had him loosen his grip on the reins he had held back on and decided to let everything happen as it was. To check his steps alone and simply match the energies of an alluring partner. Like a dance to lead and flow in corresponding energy. Where the dangers are clearly mapped out and discussed beforehand. This... set him free...
This made him stronger. More confident... more assured. More aware of the wind. Yet on the flip side... it also made him more intimidating. As it is, in a world of learned gamers, he would not play and how to approach a man or woman like this will always become an issue for most. Where most women believe every man approached would be an easy "yes"... this one... could go either way and women feel the same trepidation being denied that men do. He wishes it weren't so but it is what it is.
These small revelations reveal who and what he is. To the soul that fits, he could be the best or worst thing they will ever have in their life. Is he worth that risk? That, he now leaves up to the bearer of it. He knows women like this and if given the choice to be with them or not... however temporary... he'd choose "with" every time. Because in a world where the "all or nothing" types aren't worth the "all" they demand, he'll take the "close enough" among the worthy connected every time.
As for the beautiful soul with "the eyes"... we'll see. Maybe... maybe not. He just ain't into dancin alone no more. Energy exchange is king now ;-) I'm out...
~moses apollo
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