I Know My Name...

"What if" is a waste of precious time and space

It dims the lights of this vibrant place

What if every cell in my body changed?

I am the sail, the plank

The mast that breaks and gets replaced

I am remade, repaired, reshaped

But somehow, still the same

Even after every cell in my body changed

I know my name

Wave after wave, I'm more afraid

It's been a hard year, it's been a high tide

I can make it make sense, but my body decides

I keep telling myself again and again

It's been a hard year, healing takes time

Routine test results, I'm probably fine

(I know better)

(I know better)

But it doesn't really matter

My body decides

One part at a time

I am the sail, the plank

The mast that breaks and gets replaced

I am remade, repaired, reshaped

But somehow, still the same

Even after every cell in my body changed

I know my name

I know my name

I know my name

I know

~sleeping at last

The Lost Art Of Articulation...

"... softly and close..."

I remember the days when the simplest explanation was usually the correct one and what made it simple was not that it was so elementary... but that it could be easily explained for mass understanding and/or consumption. A feat that required articulation. Many times I will write things that may require two or three reads to really comprehend the flowcharted and/or circular thought process within one lines' conclusion. Even the pieces of music I choose add (by lyric or emotive expression) to the themes that may at times hide between the letters. Thankfully, some have taken notice. I have been told this by folk that read my pieces. At first, they wonder why I repost things over and over again... but after awhile, some tell me what was finally revealed to them and to their surprise, it was not the same idea they picked up in their first reading...

When every detail you wish to use to support your thesis or hypothesis requires it's own paragraph because you see them differently than their name implies, it is very difficult to convey what you're trying to say without losing your audience to misunderstanding or a short attention span. So what do you do? KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid... knowing some depth will be lost, you advance your point anyway and hope they dig further into what you truly meant to say. Doing it this way will undoubtedly sprout misunderstanding and misinterpretation but that is all part of the fun... when it comes to writing that is.

Yet when this is translated into the read of one's actions and life, one is bound to be unfairly judged and/or "boxed". Especially when one lives an unorthodox life that cannot be easily explained in one sitting or conversation. Most folk are so linear, they are easy to read but some deal in complexities that require articulation. Not of an idea... but of a point of view and in order to accomplish this, the articulator will need an empathetic mind to receive said articulation. If they are unwilling or unable to step into your shoes and see through your eyes... save your breath. Your actions and/or ideas will be interpreted through the eyes of their own experience and belief system. Now imagine, you trudge along life meeting so few of these empathetic individuals that you simply decide that no one truly deserves your "why" any longer and you decide to clam up. What do you think happens? That's right, you are completely misjudged and therefore... misaligned. "Packaged" in the mind of too many that think they know how to interpret you because they either watched a YouTube video or took a class on the personality type they have chosen to box you into. You laugh it off and keep it moving because it's all you can do. The ones that "get you" are a breath of fresh air & the one's that don't... are work. Too much work to justify even bothering anymore. Today, that type has become way too sure of their own conclusion. To the point that some will actually try to convince you that you're the one that doesn't actually "get" you. 

I'm over being frustrated by it. I'm over being upset about it. There is too much in my life I have to do to worry about who gets me & who doesn't anymore. Maybe, when all is said and done, I'll come to care again but maybe by the time that I do, all those I thought worth articulating a stance to will have gone on to better paths. I just want to be free of every angst and hang-up known to man. Free of all things that effect men and women deeply. I want to face every discomfort with an answer that lets them slide off my back. Not in an arrogant, prideful, "nothin can touch me" kind of way but in the kind of way that says "nothing can move me unless I allow it". The kind of stoicism that isn't achieved through meditations or chants (as these are temporary and conditional) but the kind that has faced so much, all discomfort as heavy as a cat 5 storm, is faced with the same tenacity you would a drizzle. To think this would be as easy as making declarations on a blog is a joke. I know what "becoming" takes and with every iteration of "me", I get closer all the time.

I wish that I could share everything that I'm going through... but I can't. The great, the good, the bad and the horrible. All of it... belongs to me and my Lord. Only time will allow me to unfold it publically like pages slowly being read out of a diary that belonged to a recluse and when that day comes... I know I will be closer to the freedom I so desire. It will be a good read... trust it. Till then, I will speak of love and hope like the beautiful stars they are. As constants in the heavens... passion will serve as one of my guides. As gifts from my Lord to me and my own and I will never stop believing. You can trust that too... I'm out

~moses apollo     

Moses, Apollo and The Red Pill...

"when my time comes

forget the wrong that I've done

help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

and don't resent me

and when you're feeling empty

keep me in your memory

leave out all the rest"

Just had a conversation with a "Red Piller" and if you've followed my blog or seen any of my posts, you will know, I despise their ideas as it pertains to relationships. Believing that women actually want to be treated like sh*t due to the many times they've run roughshod over the good men in their lives is not something I choose to believe myself BUT something he said finally struck a cord. Or rather... it was something I said...

He began to tell me of an experience he had with a woman he showered with understanding. He knew she had been hurt by men in her life and he did not want to be added to that list. He chose not to use her as they did. They'd get close, profess love, bed her and eventually leave. Every time leaving behind another scar that needed to heal and with every occurrence, she'd only grow colder and more distant towards him. Rudeness would eventually follow in their interactions. He had assumed that her rudeness and dismissiveness towards him would end with healing so he said nothing and the thing was, like me, this man was no pushover. He would NEVER allow that behavior with anyone but he loved her enough to stand by and take whatever came. Yet after some time... enough was enough. He figured she was pushing him away... so he just stopped interacting with her altogether.

As he was speaking, it was dawning on me that this was no longer an aberration in their relationship. It seemed that over time, he was the one she felt she could do this to and in my mind, that counts towards character. He had asked me what I would do and I told him: when someone seems bothered having to treat you like a human being or acts like they would rather you didn't exist in their world... believe them and just end any and all contact. In other words, give them what they were too scared to ask for themselves. No need to hate them, no need to speak ill of them... just remove yourself from their sphere in every way, shape and form. That rudeness may have begun as a by-product of pain but it stuck as a constant in their relationship and when something like that exists... how can you call it a relationship of any kind? He told me this story to let me know that unreciprocated love and/or more to the point; unreciprocated decency drove him towards that red pill mindset and having been in situations like that myself... I could understand. I'm just NOT the type to throw out the baby with the bathwater or to classify all women based on what a few have done. This has happened to me with a handful and my deep love for them has driven me to remain understanding to a fault.

Yet now, things have come to a place where I need to start taking my own advice without becoming a "Red Piller" myself. I know my worth and I understand where and how it's been diminished by some. As much as some will hurt, I cannot continue acting as though everything is fine. Hoping that things get better when my gut is telling me that unless there is a drastic change, there is no going back from this and I'm no longer holding my breath. Friends, lovers, relatives and those near and dear to me have at times thought of me like a revolving door that does its' thing with no heart to mention. No feelings to consider and no humanity to acknowledge. As a man, you really don't sweat those things but after awhile, you start to notice where their heart is. You start asking yourself if these folk should gain access to anything having to do with you given its clear they could care less about you. All this dawned on me after I told him my views. It seems I had allowed things to go too far with some and that it was finally time to accept that our interactions have run their course. No bitterness, anger or regrets... just finally giving them what their posture towards me had decided on when the rudeness began. 

At this point in my life, I honestly have zero reasons to think its ok for any friend, lover or relative to think they can treat me like wallpaper that sticks to a wall that no longer produces an ounce of consideration. Especially when I'm just doing what I feel an honorable man should do and as time progresses, the reasons will become even LESS than zero. I'm still at the point that I can walk away "cool." Any more of it... and I may wind up despising these people. I will NOT allow that to happen... I love them too much to allow it... even if its just one sided you dig? I will keep to my honor... I will remain as I am... but my posture with folks like this must now change. 

Moses said "stay the course", Apollo said "f*ck em"... but both have come to say: "we'll handle it". All of me says: "I'm done". I'm out...

~moses apollo

Mine Tonight...

my feet tread softly upon these cold tiles... hoping they transition onto your own. to be met again with a smile that reveals it's satiation at being seen, heard, loved and desired by a fools heart. my feet tread softly... as my heart can now feel the weight of that beautiful pain found only in the pine for something sweet that pines for it just the same. that lovely emotional symphonic ache that says "i miss you my love... please find me now". this heavy heart is mine tonight and with it... an unparalleled gratitude. for such a thing declares my heart is alive. it says my heart can love and laugh. it reveals its ability to see and hear those that seek it still with the same fervor and passion it is designed to artistically express. in the midst of this welled up soul of tears... i am thankful...

and how lovely do i find you... as a solitary tear is allowed the privilege of kissing your beautiful face on my account... one. more. time. a tear among the many that was never meant to be an evil, but that instead was meant as the sign of a heart that mirrored my own. a sign that all i knew to be true was true no matter what was ever seen, heard or allowed to be so. a sign that when you reached out for me in the dark... i was doing the same. that when you felt that graze on your shoulder... i was feeling the soft of your skin on the tips of my fingers and that when you felt something soft pressed upon your lips... i was having a beautiful dream. as the symphonic ache composes its own sonata from two hearts now that share the same... my heart cries out in verse...

where does this heart land? (as if it had legs instead of wings) and where does it go to satiate this pine? (as if there was ever an end to its need) how do i live with this in my chest when those seasonal foxholes and trenches no longer serve in their purposed distraction? it is true that it is the artists desire to make love to his muse and i will name her "love" tonight. "love"... my truest muse. you are mine tonight... smile for me my love... remember me fondly and say my name with hope pressed against your lips. feel my breath of love upon your neck and breathe out the same... you are mine tonight...

~moses apollo   

Dark Secrets In the Light...

"I'm not the only one, starin' at the sun

Afraid of what you'd find, if you took a look inside

Not just deaf and dumb, staring at the sun

Not the only one, who's happy to go blind"

I know a young man with "gifts" that was courted at a very young age by two of the most prominent factions known and "unknown" to man. I place them as equals for universal context alone but only one reigned (and still reigns) supreme. The other... pretends to be equal for the sake of the masses they attempt to court. One requires the surrender of self, the other requires self's elevation. One requires sacrifice, the other seeks power and acquisition. One promises fulfillment in service, the other promises power and glory. In all this... only one delivers both, but only after having service and love become the forefront of every intended endeavor.

This young man chose wisely... and while his road was difficult, he would find it worth its' challenge. The challenge of truly loving beyond hate without needing to mutter senseless daily affirmations. The challenge of knowing who he was and living out all of his humanity under the banner of grace. Beginning as a religious zealot... and eventually shedding the weight of all fraudulent human piety that gloried in its own supposed "goodness." Yet of all the challenges, the challenge of finding out that the secrets the other side promised were simply twisted counterfeits of all he'd come to discover in time was one of the most liberating. "Secrets" only entrusted to "messengers" that were meant to do no harm and were never intended for humankind to employ for outcomes. He found out that these things that have enslaved many in spiritual bondage over time, were cloaked under an umbrella of forbidden knowledge that was neither "knowledge" nor cloaked all that well to begin with.

He came to learn that although there may be some interesting reads in the zeitgeist, there were no secret books worth much of anything when it came to understanding the supernatural outside of the one they call "simplistic." A realization that only came after studying MANY. He found it ironic that the very book most "truth seekers" chose to disregard was the very one they needed to read but never seemed to look for. A book whose "secrets" can only be found seven layers deep when illumination comes from the One that inspired the 66 books within it to begin with. He came to discover that there were no ancient texts that held the actual secrets to the powers of the universe. These texts turned out to simply contain an amalgamation of esoteric babble meant to impress a normative mind seeking to connect some spiritual dots. He realized that even after having been birthed into one side of a family whose heritage included the highest rankings of voodoo, there were no rituals, incantations or spells that could create or destroy when compared to the soul that with a whisper, could speak life into death through the power that comes from the One that has been named "The Most High" by both darkness and light. And to be CLEAR, those that serve Him in spirit and in truth do NOT inherit or take on a "consciousness" but instead become an actual part of Him. Becoming a new species if you will, as a pebble (Petros) is part of a larger rock (Petra)... birthed by His Spirit. As such, they inherit His most important love, His heart and yes... His authority and power as well. Yet the awareness of all these traits must grow out over time under the tutelage of their surrender to Him. NEVER outside of what He taught and NEVER for the sake of their own glory or power. What they receive in power and glory is all due to Him and it is because of this, that they have no reason to boast or carry titles.  

What realms require drugs to enter and exit, these enter and exit freely at the behest of Him that created such places or allowed them to exist. Where others sail tethered to a cord... these sail free but only for reasons ordained by the One that allows it. True power in an unseen world can only come when it is given to a pure heart. If that heart becomes corrupted, the power can still remain, BUT it can now become open for even the darkest to manipulate and use. Some decide to become overly mindful in protecting the power they have and choose to play it safe within the boxed parameters of religion. Others choose differently, deciding to walk a tightrope that engages all aspects of their humanity while in earnest doing their best to keep their intentions pure. A tightrope that allows them to be entrusted with deeper knowledge as they are unafraid to venture into places the overly cautious will not. Sometimes, the fullness of humanity (or even the juxtaposition of its weakness) can yield insight into the truth of what humankind was actually meant to become... and is on its way through Him, to ultimately becoming again. 

And now, as this young man has grown, he has held fast to His Lord and his way... a "Christian" in every sense of the word... yet "lawful" to be fully fallible and free. A follower of Christ that has rejected all attempts by "new ageism" at co-opting his Lord. A man that has allowed his home to rest on the outskirts of the dogmatic views of his day while appreciating the fundamentals they provided. He sees more than he can actually speak of these days without sounding crazy but the age is approaching where what he can declare will be made evident by unfolding events over time. In the last few weeks, he has been like a student that reads the titles of the chapters ahead of the current lesson plan. He knows what learning the next lessons could mean... and is prepared to accept them nonetheless.

So why speak of such things today? Why detail all of this here? Because among you are less than a handful that question why this man stands unaffected & unmoved by so much sent his way. Why is he impervious to things others seem to so easily succumb to? Some of you may comprehend what I've written here today, while others might have even more questions. In either case... you with "ears to hear"... "listen" closer than you ever have before. For writ between the letters... is both a warning... and a Word...

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming... I'm out

~moses

Forever... Is Our Today...

There's no time for us

There's no place for us

What is this thing that builds our dreams

Yet slips away from us

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

There's no chance for us

It's all decided for us

This world has only one sweet moment

Set aside for us

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

Who?

Who dares to love forever? (Oh, whoa!)

When love must die

But touch my tears with your lips

Touch my world with your fingertips

And we can have forever

And we can love forever

Forever is our today

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

Forever is our today

Who waits forever anyway?

~queen

forever love

An Oasis For Some...

"I can feel it..."

Self-awareness... you either have it or you don't. At one time, it was considered to be one of our most important traits for growth, but due to "fad" psych-pop... it began to place lower on the lexicon scale. It seems the word "narcissist" took its place. An overhyped and misinterpreted word to be sure. I truly believe if there were more self-awareness in this world, there'd be less of a compulsion to use it as something viable. Since many that use it have no idea that they judge themselves every time they do. Now, lest one make the mistake of thinking that I'm somehow triggered by the word, understand that it is the overuse of any wrongfully defined term used to throw people away that I'm staunchly against. That includes the words "racist" and "misogynist"... words that no longer have weight or meaning because they are used to impune the motives of everything and everyone these days. Folks, if everyone's a thing... no one is a thing. So then, what's the difference between the two? The self-aware, look inward to self-correct and grow, while the narcissist looks at their reflection as something beautiful at the expense of others or what needs to internally change. The "experts" today lack nuance, confusing the two. An error that by extension has "chilled" the positive effects of self-awareness. Well... for most, it seems, anyway. I still hold fast to the power of it and always will.

Why bring this up? Well, since I began incorporating the practice of matching energy for energy, I've noticed some have begun treating me differently. Almost like they think my feelings towards them have changed, and I find it interesting. They lack the self-awareness to see that all I've done is place a mirror up where there was none. My feelings for them have remained constant throughout. The only thing that has changed is that I no longer put out what I've put out before without reciprocation or appreciation. For them, it seems to be something to negatively respond to either internally or externally... and it makes no sense at all. It's like sincerely being bothered or upset at someone else's behavior that you have engaged in yourself without ever making the relevant connection. Self-awareness grants me clarity on where I need to apologize and self correct. It makes me a better man... an understanding man. One that knows I cannot dare to ask for something I myself have not been willing or able to give. Too many have tossed this aside and have decided to solely focus on how they've been seemingly slighted... without ever looking at what role they may have played in it themselves.

Ironically, this has further crystalized who will remain in my orbit and vice versa going forward and I'm talkin family, friends and lovers. I've said this many times before but I can feel a change comin. This time, it is one that can not be stopped or delayed as easily as the rest. In times past, when I've declared "change", it was because it was clearly on the horizon but as it was clear to me, it was just as clear to those looking to prevent it for the sake of their control. In this case, their control and their ability to prevent or delay progress has greatly diminished... and I am so ready to proceed onto the next level(s). One day, I may speak clearer on this "change"... or not.

I know what needs doin and in spite of all my trials, I have been ready for what's next for quite some time. I had ideas about who'd be standing with me in the end, but time has moved many out of that steadfast line. For whatever reason, I'm accepting that it shall be how it shall be. Its not an easy thing and its somewhat confusing at times but there's nothing I can see to do or say on my end to remedy it... humans gonna "human." For my part, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I am and will always be who and what I've always been... an oasis for some and sometimes... something else for others. Much love to you all... I'm out...

~moses apollo

The Trials of the Warrior Poet

"Just one year of love

Is better than a lifetime alone

One sentimental moment in your arms

Is like a shooting star right through my heart"

The past two years have been one big blur. One "day-in-day-out" trudge. Where everyday was a day unto itself... without a yesterday to remember or a tomorrow to hope for. With no way to make plans... because doing so might cause you to lose your spot in the foxhole. Less than a handful know the trial I've been facing as I am not one to complain for some weightless victim status that brings glory only to the empty. No, we do what we have to do... silently. Now... to step out of the foxhole and fan out into the battlefield with clearer objectives. A mop up operation of sorts that will require mental cunning, emotional maturity and spiritual hierarchy. I was made for such things...

And yet... the officiating of such things comes with a price. They all come mixed in with people and things that nine times out of ten, might not want to stick around for the battle. People and things your focus might have to deviate from given the amount of focus those battles require. In all my life, I think there was only one that understood and was willing, at least verbally... to take the parts of me she could have and live with not having the rest given how sparse my pieces tend to get. She said that "pieces" of me had more value than the "whole" of some others and I was grateful for the sentiment but even that didn't last. For even if it were true, most folk don't do well with pieces of a thing... they always want the whole. A wholeness the more complex will usually fake giving up just to stay in a relationship. I can agree with that semantically and that is only because how I define having the wholeness of one is different than most others would have it. It is a mindset that comes from seasoned hearts that long to hold fast to rainbows and butterflies while clearly accepting how fleeting they are. These take the special moments as they come and they become the basis of all that is rich within their heart and the heart of those they share them with. 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days or 5 weeks... all stretched out as eternal given how special those moments become. The seasoned understand how important this is and seek this out as they live out purpose or plan. Yet given the "rules" today... ain't many out there that will openly say this is a route they don't mind taking. For my part, it is one of the very reasons why I remain a man of discretion. The more I look, the more I see this becoming acceptable... even among the younger women. But just because this is so, does NOT mean that they are all ready for such an experience as it is NOT for those unwilling to feel the pain of longing or the confusion that comes from living beyond convention.

I have fearlessly poured my soul into a woman's heart, have made love like a king whose kingdom was made up of stars and have indulged in moments of ecstasy with some whose years of companionship were supposed to transform love making into something mechanical. My time and experience has created something in me that will never die and I am thankful for this most days. Yet to be this way and have battles to fight and wars to win is not an easy thing. It means learning to manage the hard and the soft and remain sincere in the process. It means fighting off frustration in the foxhole while simultaneously finding joy in the purpose or plan. This takes an internal acrobatic skill requiring an awareness unique to all your inner workings. Something that does not happen overnight. Something that carries real weight and translates into many other areas of life. Something... that has a man like me blessed, at times to hear: 

"you can keep your life, your money and all you have as possession... I just want you however I can have you... for however long... I can have you..."

~moses apollo apolinaris

Mi Luna Llena...

Tell me where the wind is blowing cause that's where the music's going

You are my big dark blue and I want to swim all around you

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

I feel like I know you but you're just a ghost to me

And when I sit beside your shadow somehow it comforts me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are the island of love my remedy to rescue me

You are a breeze of a song that carries me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

La

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

La

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

La-la

I've got a hole the size of your touch that fits in your arms as much

And when I try to fill it up the hole gets bigger every time

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are my island of love my remedy to rescue me

You are a breeze of a song that carries me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

Canta canta mi luna mi luna llena

Esta melodia que es el abismo adentro de mi

El abismo adentro de mi

Mi luna mi luna luna llena

With heart heavy in hand and she, before his eyes in transparent bliss... Waterman puts pen to page:

"My love... who told you that you were unlovable? Who told you that you were not enough? Who lied to you long enough to make you believe there was something wrong with you? This life is full of disappointments... even disillusionments. All we can do is live it out to the best of our ability. Not everyone will see you as I do. Many will come and go, sayin and doin the right things to convince you to open your heart long enough to take what they want for themselves. You may come to feel the fool and blame yourself but I'm here to tell you yet again... it is NOT entirely your fault. NEVER blame yourself for "believing" for to ask our kind to stop believing is akin to asking us to stop breathing. Only death can come of it... of the soul and of the heart. That one should fail you by using your belief is a risk we all take to live out the fullness of our humanity and our kind demands it by design. No my love... you are in fact the "sweetest melody I've never sung" to completion. Mi "luna llena" that circumstance only ever allowed me to admire from afar... that thankfully has yet to stop gracing my nights sky. Find solace in this. It's not the quantity of the love and admiration you get that matters most. What matters most is the quality of the soul that does... and we, my love... are still alive...

Be at peace... with love

Waterman"

~moses apollo

The All Of Me - A Poem by Moe

held in hand, but gently so

i free my loves to come & go

loved deep enough to want to stay

without some grip, they'd need betray

for passion here is better sired

when depth of want is born inspired

in open palm my seed is sown

to love a heart i need not own

so come now nestle in this palm

and find this freedom's soothing balm

to see my all, remaining free

and come to love the all of me...

~moses apollo

Muse...

Stepping into the precipice of time, immersed in the thought of all that is deemed "special" and "beautiful" to him... awash in recollection...

That sun that greeted him with warm kisses by day and that moon struck mist caught framing beautys silhouette against the backdrop of trees outside his window by night. That subtle breeze that came and went... brushing up against the flowers in the ever fields... allowing them to dance and sway. All doing so... inspiring verse. 

Oh the temporal in the hour, the minute and the second... wanting him to make them immortal. Desiring him to see them (through a prism of artistic passion) worthy to be called... "muse". What made them so special? What made them so fine? Beyond their beauty, they knew he understood their language. Their cry to be seen. Their desire to be touched and wanted by passion. They shone for him by day. Drew outlines of beauty for him by night and danced and swayed for him in the ever fields. These... all wanting to be seen and whispered into immortality by his love, tethered their hearts to his own. For although they were temporal... he saw them through forever eyes. Eyes very few now have. Eyes...

And where now... is he to find the next? Who will shine against all fear? Who will allow their beautiful silhouette to be drawn out by the moon and who... will dance and sway like there is naught but a breeze on their cheek guiding them into passion? Whose skin will muse his own? Whose heart will seek to tether to his own? Who now... will inspire verse? 

Come sing for him, dance for him and show him your heart is a gifted canvas ready for expression. Speak to him and inspire him with your skin, your taste and touch... tell him what you want of his heart so that without fear or expectation... he may fall to verse and love again...

For though all have come to ground... losing the ability to believe in forever. He has not... nor will he ever.

~moses apollo

He Also Serves - A Waterman Tale by Moe

She sits alone, contemplating the subtle raindrops tapping at her window. Music, love... ease. With a glass of wine in her hand as soft tunes play in the background. Her kids are with their dad for the weekend, and she's feeling a sense of longing. A longing for the man who would not leave her heart in peace and the man her mind could not so easily erase. A man who would show up even in her dreams at times like a welcome intruder come to fulfill a fantasy. An untapped secret... rarely ever spoken of. Even... when she was with someone else. Herself, being a woman of substance and stature, she knows what she has and who she is, is set in stone. Seasoned enough to know that a sweet taste of something that lingers like an echo ecstatic in the heart is so much sweeter than what remains ordinary in the humdrum of daily life. Tonight, her will is yearning for the taste. Like a woman in command, she picks up her phone and texts three simple words... "I need you...". Only ten minutes later, he responds with: "Ok love... when and where. "

Waterman, sitting by candlelight, was picking at his guitar at the time he received that text. He read it and smiled... knowing all too well exactly what it was for. He was not the slut many stereotyped him to be. No, he was very selective in his choices... as well as eclectic. He knew this was special. A seasoned man that understood and practiced in the ebbs and flow of passion, that had little desire to posess anyone or become a posession himself. In a world where so many seek the fragile delusion of a stability made unstable by a fickle society, he had decided that the transparency found in being brutally honest and up front about the fleeting nature of a thing meant that it could blossom into anything the winds required. Found in the freedom to love and express an unbridled passion in the moment without the anchors of expectation. Tonight, he knew this was not an invitation to become a couple or a request to change a life or two. No, it was an invitation to do what he had a passion for. To experience a moment of want and desire with greatness. To serve in a capacity that brought pleasure. Not for an agenda or something so surface as lust... but to be able to please a beautiful woman he was connected to. A woman, he could call one of his own. To fulfill a part of what he felt he was designed for. Even if just for the one night... he knew it would reverberate throughout time as a memory worthy to recall if ever a moment called for the evidence of passion. He prepared for the night ahead as he would normally do and waited on his location.

About an hour later, he got the address to a hotel halfway between them both. She knew what she wanted and made every preparation needed for the night. This... was a woman among women. She wasn't interested in protocols or lists. She wanted what she wanted and she didn't care about the critism should anyone find out. Even still, discretion was paramount as this was something she would NOT normally do but her need to have him superceded her common practice and of course, Waterman understood. 

Symbiosis took place that night. Expressed in every way imaginable to the backdrop of a Jon Hassel melody. Where nothing was off limits and every glide was sweet and fine. Soft and hard... fast and slow. It was a night where two people made love, assuming they would part ways the next day... never to see each other again. They took their time... every time.

As it was, after very little sleep and a water conservation shower (showering together), they walked out of the hotel room kissing, as they held on to each other for dear life. For that long night up until the rising of the sun... they were a couple... and it was beautiful. 

Now, some would call this a booty call, but in retrospect... it was way more for them both. It was the natural fulfillment of a connection shared in purity of purpose and design. A night produced with an understanding and a care between two souls seasoned enough to know what it could mean. A night where a woman took the world into her own hands towards the fulfillment of a long since held fantasy. Knowing the one she chose was not just up for the task... but that it was his fantasy as well... just as much as it was hers.

And so it went... until the next time ;-)

~moses apollo

"Wait, I Say..."...

 

"...fly away... i'll never be the same.  shhhh..."

"wait'll they get a load of me..."

~moses apollo apolinaris

Permanent...

 

"but when you're lovin me I'm fine

so love me... just one more time

'cause when I said, "I love you"

that's forever

and I'm trying to reach you

do you remember when... we touch

like old friends

and I smile at you

then we both start laughin"

when the future proves our past... verses from Draco Rosa's "Mad Love" that will forever remain relevant. why? "just because"... is permanent my love ;-)

~moses apollo

The Seasoned Few...

"...you'll never know the top till you get too low..."

I confess to lust, to want, to need, to desire... and to love. I confess to allowing myself the vulnerability of a poetic fool that would still travel miles for just a kiss. All under the inspiration of what most would now deem a "fairy tale". I confess... I still believe in "forever". I still believe in an orgasm that lingers beyond the night into beautiful memory. I still believe in missing what you've only had at heart. I still believe in an "us" that is capable of flourishing in turbulent flight. In an "us" that finds a way to turn that turbulence into a passion dance... choreographed by the unique combination of our souls alone. Whose stage is found in the eye of a storm specifically designed with the union of our two bodies in mind. I still believe...

And so we stand... we push no matter what has happened. As though only seconds on a speed bump of caution had slowed us down to life. All with a purpose in mind. With lessons formed as scars upon the skins of our souls. All, in order to lean into a newly branded perspective far from bitterness. A perspective that proves the most important parts of ourselves are immovable and unshakable. Parts that loudly declare that we are not the type to surrender to the fickleness of this age. That our substance is real and that our faith, hope and love are worth fighting for. We stand... we press... we fight. All the while... makin this sh*t look good ;-) 

Oh and we ain't done yet. We have chapters to write. Both together... as well as apart. Chapters on discovery, evolution, purpose and passion. Chapters on love and hope that will move even the most adventurous to shiver at the telling. Neither young, nor old... we are the seasoned few. Seasoned by a pain, grief, loss or struggle that came to break us... but that only managed to slightly bend us instead towards a clearer vision of all that we truly are. In a world where everything tastes the same... we stand apart now. And the more we face... the less blandness we will embrace. It's just the way of things... accept it. Understand your worth and allow life's lessons to keep you in check but rehearse this reality in your soul: false humility is a virtue signal we can no longer afford to indulge. I'm out...

~moses apollo   

Another Night... Another Dream...

Dream 9/1/2024

I went to go visit a friend at her home... she was apparently sickly but I didn't know what she had. I walked into the kitchen and gave her a big hug but she had this look on her face like something was bugging her. As soon as our hug ended, in comes this man that was taking care of her. He was wearing what looked like a white half apron that covered only his lower half down to half his thigh and yes, he was fully clothed. He was annoyed that she was out of bed and was acting like he had been doing overtime taking care of her. Almost like an overinvolved nursemaid. He also had the look and attitude of a liberal politician named Sherrod Brown... in both appearance and maybe even politics. In his annoyance, he scolded her saying "you should be in bed!! we need you to get better now!!". When he said this, she looked back at me as she was walking away as if to say "my problem is this man".

As he began to follow her, I stopped him and said "don't worry, I'll walk up with her". He didn't like that one bit. As I walked into her room with her, she began to explain that she was done with his excessive babying. She wanted to spend time on her pastime outside but that he wouldn't allow her to. She actually felt that his Lording over her every move was either making her feel worse... or prolonging her illness. She was done. In an instant, I felt a rushed intuition that this was being done on purpose to control her. To keep her in perpetual state of care kept her both weak and compliant. This was an evil...

I told her to get dressed and to go outside... I'd handle him. She got dressed and went downstairs. He immediately became irate and began once again telling her that she needed her rest. I told him to back off and explained that she actually needed to be outside to improve. His response was akin to "I know what she needs better than you do!!" and THAT was enough to stoke my anger towards violence. I rushed to get in his face and he backed off and said "Fine!!". He took off his little apron, said "she's all yours now!!" and left in the huff of a small man's hissy fit. I just held her for a bit and woke up. As I woke, I heard a phrase that was fading out:

"sometimes those that come to heal... can actually make us worse"

In case you missed it... this isn't about me being anyone's hero. It's about knowing which "heroes" are in it for YOU... or themselves. Stay hip my loves... I'm out

~moses apollo

"Gardeners"...

"...love..."

Imagine a gardener...

He loved the soil he tilled for years. Learned every inch of it... the kind of soil it was and what it could yield in terms of beauty and productivity. A tender kind of love that grew over time and understanding. As such, he became an expert at all things green and would at times help his neighbors. Neighbors... whose gardens were at times, more fertile than his own. A fact... he couldn't help but notice.

He grew to see how expert he became in this field and began to resent the keeping of his own little garden. He thought it drew him away from other, greater soil he could tend to. For although there was upkeep of his garden through skill, without love... the will to do so waned. He grew tired of his garden and decided to explore new soil. This "loving" man became corrupted by hubris and greed. He did the one thing a man of character should never do. He took his eyes off his truest intent... "love". As such, he became a different man. A man of talent without real passion. A man that could easily fool anyone into believing he was different than the rest. Why? Because at one time... he was.

Did the man have skill? Yes. Was he in demand for his skill? Yes. But did he use this skill to do as he pleased... or for some selfless greater good? Yes... and no. And this is where our story truly defines the heart of this man. What was born out of love should have remained a labor of love but he allowed it to be turned into a tool to satiate his ego. Wielding a power he knew he could use against the uninitiated, he hurt many along the way and lost what made him "special". He lost respect for the power he had and became just like every other gardener out there. 

Now, given the painting of the analogy I am using, one could say that I am a gardener myself, but unlike this man... I chose a different path. Because I walked this road, I could identify this easily and sadly... there are way too many like this these days. What's worse... they keep f*ckin with my friends. Good women who only asked for love that get sucked into believing they found it with someone they see as having the ability to give it. Men, that actually can but that have already surrendered to the idea of the times enough that they've begun counterfeiting the motions of a loving, caring and conscientious individual... just to get the pieces that they want. A part they actually learned how to expertly play out... when they were honorable men.

To understand this expose from me, one must understand how I view this "power". I witnessed the truth of it when I was married. Women would engage with me due to appearance yes BUT to an even greater extent... because they could see and feel how much I loved my wife... and they wanted the same. I understood that I was an enigma but I also understood that to cater to this demand meant that I would become a fraud. I would no longer be what they were so enamored by... so I drew a new perspective on it. It wasn't that I was great or special. It was that I was like a rare collectors item and that meant that if at one time I was made without fanfare among ten thousand copies, the fanfare I was getting then, being the last copy in existence... was overblown. In short... I learned to appreciate my own press without being sold into it. I learned that the most important thing was to hold fast to the "why" of it. This way I would remain consistent... even if the "what" tended to change. 

What was the "why"? Love... pure and simple. A driving force that doesn't let up across its spectrum. From "agape" to "phileo", it is a force that says "I'll be there for you when you call and leave you alone if you need me to". Choosing to serve it with honor... even if it costs me... and it HAS cost me. As anything that has value should. Folks, I hold my gifts at high esteem and respect them just the same. As such, it angers me when I see them used for selfish gain by those that should know better. Thus, the reason for this screed.

My friends... stay hip... stay wise. Keep loving and living but remain discerning. There are many "gardeners" out there that should never be underestimated. "Test the spirits" and understand that not all that glitters is gold. Intent... is king. If this is the only thing that God is moved by... why should it be any different with us? With love... I'm out...

~moses apollo

Immortal...

"oh to see & feel the inner workings of my love for you. the kind you can hold between the whispered silence of breath, longing & a passion that has revealed itself... immortal..."

lean in my love...

eyes closed...

your cheek is on my cheek

your face gently rests in my hand

while the other... rests gently on your heart... as your hand does the same on my own... 

now... we dream...

~moses apollo

"Angelic"...

the sturdy ship

without that grip

the center piece

of all release

the passions ploy

main bedside toy

that soothing balm

for peace & calm

the one who stays

unchained by plays...

i have my "ways"

just a few days ago; he walks outside and immediately catches the eye of a comely stranger... storytime: she calls him "beautiful" and calls herself "innocent". halfway flirtin, halfway shirkin on all she really wanted to say... but she was honest. this draws him like water from a well... intrigued. with a sudden pause, she cocks her head to the side and says: "but you know what?... it's like you're... "angelic". smilin, as if to say "ok then... another one", he nods his head, offers up some advice and says he has to go. hand to heart and head bowed (as though bowing to a dignitary)... she grabbed his hand and said her goodbye. still perplexed as to what that all means, he was pleased to have met her. retaining his clear mind: he knows he's just a man but he also knows he's different (not better or worse... "different"). something he will forever try to figure out but to this day, he has been and will forever be many things to different hearts and to all of them... flawed, vulnerable, real and as honorable as his humanity affords him. whether it be static or transient, a steady rainfall or a light mist in the morning... may he be all he was meant to be to all those that come his way. just be mindful on a thing: never see him as one of your "pack" or fall into treating him like just any other. his kind ain't inclined like sheep you can keep. he will respect your game and hustle so long as these are never directed towards him as these are an insult to him and a form of disrespect. many say this as if to set themselves apart but he don't do clichés. many figured this out too late and some are still tryin to prove themselves right on the matter. waitin to none avail to say "I knew it!!" smh it's still ok... cause he still understands: "humans... gonna human"...

baby, it's more than just a "me" thing, 

it's a "we" thing... 

a seek & ye shall "see" thing you dig?

~moses apollo

A Heart Set Free - A Word by Moe

on this night of contemplation, the poet sits to whisper about a love in the longing and the beauty therein. as if to say... goodbye my love... till hopeful "next time" come...

across a miles long digital pond, he gazed upon her digital frame and found her familiar. he heard her digital breath and thought it soothing. he looked into her digital soul and saw her heart was made of flesh and blood. beating alive with a passion that cracked all waves that came her way and with it, a blood that bore his name... not unlike his own.

a sudden rush, this beauty's hush of intermittent silence. all at once... smitten and "seen". her laugh, her cry, her rage... her unwanted cage. all making her the more beautiful at every glance. a potential partner worthy of a dance that wills itself the chance... at a love so reckless... it would generate a silent fear of pain.

he pondered what her skin would feel like on the tips of fingers, what her lips would taste like teased across his own & what her naked body would feel like pressed against his flesh. the soft, the hard... her beauty on his beast... the poet on his page... the frustration in his rage left him... wanting.

these "good things" that come and go. all we forget and all we know... they may not last but for a season. but alas my seasons are eternal. they are chapters in a strange book that includes characters that show up from time to time to let me know just how temporary they are... and how beautiful their coming and going is to me. the pain of the pine of a beauty so fine is worth the breaking of my heart... and the renewing of the same. 

to lightly hold what rests unsold. my passion's curse, this lonely verse I have rehearsed... till death my heart doth part.

oh come my love... come to me

come kiss this heart set free

~moses apollo apolinaris

 

Time After Time...

 

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you

Caught up in circles

Confusion is nothing new

Flashback, warm nights

Almost left behind

Suitcase of memories

Time after

Sometimes you picture me

I'm walking too far ahead

You're calling to me, I can't hear

What you've said

Then you say, "go slow"

And I fall behind

The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting

Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has

Turned to gray

Watching through windows

You're wondering if I'm okay

Secrets stolen from deep inside (deep inside)

And the drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting

Time after time

Time after time

I've got a suitcase of memories that I almost left behind

Time after time

Time, time, time

But you say to go slow but I fall behind

Time after time after time (after time, oh)

~Iron and Wine

that's a promise...

Unsown - A Poem by Moe

at window sill he pressed his quill

to bleed upon his love

that she may feel her lovers kneel

with kisses from above

for kiss by night is kissed by knight

whose dawning soon appear

a loving way to better say

"im holding you from here"

so take his heart, here every part

and make it now thine own

that years may be but hours to thee

for love that lives unsown

~moses apollo

Eres (You Are)...

 

English Translation

[Verse 1]

You Are

What I most want in this world, you are

You are also my deepest thought

Just tell me what I do, here I am

You Are

When I wake up, the first thing, that’s you

What my life needs if you don’t come

The only precious thing that lives in my mind today

[Chorus]

What else can I tell you?

Maybe I can lie to you for no reason

But what I feel today

It’s just that without you I’m dead, because you are

Oh, what I want most in this world, that’s you

[Post-Chorus]

Eh-eh, ah-ah

[Verse 2]

You Are

The time I share, that’s you

What people promise when they want

My salvation, my hope and my faith

Oh, I am

I am the one who loves you like no one else

I am the one who will support you day by day

Day that I would give my life for you, that’s who I am

[Chorus]

And oh, here I am by your side

And I wait here sitting, until the end

And you haven’t imagined

What I have waited for you

Well, you are, everything for me that I love in this world, that is you

[Outro]

Every minute I think about, that’s you

What I care most about in this world, that is you

And I wait here sitting until the end, until the end

I am the

The one who would take you, the one who would give

The one who would give his life for you, that’s who I am

What I love in this world, that’s you, oh, eh-eh

~draco rosa

Stay Sweet...

"candles fade like the dark

now I see how

lovely the feelings are

all the tender love you've given to me..."

Folks, I remember this song being among the most requested on the radio. Usually it was dedicated to someone special guys wanted to impress but there was an even greater reason to request it. You see you needed this on your mixtape if there was any chance of her describing you as "sweet" to her friends. Yeah... it was a simpler time.

Now I could continue complaining that things aren't the same anymore (and it's true when it comes to universal sentimentality) but the truth is that when I look inside... all this is just as "sweet" to me. I still find the greatest things in "the least of these". Many can quantify the practical well meaning gesture as having value but the one thing about always showing affection by being practical... is that's it's seldom ever sweet. Oh it will be appreciated in the moment... but quickly forgotten without heart. 

My loves, you find heart in the hand that's held and in the embrace that genuinely brings you relief. You find it in the security of knowing that the one you love has just made an indent on their side of the bed and you find it when you say "goodnight... I love you"... whether they're awake or not. Heart is everything... its what makes every little thing unique to the one you're doing it for. Tailor-made to last forever my beautiful people. Seek this above all else... stay sweet. I'm out...

~moses apollo

Between The Letters...

As increments begin to settle into my heart, there is but to stand and watch certain pieces of my life play out on a panoramic screen that surrounds me. Past, present and future all play out before me like a biopic whose soundtrack includes sultry epics mixed in with frequencies designed for introspection. Where my only intermission comes at the staring of my feet. Feet that have stood even when they shouldn't have given all I have seen. Attached to a body, soul and spirit that has become numb to its own pain and grief. Parts of steel at whose center beats a heart of flesh fueled by faith, strength and fury. Whose relief is found in the taste of passion and in the incremental forward motion that creeps up unawares from pleasant time to time. 

To see it all and have none to comprehend. To feel it all and come just a few stanzas shy of articulation. To eat a full course meal and never get full. To imbibe on the finest wine and not be able to get drunk. To live and love without limits in a world of limits set by men and women hell bent on keeping their limited power. Limiting love, joy, peace and all things that bring us closer to God and each other. Keeping us all busy in a rat race of inconsequence while the consequential slowly dies off in us all. Creating a place where AI will soon become sentient enough to become humanity's guide to emotional and spiritual intelligence. Recycling the debunked as something new and presenting dashes of counterfeited truth sprinkled over scripted lies as secret knowledge. Yet in all this that I see before me... I stand anyway. I love anyway. I care anyway and I believe... anyway.  

Why? Because there is always hope. There is always a chance where there is life and what is lost only needs the will to be found again. Keep your hand extended out to reach and your heart satiated and as full as can be. I have no doubt the "one day" you've been believing for will come and when those days arrive for you... I'll do my best to celebrate by your side. Till then... hold fast my love. Shut out the noise. Look around and find the beauty that surrounds you... use the blessings you find to cultivate the hope you need to make it through the days and nights ahead. I have been shown much on my panoramic screen. From ashen surfaced skin to a spirit engulfed in light and everything in between. I could've closed my eyes and gone home... but I decided to stay instead. Hope is a powerful thing... I'm out

~moses apollo of apolinaris 

Broken Bridges... Thinking Out Loud

Folks, among some of the roads behind me, you will find weak crossings where bridges once stood strong... broken just enough to be uneasy to cross... but never by own hand. Broken bridges that were once beautiful. That at the time of their construction, were meant to last as long as life itself. Now I understand full well that broken and/or burned bridges are common among human roads but not so with me. In fact, I can name them all because they are so rare. Now one might ask: "Isn't it normal to break down at least SOME bridges?" Sure... but after coming to know why they were broken on my roads to begin with, I make it my business to need real serious reasons to do so. You see, I understand that there is more to value in the souls that surround me than simply what I could attain for personal gain, but not everyone sees things like that anymore. Especially in a world where relationships of every kind have become extra entries on accounting tables. Where "transaction" is the "end all be all." I can tell you that most have been broken down by folks that felt I truly had nothing more to offer them, when the truth was more akin to me not relenting to what they expected of me within their time frame. Friendship, honor, integrity, counsel, support, etc... I suppose all these were simply window dressing to them. I'll never really know. It felt like they wanted the store, and when I didn't surrender it as "expected" by conventional love... they turned into something else. Almost as though they purposefully became something I wouldn't want to associate with just to push me away. Yet instead of believing the façade they were trying to portray... I'd just move on knowing they just didn't have the temerity to tell me how they really felt.

In my moving on, I'd look back from time to time and see the bridges that once stood beautiful, turned into a "not to even consider" perilous crossing... for absolutely nothing at all. In my worldview, you do that to enemies or people who treat you badly. You don't do that to people that would stick by you come rain or shine but some folk do sh*tty things sometimes because they were either secretly really sh*tty people (something I choose not to believe of those I've encountered) to begin with or because they were in such a severe state of survival mode after trauma, that they inadvertently wound up "pre-emptively" hurting folk close to them in a move their overly cautious minds saw as defensive. Having experienced the latter up close and personal, I can tell you that if these can't find something legitimate to hate you for... oh, they'll make some sh*t up to justify taking a sledgehammer to that bridge. Unfortunately, I've been on the receiving end of that one too many times. I decided some time ago to let some bridges burn, and in every instance, my method begins at heart. The second I start seeing and feeling disrespect and indifference, I ain't gettin upset. I just say "Okey dokey" and get my heart ready to internally relegate them to where they belong until they are no longer in the special spot I had them in. It f*cking hurts every single time, but you get over it, and you press on. Spilled milk and all that you dig? The love remains, but you just come to accept that the hints they were throwing out at you were more "directives" than hints, and you don't look back. Maybe I believe too long or love too hard, but I ain't ever changing a thing about that. I will always remain as I am. After awhile, you learn to stave off bitterness and anger because the only person that hurts is you, and you eventually take on growth instead. Where others look to replace what was lost because they suffer dependency issues, you replace what was lost with a new level of growth that will serve you on the roads you must travel alone. You become "more" to be able not just to stand alone... but to dance alone if need be as well. That's a whole nother study...

Why am I the way I am? Because I understand that people are fickle... me too. I was talking to someone I love about this a few days ago. I hate being alone, but I despise being tied down just as much, and this puts me at a disadvantage. My passion for life and living and all things beautiful is intense, and because I understand such things come in bursts... it's all I find myself wanting. Throughout our time on this earth, its the one thing that holds to memory beyond all else. I don't want the BS everyone else wants to "put up with" in order to have these moments grace them in between the mundane because given the climate these days, the "mundane" has an inevitability that includes failures and potential betrayal that doesn't just have the potential to "hurt"... but to leave scars that have the added downside of not being able to heal properly as well. After my divorce, I tried to have another relationship, and it failed badly, and even though it did, oh, we had some moments that were beautiful. The passion and the fire was there when it counted. I just didn't foresee the mindset needed for the time. Even though I'd been divorced for about a year already, I was still in married mode and due to this, had the mindset of a married man applied to my new relationship. After that breakup, I had a run at debaucheries. All the while doing my best to maintain transparency and integrity throughout... learning as I went. What I found was way different than what I had been used to as a married man, and slowly but surely, maturity waned in the zeitgeist, and I became a relic of the past. Today... love, peace, understanding, passion... are all just buzzwords folk use to sound esoteric and/or thoughtful, but to me... they have serious meaning. It is because of this... I don't mind being the relic I am, but it is also because of this... many will not understand me enough to trust that I am what I say I am. 

This is why I have chosen the path I have, and it is not an easy one to take but I believe it satisfies the best of both my worlds. What I know is this: I will face being alone head on... but I remain believing that I will never allow myself to be lonely. Thankfully, I will always have the choice before me and as such... it will always be up to me. All I ask of those that I am connected to is the certainty of their choice. That the gatekeepers I fall for put a welcome banner at their gate and personally escort me in because without that... failure from uncertainty can easily become a self-fullfilling prophecy and I ain't about trying to convince anyone of anything anymore. You either "get" me... or you don't. Who knows... my heart may even set itself on a part three someday...

Thanks for the eyes and the proverbial "ears". I got some stuff to take care of... I'm out...

~moses apollo

The Tears We Make Love To...

"when anguish inspired by the desire to truly live is sweetly poured into the pure waters of cosmic lust... it creates an unbridled passion that only abandon can release. such an elixir rests upon my table in my chalice of great price..."

and here he sits in solitude, waiting... before a dimming candle in the knowing. in the awareness of an eternity that has been known to sweep him up into naked ecstatic pain, pleasure and glory. in the acknowledgement of what is to come... his heart is permitted to call upon her own. pulling her in close from distances that wade across a universe beyond the veil of human existence. both naked and crystalline... floating in the center of the universe, he focuses in on a center of their heart's energy that burns brightest in them both. it is that anguish... that hunger for a life worthy of love, living and passion, that drives them both into the rage of the purest form of savagery. into a glide across hot, sweaty, stardust imprinted skin whose clawing resembles one looking to tear flesh from bone. into impassioned kisses that do not settle on lips alone but that find their satiation among the pleasure zones their bodies were designed to enjoy. into a oneness that cannot sit still... a oneness that writhes and moves in cosmic rhythm until climax claims its place among whispered tales of glory. rhythms that combine fusion and function to form an eternal bond. rhythms that cum slow and fast until the uncontrollable shiver tells the tale of an ultimate unending release. a tale that inspires tears only the acclaim of a beautiful moment in time can swoon into existence. tears we made love to. tears... that immortalize us...

and here he lays in solitude... ready to whisper yet again... 

drink my love...

~moses apollo of apolinaris 

Forever Love - A Word by Moe

"...you stay with me the same..."

wander the cobblestone forest and bless the iron trees with your presence and beauty. grace the concrete grass with the pace of the queen you are becoming and bring it all to life. free your heart to fly as its' design demands... that the racing of your heart never slow or tire in the name of love. make it all green my love... your king awaits

release the heartfelt sigh and smile the smile he sees as a beacon in the night. summon his heart that rests neath the blue of his moon. where the blue orchids grow wild and rare... as rare as your heart is to him... and just as beautiful. hold them close now... as you await your king

and never let it be said that "love is dead" or that "wasted tears were shed". never let it be read that "passion's well has dried" or that "what we are has died". for what has been remains... passed others, loss and gains. in the coming and the going... in the waiting and the knowing. we are... who and what we are. my love... your love... our love... forever love...

you are beautifully and wonderfully ever-made for me... and you are alive...

~moses apollo 

Wake Up...

"...will anybody listen..."

Some time ago I had a dream. In this dream, I was awakened to find myself attached to an IV in a room that had the feel of a futuristic hospital setting. I noticed others being awakened along side me. We were greeted by several people with notepads telling us that our mundane lives were nothing more than a dream and that we were now needed to wake up to speak out against the lies we were being fed in our perpetual dream state. Yes, it was like the Matrix... just not as dramatic lol We all agreed to join the cause but something felt off about the whole thing. I noticed some that had been awakened for some time had a certain look about them. They seemed paranoid and unsure about everything. The ones holding the notepads that greeted us also seemed a bit "off". Like there was something rehearsed about the whole thing. After I noticed these things, in a instant, I woke up in the same room but this time, no one was there to wake me... I managed to get up on my own. I looked around in a panic because I was still attached to an IV and this time, the people with the notepads ran out to get some sort of security to subdue me. As I pulled off the IV, I noticed bodies were shrink wrapped and attached to the walls while they were being intravenously sustained and I had realized what had actually happened. The first "waking" was simply another level of control. An insidious form of control that had presented the false choice to serve one of two masters... forcing you into "a side". Seeing evil everywhere, this "awakening" altered one's clear perspective and had one questioning everything under the guise of a caricatured mask they falsely called "free thought". The second "waking" was the real one... that revealed the first for what it actually was. The "war" folk were fighting in the first "waking" was nothing more than another dream replete with heroes and villains. A dream that gave folk a false sense of purpose. Keeping them entertained while their own personal lives suffered indifference or neglect. Inadvertently destroying the fabric and cohesion of society in the process.

For the past three days or so, I have been looking under every rock trying to meet whatever is coming head on. What do I mean? I feel this strong sense of expectation that something big is about to take place. Usually when I have these intuitive feelings, they are centered around a certain topic or person... not this time. It feels like something is going to be sprung on the world and I can't tell if it's good or bad. All I know is that there will be a shift from one second to the next. I don't know if it's war related or financial in scope. All I know is that it WILL cause a visceral reaction that will move many to "act". I just can't put my finger on it and I've looked across the globe for news... it can be anything.

Now, please spare me the "I know what it is" that gets you tweakin on "Gitmo" and "clones". Most people that swear "they know" don't know a damn thing but have been duped into believing the outlandish due to the media's penchant for unsophisticated lying. I have come to a new rule of thumb. When you hear or read someone declare "we've been lied to", understand the chance they just picked something up based off pure speculation and conjecture that should've stayed on BCAT goes up exponentially. This world and it's order of thought is so jacked up, it's become very difficult to stick to linear truth on most topics. Everything seems to have a fork that can lead one down a rabbit hole & I will tell you the truth... it is in fact inspired by darkness which is exactly why I opened up this piece with my dream. Yes, certain things have been uncovered that were kept from the masses but what winds up happening is that the method of the cover-up begins to be applied to everything in the mind of the one doing the uncovering. So much so that nothing can be believed anymore and the only acceptable truth must be the one with the most nefarious explanation. Meanwhile, what IS actually nefarious takes a back seat to what is now "uncovered" as nefarious... allowing it to flourish. Is this some cooked up grand plan or is this just the by-product of information overload? If you enthusiastically went right to "grand plan"? Please... "wake up"...

Stay mindful folks... and stay hip ;-)

~moses apollo

PS: A bit "disjointed" for a reason ;-)

 

Warmth...

There is a warmth I feel when I come to find I've touched your heart. When I know I made you laugh or smile or even tear up on the lighter side of emotion... and I can say without a doubt that this feeling of warmth only manifest itself... when real love is present. It's like I held your heart in my open hand & gently blew a kiss it's way. You then caught it... and blew one back. No, it ain't wishful thinking or something my imagination cooked up. Nor is it something I could easily explain away that makes it easier for me to digest or accept in the attempt to reason it away. I have no idea how or why this could still be true but that's one "sickness" I don't mind not having a remedy for. Nor will I try to find one. 

Someday all will be made clear... as will what to do about it. For now... things will be as they will be... until they aren't ;-) I'm out...

~moses apollo