The Art of The Nudge...

"...Spread the love like fire. Hope will fall like rain. When you speak life with the words you say..."

I know this man that went to court ordered rehab for 8 months. An 8 months he can without a doubt call "life changing". What he did is of no consequence but I can say his sentence was intended for someone he would lay his life down for without hesitation. He fought taking the deal every step of the way but since Rikers was not an option he could accept, he took the deal. Group sessions were 5 days a week in a room with people he would never had known had it not been for the program. People from every walk of life imaginable sat and told their stories. A moment in the day, a court situation or a relationship problem. Mostly though, it was about how they couldn't understand these new emotions that had been anesthetized for years. Things as simple as a joyful moment that induced tears were oddities to them. It was as though they were becoming someone else when the truth was they were just waking up from a dead zone into the complexities of their humanity. Something they were truly unaware they had stifled. At first the man rarely shared much...that is until he heard a story he felt he had an answer for...

You see there was a man speaking about how he felt he was not the father he should be. He cried that day like a baby about letting his child down. He had "used" on a day he was supposed to see his son and when he realized he had failed him...his guilt was too much for him to bear. After the session, our reluctant speaker spoke some words to him alone. He didn't think anything of it. The next day at group the man stood up in group and told everyone that our reluctant speaker had said something to him that changed his mind about something he was going to do later that day. You see he admitted that he was about to take his own life but had decided to live on for himself and his children after their talk. Our reluctant speaker sat in his chair...heavy, with all eyes on him. He had no idea what he had said could have changed this man's mind because what he said was so simple...so small. It was then he understood that no word is measured by length or flair. It's only measured by the significance of the listener...or the reader. 

He had done things like that before but had yet to do so in group. At times, he had taken strangers aside to give them a word of encouragement. Sometimes he'd call a friend, send a text or an inbox message with a word or two they would never have gotten otherwise. All without fanfare or praise. All without recognition. He actually felt recognition would nullify the selfless act. Yet it was in this group setting that he learned to listen to this thing he called a "nudge". It's just a little push one feels to give someone a word, a handshake, a text or an inbox without requesting anything in return. He's experienced it before but the program afforded him daily practice to know when it's just an exercise in vanity...or truly a "nudge". Since then, he's been engaging more...without fear. 

Now some may not understand it and think you strange. Others will question your motive and some...may actually thank you or say nothing at all. NONE of that matters because the truth is if you "obey" that "nudge", you have the chance at changing the course of someone's day...or even their life. Now to those that scoff at such a thing. Understand this and let it seep into your soul: The power of the word has long been forgotten due to the overused phrase "actions speak louder than words". Of that phrase, I will say this: Take a knife and slice your hand; now, recall something someone told you that was personally hurtful. Your hand will heal...yet that statement you just recalled still hurts as much as the day it was said to you...

The art of the nudge has the ability to speak grace within the soul of another and there is nothing more beautiful than God's inclination to reveal the true worth of every soul. He "said" and it was done. He gave us this gift to express...do so and do so more often. Never underestimate the power of the word. Respect it. Honor it. Use it to build...never to destroy. Learn to heed it's path. Learn to heed it's push...you may just save a life. Much love... 

~Moses

King Saul - A Poem by Moe

"...Is this the New Year or just another night? Is this the new fear or just another fright? Is this the new tear or just another desperation?..."

come see this house you made

it once stood fast and strong

with God's protective shade

He kept out every wrong

but men sought claim to reign

in rooms that had no king

and now they make it plain

that all should fear their sting

what God had sought to shield

has lost its purposed call

with weakness now revealed

this house shall surely fall

~moses apollo

1 Samuel 17:47

"And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give you into our hands."

Introspections Reward...

"If I could you know I would...let it go"

I have found no better investment than the investment into pure unadulterated brutal truth. The kind that makes me question my self. The kind that breaks me into a thousand pieces I must now pick up and examine. It tries my faith, my mind and my soul. It lets me know that I can't hate another over things I have done in my own mind. It forces me to be honest about my wants and my needs. It forces me into vantage points I might never have examined. It helps me see the "why" behind the "what" and more than anything else...it forces me to be a better man in places where no one else will ever know about.

Such a thing creates a conscience one will at times despise because abiding it's call...can keep you from taking what you know you shouldn't have but desperately want. It's a hard way to live at times but it's worth it. If you know the innermost truth of all the good, the bad and the ugly you are, you can see it in others at the drop of a dime. You know why some are brash. You know why some are cocky. You know why some have self-imposed limits and why some have none. You empathize to the point of seeing greatness they can't even see in themselves. The "gift" of empathy is a by-product of brutal introspection and when I call it a gift...that is no exaggeration.

I don't care if you're on the right or the left. If we agree on everything or not. My list of acquaintances runs through the pendulums extremes and it's not because I'm better than you. It's just because I'm honest about who I really am. This sainted sinner is filled with the most eclectic puzzle pieces you could ever imagine and I see those pieces in almost everyone I come in contact with. Something I would never have seen without brutal introspection. That...is a blessing to me. So before the year is out, do your best to spend some time in front of the mirror. Examine yourself beyond what you or anyone else can see. You might find unsettled pain that still needs tending or might find something beautiful you have yet to see. You may come to understand why your friends mean as much to you as they do and you may also see the face of an enemy looking back at you that you now know can no longer be labeled as such. In this...there is peace. Much love me gente...

~Moses 

The "What If" Fallacy...

"...Sometimes darkness can show you the light..."

There are too many questions that oftentimes torment the minds of men into stifling stagnation. A state that if prolonged can disease a soul into a depressive nothingness. For this cause...I write tonight to provide two examples as to why "what if..." is a useless endeavor.

David was a King ordained by God. Blessed with victories in battle and the love of his people. His concubine could satiate the appetite of the most lustful man one could ever imagine knowing. Through him...God would bring about His greatest work. Through his line...Yeshua Hamashiach (Jesus the Christ) would be born into the world. Yet with all these blessings, David took a stroll one night to entertain his idle mind and began something that had the potential to destroy both him and his kingdom. He saw a beautiful woman named Bathsheba bathing on a rooftop. He decided to summon her and sleep with her even though she was married to one of his most faithful soldiers. Making matters worse, Bathsheba would soon find out she was pregnant. To cover his disgrace, he told Uriah, her husband, to sleep with her because he'd been away so long but this faithful man did not leave his post due to the love he had for his King. David decided on another course of action since the initial attempt at a cover-up didn't work. He sent Uriah to his death by making sure he was on the front lines of the battlefield. After Uriah's death, David took Bathsheba for his wife and the child she was carrying died shortly after being born. Yet as disgraceful as this was, her next child would be known as the wisest King Israel had ever known. Furthermore, through his lineage...Jesus the Christ would be born. Why? God had a plan...

Fast forward to 1509. King Henry VIII was crowned King of England after the death of his father. He would come to marry Catherine of Aragon only to annul their marriage after falling in love with Anne Boleyn. His marriage to Anne Boleyn almost destroyed England and in time, he would sentence her to death on the trumped up charge of witchcraft. Yet before her death, they were blessed with a daughter named Elizabeth. A woman whose tenure as Queen would soon oversee one of the greatest periods England has ever known. They deemed her reign "The Golden Age". So after all the shadyness and grief his marriage to Anne Boleyn produced, it also produced an heir that is revered even to this day. Why? God had a plan...

Now what if David has shown self-control on that rooftop? There would be no Soloman. What if King Henry had decided to stay faithful to Queen Catherine? There would be no Elizabeth. How many times have you posed the "what if..." question in retrospect? Ruminating on past failures that you truly believed may have derailed your destiny and/or purpose. Folks, in all my years on this earth, I have faced what I considered many failures I felt may have ruined my purpose...only to find myself farther along on my destined path. Acknowledging this has allowed me to understand that sometimes failure is part of a universal plan that is set aside for each and every one of us. Propelling us on a purposed road that God has set us on. A road that takes into account every failure we've had or will ever have in the future before it's even laid out before us.

So take a minute and look back on your life and take stock. Lay all regret by the wayside and deem all the "what if..." questions useless exercises unworthy of holding space within your hearts and minds. It doesn't matter how old you are or what office you officiate. Understand that all the mistakes you've made have served a purpose beyond your comprehension and if you can't see past the mistakes you've made then you will never come to fully understand the necessary place they've held within the book that house the chapters of your life. Open your eyes and seek comfort accepting a truth: That so long as you decide to live on...your purpose will always live on as well...I'm out

~Moses

This Thing Called Love - A Poem by Moe

"...still believe the best is yet to come..."

for softened hearts, excessive pain 

through crystal skies, torrential rain

a hearty gift this holy grace

that sees on past your beauty's face

this flow of breath that billows sweet

to bless the hearts conjoined to meet

a touch that holds when life is spent

and lasts in spite of life's descent

for none can break a thing that's made

from bits and pieces life has weighed

none greater thing came from above

that roots all hope, this thing called love

~moses 

Such Is The Ride...

"...I know that spittin's a bad habit but I can't help the taste..."

The most beautifully complex rollercoaster you've ever seen. Invested in your immersion. Ridden to satiation. Evaluated for elevation. Satiated...you gaze mesmerized the first few times but after awhile, you know you've seen enough so you no longer bother watchin. You're now more interested in the folks gettin on...and those gettin off. You peg em as soon as you see em. Who's gonna scream and who's gonna cry. Who's gonna hold on for dear life and who's gonna raise their hands in abandon. Who's playin tough and who's fakin weak. You watch them to see if anyone can make the ride interesting again. In between them gettin on and gettin off? Well...unless something interesting shows up...you got shit to do. 

Such is "the ride"...

~Apollo

Till Day Becometh You - A Poem by Moe

within this world of holy breath

now quickened is my soul

in this imparted temporal death

my power is made whole

here opened panoramic scale

is mine for sighted gain

till sword is found beyond the veil

that's broken every chain

for earthen lonely narrowed sight

hides most of beauty's view

find greatness here beyond the night

till day becometh you

~moses

Perspective...

"...this is a place where I don't feel alone..."

It's been close to one year that this man lost his wife to cancer.  As a testament to enduring life and love, today...he and his kids celebrated her birthday and with his permission, I share this now.  It is one of the most moving things I've ever read for many different reasons...yet one thing stands out more than any other.  Perspective is a powerful cure to many ailments...

"Last year we celebrated your birthday at Vic and Anthony’s restaurant in Atlantic City. The meal was delicious, our table was next to Jackie Ward trauma/PACU RN, the weather was bitter cold, we then walked around Borgata casino because we loved to people watch. It would be our last official date and this our last picture taken together. If we could go back to last year and you told me I have one week left with you, I wouldn’t have taken a bite of that meal. I would’ve stayed awake every minute of every day just to cherish what precious little time was left. You could’ve crash- course taught me to speak Spanish or better yet you could’ve taught me how to cook. Instead I’ve spent the last year looking at photos but mostly watching all the home movies of us at the beach, you teaching the boys salsa, birthdays and holiday get-togethers, Ocean City Maryland footage ad nauseum. Today we went to Cherry Hill Mall (but didn’t see Santa like we typically did) but oddly enough I had coins to toss into the fountains to make a wish (past 3 or 4 years - no coins) and your memory was mentioned frequently. We got a big tree and small tree at Lowe’s and I cried right there because it hit me; over 12 years since I bought a tree on my own. We sang Happy Birthday to you and had cupcakes but intentionally no candles. Then we each wrote you a little note on 3 separate balloons and released them so you can read them in Heaven or use them for your party up there. Jaxson took today very hard, the most I’ve seen him cry since he was a baby. And now the day is over, another ‘first’ for me is in the books, but to hear your voice on the home it still seems like you just went out to the store and will be right back. We will never forget about today and what it represents. I look at this picture and I still can’t believe how my life changed just 7 days after this was taken. You are loved and missed more than you’ll ever know. Happy Birthday Diana..." 

I know the world is a big place but never allow the smaller the world that is you and your loved ones take a back seat to it.  Make an honest assessment of your life and take stock at how good of a friend you've been, how much you've invested as a spouse or how much love and guidance you've shown as a parent. In the end...these are the things we will be remembered for which is why your smaller world carries so much weight.  Live life and love...and live them well.  Much love...

~Moses

Miles Of Ease - A Word by Moe

New York night like any other has me Miles away from where I'm sittin.  Holdin on to fallen satellites like shooting stars I'm blessed to catch.  Dreams unknown to me I get to breath back into souls that shared a moment inside an open hand.  Lovers lost and found and lost again.  Loving eyes and lips that speak to me in beautiful memories housed inside my soul re-igniting something...anything but still..."something". 

Clings to me closer than my skin...calcified in bone.  Enduring life, loss and pain to still be able to witness the glory of God in the soul of something sweeter than me.  Better than all I see in the mirror.  That sounds sweeter than any sound this earth can produce.  A frequency known only to those in tune with all that's majestic.  Electric and eclectic in spirit.  The fantastic made real in a moment of ecstasy you will never forget.  It has a heartbeat all it's own. 

If you know what I'm talkin about...you can hear it even now.  Whispered, it crawls on your skin...hinting at the sweet spots.  Flowing like holy water...intensified by surrender.  Teasin the mind I find in kind...easy.  This one's from me...

~Moses Apollo  

Drug Of Choice - A Poem by Moe

He said "easy..."

my drug of choice is kind to me

this hungry soul that sets me free

my solemn grasp of stable rage

exploding on a purposed stage

where unseen canvas colors churn

inside a beautys passion burn

and I am formed to set ablaze

that crazy twisted hungry phase

that cry for more from nightly moon

imbued by comley breaths that swoon

till overtaken comes for me

and I am lost in beauty's sea

~Moses Apollo

As Cripples Do - A Poem by Moe

"...after you've done all you can...stand..."

my soul has felt the lash of whip

till inner skin has shed 

for pieces fallen lost their grip

now pavement marks them dead

these pieces lost held on too long

to fuel a bitter life

but bitter minds see only wrong  

and cause internal strife

and though I walk as cripples do

Im stronger than before

for battles win the morning dew

till I have won the war

~Moses

Just Talkin...Keepin It Real...

"...I look in the mirror only to find...the face of a stranger..."

Walkin through this earth on the real sometimes keeps me lonely. Used to be easy to fake the funk but the flavor for it is gone because once you've tasted truth...all else is bland. It feels like a waste of time. Like takin a long walk to nowhere. I'll give you an example. I know you all know one or two that like to lead on the opposite sex because they feel good keepin someone hungry even though they know they ain't ever gonna get to feed them. They just usin somebody to make them feel good about themselves over something they don't really have the power to give...a fuckin waste. Now...if you feel the probability exists? Be honest about that and never let it get heavy until you know it's gonna happen. Keep it light till then and let the understanding of that lightly tug on the "need". Just keep the shit real. 

I remember a while ago having a conversation with someone I love about sexting and phone sex. She was surprised, given my writing, at my confession that I was bad at it. She said "but some of your writing is erotic!" and she was absolutely correct but most everyone fails to understand this about me until I prove my word. I didn't make that shit up...I lived it. When I write about nights of sweat, saliva and cum...I'm not lying nor am I exaggerating. I just never mention who it was with...although I might leave an "inside" clue here and there but I never kiss and tell. So yeah bottom line...I'm not a "talker". I value my word enough not to promise a thing I never intend on fulfilling...no matter how long it fuckin takes. Been years? I give a shit. I said it...I have to do it or at least apologize that circumstances have prevented the manifestation of my word.

Understand that this truth extends to all aspects of my life and it's why I rarely ever seriously flirt anymore or seek out women for pleasure. I know that it will lead to disappointment so why bother. Now, I've known men that profess to be great at phone sex but when the rubber meets the road...they can't outshine their imagination. It is the very reason why my imagination is fueled by the probable and/or...the possible. It is also the very reason why I never express most anything without intention as intent is everything. Some have a hard time believing that a "hello" or an offer to help from me are really just that and that is because with others, it usually isn't. A truism I've come to accept and take my time to dispel from how I'm received. I would never ask a woman to lower her guard towards men simply because it affects me. Just like you earn respect...you need to earn trust so ladies...hell yeah keep your guards up.

So do yourself a favor. Cut out the fake from your innards and work out the real to fill the vacuum left behind. I know it ain't easy for some because they have a hard time with the person they see in the mirror. Look closer...stare if you have to. The more you know about yourself, the greater your appreciation for the parts of you that are meant to shine. Anyway...yeah. I'm out...much love

~Moses

The Open Door - A Poem by Moe

"Surgere, et resurget, donec agnos factus leonum."

awake my slumbered sainted core

that wades encumbered skin

walk stoic past this fated door

to wrestle there within

for there my bruised and plundered breath

finds strength untapped to reap

this newfound life beyond all death  

where deep calls unto deep

for here all shed the outer shell

that bind the feet to floor

to brave the next and fare it well

beyond the open door

~Moses Apollo

The Sun Will Set For You...

"...sometimes goodbye's the only way..."

I may have written this one too many times but it seems to get truer by the day. This beautiful woman I loved was told after showing one of my pieces to a female artist that she felt bad for her. She said that because she was in love me, an artist, life would not be easy. She was right...imagine how I feel living with myself.

Always looking for the better inside. Requiring the occasional "shedding" of all I am to rise as something more. It never fails. You look in the mirror and you strip down to nothing. Noting the imperfections you know can be ironed out for no one but yourself. An ongoing quest to become everything you were meant to be. One that has gone past mentorship or advice. One that has been guided by brutal honesty. An honesty only God can provide because He sees the inner deeper than anyone could. You start again with only the good you keep and build again.

This is a revolution that carries you into evolution. An evolution no one else may ever notice...but you and God. There's no prize or accolade. There's no finish line. There's just the idea that you can be better and it's that striving that keeps us alive for greater purpose when all other purpose seems far into a future you are aware enough to expect. Like a man always preparing for an expected battle during peacetime. Fight to evolve and live...or stay the same and expire. The choice is yours...I've chosen mine. The sun will always set for me and every day will be new...and beautiful. Much love...I'm out...

~Moses Apollo

Freedoms Flow - A Poem by Moe

"...things like that drive me out of my mind..."

oh busy mind belay your trick

for masters dig the heavy slick

that surface sweat is cool and fine

but sweeter still the wet you mine

for passions stream requires breath

that freely flows from mental death

where heartbeats pulse a rhythmic groove

and blood flow dictates every move 

so leave behind all surfaced fruit

untethered passion feeds the root

whose taste alone will let you know

ecstatic heights from freedoms flow

~Moses Apollo

The Worthy Hour - A Poem by Moe

Colorblind ;-)

for what is shown to me this hour

brighter than the sweetened flower

a beauty laced by passion's clay

finds worth beyond the daunted grey

such shine is graced from deep within

and found among the ash of sin

the kind that seasoned eyes can see

that's set apart for those made free

come claim this glory twixt the tares

and lay to rest all worldly cares

walk knowing now this beauty's worth

make sweet the soil of this new earth

~Moses

Deconstruction...

"...For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind..."

Deconstructed...abducted by another side of me. The side that looks to heaven for respite and release that puts aside my pride to seek help. The only help that comes when you cry from the inside. The only part that understands that life is more than the news of the day that showcases the ugliness of man for ratings. I refuse hatred and anger access to my soul. I refuse bitterness towards them that tell me my brother is my enemy. Them that choose to hide true threats by causing many to cry that everything is a threat. I refuse their power over me. I deny them access to my heart. I deny them access to my faith. Tonight my faith remains strong as my help comes from on high.

Reason and truth solidify my faith to let me know that love is all. The faith that extends from another plain. The only plain that truly matters. I see darkness and rise above it to extend hands of healing for my life, my loves, my nation and this world. I rise above it to move the heavens and the earth for the plan at hand. I see His eyes, her hands, her lips, my skin...her joy. 

Deconstructed to reconstruct into what evil cannot touch or ever have. To see the brighter, the better...even in this darkness I am overcome by light. Truth is mine...love is mine. Life is...beautiful.

Now...I am power. His own...join me...

~Moses Apollo

The Wretched Writ - A Poem by Moe

"...mourning that day when far from the ashes shall rise..."

oh wicked crawling dirty wretch

I ran the wild when you said fetch

those hours drenched in sweaty sin

that fed off hunger pains within

surrendered flesh that came to learn

a raging lust designed to earn

the breathless sighs that cried for more

from timely visits at my door

in time I came to learn the crave

and ceased to be the willing slave

unbridled passion twas my scroll

now comely writ within my soul

~Moses Apollo 

Man Of War - A Poem by Moe

"...except you...you were talkin bout the end of the world..."

oh man of war what is this fire

your belly holds inside

that sword unsheathed should fuel desire

for vexing distant hide

the moon and stars make plain the heights

that feed all wars acclaim

for conquered slain that take their flights

keep marks that scream your name

you seek out time to sheath your sword

and ease your restless heart

but times enrage the flame that's stored 

when war becomes your art

~Apollo

Remove The Veil - A Poem by Moe

"...what can I do with my obsession...for the things I cannot see..."

Lord show me sand and show me sky

declare the truth, reveal the lie

let me not fall to what's unseen

but keep my sight beyond the screen  

remove the veil to heavens verse

and clear my eyes of adam's curse

reveal to me all secrets kept

that I may know what to accept

but most of all allow my heart

to feel the love behind Your art

the passion felt from clay to breath

the I may see and love at depth

~Moses Apollo

Empathetic Wine - A Poem by Moe

"...beautiful...so very beautiful..."

oh wine I taste upon my lips

for grace enough to speak

about all tender harkened drips

that flow from passion's creek

the drip that tastes of soulish dew

that flows from deep inside

release that adds to all that's true

to water what has dried

this age has lost what ecstasy

such worship can secrete

when love is made in empathy

the drip erupts replete

~Moses Apollo  

To Breathe - A Poem by Moe

"...what fuels my soul...I forever breathe..."

what fluttered heart did rest in me

forlorn I thought it lost

now quickened by the smile I see

of love I've not yet tossed

for dimly lit my candle burned

to wait upon my day

for grace my sunrise hath returned

once more to light my way

light fuels my wick to burn ablaze

renewing passions keep

to live a life in beauty's gaze

and stay a breathless sleep

~Moses Apollo 

Grace Tonight and Evermore - 9/13/2017

"...my chains are gone...I've been set free..."

I smoke my hookah tonight after a day of blinding mysterious glory.  I saw my boy rescued in a way that I can only give honor and praise to my God for.  We can do all things and go as far as we can but God makes sure to always show us up and that to me is more than fine.  He will always remind us in times like these that there is no worldly power, no President, no Congress, no military might, no political acumen that can ever or will ever contend with His will and power...and I am His.

I have in me at times the passion of David and his contriteness, the greed of Solomon and his wisdom, the anger of Samson and his strength.  Yet the truth is none does me any good without the grace of God that allows me to place all under Him.  As such...I am blessed to be small.  It is the secret to remaining consequential.  The secret to greatness is not in our strength but in the acknowledgement that sometimes it's not enough.  Therefore...I am His.  In all my strengths and weaknesses displayed before you all...I will forever be His.  So will all that stand with me and all those I have called my own.  Yes, that means you too.  You don't have to believe right now...just watch ;-)

My sons...are His.  Praise and Glory to God.  Forever and ever...amen...

~Moses Apollo

The Enigmatic Erratic - Truth In Advertising...

"you let all the girls go, makes you feel good...don't it?"

New folk learnin me a bit confused by the poems, song selections, statements and pics.  Makes me look predictably unpredictable, safely unsafe, assuredly confused, humbly arrogant and sinfully pious.  Just the way I want it.  I am in fact...all those things.

In my experience, folk are usually not what they seem and when you meet someone that is all he represents in reality, you start lookin for angles.  You start lookin for reasons why he does what he does.  Why is he talking to me?  Why does he even give a shit?  How about because he does?  How about maybe he actually thinks he can help?  Maybe he saw a need he could fill without asking for shit in return.  Sometimes he's erratic...but why?  He would say that's how he keeps his right hand from knowing what his left hand is doing.  If his right hand ever found out, it may seek an advantage and that's when things become impure.  So if he seems a bit erratic, that's partly why and that's about all he'll explain.  The rest you can figure out...or not.

The greatest compliment I think I ever received was from a pretty young thing (in her 30's - yeah don't get that twisted).  We were talking about first impressions after meeting for the first time and she told me she was surprised to find the same person she met online.  That was a compliment to me whichever way she saw me.  It didn't matter how she saw me but that she saw the real me being presented in both settings let me know that what I endeavour to do has proof of life.  You might ask what that is.  It's simple: To be honest in all things...

Without honesty there is no truth and without truth, there is no purpose found or clear directive.  I don't know how anyone can exist without the truth of things.  Without "knowing" a thing...we can stand for nothing and if we stand for nothing...we fall for anything and that's no way to live.  I've seen the face of madness and it is a forced mask of lies that creates confusion, fear, desperation and insecurity.  All things that foster hate and the evil that comes with it.  Stop and consider all that this world suffers today.  Think back to the sufferings origins.  All these evils...began with a lie that stuck.  Even after corrected, the damage is sometimes so deep, it cannot be undone.

My circle and my world is complex in it's simplicity.  I love those that respect me enough to tell me the truth and allow me to do the same.  Whether I agree with them or not, to me, they are kings and queens among sheep.  They require my respect before my admiration.  As such, a queen will go further.  Requiring my mind before my heart and my heart before my body.  Sounds alot like an honorable life huh?  Revealing the perfect imperfections by way of truth.  Heh...who ever said honor required perfection?  It just requires honesty...I'm out

~Moses

PS: Oh yeah...note: Only truth has the ability to turn "ugly" into "beautiful"...

Moments Come - A Poem by Moe

"...those three words, are said too much...they're not enough..."

sweat has dried upon my skin

the air is scented you

thoughts have curved a timely grin

confirming something new

moonlight triggers sudden shift

of conscious lines redrawn

need conjoins the moments gift

for souls that split at dawn 

in this light we're beauty's haze

where all we see we feel

our fingered eyes receive in gaze

what none could ever steal

yielded, lost inside our souls

within, we feel without

moments come to fill the holes

that kept this night in doubt

~Moses Apollo

What Fear...

"Some believe that to admit a fear empowers it. I believe that to admit a fear empowers me to face it...I have no other choice..."

I always liked the idea of being the man that raised kings and queens.  Behind the scenes was good enough for me.  I came to despise the spotlight when I have tasted it on a few occasions.  The demand to one's time and the loss of anonymity scares a man like me to the point of stagnation because I know what it means.  The spotlight is taken for granted by too many that don't understand it's power and its purpose.  You see, it's not there to show the world how wonderful you are.  It's only there to show the world your hands...and where they are pointing as they should be pointing outward towards something bigger and better than you.  Some want to stop at you.  Some want to soak in that light when it's really your job to move them along to more.  I've always feared that burden.  A family member I love challenged me on it and for the first time...it left a dent.  

Maybe it's time to just suck it up and do what I was meant to do...in whatever form it takes.  If that's you too...well I suppose it's your time as well.  Good night and God bless...

~Moses Apollo

Pillars - A Poem by Moe

"...I want to rise today...and change this world..."

so long did pillars stand

in place to hold the rest

as such they did command

what should be deemed the best

but men soon found the way

to silence pillars voice

plots quickened by the day

soon stealing pillars choice

until the day drew near

when pillars were defaced

the plotters grew to fear

what could not be replaced

without what held them high

they'd not survive the fall

so held they to their lie

till pillars heard the call

the pillars voice grew loud

to claim what rights they owned

they found they held the crowd

that deemed them once disowned

so once again they stand

in place to hold the rest

renewed, they now command

for all...what's deemed the best

~Moses Apollo

Sinner Sainted Born - A Poem by Moe

"...who's the hardest..."

what sinner sainted born

for pain and pleasure scars

days and nights went torn

like dark beneath the stars

till sane displayed insane

a troubled life at ease

destroyed pretentious chain

as truth became his keys

so judging find him odd

his faces share one mind

a light that drew the flawed

towards truth of every kind

~Moses Apollo

Unbridled - A Poem by Moe

"she's so...heavy"

what substance cures the empty hand

that satiates the needful hold

that doesn't break like sifting sand

and tender rests unbought or sold

for meanings gaze that quickens flame

I've searched my soulish lost and found

from heart to flesh in beauty's frame

still meanings thirst has kept me bound

I pray my flame go unexpired 

and kept in me unbridled zeal

still let me breathe all breath inspired

let not my thirst submit to kneel

~Moses Apollo

The Setting Son - A Poem by Moe

"Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem"

what sainted fate doth call to me

with all I've known now set

expected dreams unfurled now free

have sailed without regret

mine eyes have bathed in loving grace 

as life sets forth reborn 

with beating heart I'll love the face

that rests in me untorn 

for meaning now doth tend my soul

to meet all I've become

to grow and face released control

of all that kept me numb

that grace and love should bear me hence

with now untethered strings

to seek and find all recompense

in portals set for kings

~Moses Apollo

Recollections...

"...this is my kingdom come..."

I was born and raised as a young man in a spanish Pentecostal environment.  My mother held church in our Dyckman Street apt almost 3 times a week.  I knew righteousness and sin with nothing in between and there was no "being human" as that too was considered sinful.  As time went on, I grew into the ministry but decided to marry at 18 for passion and in two years time, I came to raise a beautiful family.  It was a 17 year odyssey that revealed the hidden man I never really explored.  I became a man, a husband and a father.  Titles that required honor, integrity and fidelity.  In this period, God graced me to understand my humanity.  After 17 years, my wife and I amicably divorced and in due course, I came to understand my flesh in all its extremes.  I sought out debauchery in excess.  I became the cliched poet.  Going so far into vice that it almost claimed my very life. Although my years of this particular exploration were short...their impact remains as does everything else.

I only share this history to let you know how extreme my pendulum swung until I found my center. That zone where all of me is understood to have a purpose.  It was here that I understood grace.  It was here that I found the best in me in places I'd never think to look.  As a young man, I learned about my spirit.  As a family man, I grew into my soul and as a free man...I came to understand my flesh.  Now, here at my center...I'm just me.  The whole of me that sees what God sees in me affording me the understanding that both light and dark...have their grey.  I can do a good deed for the sake of pride and I can do an evil that I've calculated will lead to good.  All decisions led by conscience.

A truism I could never understand as a pious boy reading about the sins of our biblical patriarchs.  It took a lifetime for me to understand that internal struggles are always decided by split decisions of the heart. Whose influence will your soul accept in an argument?  Will you choose rage or forgiveness?  Or will you take a bit of both and decide to allow yourself to be angry...but quietly understand why?  In all cases...it's human and it's fine. You will grow in either case so long as you come to understand the consequence of each.

Understanding the whole of you...towards the letting go of shame.  Some might say that shame is essential for change but looking back on my life and the life of others...I found that to be a lie.  When one is ashamed, the guilt alone can stifle them as they will spend all their time either hiding what they've done or flagellating themselves until they bleed with nothing but broken skin to show for it. There is no real lesson in shame...there is only the acquired fear of being discovered as it is not solely based in truth.  No...it is primarily based on accusation.  It's the pointed finger whose objective is control.  Conviction on the other hand needs no finger but your own.  It does not control nor does it need to be hidden as there is no guilt.  Conviction simply lets you know where you went wrong based on what you know to be right and all it requires is a course correction derived from the lessons learned.  A process that produces real growth and real change based on an internal compass we call "conscience".  Shame will keep a man crying for absolution from his accusers.  Conviction will show the man what he did wrong with a real desire for change as his absolution is found in that change. We will never reach perfection but its pursuit is not in vain as it is in this pursuit that we find ourselves becoming better everyday.

Consider all that speak about the evils of our nation's past and what judgements are required.  I'll use slavery as an example.  The undeniable truth is that it was conviction that had the people of this great land fight a civil war where countless lives paid the price to end the scourge of slavery.  Regrettably today, it is shame triggered by the pointed finger from those that have something to gain by way of control that keeps it mired in senseless debate.  Yeah...I added this bit to get to this:

With all that I have learned about myself, I treat my land like a lover needing understanding after a mistake.  She's apologized and I accept that she's learned from her error.  I know she's a good enough woman still deserving of love. So I endeavor to show her love and support that she may know that a mistake is not exclusive to her because I too have failed.  I accept that it's time to grow together in what we now know to be true about each other...because I love her.  Folks, we've all made mistakes...as individuals and as a nation.  As a nation, we've worked through our conviction and came to absolution by the progress we've made.  Anyone says any different...don't listen.  They just want to control you...don't let them.  As an individual, if you carry guilt on your back, allow conviction to work itself through.  It might require you to ask for forgiveness.  It may even require you to make amends.  Do all you need to once and for all and let it go.  Step forward...move on and live life...I'm out

Oh and lest I forget: The name given to satan...is "the accuser"...

~Moses Apollo

The Purposed Soul...

"...when I look at the stars...I feel like myself..."

How many times have you heard it..."there's something special about you".  How many times have you dismissed it until you saw it for yourself?  On this day a man I know was told by a self-professed "clairvoyant" that has apparently been "watching him" for years that she sees a halo around his head.  It didn't inspire confidence that she had the smell of alcohol on her breath or that she told his ex that she was so good at fucking that she would "fuck herself if she could".  That's a quote folks.  Now it sounds funny but he's heard it several times in his life from both the sane and those some might consider "insane".  The sane are more careful with it because they calculate reactions whereas the "insane" or impaired just don't care.  Still...what exactly does it all mean?

I can tell you one thing.  The more he heard it, the greater the weight of it all was felt.  You see, he knew what it really meant but he reluctantly came to embrace it.  Now in embracing it, did he deem himself "special"?  Did all this mean that he was greater or better than us?  Short answer is...hell no.  The hard truth of it all was quite the opposite as it actually means that he was made to serve.  To "serve" folks.  Not to be given some title that means nothing.  Not to Lord over another.  Not to seek praise or accolades for his supposed "halo" or "crown".  I marvel at men who carry the title of minister as though it was some sort of badge of honor due respect when the literal translation of minister is "servant".  Even those called to the greatest office must understand this if they are to be truly effective.  Understanding that if the greatest Servant that ever lived is to be an example then they that are called are nothing more than what an important moment in time calls them to be.  Nothing more...nothing less.  Understanding this reality requires brutal honesty and that doesn't mean a virtue signalling false humility.  False humility forces one to artificially minimize their strengths.  True humility acknowledges one's strength but accepts their place in line with gratitude.  For the purpose soul...this is paramount.  Allow me to explain...  

Folks, every purposed soul I've known has a message and they came to find that message in the story of their lives.  A brutally honest panoramic view of all the lessons learned that God has used to carve out the soul they house today.  They found that message inside and once they did they began to hear and speak in the voice needed that correlated to that message.  It could be in speech, in song, in writing or it can even manifest itself in the simplest deed.  As a believer, God facilitates this by allowing one to find their strengths.  Although not the sort one would imagine.  We often think of strengths in terms of obvious talents and sometimes this will be the case but there are in fact...greater strengths.  Strengths tailored to both the message and the voice.  Strengths that become clearer through one's personalized experience and once all this is flowing as it should, all that will be of consequence is that you did as you felt you should.  You heeded the pull and that is all that will truly matter...

I've known great orators that mimicked those that have inspired them until the truth of who they were found the speech patterns coinciding with their message.  I've known singers that sounded just like their idols but fell short until they found the singular voice that flowed from their spirit and I've known poets to emulate their favorites until they found the rhythm they needed to convey the passion in the phrase.  They came to understand the most important element.  That the listener or audience was less important than what they had to say because if they were truly "purposed", they understood to trust what was inside as opposed to what anyone thought of how or what they were saying.  They just "knew" it was for the listener as much as it was meant...for themselves.  I look at Dylan, The Beatles, The Doors...all artists that wrote music never meant to be commercial but somehow made it to the hearts they were meant to touch because they decided to express their brutal truth.  You'all gettin how this works yet?  The purposed are given...to give.  Yet they can only give...what they've been given.  Sounds Buddhalicious but you get what I'm saying.  Imagine all you could do trusting what God has graced you with.  To express in creativity or in daily life what you have been set aside to give.  All the greats broke the designated rules to "success" because success was never their aim.  They just knew to express their truth and for the purposed soul...that is everything.  For all that we carry that was once for our benefit, is now meant to benefit another.  I mean damn...isn't that why we're here?  I think so...much love

~Moses Apollo

The Third Tower - A Poem by Moe

"...can I get a witness..."

come look at all my lovely sheep

controlled by hatreds hungry keep

reciting whispered tales of dread

I churn them till my foes are dead

for I conflate what's right with sin

I force and stir their rage within

till all these souls are laid to waste

and I've deprived them freedom's taste

and I care not whose death comes first

so long as I have quenched my thirst

for blood and war with damage done

I'll be what's left, the chosen one

these worry not on what is real

their truth is based on what they feel

and if they choose to take the sword

well it's ok, they've been ignored 

I've fed them all that justifies

the use of force through subtle lies

I've trained them young to mold their mind

though truth abounds, rage keeps them blind

that they should never see the strings

I've fixed on them in place of wings

and when I beckon fateful hour

I'll be just fine within my tower

~Moses Apollo 

Markers - A Poem by Moe

"...I'm permanent..."

dear brother sister lover friend

I know it's been too long

though time and distance may contend

take heart our bond is strong

inside I've left a room for you

by heart inspired design

that I should never be untrue

to all you said was mine

in trial I hide among the crowd

as just another face

but you can tell beneath this shroud

that I am still in place

though fate may further east from west

my center's always true

for markers left assure my best

is always there for you

~Moses Apollo

Kingdom Road - A Poem by Moe

"...Father has spoken..."

for my boys...

I pray you set your eyes

upon the greater things

beyond triumphant sighs

that praise and glory brings

walk road to win with zeal 

but see the ordered move

for footprints do reveal 

what life must now reprove 

for journeys are replete

with truth in gaining ground

and greatness meets the feet

before the head is crowned

~Moses Apollo

Some Will...

"...angels are everywhere..."

In this world encumbered by care and distracted by flair, we think we travel along a solitary road of no consequence.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Many roads overlap and intersect.  As such, we are bound to touch a life in one way or another.  So then...carry your gift...  

Some will leave a smile, some will leave a word.  Some will bless with song and others in their writing.  Some will encourage and others will muse...always leaving their eternal footprint in the heart or on the road.  So think not yourselves lacking in purpose simply because you've not seen the effects of all you've left behind for you may never see them.  Only be aware that every so often, you will be presented with the opportunity to travel on another's road.  Make sure that you are ready with your gift...to bless or edify as the need should arise.  Do your part...find your purpose.  Your mark will remain...I promise...

~Moses 

Pressed Love - A Poem by Moe

"Let your love be strong and I don't care what goes down..."

all truth in love, my passion's aim

did seem to keep my soul

until I found it not the same

returned from hearts unwhole

for all I gave was pure at heart

without the liars ruse

yet all received could not take part

for all had need to use

and yet I stand this savvy fool

unfazed and unimpressed

for what I wield is not some tool

that quantifies my best

instead I hold inside of me

the need to feel what's real

to seep beyond the eyes I see

and grasp the big reveal

and though I speak sincere and true

too good to some it seems

I still believe that love is new

when found outside my dreams

so wake my lovers, take the test

outside your fairy tale

for cause all love in life is pressed

that it should never fail

~Moses Apollo

Worth The Price - A Poem by Moe

"So let my life be the proof, the proof of your love..."

my God has granted this old soul

three fingers dipped in beauty's bowl

to touch those grace created lands

from greenest earth to desert sands

to see His face between steel bars

and raise my hands beneath His stars

to water hearts resolving drought

and whisper love dissolving doubt

but never have I felt so fine

as when He poured me lovers wine

for when I held His sacrifice

I knew then love was worth the price

~Moses Apollo

Senator John McCain...

Yeah...we're human after all...and I'm glad

I write tonight with a bit of a heavy heart.  I read tonight that Senator John McCain has brain cancer and it has left me a bit conflicted at heart and I can assure you that it's not an evil thing.  It's a human thing...as usual.  Now most of you know that on my blog I try to stay clear of politics because I believe that politics has very little to do with life as I define it in its purity.  I see the necessity to know its inner workings in the same way that I believe everyone should know the inner workings of the car they drive lest a mechanic should cheat them on repairs.  I saw this need very young when I saw how politicians would use the media to shift and twist morality to meet an agenda that had more to do with their acquisition of power than with the prosperity of the nation they were called to serve.  So I became a student of politics.  Not just in terms of policy but more importantly...in its physcology.  I saw how quickly if allowed, it could dominate every corner of one's life and that this drive was part of an evil as old as Hell itself.  Causing enmity among hunkered down groups of thought and driving wedges between family, friends and lovers.  To mitigate this evil, I understood that in the same way you park your car and get out to tend to the day...so it must be with politics.  So even though my views are reasoned and sure, this blog, my writings and my life focused and will always focus more on what matters most...true life, true love and real purpose.

So on this night, I write a bit heavy because I have not agreed with many of the positions John McCain held.  In fact I was angered by many things he's said and done.  I can also say that there are also some vets that have spoken out against him but thankfully, this part of my thought process fits in the glove compartment of my car.  The part of me that I have chosen to preserve and cultivate can still see a man that inspired many.  I still see a man that enlisted to serve this nation that I love so very much.  I still see a man with a heart of steel that fought for what he believed in...even when I thought he was wrong.  Yet most of all, I see a man with a family that loves him and I could only imagine what they are feeling right now.  So tonight I step outside my car and park it far from my sight to honor him for his bravery, for his service and for the testimony left by those that love him and grieve knowing the challenges they are soon to face.  I do ask that God give his family the strength they will need to endure what they must and that if these should be his final days, that he would spend his days with them...doing what matters most.  Loving, laughing and living...

As every day meets a night and as every sun is made to set...so it shall be for every man that has served with distinction.  The time will come to rest after the days have drawn their close to take the time to celebrate the life they have lived.  It is not death...it is just an acknowledgment of the life lived by great men such as these.

In these coming days, I can see a beautiful wave on the horizon...a wave that no amount of political maneuvering or narrative driven effort will be able to prevent.  Most times a wave represents a trial but not this time...as this wave is a wave that brings with it needful water.  An end to the longest drought this nation has ever experienced.  Those with "ears to hear and eyes to see" will understand what I mean and I can say that in his own way...Senator John McCain brought us one step closer to this new reality.  May God bless John McCain and his family.  That God would grant his family strength and grace him more time to make new memories with those he loves.  Much love...I'm out

~Moses   

Trees Acclaim - A Poem by Moe

"...they say we're crazy..."

oh what a great and awesome find

when truth makes way from heart to mind

to travel passions wildest throws

and land in spaces where one knows

that what is wild and grown from flame

was pointed towards a reasoned aim

and once flame settles purposed cause

it now sees worth to great applause

foundations are as fertile ground

to plant the seeds of what is sound

and grow the trees that bear the fruit

that feeds the branch from wisdom's root

though branches shift by life it seems

they all make sense like steady streams

and if they ask from whence it came

it's fruit will boast of trees acclaim

~Moses Apollo

Pebbles In A Pond...

"...not my will but Yours be done..."

So many people have the misconception that the only thing that can make a difference is the big splash.  I can recall many times in my life where I've been blessed to see the tiny inception of a deed or the sharing of an idea make it's way to unintended areas where it's real impact was felt.  This song was chosen from a huge selection of Maranatha worship songs.  Our choir director thought it'd be nice to sing it as an anthem and I was picked as lead vocal.  We sang it in a few spanish eastern district events and people began asking I sing it acapella.  It made it's way through the district channels and finally landed on Donnie McClurkin's album.  Our choir director had no inclination that it would go far as it did...neither did Maranatha.  We Christian teens just wanted to worship our God.  In the end, that song brought joy to so many souls and I am blessed to have been a part of that.

You never know how far a thing will go...especially when it's done without the thought of largess.  A hug, a hello or a small word of wisdom will go where it's needed and you may never know how far it went.  Small deeds and short words are never really small or short.  If you know this then you come to understand that every piece in your puzzled journey has a place.  Things matter more than we know and knowing this is living a life of significance.  Understand the wisdom in this and like the pebble in a pond that inspires ripples towards an end...start playing the role you were meant to...much love...

~Moses

My Weighty Wealth - A Poem by Moe

"I was lightning...before the thunder..."

oh look at me, you think you know

which way this beastly man does flow

your eyes divine simplistic grunt

whose ways seek out what prey to hunt

but you don't know the meat and sheen

that flows in depths not often seen

look past the eyes, dispel the type

that lesser men have sought to hype

this outer man to me is home

reflective of my inner Rome

rich substance keeps in brutish stealth

till worth unlocks my weighty wealth  

~Moses Apollo 

Where The Fool Finds Worth...

"...life is short, I wanna live it well..."

I've shared many times on this blog that I consider myself a proud fool.  The fool is consciously blind to dangers when it comes to surrendered trust, vulnerability and passion.  He is reckless and brave to a fault.  Virtues that can easily turn to vices when misdirected.  Yes, I am that fool but I can also attest that I have become a wise fool.  Allow me to explain the difference.  A fool sees the possibility of danger but decides to jump anyway.  The wise fool takes stock in his experience and decides if the fall is worth the danger.  Seasoned pain, hurt and mistrust can jade the soul into believing safety is all but although a safe life is in most cases a wise life, there are moments one can miss when the risk is worth the reward and safety is chosen instead.  So then, how does one become a wise fool?

Folks, there are way too many fools in this world that use the term "you only live once" to justify stupidity and the young taste the sour of this drink on most occasions.  A wise fool becomes wise by learning from their mistakes and understanding that only meat is worth a jump.  Once they learn to find the meat of life, they will eventually be able to distinguish between what is worth being "stupid" for and what is not.  These days I can tell you there's not much meat left in this world but if you reserve the fool in you for the slim chance that you are graced to find it...you will be rewarded with a greatness you've seldom known as the reward of such a find is worth it's weight in gold.

The fool in love will fall for souls that may bring chaos and uncertainty.  They will surrender their heart with abandon only to find disappointment and pain.  Their choices can have the ability to jade their hearts to the point that their selection process will begin to resemble a bunch of thought out surface checklists on an empty page.  The problem?  They come to find their minds at ease while their hearts remain unfulfilled.  These will usually find contentment but can easily be pulled away for reckless encounters devoid of substance and value.  The ones that lead with the heart and passion will always be torn between what they want and what they need.  They can find the lover but that lover may never become someone worthy to be called "partner".  The seasoned know what they have over time and only surrender after sufficient evidence has been presented to them that lets them know "it's ok to be a fool here".  The same can be said for those that invest time, money and passion into ventures and endeavors that may or may not produce success.  So in this, there is an all encompassing wisdom...

Time my people...time.  It seems these days no one is willing to take that time to learn who and what is worth their complete surrender.  They "YOLO" their lives away along with whoever they carry with them without thought of consequence or direction.  These are the fools that have been seasoned to know better...but decide in error to try and relive their youth.  Folks, you don't have to be an unseasoned fool to relive your youth.  You just have to use your earned judgement to know what is worth being a fool for.  The young do not have the benefit of experience so it behooves them to fail because it is in failure that they learn the lessons we take great pains to preserve.  Never take all that you have for granted for unweighted foolishness.  On the other side of this pendulum, I've also seen the seasoned play it safe to the point where experience proves too costly to take any chances at all. They give up on learning anything new, starting a new career or taking up a worthy cause.  So long as you have life...live it but live it well.  Use all the God-given wisdom afforded you and jump when you find it worthy.  I will admit that some decisions may be time sensitive but for a wise fool to consider such a thing the reward must be something tangible that can outweigh the risk and I would highly recommend a precautionary parachute...

I knew a young man that fell in love and decided to marry for passion even though there was much chaos in the relationship he chose.  He was young but had the ability to learn quickly from his errors as he was brutally honest and introspective to a fault.  He saw something deeper than the chaos so he did his best to understand himself, to understand the object of his love and by extension...to understand the chaos.  He learned to master the waves that had his marriage close to capsizing.  His need for safety fought his fool until he saw the value of what he had was worthy of his fullness.  The fights became arguments and the arguments became conversations.  His marriage and the object of his love was found worthy of his fool.  Two fools finally became one and lasted 17 years that way. Although the marriage ran its course with a mutual understanding, his family has and will always keep his fool as there is no peril he will not brave for them.  In wisdom...he kept his fool.  He understood its value in this mechanized world where now, even what's deemed "safe" can be wrought with stupidity.  The fool has value but wise fool will always be priceless.  God will always bless the place wherein the fool finds worth...much love...

~Moses Apollo