All By Love...

To stand upon a wave of purposed time is to sail by way of only your feet. To see the glimpses of a future you did not expect to see. Where all that was thrown and tossed aside somehow survives in a panoramic view as yet unrealized. For a love and hope long-suffered that was never meant to return void. For all that lives, once touched, shall be touched again, seen again... and come to be known again. Yet now, falling into spaces that were set aside for them from the beginning towards a beautiful end. My love, there is no road without loss and pain. None worthy of life and love that did not see moments of failure... rising, struggle... and redemption. Only to gain and steady in the end. Embrace and kiss the heart that holds true. Without malice, greed or need of ownership. Rest in the open hand that true love affords. Surrender to the hope breath has ever so softly inspired... it's ok...

Some by air, some by fire. All by love...

~moses apollo

This Time...

 

I think about her all the time
She's my fantasy
An image burnin' in my mind

Callin' out to me
While my imagination's runnin' wild
Yeah, things are getting clearer, oh oh

This time everything is alright
No way she's gonna get away
This time everything is easy
Any day, I'm gonna make her mine
I've thought of every word I'd say

Give or take a few
But she turns and slowly walks away
What do I have to do
Hey, turnin up your radio
Oh, there's somethin' I want you to know, yeah
This time everything is alright

No way she's gonna get away

This time everything is easy

Any day, I'm gonna make her mine
Yeah I'm gonna make her mine, this time
It's hard to take 'cause she's miles away
And I've waited a long time
But the feelin's right, darlin' one of these nights

Yeah, I'm gonna let you know, oh oh
This time everything is alright
No way she's gonna get away
This time everything is easy
Any day, I'm gonna make her mine
This time everything is alright
No way she's gonna get away
This time everything is easy
Any day, I'm gonna make her mine
Yeah I'm gonna make her mine, oh yeah
This time...

~Bryan Adams

The Longer Road...

This entry is mainly for me to organize certain thoughts. Trying to articulate what the hell has been going on with me. If it seems a bit disjointed... just disregard that.

There have been internal physical issues that I've been dealing with for years. For the most part, I saw these things as a nuisance. The problem has been that they seldom "hit" but when they do "hit"... they hit hard enough to become disruptive and since my heart situation has yielded impressive results, I've decided to knock these out as well. Since then, my research has taken me to notice a few things I've not heard come out of anyone's mouth. I hear A LOT about age related decline and "winding down". Except that for me... it's as though people are trying to convince me of it as opposed to actually feeling it or in my case... even looking the part. What I DON'T hear? Maybe we are meant to evolve as opposed to simply shutting down.

In my research, I found that my taking care of these nuisances would actually enhance abilities in me that I never even considered. I won't mention what they are but I can assure you that "improvement" wasn't something I was even looking at. Fixing these nuisances apparently have interesting secondary benefits I just recently became aware of. You see, most people have decided to "live with" such things as though it were a fact of life when in reality... we were literally meant to continue to improve beyond what everyone thinks are the cut-off points of "youth". My research has brought me to the conclusion that to "live with" certain health issues may actually be cutting off your ultimate potential in other areas and for me, that simply won't do. What do I mean? One example I can point to is training. Most of my life I trained my bodyparts 3 times a week for a certain result. To do this now is possible but I noticed a few years ago, it began yielding diminishing returns. I then decided to pull back to training bodyparts 2 times a week and saw myself yielding better results WITHOUT the diminishing returns. "Well that just means you have to slow down!!" Yes & no... to put it like that denotes a deficiency when what it actually means is that my body has matured in its' ability to maintain an above average baseline of muscle without as much effort as it took to get there. What does this mean for "life"? It means less time & energy spent on training which in turn means more time to "live" & improve in other areas. 

To illustrate what I mean, consider the fact that the master swordsman expends way less energy than an intermediate swordsman would. Why? His muscle memory instinctively guides his basic movement to attack and parry against the more complex/flashy movement most unseasoned swordsmen would bring to the table. He "wins" with less effort. Not because he must or because he is weaker now but because he has evolved into his "best". To attempt to go beyond that would be detrimental to how far he's come via diminishing returns. Again... "mindset" is EVERYTHING. To believe that this is "winding down" is a fallacy. What this is really... is evolution and I intend to ride this wave as far as it takes me. If I thought I was "good" at something... I intend to become "great" at it. THAT is my road. I can already see it happening but I must accept that it is so. To understand me is to accept that I am a man that challenges the status quo in my heart of hearts from the standpoint of "how does this affect me?". I don't want to be different to be seen as edgy or to be seen at all. I just know that most of our zeitgeist carries ideas that are incomplete or straight out false. I just want to live out TRUTH. Deeper than "my truth" or this or that truth. Beyond conspiracy theory or conjecture. THE truth you feel me? The one that peels back all the layers of bullsh*t laid on thick that were meant to shield us from discomfort or even growth. I know that only in this... can we ever hope to meet our next level best.

The question that I've not tackled yet is a bit more profound. If I'm right about this and the physical has and always will work the same as our innermost, what does that say about emotional maturity? Do emotions evolve the same way? My soulish heart feels heavy at times. Overworked, used and sometimes exhausted from "feeling" so much. I've wanted to "shut down" many times but refuse to as that would diminish all I truly am. So what's the answer? What I know is that the answer is NOT "winding down". The answer might be akin to accepting the emotional logic learned at master levels while exploring those emotionally unchecked areas that arise without allowing them to disrupt all I've built (if I could help it). This way, we should continue to evolve without ever "checking out". Learning to center and focus passion. All while increasing the passion for that which we're focused on. Sounds right but it's all questions at this point of my introspection. I know I'll get clarity soon enough. It's a process baby!! I'm out...

~moses apollo

Read Me...

Read me... 

And feed me with your beautiful smile. Love me with your heartfelt sigh. Kiss me with your eyes closed. Embrace me with a sweet-like chuckle... and with the way you try so hard to hold in your satisfaction when I can't stop smiling at the thought of you. As I breathe out my love for you on digital pages... feel me. As I see you loving me between the musical notes of beautifully inspired song... dance for me. Let me know by inner reach that it means something to you that you can still fill these pages by your existence alone. Let me know that you love more than just the idea of me. That I am more than just a fantasy... that these words are life to you. That you see me for all that I am... and still love me...

Because then and only then... will I be permitted to finally prove you right...

~moses apollo  

Thoughts In Panorama...

Thoughts in panorama invade my mind like an unannounced visitor popping in. Images articulating us... doing what we want. No guessing game. No one person initiating anything... just taking each other like two people finally getting to have a meal after not having eaten in weeks. Except this time... we were standing. Who got the wall depended on what we were doing... and we were hungry. You leaning on me... me leaning on you. Hard makin out, writhin on each other with aims to cum. Coats on the floor with no thought of what fell next. Not caring that someone could show up at any moment at our secluded (but public) spot. As usual... something special... and nice. Had to shake that sh*t off. Way too much on my plate to entertain it... it was fun though.

Now some of you new cats will read this and other pieces I've written and naturally mistake this as being about "lust" and me just wanting to just "get off" when the reality is... to me this means so much more. To see this as nothing but a selfish need from a man you've read enough to know wants more is simply a projection of what you've never truly had or experienced yourself. Besides, I am in no way a "hard up" man. To say so is not bragging. It just is as it is. I just want more than most "need" because sexual "need" for me... doesn't mean a damn thing. 

For me... sexual intimacy with one you're connected with is more than just a physical endeavor. It is a heart endeavor. When understood correctly, it is a deep expression of love manifested as a type of worship (worth-ship). A moments' surrender of not just the body... but of the mind and heart as well. It's like floating in an ocean... where the water is just right. When in love?... my soul is in the flow. There are even times, when the heightened energy flow is so strong, that even my own orgasm doesn't really matter as much. So long as she is pleasured, I'm more than good. I know it's hard to believe but it's absolutely true. You see, this all started when I began my studies to become a better lover for my then wife. Up till then, it was all about satiating lust but when I began to learn how much more it was actually meant to be... I endeavored to experience it firsthand and experiencing it means only wanting it more. It became more about giving pleasure as an act of love than about solely receiving pleasure as a man. So many things came into clarity and practice: The idea that foreplay begins long before you touch her. The truth behind an empathetic touch that have you studying the beauty of her movements. Even the "tell" in the linger of a kiss... all poetry come to life. The proportional balance of the masculine/feminine energy of my manhood became crystalized in not just the act, but in the way I saw my lover as well. Lessening all that came before... and bettering all that would come since. All through subtleties that eventually become so unique to you, they can never be articulated... only beautifully revealed. 

Yeah, it is funny how much more you could become when you're looking to become self-less for the one you love and for this... I am grateful. Although now... it's become my way and even though it makes me extremely picky, I wouldn't change a thing. Does this mean that every time is gonna be a flight risk? No, after that experience, there is a spectrum of sexual satisfaction you can have with your lover. Clean, dirty, marathons, quickies... you run the damn gamut. It just becomes way freer. More organic... even in those moments requiring a schedule lol Anyway... glean what you can my beautiful people. I'm out...

~moses apollo 

My Short Reminders...

"remember..."

First: shut up, listen and observe those you're unsure about. Watch how they treat people that can do nothing for them. Never commit to invest any energy (good or bad... maintain indifference) until you know for sure. Just be mindful to take notice if they are being "kind" for your benefit. Some know when they are being "seen". I've written this one out before but for some reason... I perceive it requires repeating. 

Secondly and this is a BIG one: When the "powers that be" cannot convince you (or the civilized) to do evil for the sake of evil, be mindful when they try to get you to do evil for the sake of "good". Always reason out your newfound "cause". Ask yourself what the endgame is of those championing it. Then ask yourself; if they had not presented it in a way that got you to jump on (appealing to your sense of fairness, "justice" or passion) board... would you support their endgame? If not?... Jump off & quickly change your mindset. Never allow anything or anyone to provide justification for evil under the guise of "fighting injustice". You are fooling yourself if you think you're doing any good. I've seen too many "good" people get swept away by mobs droning for things they would never in a million years normally accept for the sake of being on a "right side of history" defined by manipulators and liars.

Lastly but most definitely not least: Remain honorable to who you are. Beautiful with eyes wide open, strong yes, but soft in all the right places, loyal to what is worthy of it, caring to those you love, hopeful to a fault, faithful to what is true... and passionate for the salt of life. All the wonderful things that make for a good man or woman. Always remember that although value is measured by money and "stuff" today, that such things are an illusion. They can and are often used as a mask to hide insecurities... or even evils. Stay mindful that value is in fact measured by wealth but that the only wealth that carries the most weight... is of the soul. The richness of all that you are is what keeps you loving, kind and forgiving. Even in the midst of pain. Remember this as your circumstances improve. Hold this to heart. Make it a daily insistence to become greater than you are. Beyond anything you can own... NOTHING will outdo a beautiful soul. Remember that my beautiful, phenomenal, pretty people. Much love... I'm out.

~moses apollo

Can You?...

 

"Sunny days... everybody loves them. Tell me baby; can you stand the rain?"

On a perfect day, I know that I can count on you

When that's not possible

Tell me can you weather the storm?

'Cause I need somebody who will stand by me

Through the good times and bad times

She will always, always be right there

Sunny days, everybody loves them

Tell me, baby, can you stand the rain?

Storms will come

This we know for sure (this we know for sure)

Can you stand the rain?

Love unconditional, I'm not asking just of you

And girl to make it last

I'll do whatever needs to be done

But I need somebody

Who will stand by me (yeah)

When it's tough, she won't run

She will always, be right there for me

Sunny days, everybody loves them, tell me, baby

Can you stand the rain? (Can you stand it?)

Storms will come (I know, I know all the days won't be perfect)

This we know for sure (but tell me can you stand it)

Can you stand the rain? (Can you stand the rain?)

Can you stand the rain? (Can you stand the rain?)

Can you stand the rain? (No pressure, no pressure from me, baby)

This we know for sure

Can you stand the rain? ('Cause I want you, and I need you, and I love you, girl)

(Tell me, baby)

Can you stand the rain? (Will you be there for me?)

Come on, baby, let's go get wet

Can you stand the rain? (Can you stand the rain?)

Can you stand the rain? (Will you be there, girl?)

Can you stand the rain? (Storms will come for sure)

Can you stand the rain? (Can you stand the rain?)

Can you stand the rain? (This we know for sure)

Can you stand the rain?

Can you stand the rain? (This we know for sure)

Can you stand the rain?

Can you stand the rain? (This we know for sure)

Can you stand the rain?

Can you stand the rain?

Yeah, it's kinda, but I know, I know I'll be right there

(Can you stand the rain?)

Yeah, yeah, yeah

~New Edition

In My Life...

"In my life... I love you more..."

Logistics phase has arrived and I'll admit to being a bit befuddled. I thought I knew what to do but I didn't expect it to be this complicated. Although the outlines are slowly taking shape. It's funny because you can see a middle and sometimes an end but what you seldom see... is how you get there. And more than this... I've come to the realization that (like with so many other things) I alone have seen it all along. I thought a few others shared my vision but to see some get excited now like it was never really true for them TILL now is cool... but a bit of an eye opener. Am I surprised? Not that much. I've already learned that lesson so believe me it's cool. It's just that I have seen where it will be both bittersweet and sweet... both scary and exciting and how at some point... an order of divine freedom will abound. That easy take on life and love that I've been longing for will be mine. What is unclear is with who and where but that might just be the exciting part... finding out :-) I rule nothing out because I know how things can easily go. Something new can arise out of nowhere and what you think has gone can somehow return. Though uncertain... everything is on the table... 

Yet in all this uncertainty... one thing remains certain. What I spoke in my last post to that one particular person (sorry if you all didn't understand that) remains applicable to all those I have loved and promised to be there for. Yes... I need to rest but duty and love... is duty and love. I can not fail in this regard. Yes, that even applies to those that think we're on the "outs"... I'm not petty like that. I think I've proven that much throughout the years but I digress. Been through the ringer these past few months and that is the best indication of one thing: "where sin (evil, trial, testing) abounds... grace (blessings, promise, fulfillment) abounds even more". The greater the test, the greater the blessing that follows. Which means, that for me... "life" is about to begin renewed. I am more than ok with that ;-) 

For those that have wondered about me that have made their way onto the heaviness of my heart... rest assured that I am ok. Turns out that the speed of my recovery may have triggered a flutter that required a procedure be done on my heart. Oddly enough? It feels like I'm "enhanced" in some way. Very hard to explain and I don't think most understand when I try to so... I just won't lol It just feels "different". I actually had to sit with it for awhile before accepting some things about it. It's like attaining the ability to fly but deciding to walk instead. Until I understand it better... I'm walkin just fine. So now, I'm on to things I've been neglecting. It's about time I iron out all my other wrinkles of health I've ignored for far too long. I've got a journey ahead of me that I can not afford to half-step.

So folks, if there is anything I'd like you to glean from this rambling update it's this: Prepare yourselves for change. A shift is coming. A shift in the form of a fork is about to take place (find out what that means). Bring up your health, keep tabs on those you love and study the "weather patterns" as they shift. I'm out my loves... be at peace. My love ever goes with you...

~moses apollo

Lookin For Moses...

"Baby, I can feel your halo. Pray it won't fade away..."

Hey you!! It's been years since we last spoke... welcome. I remember when you once asked me "How do you do that?" Well, consider this no different. Except now... the dial has been turned up to eight from what was once a four and I believe you've sought me out to either ask me a question you think only I can answer or you just want to know if you can still hear my voice as you once did. The answer to the latter will always be "yes" but given your circumstance and due to my care in wanting to remain respectful, I cannot be the one to reach out as you already know but in this, my space... I can write as I please. You're just a reader that "came by here honestly" ;-)

I made a promise to always be there if you needed me. Know that this gladly and dutifully still stands true and always will. As to your question, I perceive the answer is one you already have the answer to but may simply be asking me to validate it in which case... I've already answered it ;-) You know what you need to do and I trust you will do as you must. Knowing the truth and acting on it honorably is two different things. Sweeping things under the rug does no one any good as that is an act of dishonoring the truth by living a lie. Settle what you must and live out life honorably darlin. Your heart will thank you for it... trust me :-)

If ever you need me for anything... let me know. My number has changed since we last spoke but my email remains the same. I'm not on social media outside of Twitter (now X ugh) as moeapollo. MUCH has happened (both good and bad) and much has changed but thankfully... I've only advanced in the midst of it all. If things go as I see them going... this month will be interesting to say the least. Hope to hear from you someday. Stay blessed darlin...

~moses apollo