The Art of The Nudge...

"...Spread the love like fire. Hope will fall like rain. When you speak life with the words you say..."

I know this man that went to court ordered rehab for 8 months. An 8 months he can without a doubt call "life changing". What he did is of no consequence but I can say his sentence was intended for someone he would lay his life down for without hesitation. He fought taking the deal every step of the way but since Rikers was not an option he could accept, he took the deal. Group sessions were 5 days a week in a room with people he would never had known had it not been for the program. People from every walk of life imaginable sat and told their stories. A moment in the day, a court situation or a relationship problem. Mostly though, it was about how they couldn't understand these new emotions that had been anesthetized for years. Things as simple as a joyful moment that induced tears were oddities to them. It was as though they were becoming someone else when the truth was they were just waking up from a dead zone into the complexities of their humanity. Something they were truly unaware they had stifled. At first the man rarely shared much...that is until he heard a story he felt he had an answer for...

You see there was a man speaking about how he felt he was not the father he should be. He cried that day like a baby about letting his child down. He had "used" on a day he was supposed to see his son and when he realized he had failed him...his guilt was too much for him to bear. After the session, our reluctant speaker spoke some words to him alone. He didn't think anything of it. The next day at group the man stood up in group and told everyone that our reluctant speaker had said something to him that changed his mind about something he was going to do later that day. You see he admitted that he was about to take his own life but had decided to live on for himself and his children after their talk. Our reluctant speaker sat in his chair...heavy, with all eyes on him. He had no idea what he had said could have changed this man's mind because what he said was so simple...so small. It was then he understood that no word is measured by length or flair. It's only measured by the significance of the listener...or the reader. 

He had done things like that before but had yet to do so in group. At times, he had taken strangers aside to give them a word of encouragement. Sometimes he'd call a friend, send a text or an inbox message with a word or two they would never have gotten otherwise. All without fanfare or praise. All without recognition. He actually felt recognition would nullify the selfless act. Yet it was in this group setting that he learned to listen to this thing he called a "nudge". It's just a little push one feels to give someone a word, a handshake, a text or an inbox without requesting anything in return. He's experienced it before but the program afforded him daily practice to know when it's just an exercise in vanity...or truly a "nudge". Since then, he's been engaging more...without fear. 

Now some may not understand it and think you strange. Others will question your motive and some...may actually thank you or say nothing at all. NONE of that matters because the truth is if you "obey" that "nudge", you have the chance at changing the course of someone's day...or even their life. Now to those that scoff at such a thing. Understand this and let it seep into your soul: The power of the word has long been forgotten due to the overused phrase "actions speak louder than words". Of that phrase, I will say this: Take a knife and slice your hand; now, recall something someone told you that was personally hurtful. Your hand will heal...yet that statement you just recalled still hurts as much as the day it was said to you...

The art of the nudge has the ability to speak grace within the soul of another and there is nothing more beautiful than God's inclination to reveal the true worth of every soul. He "said" and it was done. He gave us this gift to express...do so and do so more often. Never underestimate the power of the word. Respect it. Honor it. Use it to build...never to destroy. Learn to heed it's path. Learn to heed it's push...you may just save a life. Much love... 

~Moses

King Saul - A Poem by Moe

"...Is this the New Year or just another night? Is this the new fear or just another fright? Is this the new tear or just another desperation?..."

come see this house you made

it once stood fast and strong

with God's protective shade

He kept out every wrong

but men sought claim to reign

in rooms that had no king

and now they make it plain

that all should fear their sting

what God had sought to shield

has lost its purposed call

with weakness now revealed

this house shall surely fall

~moses apollo

1 Samuel 17:47

"And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give you into our hands."

Introspections Reward...

"If I could you know I would...let it go"

I have found no better investment than the investment into pure unadulterated brutal truth. The kind that makes me question my self. The kind that breaks me into a thousand pieces I must now pick up and examine. It tries my faith, my mind and my soul. It lets me know that I can't hate another over things I have done in my own mind. It forces me to be honest about my wants and my needs. It forces me into vantage points I might never have examined. It helps me see the "why" behind the "what" and more than anything else...it forces me to be a better man in places where no one else will ever know about.

Such a thing creates a conscience one will at times despise because abiding it's call...can keep you from taking what you know you shouldn't have but desperately want. It's a hard way to live at times but it's worth it. If you know the innermost truth of all the good, the bad and the ugly you are, you can see it in others at the drop of a dime. You know why some are brash. You know why some are cocky. You know why some have self-imposed limits and why some have none. You empathize to the point of seeing greatness they can't even see in themselves. The "gift" of empathy is a by-product of brutal introspection and when I call it a gift...that is no exaggeration.

I don't care if you're on the right or the left. If we agree on everything or not. My list of acquaintances runs through the pendulums extremes and it's not because I'm better than you. It's just because I'm honest about who I really am. This sainted sinner is filled with the most eclectic puzzle pieces you could ever imagine and I see those pieces in almost everyone I come in contact with. Something I would never have seen without brutal introspection. That...is a blessing to me. So before the year is out, do your best to spend some time in front of the mirror. Examine yourself beyond what you or anyone else can see. You might find unsettled pain that still needs tending or might find something beautiful you have yet to see. You may come to understand why your friends mean as much to you as they do and you may also see the face of an enemy looking back at you that you now know can no longer be labeled as such. In this...there is peace. Much love me gente...

~Moses 

The "What If" Fallacy...

"...Sometimes darkness can show you the light..."

There are too many questions that oftentimes torment the minds of men into stifling stagnation. A state that if prolonged can disease a soul into a depressive nothingness. For this cause...I write tonight to provide two examples as to why "what if..." is a useless endeavor.

David was a King ordained by God. Blessed with victories in battle and the love of his people. His concubine could satiate the appetite of the most lustful man one could ever imagine knowing. Through him...God would bring about His greatest work. Through his line...Yeshua Hamashiach (Jesus the Christ) would be born into the world. Yet with all these blessings, David took a stroll one night to entertain his idle mind and began something that had the potential to destroy both him and his kingdom. He saw a beautiful woman named Bathsheba bathing on a rooftop. He decided to summon her and sleep with her even though she was married to one of his most faithful soldiers. Making matters worse, Bathsheba would soon find out she was pregnant. To cover his disgrace, he told Uriah, her husband, to sleep with her because he'd been away so long but this faithful man did not leave his post due to the love he had for his King. David decided on another course of action since the initial attempt at a cover-up didn't work. He sent Uriah to his death by making sure he was on the front lines of the battlefield. After Uriah's death, David took Bathsheba for his wife and the child she was carrying died shortly after being born. Yet as disgraceful as this was, her next child would be known as the wisest King Israel had ever known. Furthermore, through his lineage...Jesus the Christ would be born. Why? God had a plan...

Fast forward to 1509. King Henry VIII was crowned King of England after the death of his father. He would come to marry Catherine of Aragon only to annul their marriage after falling in love with Anne Boleyn. His marriage to Anne Boleyn almost destroyed England and in time, he would sentence her to death on the trumped up charge of witchcraft. Yet before her death, they were blessed with a daughter named Elizabeth. A woman whose tenure as Queen would soon oversee one of the greatest periods England has ever known. They deemed her reign "The Golden Age". So after all the shadyness and grief his marriage to Anne Boleyn produced, it also produced an heir that is revered even to this day. Why? God had a plan...

Now what if David has shown self-control on that rooftop? There would be no Soloman. What if King Henry had decided to stay faithful to Queen Catherine? There would be no Elizabeth. How many times have you posed the "what if..." question in retrospect? Ruminating on past failures that you truly believed may have derailed your destiny and/or purpose. Folks, in all my years on this earth, I have faced what I considered many failures I felt may have ruined my purpose...only to find myself farther along on my destined path. Acknowledging this has allowed me to understand that sometimes failure is part of a universal plan that is set aside for each and every one of us. Propelling us on a purposed road that God has set us on. A road that takes into account every failure we've had or will ever have in the future before it's even laid out before us.

So take a minute and look back on your life and take stock. Lay all regret by the wayside and deem all the "what if..." questions useless exercises unworthy of holding space within your hearts and minds. It doesn't matter how old you are or what office you officiate. Understand that all the mistakes you've made have served a purpose beyond your comprehension and if you can't see past the mistakes you've made then you will never come to fully understand the necessary place they've held within the book that house the chapters of your life. Open your eyes and seek comfort accepting a truth: That so long as you decide to live on...your purpose will always live on as well...I'm out

~Moses

This Thing Called Love - A Poem by Moe

"...still believe the best is yet to come..."

for softened hearts, excessive pain 

through crystal skies, torrential rain

a hearty gift this holy grace

that sees on past your beauty's face

this flow of breath that billows sweet

to bless the hearts conjoined to meet

a touch that holds when life is spent

and lasts in spite of life's descent

for none can break a thing that's made

from bits and pieces life has weighed

none greater thing came from above

that roots all hope, this thing called love

~moses 

Such Is The Ride...

"...I know that spittin's a bad habit but I can't help the taste..."

The most beautifully complex rollercoaster you've ever seen. Invested in your immersion. Ridden to satiation. Evaluated for elevation. Satiated...you gaze mesmerized the first few times but after awhile, you know you've seen enough so you no longer bother watchin. You're now more interested in the folks gettin on...and those gettin off. You peg em as soon as you see em. Who's gonna scream and who's gonna cry. Who's gonna hold on for dear life and who's gonna raise their hands in abandon. Who's playin tough and who's fakin weak. You watch them to see if anyone can make the ride interesting again. In between them gettin on and gettin off? Well...unless something interesting shows up...you got shit to do. 

Such is "the ride"...

~Apollo

Till Day Becometh You - A Poem by Moe

within this world of holy breath

now quickened is my soul

in this imparted temporal death

my power is made whole

here opened panoramic scale

is mine for sighted gain

till sword is found beyond the veil

that's broken every chain

for earthen lonely narrowed sight

hides most of beauty's view

find greatness here beyond the night

till day becometh you

~moses

Perspective...

"...this is a place where I don't feel alone..."

It's been close to one year that this man lost his wife to cancer.  As a testament to enduring life and love, today...he and his kids celebrated her birthday and with his permission, I share this now.  It is one of the most moving things I've ever read for many different reasons...yet one thing stands out more than any other.  Perspective is a powerful cure to many ailments...

"Last year we celebrated your birthday at Vic and Anthony’s restaurant in Atlantic City. The meal was delicious, our table was next to Jackie Ward trauma/PACU RN, the weather was bitter cold, we then walked around Borgata casino because we loved to people watch. It would be our last official date and this our last picture taken together. If we could go back to last year and you told me I have one week left with you, I wouldn’t have taken a bite of that meal. I would’ve stayed awake every minute of every day just to cherish what precious little time was left. You could’ve crash- course taught me to speak Spanish or better yet you could’ve taught me how to cook. Instead I’ve spent the last year looking at photos but mostly watching all the home movies of us at the beach, you teaching the boys salsa, birthdays and holiday get-togethers, Ocean City Maryland footage ad nauseum. Today we went to Cherry Hill Mall (but didn’t see Santa like we typically did) but oddly enough I had coins to toss into the fountains to make a wish (past 3 or 4 years - no coins) and your memory was mentioned frequently. We got a big tree and small tree at Lowe’s and I cried right there because it hit me; over 12 years since I bought a tree on my own. We sang Happy Birthday to you and had cupcakes but intentionally no candles. Then we each wrote you a little note on 3 separate balloons and released them so you can read them in Heaven or use them for your party up there. Jaxson took today very hard, the most I’ve seen him cry since he was a baby. And now the day is over, another ‘first’ for me is in the books, but to hear your voice on the home it still seems like you just went out to the store and will be right back. We will never forget about today and what it represents. I look at this picture and I still can’t believe how my life changed just 7 days after this was taken. You are loved and missed more than you’ll ever know. Happy Birthday Diana..." 

I know the world is a big place but never allow the smaller the world that is you and your loved ones take a back seat to it.  Make an honest assessment of your life and take stock at how good of a friend you've been, how much you've invested as a spouse or how much love and guidance you've shown as a parent. In the end...these are the things we will be remembered for which is why your smaller world carries so much weight.  Live life and love...and live them well.  Much love...

~Moses

Miles Of Ease - A Word by Moe

New York night like any other has me Miles away from where I'm sittin.  Holdin on to fallen satellites like shooting stars I'm blessed to catch.  Dreams unknown to me I get to breath back into souls that shared a moment inside an open hand.  Lovers lost and found and lost again.  Loving eyes and lips that speak to me in beautiful memories housed inside my soul re-igniting something...anything but still..."something". 

Clings to me closer than my skin...calcified in bone.  Enduring life, loss and pain to still be able to witness the glory of God in the soul of something sweeter than me.  Better than all I see in the mirror.  That sounds sweeter than any sound this earth can produce.  A frequency known only to those in tune with all that's majestic.  Electric and eclectic in spirit.  The fantastic made real in a moment of ecstasy you will never forget.  It has a heartbeat all it's own. 

If you know what I'm talkin about...you can hear it even now.  Whispered, it crawls on your skin...hinting at the sweet spots.  Flowing like holy water...intensified by surrender.  Teasin the mind I find in kind...easy.  This one's from me...

~Moses Apollo  

Drug Of Choice - A Poem by Moe

He said "easy..."

my drug of choice is kind to me

this hungry soul that sets me free

my solemn grasp of stable rage

exploding on a purposed stage

where unseen canvas colors churn

inside a beautys passion burn

and I am formed to set ablaze

that crazy twisted hungry phase

that cry for more from nightly moon

imbued by comley breaths that swoon

till overtaken comes for me

and I am lost in beauty's sea

~Moses Apollo

As Cripples Do - A Poem by Moe

"...after you've done all you can...stand..."

my soul has felt the lash of whip

till inner skin has shed 

for pieces fallen lost their grip

now pavement marks them dead

these pieces lost held on too long

to fuel a bitter life

but bitter minds see only wrong  

and cause internal strife

and though I walk as cripples do

Im stronger than before

for battles win the morning dew

till I have won the war

~Moses