So apparently I fit into two new nifty categories!! I'm a Sigma male that practices ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy). Before I begin, two quick statements on that if I may: "f*ck you" and "f*ck off!!" lol
Once again the Intermittent Fasting situation I went through years back rears its ugly ass head. Folks, I practiced IF for YEARS and got so much sh*t about it ("it's not 6 meals!!!"), it was unreal. Since it acquired it's nifty name in books of dietary rules... everybody that did it became an innovator. Wantin to give me advice on how to do this new diet that just came out after you forgot you shunned me when I shared it with you months prior because you said it "didn't sound healthy"?!? F*ck outta here with BS sheep mentality. The Sigma male thing (yeah that's another one!! not even gonna write about that one!!) is hilarious but this one?... Oh ya'll gonna love it...
So I'm perusing through X (formally known as Prince lol) and I stumbled upon a post from an up and coming artist. She's talking about how folk that wanna play games just to get some ass get turned off when they find out she's an "ENM" (first time I'm reading this term... so it's a "thing" now ok? lol). As though this makes anyone that practices this somewhat less desirable. To her point... check it:
"Yeah, I came here to get you into bed by any means necessary but to find out that you keep everything out in the open and upfront? AND you have boundaries?!? Listen, I just came here to pretend I didn't want to share you so I could treat you like a piece of fried chicken from time to time but since you're not into the exclusivity thing I can't come at you this way!! Way too mature!! Weirdo!! Bye!!" LMFAO
Oh I felt "seen" reading that after I wrote it lol
So that this was a "thing" was new to me but before I get into that, allow to explain some things. She also said that practicing this cannot be based on anything frivolous (lust, notches etc) but that it must be based on personal values. Again... perfectly stated. Why? Because without transparency, you fall into the category of a piece of sh*t, f*ckboy liar and what's worse, you wind up lying to someone that doesn't deserve it. Yet in this, she also alluded to a caveat. In being honest, you run the risk of driving away those that believe you just "want to have your cake and eat it too" and those that seek exclusivity as a sign of devotion... something I understand all too well which makes this lifestyle a bit more complicated for me because the truth is... a part of me feels the same way. This way (in my mind) allows me to keep it somewhat special without the required chains. Keep reading... you might understand. There are some women that want the married life I had for 17 years and as much as I want them... I tend to resign myself to staying away until they come to a place where that is no longer a necessity. I take on this posture until they reach the place I find myself but to encourage this life upon them would feel self-serving so I don't do that either. I don't live this way for clout, notches or free ass. I've chosen this route to stay open and true to how I view love and passion. Free to flow as it wills under a banner of true selflessness and if it leads into a case of pure monogamy... than so be it. On top of this, the level of standards is raised beyond the "one night stands" and the "why nots" because to venture into something like this with eyes open requires a level of maturity and experience most no longer have and that in itself minimizes the pool of prospects. It's why I constantly speak about "connection". So you see, for those that think this life is akin to "swinging"... you have no idea what you're talking about. It ain't about sex... it's about experience and anyone tryin to use this for sex is barkin up the wrong tree. It's "relationshipping" (damn right it's a word now lol) with its own tailor made rules and boundaries... without possessiveness and the standard required exclusivity. It is what it is... and it allows me to be all that I am... keeping my honor and integrity in tact.
The only other plus I see in this becoming a bit more mainstream is the idea that it may relax the double standard when it comes to the stigma of it. To read a woman talk about it was refreshing as one of the problems I've always had was that if a man spoke this way, it must've been all about sex. Whereas if a woman did it... she MUST be "empowered". Another f*ckin joke. Most women that dealt with me wanted to keep it quiet because I openly spoke to other women (mostly as friends) and if their friends saw it and they knew she was "talkin" to me, their friends would come down on her as being "used" or "belittled" by me. They would tell her she was stupid for talkin to me while tryin to DM me themselves if they could. Silly on its face, but understanding the double standard and issues... I'd oblige. Even though everyone got something out it, it had to be kept quiet and it never made any sense to me that two consenting adults needed such secrecy... but such was life.
Now I could talk about this till the cows come home but I started this as a rant of why this bugs me and what bothers me is finding out how this is getting it's own category in the lexicon of relationship rules. Something I been doing for years... something my conscience at times would struggle with, will now become "something people do" as opposed to being something of a well thought out choice... as it was and still is for me. It will be yet another reason for someone to claim "yeah so and so reminded me of you" after so and so did them dirty pretending to be sincere. Then to be absorbed into a category is a disgusting proposition to me as WAY too many folk are zero summers. It's "this way" or "that way" and that's NOT me. Yes, I heavily lean "ENM" but I'm amenable to monogamy if the feel is right. It would just take something special to put me back on that track but in short... f*ck all your boxes. I just don't fit into any and that can suck sometimes but when it doesn't... it's f*ckin glorious!! I'm out...
~moses apollo
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