Stories...

"And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed.  They don't know my head is a mess..."

Have you ever allowed someone to share their secrets with you?  Did you ever ask yourself why?  It is because you showed yourself to be someone that would listen without judgement.  Something that is very difficult to do even for close friends.  As you listened, did you ever think "How will this effect me?".  If you did, then you were more than likely too emotionally invested for it not to bother you and I'm gonna tell you something...it's ok.  It's happened to me several times.  Within seconds of hearing a thing you think "wow really?" but my people, it's only because you're human.  You have feelings and to dismiss them outright would make you a liar.  Now having said that, I will say this...

An understanding soul accepts it, shakes it off within seconds and keeps listening because at that moment you are but a sounding board.  You shut off the tape so as not to rehearse these things in your mind because they need you to listen and to be able to detach yourself from the investment for the moment.  See yourself in their shoes.  Look through their eyes.  Understand their grief or confusion and remember the times when you felt or did the same.  It doesn't matter what they tell you.  The person you know is still the same person you knew 5 minutes before they told you.  They remain just as beautiful, just as lovely...just as pure.  You accepted them knowing they had issues.  What's different now?  If they've done nothing to you then there is no thought to how this secret should effect you.  Now I'm not talkin about murder or child molestation but I am speaking of things they may feel ashamed of or things they've never been able to tell anyone else.  Don't add to their shame...just listen and after you listen?  Forget...

Years ago someone sent me this song and I never told her but it put a lump in my throat when I heard it.  With all the friends and family at her disposal, she told me things she did and was doing that I knew were wrong.  Yet during our time together, I only held her to account for that which she did to me.  Maybe that shocked her, maybe it didn't...I guess I'll never know but even to this day I can understand why she did the things she did.  Not because I tried making excuses for her but because as introspective as I am...I confess I would've thought to do the same given the circumstances.  Her greatest redeeming quality was that she sought to confront her past to be able to let go of things that held her down emotionally.  Truly a mark of courage and strength.  For some that takes a lifetime to do.  For others...it takes but a few moments of regurgitation.  I am blessed to know many like this even today.  So be there as best you can.  Without judgement, without fear that you will see them differently.  Trusting that you know who they are to you...and always will be.  Watch as the shackles disappear right before your eyes and then you will understand how important listening truly is...

Always remember this:  To understand another's situation is to not only put yourself in their shoes but it is also to remember a time when you wore similar shoes yourself.  Something that requires honest introspection and reflection.  Doing this they will fear no shame from you for to shame them would mean you would shame yourself in the process.  It's not an easy thing to do but when there's a need...do your best to meet it head on.  The best advice givers are the ones that can see the problems where they are and the one thing all those people have in common...is that they know how to listen.  Much love...

~Moses