the dream is that thing you've envisioned in your heart that has either been a peace or a solution to a problem you've wrestled with a long time. it's a passionate desire, a want that always seems out of reach due to circumstances or just bad timing. you come to the place to receive it...and for whatever reason, it's just not ready to receive you yet. like two ships that pass each in the night's fog. you can hear it and see it slightly...but the tides won't allow it yet. there are even moments where it's just an inch away. so close that you plan your life around it...only to lose it again. at every one of these instances, your resolve for it weakens from the heaviness of frustration. a frustration you decide is too heavy to endure. so you decide to force yourself want it less for the sake of your own sanity and begin to believe that maybe it was something you dreamt up or imagined. as such, you come to reconcile your mind to not wanting it all & every hint at it's final acquisition is now met with scoff or even self sabotage. all to relieve yourself of any more disappointment.
i once felt this way...no more. i have a decades long dream that came & left me more times most humans could bear but i learned over time that the frustration of not having a thing has very little to do with that particular thing's journey. either it wasn't ready for me...or i wasn't ready for it but it was to be mine none the less. i've jumped the gun on many things in my life only to have them come to ruin. they were hard lessons to learn but needful to say the least. so now i handle my dreams with care. i house them in my hearts pocket & blow on their embers from time to time lest their flame should ever wane. i allow myself the joy of getting close even if they don't come to fruition lest their sweetness turn sour. my dreams will come and as i hold fast to them, i train my soul in hope...that hope should never be a burden but something that is worthy to endure. when the time comes...i can say i never gave up. even if i should leave this earth with them unfulfilled...i can say that i never gave up...and that my heart remained full. i will always be the one that will tell you "keep looking for it" even after everyone else has said "give up". I may change my posture towards people but i will never stop believing in what i know to be true about them and no...i will never give up on love. it is the driving force of every dream i've ever had and will ever have.
Noah built an ark on a promise that took him decades to build. he was a well respected man whose word was sure yet after some time, his belief cost him his standing...even among those closest to him. promised rain was his claim after a century of drought and when the ark was ready...the rain became ready for it. yeah...i feel a few drops comin on...i'm out...
~moses apollo
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