This is how long I spent on the phone with one of the most powerful women on this planet. Strength without platitudes or pretention. Wanting for nothing but herself & her God. Wise beyond her 72 years yet still willing to resonate the truth she carries inside when she hears it like an echo of something she'd forgotten on purpose to make room for more. This beautifully flawed soul is my mother and for the first time in a long time...we saw each other...in each other.
The life of stoic independence she tried so hard not to pass on is now mine and she found it both reassuring and scary. The life of the misunderstood misfit that is celebrated in spurts with those willing to choose a form of passionate transience...as opposed to some shade of permanence. She lived out that life. Not because she wanted to but because she felt she had no choice. She couldn't bring herself to become watered down or filtered for the sake of convention. It was who and what she was that made her special and worth the transience in the eyes of all that knew her. She admitted the truth of its blessing and curse...never wanting that for any of us. Yet here I am...articulating it in both speech and deed. I know now that I am not alone. Never really needing it...it did feel good to be fully understood and seen without judgment.
From the depth of my soul I appreciate those that have and still do. I received an unexpected message from someone some time ago that took time out of her night to let me know I was appreciated and what moved me the most was just how much it moved me. I really didn't know what to say because the greatest compliments are the ones that are truly thought through and sincere and this particular wordsmith gets easily tounge tied at such things. They don't come often (not a complaint in the slightest...just a matter of fact) and when they do, it's like watching a comet shoot across the sky...it stays with you. The warmth of heart it produces lingers for days and the memory of it never fades. The acknowledgment of all that you are through the eyes of someone whose opinion matters to you is a powerful thing my loves.
For three hours, my mother and I acknowledged the brutal truth of all we were. Seeing that the better parts of all we are far outweighed the bad. It was something that will stay with me for as long as I have breath...
I have a handful of souls that have been with me for years. Even those that seem to come and go have never really left my side...as I have never really left theirs. To those I say again (they know who they are)...thank you for existing and know that the customized room in my heart that's been prepared for you will always be there. I will add simply this: Without her even knowing it, my mother chose her suitors and the few in her circle by the mirror and I have been wise to do the same. Know that if I have ever taken an interest in you it is because I've seen a beautiful oddity in you that I see in myself. Time measures out the rest beyond simple interest but know that there are things in you untapped that you are not fully aware of that are powerful enough for someone like me to be drawn to. You are stronger than you know, wiser than you know and more loving/passionate than you have yet to experience. Take that and run with it my beautiful souls. There is nothing you cannot overcome. I "see" you...still...
So my word for all tonight is this: If there is someone in your life that doesn't feel seen, heard or understood that truly means something to you...let them know that you truly "see" them. The impact of such a thing could be just what they need in the moment to springboard them forward into their next level of existence. With love...I'm out...
~moses apollo
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