What Dreams Can Say...

You know for a long time I questioned myself.  I wondered how I could be so wrong.  How I could go down a road towards a life that would have been impossible for me to bear.  How could I have been so mistaken in my choice?  It scared me to even think to choose again and made me even doubt the choices I've made up to that point.  Yet after awhile I realized something.  Everything I knew told me the situation was f*cked up.  Everything inside me understood how difficult that road would be but the pure love I felt drove me towards determination in the face of illogic.  I can't be ashamed of that and I can't say I was wrong.  I knew what I had and I was willing to bear it because I thought that drive was being reciprocated.  I thought things would change but they never did.  In this, I was delusional.  Once my delusion became too fantastic even for "love"...it was time to cut my losses.  Folks, I have seen love work miracles.  I have seen love smooth out edges and change the heart into something both can share.  Except that these miracles only work for those that are willing and those that are willing will see the fruit of it...if they are willing to work at it. 

Last night was one of those nights that leave the awakened in silent thought.  I sit here alone wondering what the hell happened and why.  Why did I feel a certain presence and why did I hate the fact it was there?  Folks, what you do in dreams is for you.  When you have the ability to determine what course your dream will take, it is a true manifestation of one's desire and my desire last night?...was to finally be left alone by this thing.

The man I was...the man I am...one in the same.  Now I will only share myself with those I deem worthy of such a man...even in my dreams.