I went for a walk tonight down by the promenade underneath the Verrazano Bridge. I live only a few blocks away and decided to see what, if anything, I would feel as I walked by the water alone. As a kid there was usually a sense of serenity...that sense of peace. A feeling that drove me to seek the beauty of the ocean and subsequently to become a Mariner. To hear the waves lightly hit the rocks along side the promenade along with the smell of ocean was usually enough to calm me into conversations with God yet tonight as I stood overlooking the water...it was different. I began to watch the ships go by and I could identify each one. I even began detailing what their lights told me as a Mariner, trying to recreate something. Did I feel nostalgia? Did I miss the vastness of the ocean? I wouldn't know because my mind was on all I needed to do to meet my goals, drowning out any possibility for any other thought. No room to breath, think or to stop for even a few minutes. No room to mourn losses, no time for others...very little time for me. I saw no waves nor did I hear them lightly crash. No smells to remind me of "prayer rocks" or anything of the sort. There was no "conversation"...just the reality that it was cold outside. All I saw were my two feet on the ground and that's when I decided to leave.
What happened? Well at this point in my life I am at a place where my dreams are make or break. I either pursue them now or drop them forever. Its not about time or age...it's about hunger. The desire to tear down walls within myself has never been keener than it is right now and knowing myself...it is a wave I MUST ride. All else aside because a victory here will mean a victory for all those near me. I "hustle" now for this to begin. I put aside my pursuit to understand recent inequities for the sake of this dream and the more I do...the less important those pursuits seem to be. A grand part of me is driven by the hope of those that have seen great value in all I have to offer. I want to thank them one day. I want to thank them when I am in the place they have envisioned me to be because due to their hope and vision...I now see it too.
In Exodus we read that Moses found himself between a rock and a hard place. The Egyptian army was gaining up on them on one side and on the other...the red sea. Moses did the logical thing a prophet would...he began to pray BUT God being God said:
"And the LORD said to Moses, “Why do you cry to Me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward."
In other words...it's not time for prayer, it's time for action. He knew what he needed to do and all he had to do was do it. I didn't hear the waves nor smell the ocean because it's time to "do". My time to feel God's breath on me will come and my time to hear the beauty of His glory in the whisper of the wave will be mine again...just not yet. I've got a river to cross and make no mistake about it...I WILL cross it. Nothing and no one will slow me down. So "Moe the Mariner" has made way to "Moe the Artist" and when "Moe the Artist" comes into his own he will be able to breath and feel again the way he used to. He will do so with the peace and serenity of his younger years yet now with way more to ponder. Oh Lord haste the day...
What happened? Well at this point in my life I am at a place where my dreams are make or break. I either pursue them now or drop them forever. Its not about time or age...it's about hunger. The desire to tear down walls within myself has never been keener than it is right now and knowing myself...it is a wave I MUST ride. All else aside because a victory here will mean a victory for all those near me. I "hustle" now for this to begin. I put aside my pursuit to understand recent inequities for the sake of this dream and the more I do...the less important those pursuits seem to be. A grand part of me is driven by the hope of those that have seen great value in all I have to offer. I want to thank them one day. I want to thank them when I am in the place they have envisioned me to be because due to their hope and vision...I now see it too.
In Exodus we read that Moses found himself between a rock and a hard place. The Egyptian army was gaining up on them on one side and on the other...the red sea. Moses did the logical thing a prophet would...he began to pray BUT God being God said:
"And the LORD said to Moses, “Why do you cry to Me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward."
In other words...it's not time for prayer, it's time for action. He knew what he needed to do and all he had to do was do it. I didn't hear the waves nor smell the ocean because it's time to "do". My time to feel God's breath on me will come and my time to hear the beauty of His glory in the whisper of the wave will be mine again...just not yet. I've got a river to cross and make no mistake about it...I WILL cross it. Nothing and no one will slow me down. So "Moe the Mariner" has made way to "Moe the Artist" and when "Moe the Artist" comes into his own he will be able to breath and feel again the way he used to. He will do so with the peace and serenity of his younger years yet now with way more to ponder. Oh Lord haste the day...
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