Friends Are Friends Forever?...

So here we are about to tackle a bone of contention among some couples.  Can men and women truly be friends?  First, think back on the time an ex cheated or flirted with “a friend”…now with that in mind, let’s proceed lol  The simple answer is no.  The more complex answer is based on certain variables that rely squarely on the maturity levels of the individuals.  Brutal honesty here first...at base, all men see are vaginas.  How they can attain it.  How will they dress today to impress it? What car will vaginas think they look good in?  What job will give them enough money so they can attain status...for more vagina?  This is the BASE truth.  An honest man will never deny this.  The man that denies this does so that he may continue to play the "inches" and "oops" game.  Truth is, if you admit a deficiency then it behooves you to change but if you continue to deny its existence, then one can always "feign" the "I'm sorry that happened" as many times he or she wants.  Dishonesty is not just an outward expression.  It is more so inward.  You lie to yourself so your lie to others will be more convincing and the trick to honesty in this regard and others...is being honest with yourself first.  Is this person attracted to you?  ANSWER TRUTH  Are you attracted to this person?  ANSWER TRUTH  What does this person truly want or need from you?  ANSWER TRUTH  What do you truly want or need from them?  ANSWER TRUTH 

True friendship requires honor, loyalty and the ability to tell someone the truth even if it costs you your friendship.  Selfishness cannot fit.  Gaming cannot fit.  Trying to "get somewhere" cannot fit and when there's an attraction all these factors instinctively come into play.  The man will cater to anything she says just so he won’t upset her and that’s not a true friend.  The man will see openings of vulnerability to place himself in the position of "knight in shining armor" or "shoulder to cry on" because he knows how grief can be a strong aphrodisiac...again, not a true friend.  Always looking for an opportunity to be alone so they can have an "oops, I fell and my penis slipped right in" moment.  Only to get up, leave and do it again.  While the woman, no matter how "liberated" she may profess herself to be is left thinking about where all this can go.  To the man, she's just another woman he knows he can now come to for free sex.  All it takes is one time.  One slip up.  The term "friend" does not fit and anyone that uses that term to get what they want is dishonest.  "Friends" usually will play one of two games...

The inches game:
The man is obviously attracted to her but doesn’t feel he has the nerve or "level" to get close.  What does he do?  He plays the "inches game"...the disinterested "human being".  This is also often played by men in relationships of their own or towards "difficult women".  That could include married women or the more "self-assured" woman.  The man will usually engage in non-space threatening conversation slowly moving into personal questions setting up "yeah, me too" moments. Moments that imply compatibility; asexual in conversation so that the woman lets down her guard enough to be thrown in hints of interest. Her guard now down and the hint thrown in, she is left now with an implanted seed that will take a bit to grow.  With time, "random" appearances and "looks" this grows into a curiosity.  The curiosity then becomes an interest and that interest is then exploited by the "friend".  If done right, within a matter of a few days...he is all she will be thinking about.  There will always be a conversation where the "what if" question is addressed or a seemingly unplanned "moment of weakness" where one will "not be able to contain themselves" for a kiss or more most noted by "the awkward silence".  The fool will believe this to be a random unexpected occurrence but I can assure you one of them knew it would happen or in the least looked forward to it happening.

The oops game:
Oh my favorite.  This is usually played by old friends or exes.  The old friend that wants something more and the ex that just wants an assured piece of ass every time he comes around.  The end result here is an oops moment that will start a relationship with an old friend or an oops moment where an ex gets up and leaves the next morning saying "Wow, we shouldn’t have done this...I’m sorry"...until next time.  What do these two have in common?  First, they can get her alone.  She trusts them enough to believe that "just friends" means just that. Second, they can reminisce about old times.  Again, implying compatibility and familiarity yet this is done differently in each case.  The ex will "comfort flirt" and set things up early.  He'll be doing this throughout their "friendship" so when they meet she is primed and ready.  He can do this because they have intimate history and she won’t think twice about it.  He will play on their past emotional connection to produce these comfort levels.  Enough to get her willing surrender to any direction he wants to go.  The old friend will want to reminisce while throwing in attractiveness comments here and there.  Where we were and where we are now is the topic at hand to create the comfortable climate for "meet up" number two...still not called a "date".  Meet up number two becomes more of what do we want out of life or what kind of man do you see yourself with.  Relationship "me too" talk is established where she is surprised at how many relationship issues they have in common.  The ex-issue takes less time.  Usually in for a night and would like company...and ass.  In either case, these both scenarios end up in moments unawares to one party or the other but someone knew all along what would happen from the very beginning or again, in the least had a hope that it would.

Now let me just add something here about the "ex-factor".  Nothing gripes me more than when people "front" or are "full of shit".  There are men that will SWEAR by "maturity" in dealing with exes they still find attractive.  That is meant for the woman to say "oh ok...so yeah I’m mature too" lol Its BULLSHIT!!!  They say they can be friends because they are "mature" enough to handle it BUT these exes are always quick to throw in sexual innuendo or trickles of "flirtiness" here and there to see if their new "friend" will bite.  If she does, there will always be "fun talk" about getting together.  Oh "we can go out as friends...nothing will happen"...yeah right lol It supposed to be light but it's just him trying to come in for a smooth landing where she is receptive.  This usually happens because they know their "friend" will never go for it consciously so they have to get them somewhere alone and VULNERABLE where emotions can be stirred.  It’s tricky and its bullshit.  In public..."I’m SO mature" LMAO In private..."so when we gonna get together?"...PLEASE!!!  Ladies put a stop to that bullshit because the fact is that this dude just wants ass without the hassles of you and is too damn chicken shit to say it.  Always looking for that "oops moment" because they know you are too much woman to accept anything frivolous with their "exed" ass.  If you weren’t good enough for him to keep as a woman...what makes you good enough for him to sleep with?  I understand passion but make sure that passion was real on both ends.  Take a look at how many others he does the same shit with.  Are you really all that special? lol Are you one of two...or three maybe? ;-)

These are just games right?  What’s wrong with them?  Its adults doing what they do right?  Well, not exactly.  An adult implies a level of maturity.  These days that is taken to mean of legal age but as old schoolers know, an adult is someone who is responsible and accountable for his or her own actions.  These games are predicated on a lie.  The lie that "I just want to be your friend" while ulterior motives play out to manipulate the target into something else.  It’s dishonest and it is not worthy of the title "friend".  So we go back now to our question.  Can men and women be friends?  The answer at base levels of maturity is no because these games are always played by men and women after the words "let’s be friends" are uttered.  Yet at deeper levels of maturity as opposed to the more common base levels, it can happen to an extent.  In order for that to take place, both MUST be willing to set boundaries and rules that are unaltering.  This is where old school rules come into play.  Ladies, your ex don’t need to be flirting with you or jokingly throwing out sexual innuendos.  He is looking to see if you will bite or call him on it.  If you don’t call him on it or "play along", it will continue and he will try to coordinate a "meet-up" to relive old times for a night.  You must let him know EVERYTIME he tries that there is a line he cannot cross under ANY circumstances.  There is nothing he needs to say that must be said in person alone or in an environment where alcohol is present.  A phone call will always suffice.  Demand respect and get it otherwise be willing to allow yourself to be someone's pit stop anytime they feel the urge.  Ladies, if a man hits you up and tells you "hello, how are you?"..."It’s been awhile, lets catch up".  He has no interest in a "friendship" nor does he care about where you've been or where you are going so long as the girl in the picture winds up in his bed.  He has enough friends...he doesn’t need another one.  He is interested in YOU.  If you decide to entertain this in the slightest...you send the signal that he has a chance at what he wants.  Personal meet-ups are not necessary to catch up.  What am I saying here?  To keep friends of the opposite sex "friends" one must control the mood and the environment you are in with them at all times.  Think ahead and make sure to never find yourself in a position where that base mentality can grab a toe hold...because no matter how "mature" you are, it will always try to, especially in men.  This means that your "friendship" must be limited and not the "no holds barred" relationship you have with friends of the same sex.  It must remain LIMITED and CONTROLLED.

Now, I just want to make something explicitly clear here.  I am writing this as an ex-gamer.  I write this as someone that has seen most, if not all plays work themselves out by little leaguers and masters alike.  I always had a place in my heart for those men and women that get suckered BUT if you know are getting played and go along with it anyway...you deserve whatever it is you get.  Suckers are suckers because they choose not to see the game.  They think that's humans being "human".  Maybe so, but although that may be "human", it’s not humane. If you allow yourself to be played like that because you think that’s your only entryway into something meaningful, then please check your level of self-worth...you can always do better.  Consider this now, imagine a world where someone comes up to you and says..."I was sitting over there and I saw you"..."I find you attractive and I’d like to get to know you better".  Imagine that?!? Honesty.  Most will not go this route because this will produce a straight yes or a straight no.  Usually a no.  Yet it gives the target the ability to honestly decide what direction he or she wants to go. There is no trickery there.  There are no inches.  No overbearing compliments.  No talk of "friendship"...just interest.  Yet since most do not have the confidence or the self-awareness to do this, they decide to represent a motive that is not real.  If you value your "friend"...stop the games, value them and stay on your side of the line.

Now some of you know me and might think me a hypocrite because I have several attractive female friends.  Here is the difference.  I come right out and say that I find them attractive.  They say the same about me.  I don’t just talk about "keeping it real".  It’s not just a phrase to me.  We know exactly where we stand without the bullshit.  If we wanted to we would be together and we know it but for several reasons we stand by...we aren’t.  There are no tricks...there are no "oops moments".  That brutal honesty says "I respect you too much to play you".  If anything were to happen it will be as sober-minded adults making decisions and if something were to happen, the dynamics of the relationship MUST CHANGE.  As friends, there are boundaries we must enforce...spoken or not.  Responsible folks don’t need to say a thing...they just follow the rules of propriety.  There is no "we can handle it" bullshit so "one thing leads to the other".  Uh uh...not me.  You are getting your own damn hotel room unless you want something to happen...point blank.  I WILL NOT under any circumstances abuse or exploit our past emotional connection for a piece of ass.  That cheapens what they meant to me and what they mean to me now.  Some mother f**kers will actually go so far as to suggest sexual "play" with them while their female "friend" is feeling down.  THAT is no friend but an opportunistic piece of shit.  How desperate can you be?  Anyway, I’m going off on the personal but...ugh.  I don’t need to do that but sadly, some boys do.  Keep it real people!!!

So in conclusion...friendship between men and women is possible but it MUST be limited to real world boundaries and within the confines of propriety.  Ask your grandparents what that means :-)  Keepin it real the whole way through.  Guarded by a higher level of maturity.  For you folks out there that have issue with your significant other and their "friends".  Consider what happened as "friends" and go from there.  If you see that boundaries have been respected, you're good BUT if you see that lines were crossed  at any time as "friends" then approach the issue and keep watch.  If it happened once then somebody is always looking for a repeat and nine times out of ten...it's usually the one with the penis.  I'm out ;-)  Don't hate me LOL