What can I say about yesterday or about how I'm feeling right now. A very close family member of mine experienced a severe brain hemorrhage yesterday morning. She walked into a clinic, business as usual, happy go lucky to pick up some medicine for my mother as she always does, said "i dont feel so good"... and collapsed on the floor.
Right now she is in a coma in a hospital with doctors expecting the worst outcome imaginable. At first, I was frozen in grief but after having some time to pray over her in the hospital, my hope has been suddenly renewed. I know the tenets of my belief system and death is not among them. I truly believe she is touring eternity right now and will be given the option to stay... or to come back.
This hope brings me peace but it does not keep my heart from breaking over the fact that I will not be seeing or hearing from her for quite some time if she chooses to stay in the arms of my Lord.
Folks, there is no rule book to this. How are we really supposed to feel? How long are we supposed to grieve or remain in a melancholic state? I've cried uncontrollably in spurts since the news and have been completely calm at other times. As the now patriarch of my family, I know my role now is to be a rock that allows everyone the safety to break down. I understand it but it's never an easy thing when you feel just like they do but can't show it. Yet you know what we do? We endure our task without reverting looking for escapes. Let someone else handle it? I'd love to but I'm not built that way... I'm a man.
She is 4 years my senior and tells everyone that I am her older brother that has wings. I'm sure the Lord is getting a kick out of that right about now, but as for me... I will miss hearing it from her if she decides to stay with Him... and I wouldn't blame her if she did. Pray for my sister Bridget please... 🙏
~moses apollo of apolinaris
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