I think I might've had one of the biggest blowouts with someone I love today and what struck me most was how indifferent I was to the bad blood between us. I didn't care about their circumstances, feelings or anything as I once did before and their empty insults bounced right off the wall I erected for them. Now some might call that a win and if I wasn't supposed to care about someone as much as is required of me to love this person... I'd say the same. This is close blood we're talkin about and there is no way they can afford to have me no longer care and the truth is... I can't afford it either. I will never lose sight of what's important... even if it should cause me pain.
This distressed me greatly and I prayed my Lord not let my love grow cold... He answered straightaway. Almost as though my request was led by Him for me to make... and all I'm left with now is an almost unbearable pain I need to reconcile. As much as this hurts, to no longer care for this person would be the greater evil. Yet now, this weight has me asking: How do you put back together pieces of a thing that now lives in broken places? How do you even move towards forgiveness dodging irrational punches from the same person you need to forgive? You really can do nothing but wait and keep praying your love never wanes cold. As you wait in rooms that do everything to remind you of the obstacles you need to overcome. To face them head on until you have no choice but to see them for what they are. Without escape... you wait in a pool of numbing hope. Nothing can move you now...
Folks, true love never really dies. Whether it be for family, friends or lovers, when it's real... it endures. It can however be drowned out by louder voices we give audience to on a daily basis and for me, if those voices are coming from pride, greed, envy, self-inflicted pain etc... they will not do. I will feel what I need to but I will not stop loving the way I was designed to. In this is all that I am and will ever hope to become. The only saving grace I see is found in the probability of a truth I have come to accept; that after strong hardship... comes a strong blessing. God knows I need it... it's time. Let's go... I'm out...
~moses apollo
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