I was never one for the big gesture. I always looked out for "the little things". Those things that a person did instinctively that were tied into their character. Never meant to impress or even send a message as these came from the natural pool of one's center. I was more interested in what a person was like "switched off" than when they were in "entertainment" mode. You see when we're "switched on", we watch what we say and do. We put on our Sunday best and make sure to put our best foot forward. Now because it's usually the case that I'm either being subtly challenged or subtly entreated, I've had to look at even subtler moments. Those moments between "transitions"...when they believe I'm not looking or am otherwise engaged to find the "real". I then do my best to hint this side out along our course. You'd be surprised at what you find when you get folk to just "be". Shoulders relax, jaws unclench and a natural order flows out like an even more beautiful stream than what was at first presented.
Don't get me wrong. I dig "the big gesture" but you only find the intent of such things in the real. If it were up to me, I'd do these anonymously but these days, you have to attach your name to most things. Why anonymously? because there is a purity in that. You get no pat on the back for it. No accolades for a semblance of greatness that can be achieved by anyone at anytime. If I'd want a pat on the back for anything (and believe me...I REALLY don't) it would be for my character and my love. That...is solely mine. I grew that in my backyard. Years watered by pain and experience, it is what remains no matter the circumstance. As this is what I value...this is what I look for over time. At times, I will create scenarios that will bring out the real...and I just watch. I can say that I've been both pleasantly surprised as well as taken aback by what I've found but if you find yourself needing to plan a thing or two...you need to be sure of certain things. The little things...
I am a hopeful romantic that has the ability to surrender much but I have developed a more cautious approach in what I decide to surrender to...and to whom. My Lord teaches that if I am faithful in the little things that don't seem to matter to most, I can be trusted with things of consequence. That...is among my code. These days are the days of the "spectacle". The show that defines you in the eyes of the masses. So naturally more and more have taken to faking their stance and/or stature for the sake of those that are constantly watching. Fantasy is a child's drawing but the real is an architectural masterpiece. That is what you show at trial. That is what you show when it counts the most. In "choosing"...watch for this. Don't look at the show to make your determination. Look in the silence. Look beyond the make-up and the Photoshopped presentation. Wait till you see them spiritually naked...when the façade no longer makes sense to hold up. Can you live with that? What parts of it can you tolerate? What about them? Are they going to need to walk on eggshells around you? Never be themselves for fear they will not be "approved"? That is not sustainable or good for anyone. Questions you must ask if you love them beyond yourself. Love is good and fine but love does not determine what is sustainable beyond itself. Character, self-awareness, maturity and trust does. Bolstered by true love...these are the power pillars. In short...the secret to longevity in comfort...will always be the real.
All that I have written has left me naked and bare as it was purposed to be. Those that have met me are usually surprised to find it so. My creed has always been to take me as I am or not at all but all that I am needs fertile ground to flourish...it's true for us all. Not some pavement laid out for each others benefit. No one flourishes in those conditions. Some folk look for conditions to be perfect before they allow themselves the freedom to explore certain areas of a thing but I have found much can get lost in the waiting. I should know...I thought the same for a time and have found myself having to let go of things that will now be relegated to the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" chest of my hearts basement. In this age, those "little things" are a rarity and are now sought by me like a man mining for gold in a dried up stream that once ran clear. I find them as some find me but it still saddens me to see them wane in the shadow of "the show". As destiny approaches, I'm feeling that pull to make more definitive choices. Some easy...some hard. Choices that will remain undone for a long time to come and those little things are now all most of us have left as true markers.
My beautiful people...times are changing and you will need to choose what you need to take with you. Vet all that you are worthy of and stay clear minded in your choosing. It might look real nice now but how will it look under pressure of a storm, uncertainty or loss? How will you determine this? Look back on the little things. Of all things...it's what I would like to be remembered for. How I made you "feel"...even in the little things. I'm out...
~moses apollo
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