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Tuesday, March 20, 2018

The New World - A Kings Confession...

"...weeping...no more..."

For the past two weeks the king has fiercely wrestled in his heart.  Wrestling with a loss that had reason but no purpose or lesson from which to draw.  Wrestling with different directions his heart could venture.  Wrestling at the direction his princes would purpose for themselves.  Yet his greatest thorn has come from the concept of change in the new world that may be just a few more weeks away.  A world where everyone would be fireproof when he has been so accustomed to dowsing flames that would bring about destruction.  His heart has been heavy and his mind constricted with none really knowing just how grieved he truly was.  He's adorned a facade of normalcy but those that know him best see that he hasn't been himself.  Attributing it to everything but the cause.  Tonight he is laden heavy with an exhaustion he cannot seem to free himself from.  Yet he is the king and he will endure this to fruition as he always has at every rung in the kings ladder.

Why is it so difficult to accept something good?  Why can't we accept that not everything will blow up?  Maybe it's because when you struggle for so long to keep things right, it's hard to just relax when you get them to stay that way without the same amount of effort.  I have come to the conclusion that this is the reason why a few fall into the same cycles.  We seek the familiar even though it was bad for us because we've learned how to mitigate them.  We fear the unknown even when the unknown includes peace.  Usually people fall into cycles because they believe themselves unworthy of better but there are cases like these where what we're accustomed to trumps the better.  It's like a fighter getting into a ring with no opponent.  He will shadowbox for the duration of the fight because he's just so used to swinging.  He's trained for it all his life but on this night, he will leave unbruised.  His cut man will have nothing to do.  His trainer won't be shouting out directions to him.  He will stand there swinging without the reward of the challenge.  It sounds great for many but for warriors...it is just existing without the thrill of that initial bell...

My saving grace is that I will always have an opponent.  Read this blog long enough and you'll see that my greatest opponent is none other than myself.  My drive to improve has no limits.  It has no end.  To seek out the best in me is one of my life's greatest accomplishments that can only be fully realized in death and glory.  I guess I'll always have something to complain about then huh?  We'll soon see...

~Moses Apollo 

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