Unseen...

"I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand..."

Been out of the public eye for quite some time and it's been quite liberating.  Yet, there is a secret I must share.  You see most people revert to who they are when they feel they are not being seen because they feel they are not being judged.  They start letting go in their training.  They start eating more and sometimes even turn to vices.  It reveals so much of who a person is and what they truly believe.  Do they stand on the same principles and faith?  Or do they just let go of all the principles they only pretended to believe in to save face in the public eye.  As to being seen; how could someone say they believe in God yet not feel they are being seen simply because they are out of the sight of men?  If God was real to them, would they not feel the conviction of an ever present God?  I don't know, maybe I'm just from a whole nother era.  In truth...I miss some days gone past but we live in the time we are given and we are who we are.  True strength is found when we are able to swim against the tide.  Not because we're told it's right and not because we've convinced ourselves of our cause.  We swim against the tide because we know it in our bones that this will be the better way.  This knowledge ensures that even when we mess up, we get right back to swimming.

My secret?  I am who I am.  Seen or unseen...this is me.  In fact, I tend to become more disciplined when I'm unseen.  I guess maybe it's because I have no one judging me for being old-fashioned or too rigid.  Something I feel I'm getting a lot of these days.  To see people I've known to be seasoned "try on" some new fad or some fucked up "do-me" dance is comically sad.  I get the "try" but when they need to change their well-earned perspective to stick with this new flow?  I get to questioning just how serious they were about their belief system to begin with and I don't give two fucks who reads this and wants to toss me aside for being this way.  Sure you dig me when you need someone to talk to or receive advice from.  Im Mr fuckin wonderful because I'm physically disciplined and I require way more than a pussy to get off.  You all love that shit when it's fuckin convenient.  When fuck boy can't do the one thing you have him for and when you get tired of trying to explain complex deep issues with someone that couldn't care less, I get a "hey!!!".  Well guess what?  All the shit you all love about me is based on my deeply held belief system.  I love deeply because I see deeply.  I am loyal first, apologetic first and giving first because I believe that one doesn't deserve what is not given first.  Get it yet?  Can't deal with it?  Then you can't deal with me and THIS is why I feel lonelier by the day.  I'm tryin hard not to be bitter about it but it's fucking hard.

I know what's right and I ain't changing for anything or anyone.  The only change I'll accept is an expansion within the best of me...as I have always done.  I still have a long way to go but the me that stands for all I know to be real is rooted in a truth that can never be uprooted.  If it leaves me lonely?  Fuck it...I'll be lonely and free to be and do right.  Oh and just so you all know...I ain't complaining about shit.  I'm making a declaration to anyone interested in knowing where my mind's at.  I was walking about today and I saw an amazingly beautiful young girl follow me with her eyes and mouth wide open.  Anyone of my friends would've told me to bend on this one.  Most men would've engaged but nah...I'm good knowing who I am.  Unseen...

~Moses Apollo