I cannot complain when I feel slighted by some things that become routine because I fear that my complaint will produce an empty gesture that should have come without a word being said. I can count those moments on two hands. Those that came from the heart. Those that are real...they last a very long time folks. They came as a surprise to me. Those are too few and far between for me. I'm usually the one to see my own fault before anyone else has the time to complain about it. I will admit my fault and repent. If I'm wrong, I won't fight to win an argument. Shit I'm not perfect but damn. I feel like I perpetrated this myth that I can't be hurt no matter what. I need nothing. I've even said so on this blog but I'll tell you the truth. Hold up that wall long enough and your muscles will look to outlast your tendons. That shit don't heal folks unless you stay immobile for a very long time. Time and stillness I cannot afford. It can and will wear you down.
I remember feeling like a fish out of water when I received a Christmas gift. I didn't even know how to display appreciation. The look on their face as they looked at me was one of confusion. I may have said "thank you" too many times but it was empty. I am the man with a thousand dollars in his pocket sportin fucked up boots because I'm afraid someone in my circle might need something. I'm always last on my list. Noble or stupid...I don't fuckin know. It's just sad that I didn't know how to react. Truth is I still don't.
Maybe it's me...
~Apollo
PS: This is the extent to my pity fest...
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