so what happens when a family member tells you their father just died 5 minutes ago and you're not only there to listen but to apparently take some of what they feel as well so they don't bear the weight of it all. i actually just found out that the latter is a thing and might be the reason why folk feel better talkin to me... i don't know but after speaking to her brother as well, i can still feel like i got hit in the chest by a steel beam and my shoulders feel weighed down. is that normal? nope, but what the hell is normal anymore? i can tell you what they're feeling and why... which in turn gave me wisdom to counsel. i probably will wind up deleting this one but i have to put this somewhere. i actually feel like my cup has overspilled. both from what i carry myself and from what others have poured in. i'm just sitting here waiting for it to pass, thinking about how many others i may have missed that were important to me... one comes to mind...
someone i loved very deeply was going through a series of things i could feel from a distance. she was in a relationship at the time and when that happens, i usually make it a policy to stay away. simply because it is my experience that if i'm in the picture in any way, shape or form, it will bring problems to that relationship. whether it's from confusion or insecurity on their partners part, i never want to be the reason someone i love fails at finding happiness. in this case, i think i should've been there for more than just some words of encouragement. every part of me wanted to run to her side and hold her as close as any man could hold a woman but my head kept saying "no, you don't want to make her situation worse" and i honestly don't think i'll ever know if i was in the right or in the wrong. it's just one of those things i have to live and learn from. in that particular case, knowing what i know now... i dont think i should've cared all that much what her man would've thought at the time. i could've helped her through it all. not to be some knight in shining armor but to manifest in full the love i truly had for her. to do the utmost of what came naturally... to be the "me" for her... i was designed to be.
and maybe that's the lesson here. maybe investing in taking all that pain is the pinnacle of love's existence. maybe that's why some of us might never be able to sit still. i know there are a few like me reading this now and you may have noticed the same things in your life. i suppose my advice to you is this: never miss the opportunity to be there for those you love. yes, be judicious and mindful never to be led down a path of trials or pains that are not yours to own, but do your best to stand beside them and lead them gently in love to a bearable place. be sure to remember that when you're done... to find yourself a mountaintop to rest and empty out your cup into a river that will receive the waters therein. be at peace. in love... i'm out...
~moses apollo
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