When the very things you love me for keep me from you, it can be one of the most confusing things to accept or even at times... believe. I know what it is to want something so passionately and have no place to take it outside of artistic expression due to a code of honor. I know what it's like to have before me a path where breaking my code would justify calling me a fraud by the very thing I was passionate for. Something I could never bring myself to do. I also know what it's like to treat this code of honor as such an absolute, that it prevents me from seeing through the same prism of nuance I see through for so many other things in my life. To the point of having missed opportunities. Risks I didn't take under the guise of a nobility I encased in box that I subjected myself to. I know the two sides of this coin intimately and have finally come to see it for what it is. Just like everything else, it requires brutal honesty to follow in accordance with truth and that is not for the weak. Yet it is in fact the determining factor one should use when judging whether one is truly honorable... or not. Why? Because when it is true, you will have a philosophy attached to it that is not borrowed from books or imitation. It will be a philosophy branded into the soul by lived-in experience. True men of honor should be able to tell you exactly why they believe what they believe outside of a self-help book or even religion. And "my mama raised me right" don't count.
Today, you have many men claiming a sense of heroic honor. Men that have taken their cues from movies, shows or books that tell stories of the same. All the while, these men are quick to show little to no self-discipline or restraint when taking what they want means they will break the very code of honor they claim to believe in. Women will meet these men and fall in love with the "men of honor" they claim to be. Only to be used, abused, left disillusioned and a bit more lost every damn time. I get sick every time I hear it because you can hear the flatline in their voices and see it in their eyes. What was once a vibrant believing soul loses a bit of spark at what she perceives to be a damaging loss. Left questioning everything and everyone... including themselves. These men break these women and I am tired of seeing it. I've written about this so many times before and I needed to address it again for a reason.
Now... to the "reason" I'm writing this one: You know, I appreciate the phrase "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but understand this: it takes more than just reading a blog and repeating a few nifty phrases and ideas to be a man of honor you piece of sh*t. You need to earn that title and you've earned nothing. I know you read me but you don't know me. You've sacrificed nothing and have only ever taken. Try walkin out on a fine ass woman kneeling before you that puts her hand on your d*ck and says "I'll do whatever you want". A piece of sh*t like you would secretly call that person stupid but that's one act a true man of honor will never regret because he understands the value of walking out with his honor, his relationship and his peace of mind in tact. I'd ask you to do better but you won't so I'll give you the only advice I can give someone like you. Stop pretending and be the piece of sh*t that you are. Chickenheads dig that sh*t and that should be good enough to meet your needs. Leave the real women to real men and if you EVER want to talk about it, your fake ass will know where to find me. I'm out...
"I now return you back to your regularly scheduled program..."
~moses apollo
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