he called it the digital cathedral. the last time he was here, he was a younger man feeling his way through. meeting like-minded souls looking for something new, something old and something rare. looking... for an "overtaking" by something so familiar... it would spring his heart anew.
yet this time, he walked in as a seasoned man. rich in spirit... not needing a thing but all and still... looking to see what, if anything, would call to him. among the artifacts on display were pieces he's seen before. just as beautiful and rare as he remembered. reveling in all the emotions they engendered that welled up inside of him, he made his way to its' center. this place was called the garden and in this place were souls like unto his own. just looking for something more beautiful than themselves... something more profound to house in their hearts memory. a place that displayed every shade of beauty imaginable for every taste and niche... and there she was. a woman seemingly so perfect in view... he could not take his eyes off of her. her face could be best described as "sweet" and her body... a work of art so divine in shape and grace, it could only have been created to adore.
mesmerized yet unfazed, he marveled... perplexed. wondering if she was in fact... real. to his amazement... she was. as he sat near her before a bed of flowers, he began to see other men gather round her, seemingly just as perplexed as he was. only they didn't come for the artifacts. no... they came for her. they did their best to shower her with compliments and gifts. each one more common than the last and they soon became a spectacle to behold for him. understanding their desire to possess her but knowing this was no more than a base need. something... he wasn't there for. he was blessed to simply sit by and observe. watching how all this attention became so common place for her that it drove her to the point of boredom. she'd perform feats of strength and contortion to amuse herself and while others fawned over everything she did, he would just raise a glass, quietly clap and say "well done"... something she began to notice. some thought he was playing a game of sorts to spark her interest but this was simply the way he was. you see, he'd never seen anything this close to what he considered perfection before and all he wanted to do... was understand the why of her. where she came from, why the sweetness of her eyes carried such an amount of weight and where did she acquire the understanding that the power she had to entice wasn't enough to satisfy the need she had to reach the heights of a potential only a few were privy to. he knew that such seemingly hidden angst signaled an uncommon depth and little by little, they became closer without even trying. the closer they got, the more he understood the pain of her past and the unspoken desire to become more than just a showpiece for so many.
and as they spoke, he watched her. he watched her body as she moved in spontaneous joy at being able to be herself and he watched her face stiffen serious every time she spoke about her childhood. he "saw" her... and was all the better for it. in all this, he was also well aware that had they entertained anymore time together, they'd eventually have to leave the garden but alas... she just wasn't ready yet. although the story continued, what he learned about himself in all this would serve him all the more going forward.
he learned that a purity had in fact taken hold inside of him. one that allowed him to see more than beautiful eyes, shape and skin... that facilitated his mastery of lust and carnal desire as best as any human could. he saw that these were now at his beck and call as powerful tools but were not independent enough to govern him as they did most men. he found himself blessed to be one step closer to the formidable stoic man he'd always wanted to be. he saw how beautiful she was and how every man lusted after all they deemed impressive with good reason. yet for him, it was akin to witnessing the most beautiful home he'd ever seen... and he just wanted to know who lived inside. for him... that meant something profound. it was a testament to a truth he had always believed...
that a man without the control of self... could never be worthy enough... to call himself a man...
~moses apollo
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