I've been "inspired" to say something to the "men"... a quick background first:
As everyone that has read this blog knows, I was married before. Married for 17 years in fact and my ex and I today remain "family" after decades of being divorced. We are THAT cool. Our relationship evolved into its familiar bond due to our split being amicable and also due to the fact that we are both emotionally mature human beings that know how to appreciate what is valuable in life. Some have insisted that due to the way we are, we'd be getting back together. We try to tell folks it's not the case but even after close to over 20 years being this way, they still persist in believing that. Projection at it's finest folks... but that ain't my issue. When we first got together in our teens, there was a season of "breaking in." The kind that involves meeting family and friends. Family and friends that would often be so protective of me that NO ONE was ever good enough. I learned early on, that there were things that needed to happen to cement my independence as a man and one of them... was learning how to set folk straight when it came to who I was choosing to be with at any given time. It all started with my then girlfriend soon to be wife.
They didn't accept her right away so they would at times throw in-directs and be dismissive of her even though she was in the same room... making her feel bad in the process. At about 17/18 years old, I had to have a "talk" with them explaining my stance on the matter. As a man, it was my duty to set the guidelines and boundaries. I was NOT about to let anyone disrespect my woman in or out of my presence. If they were to persist, I just wouldn't bring her around anymore and they'd just have to see less of me. Not out of pride or bravado, but out of principle. Men... you must make it clear, without being disrespectful or disagreeable (unless it keeps happening... been there too) that your space is your space and who you decide to spend time with is your choice and must be respected. Not in the spirit of an either/or because family is family but in the spirit of respect. If you are honored among your family... they will comply. If not... you're gonna have to start changing that. It only means you've been a child for far too long. If this hasn't happened yet and you are in your 30's or 40's... all i can say is "damn". Change it... grow a set and do what you need to do for both yourself and your lady.
Ladies, quick word of advice. If you notice that your "man" seems to be hiding you without there being a real world understanding (or mutual arrangement) as to why... something you don't know about is usually going on. Some "men" will use the "family won't accept you" bit to keep you from seeing (or noticing) something they don't want you to. If that has continued longer than you're comfortable with... be very leary. Folks, if I'm serious about someone I think I'm gonna have something substantial with, I'm letting my people know and it's gonna be public if called for. Now some of you have noticed that I make no bones about who I speak to on social media. I hide nothing and I know that any woman I speak to (platonic or not) will check my history to find out I speak to many women. That does NOT mean I'm interested in them all that way but I am a single man and am VERY upfront about my love for love and beautiful things... yes, that definitely includes women. The difference between me and the assh*le is that unless discretion is called for by the women (usually goes without saying) you will know and see it ALL. You can even ask me about it. I will never lie about anything because I have nothing to lie about... I'm a man that is extremely transparent. My honor will not allow me to go full CAD because that would involve lying to women I respect and insulting their intelligence. In other words, with me, they will always have an informed choice. My code does not allow for anything else. A lot of these boys pretend to be platonic online for the sake of appearances and wind up sending dick-pic DM's. I speak and somewhat flirt with many openly online but only rarely will I ever DM anyone. I only do so if there is a familiarity or if I find it urgent and NEVER will I send a dick pic... not my style unless we gettin hot and heavy and a request for one is made. So if we are dm'ing and I find you attractive, you are either becoming (or have become) a friend or I see you as a future probability. In that vein, be advised that everyone I DM currently fits in two hands (including business and friend groups).
So you might ask, why am I explaining all this? Because I live what I speak. How I choose to live my life carries with it the weight of credibility. I am not a gamer, a fraud or a hypocrite and when I speak on these subjects, there is always a reason. Men... REAL men... do right by your women!! Whether you have a few or one... don't let them ever feel disrespected by family or friends. Even when they mean well, it's a sh*tty way to be and it's YOUR job to let them know it. I'm out...
~moses apollo
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