What Time Has Left...

You have read me complain and regurgitate feelings wrought with bitterness and anger.  I have allowed you to experience the internal implodings of an honest poet...emotions that I needed to accept to truly get through this trial with sincerity and brutal honesty.  To get "through" as yet retaining who I am.  Now I stand at the marker where hate is exhausted and bitterness has had it's full course.  For the first time in a long time, I am beginning to see more than just what went wrong.  I am beginning to remember little things that made me smile...I smile still.  Things that at the time made me laugh...another phase in healing.  This is the time in my healing where I must be vigilant not to allow nostalgia to create false memories...or false hope.  Just as anger can exagerrate failure, nostalgia can create moments of bliss that never were as blissful as you see them now yet I accept them as sweet none the less.  It is at this point where we can actually find moments that make our journey worthwhile.  Where regret is no longer an option.  I hope to find such as my softened heart allows me to begin to actually forgive...as my Lord would see fit.

You see people usually stop at anger and hold onto that for as long as they can.  I feared moving beyond that phase but it seems some people God brings into your life along the way have a manner about them that have the ability to soften the heart.  If you can believe it, a friend's picture actually helped me along in a way I did not expect.  I don't know why or how but that one picture had the power to help me re-appreciate the beauty of "the moment".  I imagine it was the truth of the capture itself...pure beauty.  To be able to record such a beautiful second in time is a powerful thing.  It allows the viewer to appreciate one single second for years on end...something truly..."amazing".  Those that can see it and make it happen are artists within their own right and I commend my photographer friends for such God-granted vision.  It really takes forethought to see a moment and capture it forever.  Luis, Yesenia, Frank, Millie and even Jen...great talents...great vision.

Yet here I am now...bad memories, some good memories...and a beautiful picture.  You know what?...I'm ok :-)