It's dark and it's raining. Dreams and thoughts just running through my mind. Some to dismiss, some to take seriously and some make me want to lash out in anger foolishly. Something I clearly understand doesn't make any sense. Lashing out in anger always hurts you more than it does the object of your anger. So why bother? You feel better in the moment but regret words and actions for days or even years to come. So was it really worth it? Nah
You know folks I've secluded myself for months now. I've separated myself from everything and everyone so that I could heal right from hurt. You have all seen that. I'm comin up on another clearing. I know what I need to do to be content and maybe even happy. What's truer than that is that it has nothing to do with anyone but myself. Some people need to learn how to really be in a relationship, others need to learn how to be single and retain respect. I know all about respect but I have found that being single requires too much bullsh*t for a man like me to stomach. I'm not a hoe and I'm extremely selective. Having options means very little to me. What good are options if that's all they are? I have truly been dismayed by the idea of "the one" and do not have the stomach nor the time for "the many". If it's something in between I really don't care to find out right now. I just can't seem to find that "reset" button. Who knows but maybe I wore it out. I don't know but like someone once said..."I'm done".
Yet in truth, beyond relationship and everyday life issues, I need to concentrate on Moe. Not to be become selfish like some presumably do to be "happy" under the term "f*ck it", but just the opposite. To do more for others is to do more for me. To abandon the fear of non-reciprocation and just "do as I do". To be right and just and noble. Traits that were the pinnacle of my existence for quite some time. Some of which have been erroneously tossed aside out of necessity...even out of anger. In a nutshell, I will never cease from wanting...not more for me, but to be a better man and a better father.
This rainy day has me telling the truth. This rainy day has me missing. This rainy day has me finding. This rainy day has me deciding...
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