People...

Oh how one day great day can precede one so shitty!!!  Oh how you could laud someone with great accolade only for that same person to treat you like shit the very next day.  Another day, another argument based on a question that needed the receiver to look at themselves.  Discussions that turn into arguments because of fucked up pride.  When logical arguments can no longer be offered, name calling takes place and what they hate about you is brought to light in the ugliest of terms.  So it seems as though they only want the bits and pieces of you that they deem "good for them".  They want your body but not your heart.  They want your mind but not your body.  In this particular case, they love that you care as much as you do but hate the way you show it.  It's fucking hysterical when you think about it.  Those that want it all get pissed because I only give what I can.  Those that get it all...it's too much.  Fuck it then...

So if they love that you care as much as you do but don't like the way you show care or concern?  My only solution is stop caring altogether.  I'm just so fuckin tired...

I'm just so fuckin wonderful right?  Wise?  Beautiful too...yeah I get that one but all that shit goes out the window the second I refuse to appease your sensibilities and needs.  Which begs the question...how real are all those accolades anyway? LMFAO

Rant done...

The Lover's Pine - A Poem by Moe

what eloquence is mine to breathe

when smiling comes from this

that grace on me is to bequeath

angelic gaze and kiss

to set this mortal man ablaze

that feet should touch the sky

to bask in beauty's lovely haze

with love left to imply

so Lord I pray make way for shine

and aim true at my heart

that I may feel the lovers pine

that muse these works of art

~Moses 

Monster Rose Up - A Poem by Moe

With old rusted feathered claws as hands

He roams through the vast deserted lands 

He holds visage low so he can't see

"all of the people staring at me"

His skin is thick but easy to tear

It's charred, burned and uneasy to wear

Looks up to heaven as if to say

"Why, oh Lord have you made me this way" 

His touch is soft and made to infect

Voice for receipt but apt to reject

Eyes that see love in all these rare souls

Also finds dark in like minded holes

Choices now varied, embers to flame

Black to deep red, it's never the same

Built by the blood and flesh from his bone

Child at heart, in a soul fully grown

Eager to fly and eager to rest

Eager to plant what flows from his chest

So all inside, from black went to white

If it goes dark, all colors switch right

Lines in his hands, the same on his face

Hiding so much, those lines have found place

Lines forming roads for years yet to grow

Monster rose up to let it all go...

~Moses Apollo

The Moment...

You know there is always this moment everyone gets.  The moment they decide to do more with their lives.  To be more for those in their world.  It comes as a welcome breeze inviting you into greatness...and then it's gone.

We all have them.  That goosebump inducing vision of all we could be...of all we should be.  It's like a perfect wave that's meeting up with a skilled surfer.  The one they look for to solidify their immortality.  You have to see it coming and when it does...ride those waters till they settle every time.  It never takes you all the way but it does take you some of the way.  Problem is those waves can and will take you far enough to merit goodbyes or "see you laters" and too many are tied in with folk unskilled at surfing the waves.  Levels are as life would have them and anyone wishing you remain at their level when you are set to go on to the next or are there already, is not looking out for your best interest.  So don't miss your moment simply because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings.  If they're true friends, they will watch with great pride as you become all you were meant to.  If they get upset?  Fuck em, they weren't in your corner to begin with.

Don't miss your moment being entertained.  Don't miss your moment standing in a spot where there is no place for it to arrive and most of all...don't miss your moment trying to create an artificial one when the real one is just on the horizon.  Stay hip, stay wise...stay vigilant.  Your moment is on it's way.

Still surfin...I'm out

~Moses  

Woof...

The forward to the new book is pretty much done.  Yeah, fun choice of words and yes, I am glorious for choosing to use those words lol  I'll say this much, to rehash everything provides a good perspective and after rehashing everything, I'm more than just good.  The rehashing is an exercise I must undertake if this is to be done right.  I have to base all things on what was felt as I wrote to be able to piece everything correctly and that my friends, is a welcome trip to say the least.  I just hope my muse will be happy with what I'm able to produce.  She don't read my blog so I'll just let some shit out right quick lol  I'll just "blame it on the boogie" if she finds out.  God, I'm delirious lol  

It's funny but most often rehashes are done by people that have broken up looking to say this or that was a mistake.  Some times they may be right but in the case of this particular rehash which has nothing to do with a break-up, I'm gonna tell you the truth.  I fell because I was supposed to as the connection we have gave me no motherfuckin choice...period.  How's that for truth?  If I no longer loved her, I'd say that I'd do it all again in a fuckin heartbeat.  Want more truth?  Furthermore, we might be on different roads at the moment but that don't mean shit to someone like me as I am one that believes that anything can happen.  I ain't waitin around for it but when and if our romantic roads meet again?  Her room is fully furnished and ready for occupancy.  Why?  I've said it almost every damn post...when love is true, it doesn't change.  The only thing that can and should change is if the relationship was toxic.  In those cases, you have no choice but to love from afar...like another state kind of far.  Now, I can't speak for her but I can only speak for myself when I say this sappy stuff because this is how I view love.

Why is all this so important?  I keep coming back to the same issue.  Most of you find or make up reasons as to why you broke up during your own rehash sessions and start speaking negatively of an ex.  No matter what happens with my muse, I will always see her as beautiful as the day I met her soul for the first time.  So whatever happens from the break-up point or backing-away or whatever the fuck you need to call it should never make a difference when it comes to the truth of things.  All the women I have loved throughout my life had issues as do I but when the good substantially outweighed the bad, I will not hesitate to praise their worth and value.  Never allow what you feel today to taint what you felt then.  If it was real...say so.  If she was a good woman...say so.  If you fucked up...say so.  Just keep it real is all I'm saying.  Back at it tomorrow!!!

On a side note, it feels fuckin great to let this out here publicly since only a handful of people know the story.  Her name will remain safely tucked away but the story is so rich in real merit and truth.  I'm glad I can finally speak on it since I'm putting this all together anyway.  Yet sadly for you all nosy folk, as beautiful as you still are, this is as much as I will say so suck it lol

~Moses Apollo        

PS:  I re-read all this and noticed it was all over the place...but who cares!!! lol  Still true...

Within This Heart - A Poem By Moe

so now as good as memory serves

remind my soul your breath

and find that truest love preserves

all grace that's beaten death

for what is born at depth survives

eluding outer twists

as truest love that's kept relies

on love that still exists

past breath oh please now show me grace 

that truth may be my art

come breathe her soul and show her face

still housed within this heart

~Moses

Okay...

My first installment (Heartbeat Of Apollo) was done loosely and without the professional tools I just finished installing.  Tools that will allow me to create a finished product ready to publish.  The first was more of an "attempt" to write a book as opposed to actually writing one.  This will not be the case here.  This has to be done better.  The theme must be clearer and it's open-ended ending must be felt.  I don't how it's gonna turn out but to say I'm excited at the thought of it is an understatement.

My only vice in all this is the vice of an artist.  The immersion that leads to a seclusion I just can't help.  To create is like falling in love...it's all you think about.  You see it in everything and everyone.  Inspiration comes from so many places and because this creation is inspired by a muse...I must see this muse in almost everything as well.  That will be a tough one as I cannot see this muse in the present but instead I must see as I saw at the writing of every piece.  So my disappearance becomes clearer as I have felt a pull do so.  I guess longer nights await me...and so it goes...

~Moses 

PS:  Love a real artist at your own risk.  If you can't handle things like this then please don't even begin to look their way.  They are unorthodox and eccentric.  They have no rules set in stone but have strong feelings nonetheless about the lines they will not cross.  They love deeper, they fall harder and will never give in to loss.  As for passion?  there is none to equal it's importance for the real artist as this is their life's blood.  There is no box made for us so don't even try to fit us into one.  We don't ease up on the message nor do we compromise our work.  The art is everything and when we create?  It will take a fire to get us moving.  If you haven't learned this by now, then I'm afraid you never will.

Boredom...

As much as I know about humanity, I am still somewhat perplexed by boredom.  I really don't understand it or the power it wields.  I mean think about it.  With all the technology one has at their disposal, you would think that could be used to keep one at least entertained but no, it still isn't enough.  As a child, I would push myself to remain still.  I would just sit.  Wherever my mind went is where I would go with the only exception being what I like to consider "dark thought".  These days, I just brush up on current events or get into studying different subjects.  How boredom can become a trigger to a depressed state in a developed mind is truly beyond "sense".

"So what are you saying?  You don't like to go out?"

That is not what I'm saying at all nor am I encouraging anyone to become a homebody.  When I go out, it's because I feel like it.  For a simple "just because" or for something specific but I am not one to allow myself to be ruled by some wretched thing named boredom telling me that if I don't do as it says, it will turn my mood to shit.  Folks, you will find out in time that almost every emotion's power over your mind is based solely on how much power you allow it weild.

"So I'm wrong for wanting to go out?"

No one said anything about right or wrong but I will say that if NOT "doing" is affecting you in a negative way, then it's not healthy.  See I've known children to "get bored" due to an underdeveloped mind but adults?  I'm not making judgement calls or anything of the sort.  All I'm saying is that you all need to check that shit.  Never allow anything to turn your mood.  Never allow anything that kind of control over you and because I'm mainly speaking to friends I know to be strong...use that strength for focus.  You wanna go out and do things?  Go ahead and enjoy.  Just make sure it's because you want to as opposed to needing to as it can become a crutch replacing your self control just like anything else.  Stay hip my people...much love

~Moses

Exit...

"You see the hands that build? Can also pull down

Even the hands of love..."

Well folks, what can I say but that here is yet another day I draw deeper to my close.  I think I'm done.  Life in social media is grand but real life is much richer and fuller than that.  I thought to stay close was enough but truly, I don't think I'd go missed that badly anyway.  It's not that I am less loved but everyone has roads they're on they must travel.  If they ever truly knew me, they know I'll be around if they need me.  Truth is, I feel I have overstayed my welcome in certain cases.  A man that overstays his welcome can say or do more than they were meant to in any given amount of time and one can never truly know if more harm than good is being done.  I guess I've been procrastinating giving myself time to change my mind but I keep coming back to this.  This isn't anger, disgust or despair as I feel none.  It's probably about time.

So to any of you all that know me on Facebook, I will continue to write as I have been and I will finish my compilation but Facebook is all but done.  I'll return someday but not anytime soon.  I'll finish up some stuff, tie off loose ends and get my time away from it all again.  Those that give a shit know how to find me and those that don't?...carry on!!! lol

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

Climb...

Fire me up to speak this unadulterated truth as I see my antiquated youth selling slabs of gold they hold inside for a fucked up momentary high.  All to escape the "why"  Flickered up weed, liquored up liver so the death giver ain't that far behind.  The chase is what they find behind clean blinds shuttered and closed.  Thinkin nobody knows what's brewin in their ever dying souls.  Body shrinkin, breath stinkin, death linkin as eyes grow dull from the lull of time passin slow when all they want to know is: Where is life?

Ignored question required suggestion that maybe chemical amnesia might help.  Only to find death taking them farther away from answers and closer to addictive cancers hellbent on their destruction.  Obstruction guiding them and riding them deep inside their foggy minds and dirty blinds they no longer need to clean.  Taking them even deeper towards the crypt keeper they now call friend.  This is called the bitter end as the clock that strikes "when" starts cracklin at their door.  Crawl the floor but fuck the door, they need another high to forget the "why" they got this low in the first place when all they wanted to know is: Where is life?

I know the taste of this place and the fucked up face that follows.  Leaves men and women hollow and dead because to feel is too fuckin real.  To see is too fuckin me and the kind that hates the mirrored image looking back.  Too far down for slack to make the climb but in your soul you notice time and what to do with seconds left.  It's all you got so make more time...fuckin climb...

~Moses 

My Battles - A Poem By Moe

here torn and broken skin to bone

from all my battles fought

to keep all memory mine to own

of all that they have wrought

all skin and bone they heal just fine

and tougher than before

but loss of feeling's first design

shows wear inside my core

and inner battles rage with deft

to make this man of steel

but what I fear is to be left

with nothing more to feel

so daily does my tended soul

find ways to live this art

that it may keep my living whole

replenishing my heart

~Moses

Moments Touch - A Poem By Moe

what sunlight shown at heavens gaze

did split apart all heavy haze

that keeps all souls from blessed sights

now drawn from smiles through whispered nights

what winds have blown from holy breath

did draw new life from eagers death

that slowly kills the hearts acclaim

but now to hear, in love, my name

what earth I feel that brushed my skin

did quicken fire and flame within

from all the subtle distance brings

to finally feel, my soul it sings

and all the hopeful when we part

that lasts within the beating heart

what more can lovers seek today

but moments touch to light our way

~Moses  

Life Of Love - A Poem By Moe

"Keep holding on...cause you know we'll make it through..."

what happens when all love is new

when fame and fortune's passion flew

to heights you never thought they'd reach

and feelings rest without beseech

yet we are taught this cannot last

as life on earth goes circling fast

but when you know this cycles course

you wait the round and trust the Source

for true love's faces manifest 

through cycling round while braving quest

that life of love will find great strength

from heartfelt gaze beyond life's length

~Moses  

Crowds...

The king had conquered most inner torments throughout his life but a few would always remain for his own sake.  Nightly he would venture off alone into the crowds of people that had needs he could never meet.  These moments served him as a reminder that he could not help everyone.  That he would always lag behind in his efforts so long as he was human.  Nameless faces, outstretched hands...clawing at him.  In these times, there is nothing he could do.  Leaving him sad and feeling a sense of inadequacy.  Always bringing him back to that relatable place.  Yet this time, amongst the crowds, he saw someone he knew sitting on the floor against one of the walls in the city.  He shouted her name and she did not move.  He tried to get to her but the crowd was too many.  Her face buried in her folded arms, she sat still...almost lifeless.  As if she was waiting for someone or something to pull her up.

The king pressed the crowds, knocking a few over in the process, reached at her arm and pulled her into his cloak without saying a word.  He brought her into a room of her own within his home without ever asking why she never came to him since all that were close to him always had access before the crowds.  Did she think he had forsaken her or cast her aside?  The thought of this saddened him because he had always made clear how dear she was to him.  No words or explanations were ever needed so long as she knew he was there and he knew she was ok.  No one this close to the king should ever feel this lost so long as he has breath.

Herein lay the kings saving grace.  For what good is loving the world when those that are closest to him feel nothing of his love.  The image of her in that position has stayed in his mind and he wonders now what more could be done... 

Folks, there are very few people in this world that you can claim real responsibility over and these are recognized by blood and vow but there are others you can claim no responsibility over that still engender the same level of care.  These are recognized by love.  Their pride can tell you that they are ok and that they are not your concern.  You will look to help anyway without even knowing where to start and because they are so prideful, you must do so without them knowing it was you lest they think they owe you something.  Tough job huh?  Well, when love makes the call, you do what you can and for me?  It's called breathing lol

~Moses

Frequencies...

"Hey soul sister I don't wanna miss a single thing you do"

I was talking to my son today about connecting signals based on frequencies.  How they must match or you will get a weak signal at best.  We discussed all this in technical terms after I had a great conversation with someone whose frequency matched my own.  Back and forth with an in depth understanding of all that was being said.  With every retort finding ten knew lines of connection we could've pursued.  This is connection.  This is matched frequency.  It is the "how" behind ending arguments early.  The "why" behind the conversations that only end at sleepiness and the "just because" in silly talk that makes no sense but strikes up laughter none the less.

These are the best relationships.  Found in friends, family and sometimes, although rare...in lovers.  I say rare because most will stay if one thing is great and everything else is so-so.  Yet when your levels are off balance, that sh*t will get grating over time.  You tolerate it at first but when an issue arises that is important to you based on your level of experience whose importance isn't shared by your mates level of experience...that's when it becomes something that needs to be addressed.  Folks, frequencies aren't based on feelings.  They are based on what makes our souls tick...experiential knowledge.  All you've gained through life lets out that "vibe" we pick up on.  The more you've lived to know, the stronger the vibe that runs through it's prospective frequency.

My frequency runs long and it's louder than most others that run on the same yet that is only because I've lived a full life as they will soon too.  Most of the souls I have come to love and just a handful of friends run as mine does except as I mentioned, not as loud...yet.  This is what I look for.  An easy slide for access inside that runs both ways.  When sharing is never pointless or superfluous as there is usually something to glean.  So yeah, when frequencies match?  Sh*t...easy baby.  You dig?

~Moses

Trips In Conversation - A Poem by Moe

my trips in conversation

whose term enlightens me

at times with invitation

will open locks with key

a key that's made at levels

where lock was also made

it turns all hidden bevels

with counter's even trade

if your counter levels low

your flow will hit dead air

trips at best will be a show

with questions left for care

choosing counter always mind

all depth and breadth of heart

one of both and you will find

all trips will end at start

~Moses

The Foregone Conclusion...

"Cause when I say I love you...that's forever.."

When something is real...it stays.  You can entertain yourself till the cows come home but you'll always remember the real.  You'll always want it, you'll always be open to it and for it.  You'll hear it in the song and you'll see it in the setting.  It never leaves.  What people fail to comprehend most times is that when something is real, it is irreplaceable.  Which is why I never try to engage in such a foolish endeavor.  No, the real stays reserved for another day or an impromptu surprise that usually becomes a foregone conclusion.  I handle these things by choosing to no longer wait for them when I see there could be a shifting taking place.  What must happen...will happen.  Whether you plan for it or not...I ain't worried about it.  Now you might ask in error..."You're pretty sure of yourself huh?".  Sure of myself?  No, I'm sure of the power of the real ;-)

Amor Vincit Omnia

~Moses Apollo

PS:  Too vague about the real?  If you don't know, I can't help you lol

Symbiosis - A Poem By Moe

"I want to tell you that I'm feeling closer..."

he's scatterbrained, insane and tossed

as shackles worn are all but lost

so here he is, this second man

to wreak all havoc on the plan

plans laid for easy steady soar

this second man, he just wants more

but he is me within my best

he seethes at passing wanton test

he'll scratch and bite the meaty lift

to keep receiving nightly gift

till wants and needs go redesigned

and symbiosis is refined

~Apollo

Fare The Feast - A Poem By Moe

all flight is mine to take tonight

my wheels roll off the road

my eager press to do this right

stoked fear from all that flowed

but fear it has no hold at moons

that I create myself

for breath that airs poetic croons

takes passion off the shelf

and I for one won't tame a beast

that's been so far so tame

I'll let him out to fare the feast

that's laid out in his name

~Apollo

Easy Baby...

There was a time that I purposely let myself go a little to look somewhat normal.  To assuage people from thinking me a slut or even stupid and I thought I was doing the right thing.  I was tired of the crazy that followed me on occasion.  Only problem was, I was seeped in false humility.  Like I should cover up who I really was to be able to less than "larger than life".  Today, I'm back to MY normal.  Looking as best as I can and I am still neither stupid or a slut and I have yet to consider myself "larger than life".  All stupid shit that remains in the eye of the beholder.

You see I was reminded of that on Facebook a bit ago when an older lady implied that I was nothing more than a mindless muscle-bound freak that had no knowledge of the true meaning of beauty simply because I didn't find overweight 13 yr old girls pole dancing sexy.  A comment she immediately retracted but still showed up in my email.  I answered with my usual flair, throwin in a bit of flirtiness in my shit to fluster.  If she had pearls, she snatched them shits.  I showed her a glimpse of myself.  Just as I do with my pictures and poetry.  You all may not believe me but that ain't all of me and that is something very few are really willing to find out.  They go no further than the words or the body but what about the man?  They are too afraid to ruin the fantasy with the reality when the truth is the reality only adds meat to mist.  People are people and the only thing you can control is you so I won't even sweat what they think.  Quick advice: never feel bitterness towards their assumptions as these are usually fueled by stereotypical caricatures presented by the cultures themselves.

I'm done holding back and I'm gonna continue to go as far as I can without this fallacious fear of what I may become or who I may lose in the process.  I know who and what I am so I should only gain but those I lose, I only lose because they thought me one way and never bothered to delve any deeper.  So I think I'll take a different tact this time out...fuck em lol

~Moses Apollo     

My Hook - A Poem by Moe (unpublished oldie)

"let loose, from the noose"

you think you see a hook in me

stuck in by their design

but you don't know I made the choice

to ride a hook that's mine

don't say a word but when time comes

I'm jumping off this hell

cause I can hear the whispered mums

of them that built my cell

they'd throw me in and lock the door

to showcase what they own

but they don't see my chess made floor

I've layed to take me home

if they be true I'll gladly stay

and swing up on my hook

but if I see me used some way

I'll walk without one look

for all I have I freely give

to them that show great worth

and show myself availed to live

beside them on this earth

but silly minds are proved at last

that think me just the same

so jumping off the hook I cast

I spit upon that game

~Apollo

Sometimes...

"to ever dream without it's life...is to die slow in confined delusional bliss"

...you purposely set things out of your reach because you see them special.

...your reasoning goes unseen and/or even mocked.

...people forget that keeping things out of reach is a choice of one doing his best to stay honorable as opposed to someone unable to reach for and take almost anything he wants.

...you accept the fact that what was out of reach may remain that way for quite some time (or even in perpetuity) and you fix your mind to live in the moment that is before you without trepidation.

...you accept the fact that love will remain but life must go on as it does for all those around you.

...you start trusting your own strength and honor to keep things "right"
...you realize that all you have inside is not for you alone but was created to breathe and live in fertile grounds apt to receive all that you are.in fullness

...a bit of "yes" here and there won't do no harm.

I give thanks to my to my brother for reminding me of these things.  I'm good...and I'm about to get much better...

my happy middle ;-)
"L’amour est l’emblème de l’éternité, il confond toute la notion de temps, efface toute la mémoire d’un commencement, toute la crainte d’une extrémité."

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

My World...

At times, you may read that I am a king and refer to my kingdom.  Other times, you may read about my world.  To read this surfaced is to say that I am living in a delusion when nothing could be further from the truth.  I don't often reveal much about my terminology but for what I am about to share...it may be required...

Yes...I am a king and my kingdom can not be quantified by lands, wealth or possession.  Instead, my kingdom resides within me.  My subjects are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control on one side of my kingdom and adultery, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, and envy on the other. At the center of my kingdom, these have all learned to work together for the good of the kingdom. So you see, I am made king because I do my best to govern myself and all that is within me.  Now, notice how I never mention ancestry, skin color or tribal affiliations.  Too many consider themselves kings and queens simply so they can claim an air of superiority and acclaim by way of a delusional ancestry that engenders a sense of entitled respect without the same respect needing to be returned in kind.  I detest such thought because these people come off unmerited usurpers forcibly claiming a title they are not worthy of.  As such I cannot in good conscience consider one that cannot rule his own kingdom as worthy of any crown.  Too many seek to control their external environment and all those in it while not being able to control themselves.  Me?  I earned my crown folks...

As to my world, this is my circle.  Family, friends and lovers that are close to me share in my world as I share in theirs.  So with all being made clear, I can tell you that my world at times has not made sense.  Things I thought I should've seen early kept me in breathless anticipation.  Now, I can see them manifesting before my eyes in my very children.  If I told you that I was emotionally moved when I learned that my youngest has taken to broadening his musical interests by including classical music and The Beatles, you would think nothing of it.  If I told you that I jumped for joy when I saw my eldest buying parts to build his own computer system, then to watch him build it asking me technical questions very few could understand, you would probably say "that's a good thing".  Yet to me, this is them finally manifesting bits of all I consider "good" within myself.  We watch them grow somewhat crooked even after we had instilled in them all that is good in us that they may build upon that good becoming better than us.  I had no doubt it would happen but we get impatient and begin to wonder if we did enough.  If we said enough.  Or maybe even that our mistakes has caused them to abandon all thoughts of emulation.  Folks, your children will fail you.  Just as we have failed our parents in times past.  Yet we grew into the better of them as our understanding increased to include empathy bringing us to the point of appreciation and awe that they could go through all they went through and still maintain their integrity albeit flawed in some cases.  I'm seeing this now and my world is all the more beautiful.

My beautiful people that are parents...be patient.  If you did your job, it will bear fruit in time.  It'll come together soon enough...trust it.  I'm out...

~Moses  

My Wind...

My wind has never let me down.  Even when I met trusted gusts that were riddled with tiny shards of glass.  When dust and dirt was swept up with me among my sails.  Where ever I finally landed was a space meant for me.  At times needing nothing to find it's peace and at other times, needing me to see through eyes of glass, dirt or dust to be able to appreciate the ground I was swept away to.  I may not understand it all, but that's always ok so long as I have landed where I am meant to be at any given moment or space in time.

What tender moments came, came at the behest of my wind.  What beauty has come, came ordained by my wind.  What pretty purple laced rainbows I have yet to find the end of...will also be found by the patient guidance of the same.  Until then, my wind will take me to parts and places unknown. With eyes fixed on tender, beauty and pretty purple laced rainbows...I fly on...

~Moses 

Immortal Stars - A Poem by Moe

what's housed within immortal soul

seeks manifest immortal role

to love with everlasting flair

and lay at rest without a care

they'd talk for hours about the day

and make the sun bless all they say

beneath the moon they'd lay embraced

till stars avail what's wholly graced

her glistening skin cries out for kiss

with slow caress to flow from this 

this love made spring from reservoirs

gives life to new immortal stars...

~Moses    

What Twisted Song - A Poem By Moe

what somber note to lose and gain
what twisted song to sing
for one to smile and still feel pain
without a tear to bring

for joy and grief are but two states
that come and go in time
but now to deal with both these fates
should now be deemed a crime

but still we press to count our bliss
ignoring all that ails
to move on past the spirits kiss
contending with our sails

what light awaits, one cannot say
for still we sail till dawn
but night has left all doors to sway
till all that's left is gone

~Moses Apollo 

Here's A First...

"I want more than just ok..."

Up till now, I have kept all of my physical progress pictures on Facebook to motivate folks into some form of exercise.  I get the feeling though that I have gone past the point of relatability.  Somebody told me that my bar is too high.  I might agree except that I would remove the word "too" because if I could meet this standard, then I truly believe anyone can.  It is only a matter of how far they are will to push and for some reason, people have been drawn into lulls of an unhealthy contentment.  I believe in contentment so long as what one is content with meets one's value.  Not just in the physical realm but in everything else.  More and more, it seems people are settling for shit that doesn't take work and when someone does go beyond their comfort zone, they are applauded as though they have done something grand when that should be the "norm".  It seems that people look at me as though I'm some sort of monster and I know guys out there bigger and more defined.  I guess the only difference between them and me is that I stay looking this way or better year round as opposed to getting lean just for a contest.  

I put these up to motivate and also as a way to gauge my progress since I delete them from my system.  Posting them is a good way to see progress.  I won't be doing this as much here since this is more a blog for writing but one thing I feel must be clear.  I don't do this to impress or to intimidate.  My goal in physical prowess has less to do with appearance and way more to do with molding my outer man to match my inner man in strength, beauty and longevity.  I seek wholeness my people.  A balance of the spirit, soul and body.

These were taken today (9/16/2016) and I am currently weighing in at 215 lbs

My goal is body recomposition which is the simultaneous gain of muscle while losing fat.  In this case the scale does not change but your appearance does.  Lose a pound of fat and gain a pound of muscle means zero loss on the scale but a heavy gain in appearance and strength.

Ok "Do What Now?"...

I'd like to thank a blond Texan that shall remain nameless for the acquisition of the titles phrase.  It basically means "say what?" or in Brooklynese "What the fuck did you just say?" lol  Yeah, something like that.  I had to come on here to reiterate a principal I live by when I am in a relationship.  It's quite simple:  Be a gentleman when most appropriated...

There are many ways a man can be a gentleman but for our purposes, we'll discuss the the use of discretion.  To not use discretion is more fool-hearty than it is a stoning offense.  Especially when it comes to his woman.  My mother, my father and life itself has shown me the reason why discretion is so very important.  They always made it clear that any man that would put out his sexual business in public is not simply demeaning himself, but more so the woman he is with because it presents her as a sexual object left to the imagination of the reader or the listener.  I am not passing judgement on anyone.  Being the way I am and who I am, I find it disrespectful and foolish.  Here are just two examples out of many I can cite...

First example:  I was a young man at a friends house.  My friends brother was apparently dating a freak.  He had a picture of this woman in his wallet in the nude...vaginal lips spread open by her fingertips.  He thought it cool, we thought it disgusting but the image remained ingrained in our minds to this very day.  It wasn't even properly taken.  Anyway, he decides to get serious with her, marries her, has children with her but seemed to forget that he had shown his brother and I a picture of his current soulmate in the nude...spread eagle.  Awkward?  You have no fucking idea!!!

Second example:  I know this guy that was dating a young lady that thought it ok to strongly imply he had a large penis by way of using the phrase "You have noooooooo problem in that department" on Facebook.  As one would imagine the "ooo"s took the place of inches.  Long story short, her friends were not very respectful to their relationship when they all finally met as they thought it ok to be quite handsy and flirtatious to a high level of discomfort.  She blamed him...huh?

Now, I have seen two current incidents that really bothered me.  Why these in particular?  One, because I care about the women involved and two, because I can't say shit given the fact that neither they nor their friends said anything about it as it happened either.  This leads me to believe they either think it's ok or the men got a "talkin to" later.  I hope it's the latter but given the climate of the times, I'm just not sure.  I can't say anything to them but I can vent about it here.  Gentleman, give your woman and your relationship the respect they deserve.  Boys, learn to be gentlemen.  Being a gentleman does mean that you are a pussy.  It just means that you can show manners and decorum when and where it is needed.  As for these two women, I know them and I know they deserve way more respect than that.  Especially on fuckin social media that is accessible to anyone and everyone...including children.  So please stay aware folks...I'm out

~Moses

Epiphany...

Well, this will be by next.  The title may change as may the design but "pretty" is essential so that must stay.  I'm keepin it cool but I'm kind of excited that I'm gonna start compiling the new pieces for the second installment.  Send prayers, good vibes and well wishes folks...I'm out

Nothing For Today...

...and unless something interesting happens or an epiphany hits...maybe nothing for awhile folks...

Stay Beautiful

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

My Horizon Cometh...

"So I set out on my own just to breath again. 

Touch the light that calls me home just to reach the end"

The storm that appeared suddenly had begun to dissipate.  Looking over my ship I found many valuables tossed overboard from the force of the storm.  Yet nothing worth being grieved over since the horizon promises so much more.  Going over the passenger manifest I found many had taken the lifeboats when they saw the storm coming.  In truth it made me feel a bit melancholy because I really thought they trusted me to get the ship through. Yet at the same time I felt somewhat relieved to at least be able to identify those that sought the glory of the horizon without the willingness to bear the cost it took to get there.  I suppose one could say the ones that stayed had earned their part.  I will also make honorable mention of a few that entered the vessel during the storm.  They bailed water like honorable seamen worth their weight in gold earning their part as well.  My trip took longer than expected but by the grace of God, we are still underway.  What storms await only God knows and what strength it takes to get there I am sure He will provide.  Nothing worth having ever comes easy and what value is placed on what we seek is made manifest by what sacrifice we are willing to undertake to have it.  This trip has taught me this much thus far.  I am content to press forward with less...

A captains log I came up with to illustrate a point.  You will set goals and follow through.  Some will see it and cheer you on.  They may even hitch a ride on your bandwagon.  Watch what they do at the hiccups you face along the way.  Do they bail on you?  Or do they stick by you?  This not only determines who is and isn't your friend but it also makes known who actually believes in you and who just stuck around to be able to take something from you they didn't earn.  Keep quiet and press on.  Those you lose, you didn't really have anyway.  Hold no bitterness or anger as they did you a kindness.  They let themselves be known for you without having to find out later...when you do meet your goal.  I make nothing known or unknown.  I just watch and learn.  From what I've seen?  Shit lol  I'm so close to unplugging it's unreal.  I'm down to three things keeping me around...if my stomach can still handle the rest.  I'm out

~Moses  Apollo

More To Claim - A Poem By Moe

"Don't close your eyes, something beautiful is still alive..."

this house is built of stock and stone

made art through irons strike

for chiseled muscle skin and bone

made home for none alike

this soul is built of life and love

made art through sacrifice

to learn and feel through push and shove

made gold at heavy price

this spirit came from long ago

born art through spoken Word

years grown methodical and slow

yields power undeterred

so find you what you need in this

tri-partite goes our frame

imbalanced whole finds life's abyss

so build the more to claim

~Moses

Awakened, Let Me Dream - A Word By Moe

in my dream, I heard a voice...it was mine

"close your eyes...feel my intention 

open your hands and reach...touch my skin making out my shape and my name by feel alone

place your cheek on mine...tease my lips with your own till I salivate with hunger

palm my chest...let your hands realize the quickened beating of my heart

now offer me your hands

come...lay down my love

allow me to look upon you 

allow me to float above you in ecstatic glory

feel my breath on your beautifully opened ear as I exhale

feel the graze of my lips on your neck slowly making their way to your breast

feel the graze of my tongue on your sweet ribcage slowly making it's way past your belly button 

feel my breath, my lips, my tongue landing on what's most rich and moist

your pink runway that flows of milk and honey

let me eat and drink till I am full 

till you my love are spent

and I am drunk in you" 

satiated...I awaken to a scent

the first rose of my night 

"awakened...let me dream"

~Apollo

Moe's Ramblings On The Character Of Love...

1 Corinthians 13:1-8 New King James Version (NKJV)

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 

Without true love, your beautiful words fall flat and insincere.  Reaching only the soulish ear but never reaching the spirits heart.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 

Without true love, your powers will become limited as they will be self serving alone.  I know assholes with great power that couldn't move a soul but are content to impress their limited abilities.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Without true love, your giving will extend as far as the hand of another that may change their circumstance but will never truly change their life.  Your deeds will have their own reward because the receiver will be blessed but to you, they will but satiate an ego driven mind that seeks recognition for his works.

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Now take some time and read that verse again.  Ask yourself in all honesty...is that you?  No, it's not me either but I'm still in training.  Here we see the contrast between the character of a selfish soul and the character of love.  If anyone says "I am jealous because I love you", they are in error as that is nothing but greed.  Jealousy and greed are not in the character of love but are human traits as these are possessive reactions.  Possessiveness is not in the character of love but is a human trait that extends only to itself.  To use the term "she is mine" must be accompanied by it's counter "as I am hers" if it is to remain within the character of love.  Otherwise, it is akin to one owning another and that is not love.  To surrender is to love but if it is not reciprocated, take back your surrender.  If you don't, you will suffer a disillusionment that will have you believing love is flawed.  You will justifiably say you gave love out and it did not return.  Something that had nothing to do with the purity of your love but instead had everything to do with the selfishness of the one you chose to share it with.  Always keep this in mind when you see the failures of your mate materialize.  Love did not fail...even if they did.

8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

This is why I believe that love is a separate entity that unifies.  We can leave, never to return but if the love was true, it will always remain as the intercessor between all the parties involved.  Which is why we can love without the standards of relationship.  Why can still care even when we know there can be no contact or union.  Those that do not understand this are identified by their need to always return to the individual they knew was bad for them.  They define their return as a gesture of love when it is more akin to one who is afraid to venture outside their comfort zone.  They find comfort in the familiar...even if it was toxic.  If they had a motto, it would be "better to deal with the devil you know, than the devil you don't" and that is dangerous to say the least.  They are either afraid of the unknown or honestly believe that can do no better.  Folks...love is love and it is the very best any human can hope to acquire on this earth beyond riches, fame or possession.  Many risk life and limb to gain status and wealth only to find a comfortable life that is empty without love.  If they can do all that for so little, how could I not risk even more for true love...but that's just me.  You have to find what is worthy to risk your own heart for.  I can't tell you what to think or how to feel.  I can only share what I have come to understand from my own experiences.  Receive it or not, as of this writing, I have shared what was heavy on my heart to share.

Now some of you may not subscribe to Biblical teachings but truth is truth and this truth is universal in most religions that speak on love.  As I read this, I tried in earnest to apply it and failed most times until I realized that the standard spoken in this chapter must come from the place of sincerity which had me practicing the art of perception change.  To change one's heart is to see a thing from a different vantage point.  Not interpreted by another but instead to see as you do albeit from a different point in the room.  Seeing more, not less, will bring a heartfelt change as opposed to a simple change of mind that can easily be reverted.  I can tell you all about "Bob" but you won't truly know him until you meet him for yourself.

There is one more thing I must add here before I close on this.  In this age there are many broken souls that cannot easily show love.  Their love is tempered by pain, loss and abuse.  They develop a defense mechanism that leaves them cold at times unwilling to brave the pains of love again.  Learn to differentiate between them and those that are simply being selfish but do not use your heart to do so.  Instead use all evidence provided to make your deductions intellectually.  If you use your heart, chances are you will be making excuses to keep around an asshole you have developed feelings for.  In these cases, use deduction as opposed to assumption.  This will mean the difference between giving out love where it will do good and throwing it away.

To summarize this piece correctly.  All must begin with love as the motivating intent if it is to mean anything worthwhile in fullness.  Without true love, our words will reach the inner ear as opposed to the outer.  Our power will seek to serve ourselves as opposed to all and our giving will satiate the ego as opposed to the heart.  This my loves is the utopian society made manifest.  Something that this age will never allow but maybe, as individuals..we can come close.  I'm out...

~Moses    

September 11th 2001 - 2016 (2019)

"Sleep tonight...and may your dreams be realized..."

What can I say about this day that you are unaware of? What can I tell you that memes and eye witness accounts will not? Maybe not much...

Yet it behooves me to tell you that this day impacted many lives...including my own. I could tell you that a bitterness festered in me for some time. I could tell you that on that day I was prepared to die protecting my children but I could also tell you that the true lesson of that day has been seared in me and continues to strengthen even without this day's reminder.

My loves, there are no guarantees to life. A truth that bears the weight of this day on a yearly basis. We went to sleep the night before just like every other night. We awoke and went through our morning routine just like any other day. We had no idea the day would force us to actively reveal our
manifested priorities. That the worlds we live in would change.

I thought immediately to call my then wife and go pick up my boys from school in haste. My mind and heart fiercely shifted into the idea that we all needed to be together if anything else happened. I
called my loved ones praying that they were all OK. To find them all alive brought me peace. So you see my loves, you can take this day and mourn the losses but you can also take this day to thank God that you and yours are still alive. That we've been blessed by mercy to continue living and loving. Although now, to not take love for granted by appreciating family and friends we are blessed to still have...where others do not.

A beautiful soul wrote that this day was a good time to take stock of what is most important...family and friends. I don't need to see buildings falling as the images are etched in my soul. Nor do I need to remember how many passed as that too was made clear the day the air's fragrance carried with it ash co-mingled with the smell of crushed death. Although these have their import as reminders, I choose to thank God that all I love is still here to cherish...still here to hold. So in the midst of the heartfelt sorrow or anger you may feel from this day, take a moment to look around. Finding peace when you see your children playing. Laughing because your friend is sharing as yet another complaint. Feeling the lump in your throat when you still get calls from your parents asking you if you ate. May this day make all those things we may have taken for granted all the more valuable. May we all take stock and learn to love and to hold more fiercely. This is my 9/11...much love

~Moses

The Pretty Way - A Poem by Moe

when fears will try take the reigns 

and drag your heart morose

to cloud all evidence of gains

reach out and feel me close 

for I am but a man with love 

that tender holds your heart

though hidden I am still above

to whisper and impart

your beauty's voice is more that skin

to witness still today

it's strength and grace I've known within

that steels this heart to stay

so stand with me oh pretty face

and give this world your best

for here's a man that knows the grace

you have to pass this test 

and you will stand to face the day

as challenge wains in strength

and lay your road the pretty way

deciding breadth and length

so hear my words this whispered night

and let them kiss your soul

that they may help your heart take flight

and sail on past your goal

~Moses 

Badge - A Poem by Moe

what shadows press and move

all skip at cover's night

in boldness to reprove

when spirit's born to light

what evil they have planned

what roar instilling fear

succumb to the command

of lawmen they must hear

and they will seek to cadge

through fear is how they slide

until they see the badge

that grace has pinned inside

~Moses

Freedom Wind - A Poem by Moe

"Well it's not far down to paradise...at least it's not for me..."

he found his freedom in the wind

through no choice of his own

for all his cares had timely thinned

when what was sown had grown

he learned to navigate the air

at study came to steer

with fewer earthen rules to bear

he found there less to fear

his nightly skies fawn holy love

with sunsets placed to dream

the birds by day make way above

through clouds of silky creme

with needs his ship makes way to land

but not for very long

as earthen ways have long since banned

the sailing lovers song

so happily does he set sail

at times with souls in tow

but they return as needs avail

with more now to bestow

such beauty's best by man ignored

most times he sails alone

but he looks out for one's accord

to share the skies he's flown...

~Moses

Birthday Girl - A Poem by Moe

oh birthday girl you come to mind

to recollect the love we signed

a venture signed for the unknown

that ended in a pain we'd own

pains they come in shape and size

the kind we get we cant surmise 

but like the prize inside the box

we ate and ate to none but rocks

the shouting match from distanced call

was only soothed by southern drawl

to come on back to steel you bought

and shout the joys my pillow caught

our ups and downs were ins and outs

what seemed to work assuaging doubts

but distance made our outs enough

to know we couldn't keep the cuff

recall do I the first we flew

the time your shock said "this is new"

recall do I the day you left

when all our love had seemed bereft

but now I see the truth of this

that you and I were meant to kiss

though not to last or build a life

to learn both sides of passion's knife

~Moses Apollo

Until Then - A Poem by Moe

none wistful stranger thing took place

when noticed he her soul

went seen at first her pretty face

but free man kept to role

when breath revealed this flower's heart

at rhythm with his own

his ears now sought her tender part

that she had since made known

invested melded intertwined

what they had not foreseen

that fate should cross two souls in kind

now past what was routine

such embers spawned a great desire

that honor could not meet

frustrating flames within their pyre

bore love's taste bittersweet

but bittersweet is just as sweet

when true love found endures

and fleeting love cannot compete 

when all at depth ensures

and time may pass with lovers placed

to rise and fall again

until all honor's ripe for taste

he sees no "if"...just "when"

~Moses

Sometimes It Ain't Easy...

"Look at the stars.  Look how they shine for you and all the things that you do..."

There were times when I feared losing those around me being the person that writes these words.  Too deep, too serious, too this or that.  That is until I realized something.  Placing the word "too" in front of a virtue only implies that you have said virtue in over-abundance.  Never be afraid of it.  Embrace all of you even when no one else will.  Never hide your graces and give people something to strive for.  The rewards come later...

Always remember something:  Nothing worth doing is ever easy and being great at something is no exception.  That is what makes it so damn priceless.  Not everyone can do it...I'm out

~Moses

Promenade - A Poem by Moe

the railing kept him off the moss

that lay upon the rock

but on a night he suffered loss

his grief saw none to block

so neath the stars he sat in peace

confiding in his Lord

for all he sought was friends release

from conflicts gone ignored

until that point religion held

his soul in constant fear

but on this rock his faith propelled

a difference in his ear

he spoke as friend in human tone

like water poured to earth

and while he spoke his ears had sown

an intuition birth

now free to hear and free to speak

all truth becoming clear

and what was once called wrong to seek

became his new frontier

too good for wrong too wrong for good

a man with no facade

tis on this rock the great ones stood

beside this promenade

~Moses