It's amazing that it's been so long since my last confession. From my last post to now I've been following life's wind to both detriment and diversion. I've seen the dormant demons that rested in me for years and in some ways, it has cost me. Yet in others...I can truly say I've gained much. The powers that be took a man trained in order, well read all his life, with ethics and a code...took that man and told him "All that you know now doesn't apply in this place...good luck". What does he do? He loses it. Every human faces the same dilemma at some point in his or her life and it's in those times when all you know must be reevaluated.
In this new universe there is no girlfriend to love and to frustrate, no wife to love and kiss every night. There is only me and some of the most wonderful women any man would be blessed to call his own. They ask nothing of me nor I of them...but moments. Yet what happens when things get too close? What happens when your love deepens and the only course of action for the betterment of the one you love doesn't include you? If it's real, you MUST let go. Even if it means never seeing her again.
My people, I see my world for what it is and I hold onto no delusion. I know that sometimes I'm present to share a moment of passion but sometimes I'm also present to serve a purpose of personal need. You see, I see all that has to happen for certain outcomes to take place and some are just fuckin hard to deal with...but because they are necessary, I endure them in silence. You struggle with the idea of self-denial...something akin to setting yourself on fire. You do it anyway as you sit and watch all you knew would happen. You pray for the best outcome and wait as you live your own life. I have lived this and know this is my now a part of my universe.
The instinctive driving force of love itself should be enough to sustain a union...but at certain times in life, this instinct loses it's effectiveness.
My people, you've read about my ex girlfriend years ago. You've seen the transition from one hurt to anger all the way through to acceptance and love. You've been with me when I was both drunk and high out of my mind. Writing as a man possessed yet himself nonetheless. Now I write to you as a single man that just wants to be at peace in his new world. With real love, freedom and passion as the wind at his back.
"And so it is"...I ain't done yet ;-)
~Apollo
In this new universe there is no girlfriend to love and to frustrate, no wife to love and kiss every night. There is only me and some of the most wonderful women any man would be blessed to call his own. They ask nothing of me nor I of them...but moments. Yet what happens when things get too close? What happens when your love deepens and the only course of action for the betterment of the one you love doesn't include you? If it's real, you MUST let go. Even if it means never seeing her again.
My people, I see my world for what it is and I hold onto no delusion. I know that sometimes I'm present to share a moment of passion but sometimes I'm also present to serve a purpose of personal need. You see, I see all that has to happen for certain outcomes to take place and some are just fuckin hard to deal with...but because they are necessary, I endure them in silence. You struggle with the idea of self-denial...something akin to setting yourself on fire. You do it anyway as you sit and watch all you knew would happen. You pray for the best outcome and wait as you live your own life. I have lived this and know this is my now a part of my universe.
The instinctive driving force of love itself should be enough to sustain a union...but at certain times in life, this instinct loses it's effectiveness.
My people, you've read about my ex girlfriend years ago. You've seen the transition from one hurt to anger all the way through to acceptance and love. You've been with me when I was both drunk and high out of my mind. Writing as a man possessed yet himself nonetheless. Now I write to you as a single man that just wants to be at peace in his new world. With real love, freedom and passion as the wind at his back.
"And so it is"...I ain't done yet ;-)
~Apollo
No comments:
Post a Comment