Thoughts in panorama invade my mind like an unannounced visitor popping in. Images articulating us... doing what we want. No guessing game. No one person initiating anything... just taking each other like two people finally getting to have a meal after not having eaten in weeks. Except this time... we were standing. Who got the wall depended on what we were doing... and we were hungry. You leaning on me... me leaning on you. Hard makin out, writhin on each other with aims to cum. Coats on the floor with no thought of what fell next. Not caring that someone could show up at any moment at our secluded (but public) spot. As usual... something special... and nice. Had to shake that sh*t off. Way too much on my plate to entertain it... it was fun though.
Now some of you new cats will read this and other pieces I've written and naturally mistake this as being about "lust" and me just wanting to just "get off" when the reality is... to me this means so much more. To see this as nothing but a selfish need from a man you've read enough to know wants more is simply a projection of what you've never truly had or experienced yourself. Besides, I am in no way a "hard up" man. To say so is not bragging. It just is as it is. I just want more than most "need" because sexual "need" for me... doesn't mean a damn thing.
For me... sexual intimacy with one you're connected with is more than just a physical endeavor. It is a heart endeavor. When understood correctly, it is a deep expression of love manifested as a type of worship (worth-ship). A moments' surrender of not just the body... but of the mind and heart as well. It's like floating in an ocean... where the water is just right. When in love?... my soul is in the flow. There are even times, when the heightened energy flow is so strong, that even my own orgasm doesn't really matter as much. So long as she is pleasured, I'm more than good. I know it's hard to believe but it's absolutely true. You see, this all started when I began my studies to become a better lover for my then wife. Up till then, it was all about satiating lust but when I began to learn how much more it was actually meant to be... I endeavored to experience it firsthand and experiencing it means only wanting it more. It became more about giving pleasure as an act of love than about solely receiving pleasure as a man. So many things came into clarity and practice: The idea that foreplay begins long before you touch her. The truth behind an empathetic touch that have you studying the beauty of her movements. Even the "tell" in the linger of a kiss... all poetry come to life. The proportional balance of the masculine/feminine energy of my manhood became crystalized in not just the act, but in the way I saw my lover as well. Lessening all that came before... and bettering all that would come since. All through subtleties that eventually become so unique to you, they can never be articulated... only beautifully revealed.
Yeah, it is funny how much more you could become when you're looking to become self-less for the one you love and for this... I am grateful. Although now... it's become my way and even though it makes me extremely picky, I wouldn't change a thing. Does this mean that every time is gonna be a flight risk? No, after that experience, there is a spectrum of sexual satisfaction you can have with your lover. Clean, dirty, marathons, quickies... you run the damn gamut. It just becomes way freer. More organic... even in those moments requiring a schedule lol Anyway... glean what you can my beautiful people. I'm out...
~moses apollo
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