Oh my beautiful people, it's been awhile. Yes, I know I wrote a piece before this one but that was more of a reminder to myself about things I was sorting out (only a handful could tell by the format). A declaration of sorts about how I am choosing to live my life. Mainly due to how things have drastically changed. I am under the impression someone took it wrong but that's not on me.
You see in my first act, I chose to delve into uncertain waters to learn seas I was destined to navigate. In my second...I made a home on it's shoreline. Yet an unexpected storm has turned what I once knew as an oasis...into something else. Where these waters at one time were a viable option for most, they are now waters I am learning most are unready for. Once a place of solace and safety, now a place littered with warning signs and brochures tossed about by tourists. Has the water changed? Or the landscaping? No my loves...the people have...
These waters were once an oasis for poets, lovers, dancers, painters, musicians & the beautiful people they would bring along. Easy to get to as they were an active part of this world. Now...just a desolate place where the ones that are able to enter are sometimes deformed and damaged by the realities of their everyday life. Something you wouldn't see before. They were able to leave all that weight outside before entering. Now...it's tethered to their souls. Something purposefully done by the "rulers of this age" to control and weaponize the hearts that beat in passion. To turn the "elf"...into an "orc". I could detail how and why this was done but that's not what this piece is about. This is about a place that still exists but has been lost by way of legend and disbelief.
Those that used to frequent these places have decided to turn inwards to preserve the abstract and the surreal that has now been replaced by the square and the triangle. "Convention" is survival these days and there is no longer any room for the freedom to breathe out newly designed colors that say "I love you" or even something as encouraging as..."everything is gonna be ok". The standard "check this box" perpetuated by pseudo and pop psychology has seeped into every part of life to the point where even "evil" is diagnosed based on youtube videos cheekily entitled "5 things to look out for to know someone is evil" (I'm not kidding). Creating mental and emotional automatons unable to think for themselves because they have accepted the lie that this somehow classifies as "intelligent". All the while, unaware that they have bought into a kind of religion whose dogma does not allow for deviation of any kind and THIS is where the abstract, the surreal and the nuanced that adds spice to life...dies. Everything is questioned and analyzed until it's true meaning is twisted and crushed to fit into one of them tidy little checkboxes.
So what to do? Just deal and roll with it. My oasis has become internalized so that it takes even longer to get there. No obvious roadsigns and some roads are even darkened on purpose to evade the cosplayers. It is not for the risk averse but still as yet accessible to those that can "manage" risk. Where once my hearts' door was completely open, I now keep the chain on to "manage" risk but I will NEVER close it completely as some have found it needful to do and I say this not as a criticism...but with an ever exceeding heavy heart.
Folks, I have come to understand that one of my roles in this world is to inspire and protect hearts that still beat in passion and I have seen a few close to me needfully choose the risk averse life. A life that justifiably cannot allow too big a flame for fear of complete destruction. They chose this, not because they were weak, stupid or failed in life...but because they could not afford to be any other way. They've been through much and carry too much in this new world. They can't afford to close their eyes or breathe untested air as most new breath has turned out to be toxic to them and their own. Souls that have gone through this will obviously come to find those checkboxes pretty handy right about now. To them, structure (from wherever it comes from) is primary. I know this because I lived it for years early on in life but if I had known then what I know now...I could have had both but that is a discussion for another time. These days, I could never go that route as it is a route that closes me and others off to the oasis I've created. Yet this is MY conclusion and it doesn't mean I am judging them as some of them do me. Given what I know of their circumstances, I don't blame them for it and maybe someday that might change but for now...who I am will love them anyway. That will mean whatever it means or...whatever they need it to mean.
As for me...my oasis is a beautiful place. There is freedom and only the pure of heart can enter. Only the sincere...only the true. They come and go as they please. For them, there is no longer a chain on the door as they have been vetted and they can always find me there...
Now...for the rest ;-) I'm out...
~moses apollo
PS: I can really be annoying huh? Deal with it lol
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