7 Days...

...of solitude... unexpectedly one of the toughest weeks I've had to endure for reasons I might reveal later on. Still dealing with some after-effects as I try to piece it all together. For now though... I'm encouraged to encourage you my love...

You're shattered like you've never been before

The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor

And words fall short in times like these

When this world drives you to your knees

You think you're never gonna get back

To the you that used to be

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace

Yesterday's a closing door

You don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

And tell your heart to beat again

Beginning, just let that word wash over you

It's alright now, love's healing hands have pulled you through

So get back up, take step one

Leave the darkness, feel the sun

'Cause your story's far from over

And your journey's just begun

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace

Yesterday's a closing door

You don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

And tell your heart to beat again

Let every heartbreak, and every scar

Be a picture that reminds you

Who has carried you this far

'Cause love sees farther than you ever could

In this moment, heaven's working

Everything for your good

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace

Yesterday's a closing door

You don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

And tell your heart to beat again

Your heart to beat again

Beat again

Oh

So tell your heart to beat again

~danny gokey

Okey Dokey...

Weirdest night in a long while. Might expound... might not!! Lol Time to turn some pages and rip others out the book altogether for the sake of my health. The major take away: not everything is bad as we think it is folks... some things are taking up space in our hearts and minds that were never meant to. From the personal issue to the world event. They were meant to distract us from the simplest solution by making things seem more complicated than they actually are. It's as easy as laying it down... and leaving it down. I'm out...

A day in the life smh

~moses apollo

"so when you remember the ones who have lied

who said that they cared

but then laughed as you cried

beautiful darling

don't think of me

because all I ever wanted

it's in your eyes"

In The Rain...

 

Making love in the rain

I can't believe the joy it brings me

And when I'm all alone

I hear the rain on my window

It's just a little thing

But it means so much to me

Our bodies together

While the rain plays a melody

Every raindrop

Makes me think of you

(Wishing you were close to me)

There is nothing that I'd rather do than

Making love in the rain

I can't believe the joy it brings me

And when I'm all alone

I hear the rain on my window

When it's stormy outside

It's warm in my heart

With you in my arms

And when you're away from me

I wish it would rain

'Cause it's always the same

Every raindrop

Makes me think of you

(Wishing you were close to me)

There is nothing that I'd rather do than

Making love in the rain

I can't believe the joy it brings me

(I can't believe)

And when I'm all alone

I hear the rain on my window

(On my window)

Making love in the rain

I can't believe the joy it brings me

(Making love)

And when I'm all alone

I hear the rain on my window

(On my window, I hear the raindrops flow)

Every raindrop

Makes me think of you

(Wishing you were close to me)

There is nothing that I'd rather do than

(That I'd rather do)

[Chorus: Janet Jackson and (Lisa Keith)]

Making love in the rain

I can't believe the joy it brings me

(I can't believe)

And when I'm all alone

I hear the rain on my window

(On my window, I hear it)

Making love in the rain

I can't believe the joy it brings me

All alone, I hear the rain

My love, here comes the rain

My love, here comes the rain

My love, here comes the rain

My love, here comes the rain

~herb alpert

Where Intent... Is King

"..."

somewhere between fear and boldness, freedom and commitment... and being a sinner or a saint... there's me and mine. hidden tween the norms muscle memory has carved into the souls of men are the ones exhausted by either side of the valley. it's lonely here sometimes... but sometimes it isn't.

many are afraid to venture into these spaces. where the rules are different and based solely on brutal truths and introspection that can only be articulated outside of tradition. where words like love, passion, consideration, respect and honor are more than just punch lines worn like badges picked out of cereal boxes to impress others. here, serving as guiding principals instead. the selfish may try to use them to take what they want and the self-righteous may try to critique them out of existence but that is what makes them so exclusive.

in these spaces, passion is more than what you simply want... it is where you are allowed to float an existence of yourself that perfectly fits into a certain configuration designed before time was time. in these spaces, there is no guilt and there is no shame... only the discretion that shields those that would never truly understand the hunger to express the divine order found in the nucleus of what so many would consider chaos. what's here? beauty and purity too real to ever feel wrong and its the very reason why there are so few here with me now. when everything is guided by truth... lies can no longer serve as viable band-aids.

for my part, you can keep your reality and norms as these will most likely have very little to do with me unless the need arises. oh but my love... find me as the badly needed intermission that exists as the hidden constant that needs no accolade or praise. only the need to fulfill its purposed design... in these spaces ordained by love... 

where intent... is king...

~moses apollo 

She Had A Question...

any given night at her place... they'd hang out and sometimes "play." that night... she had a question...

her: "hey, why don't you ever make crazy moves on me? i thought you wanted me"

him: "the truth?... i've never truly felt i've gotten the green light" 

she chuckled with eyes wide open at that... astonished

her: "wait, what are you even saying!?! you know how i feel about you! all that we've shared on emails & texts? all i said i would do to you!!"

him: "oh i know. that's why the change would surprise me everytime we got together"

her: "what change? there was no change!"

him: "hell yeah, there's always a change. you'd go from craving me to watching how i was gonna eat. i could feel you watching and waiting. analyzing how i was gonna take you or kiss you. almost like you were about to take notes. like you were set on watching me work... as opposed to participating yourself. that never made me feel wanted. for me a green light is way more than just permission... it's wanting me just as much, if not more. for someone like me... that's a big deal. for passion to flow, it must be circular. if it stops with me... what good is it? you know i can go on straight mechanics but more than that is where i like to be is all"

her: "oh wow... ok! so you want me to initiate more?"

him: "if that's what abandon means to you... then i'll receive it the way it's flowin. it could be a look, a vibe... something more. baby, i want you to do more than watch... from the inside. i want you to enjoy me beyond enjoying me enjoying you. i want the free you... the you that isn't afraid to show me her lust... her desire. to sit down and enjoy the meal you made yourself. i know you need to feel you can trust me with that... and so i wait for that without judgment. it doesn't change how much i love you or want you in the slightest. just know... you have that green light with me..."

she, then visibly wrestling in thought

her: "oh... ok... i think i understand"

the session that night was a bit different. after learning that he actually wanted the whole of her and what was holding him back, she no longer needed to see it for herself and decided to trust him enough to finally indulge in his desire for her. her kisses began to reveal her true hunger for him and her arch became as open as a "f*ck me now!!" ever could. he could barely keep it together... and it was glorious. no more questions for now...

~moses apollo

Tainted by Beauty...

Harken to me & hear now the tale of the king:

Restless & unwound by the culmination of years of cycles had the kings mind riddled in empty curiosity. Chapters that had finally come to a close had left him with blank pages... leaving no room for anticipation or anything else to plan for. Everything was now new and as such... now free. He decided that Sunday morning to tell everyone to clear the grounds so that he could tour his home in this newfound spirit graced to him by His Lord. Grounds he's known since birth would become new to him & scents made familiar to him by time would soon take on the airs of unsown memories. 

Finally making it to his backyard, he saw something in the distance that had him perplexed. Growing all the more mesmerized the closer he came to it. Resting in the very center of his yard, lay a woman. Bare, beautiful, sensuous... & familiar. Spread across a classical Elizabethan bench whose only covering was fabric made of sheer material... just long enough for her to fully lay upon. She lay resting on her side, with one leg slightly bent upon the other, strategically covering her glory while accentuating her majestic curves in the process & while her head gently rested on her hands, her elbows covered her beautiful breasts, only adding to the scene of mastery set before him. As he approached, he saw raindrops materialize out of the clear blue sky & a chair appeared situated right beside her specifically for him. With only a few feet away... he began to feel his heart grow full as the purity of the moment drew him in...

Oh what a masterpiece lay before him. "What glory is this?" he thought. Here lay before him the meat of rabid dogs. Meat that most men would sink their teeth into without thought... but something subtle brought that kind of rage into abeyance. His eyes became the kind that could identify the quality of a diamond through intricate examination. He began to see some drops of rain slightly evaporate at the touch of her skin. While others, slowly took their time sliding off her naked body. He began to notice how every flaw & irregularity only added beauty to her design & how every curve seemed to innocently smile at him. With each smile wondering what would touch them first... his lips, his hands... or his heart. Alas for in this moment... it was his heart. Her hair only slightly covered her beautiful face while maintaining access to her kissable lips. Her skin was soft & shown slightly glistened by the rain... adding all the more grace to the masterpiece His Lord had set before Him. He sat & admired her for a long time & as they spoke, he realized something profound... he had always known her name...

Something happened to the king that day & he was never the same again. He knew he could take her as he pleased & engaged in every carnal instinct known & unknown to man but he also knew that no matter how much he ravished this beauty, the purity of the moment would somehow remain. For what took place in his eyes that day would forever change how he viewed such things. For on that day, he saw more than just possession. He saw art, he saw grace, he saw love & as such, he drew all manner of inspiration from what he will forever describe as being the moment he was "tainted by beauty." The kind purposed unto man to be able to meet the claiming of sights he's never been ready to reach...

And now, though some might find it hard to believe... such eyes have been his to keep for quite some time. Now gifted... with eyes to look upon "Eve"... as she was always meant to be seen...

~moses apollo

Sun Set In The Blue...

When I look back on all the roads

We've traveled on

It makes me smile

Although I do tend to forget

Your cadent eyes

After a while

Another dream begins to fray

So my love, another day

Another sun sets in the blue

Oh my love, what can we do

To stop it all?

When I look back on all the tears

That you've shed

I wonder why

You can't consider all the years

That lie ahead of you and I

Another dream begins to fray

So my love, another day

Another sun sets in the blue

Oh my love, what can we do

To stop it all?

Another dream begins to die

So my love, another time

Another sun sets in the blue

So my love, what can we do

To stop it all?

~melody gardot

Nothing, Nothing, Nothing... Something

"...that's the price you pay..."

why is it so hard for us to accept a win? a time of rest?

some of us are so conditioned to be on edge, always expecting the next shoe to drop... but it doesn't always come. sometimes, even as the war rages... you pick up battlegrounds. it's understandable to be that way because it fits the warrior mindset (and some of us just are)... but when battles end in victory?... take 5 minutes. thank God, celebrate a bit. hell... allow yourself some deep sleep. let it be ok to be ok. 

remember, be a slave to nothing... i'm out

~moses apollo 

PS: gettin that "boss-man windfall" feelin comin on... with no place to spill it and none to rip apart. time is mine though ;-) 

The Quiet Need...

"..."

on his nightly watch towards heaven... upon his mountain, he began to notice her standing before him with a need. a quiet need to be held. not possessed, not taken, not owned or even ravished... simply held. an internal need that can sometimes go unnoticed... even by the one in need. everyone feels it at one time or another. it is not a sign of weakness or even vulnerability. it is a simple desire to be held without agenda and the need to feel the satiation that draws on a true connection to fulfill its designed purpose. it's more than just a sought after kindness...

and so as he looks towards heaven, he reaches out beyond all limits as allowed. hoping she can feel his arms in ways designed specific to her heart. for hope, for peace, for rest... for love...

~moses apollo  

The Warrior Poet... A Fever Dream

"We've been here before

Last time you scratched at my door

The moon was naked and cold

I was like a two-year-old

Who just wanted more"

"being caught up in a fever dream, he couldn't tell the difference between the lucidity of the dream... and the reality of the moment"

in this dream, he texted her at about 1 o'clock in the morning to let her know that he didn't want to be alone... that he "needed her". he wanted something "special" and he knew that she was always game for the same when it came to him. he had just completed a dangerous job and was feeling a sense of insane power. the rage and the passion of a vanquishing king was surging through him that night and he needed a way to express it. he had been testing his metal in dark places against a notorious group of thieves that scammed others as easily as breathing. that just as easily had no issue killing at the drop of a hat. in this year long process, he learned that he had the ability to beat them without flair, fear or fame. he scared even himself at the knowledge of all he could do and on this night, he had scored a windfall against them. garnering "winnings" he knew he could piss away... so he called her to help him do just that... and for a little extra. 

he took her to a swanky little rooftop bar in the city, danced a bit and sat quietly for a few minutes. she cuddled up close... not sayin a word and he, sippin on some wine... thought about all that went down like a contemplative boss sittin on a throne he just became worthy to claim. he had become indifferent to his power, knowing he had a good run... knowing, it was all just a way to find out what he was really made of. he didn't like what he could become, but he was glad to have met that side of himself. it turns out... he was happy he chose the light early on but for him, in the moment, he wasn't completely resigned as of yet... the night was still young. 

the adrenaline was beginning to settle into a sexual hum. the kind that when controlled, creates the mood that inspires a symbiotic need to f*ck hard... and love soft. the kind that takes hard, without thought, that which has been openly and outspokenly given by connection alone. they left that spot in a cab and wound up at her place... and it was exactly what they both needed. they were meat and potatoes on a bed of roses that night... washed down by a bit of expensive wine for good measure. rage, passion and power drove the nights' session... with marks left on skin as evidence of it all. he left at sunrise, went home... and crashed fast asleep.

he woke up late in the day... in the clarity of all that had taken place in his dream. he knew there would be a life to leave behind but he also knew that there would be some aspects of that life that could be sculpted into something beautiful. he came to understand that those newly discovered pieces of himself that added to his passion and power, never truly needed the danger that inspired them. he eventually came to learn how to flow in and out of them by perspective alone. none but less than a handful know the details of this fever dream... and that is the way it will stay.

"upon waking, he knew he had come closer to the warrior poet... he'd eventually become" 

~moses apollo