Silence Loves Me - A Word by Moe

"If you stop, close your eyes & listen...you might be able to hear the words as well..." ;-)

Silence loves me. She loves me in the tender sigh everytime she reads something I wrote. Even now, reading this, she smiles a rosey blush...knowing I speak of her. 

She loves me in the memory she has of me holding her in the twilight of a daydream...as she walks by a beautifully misplaced garden. She loves me when she says nothing...thinking I might find her odd for reaching out. Silence loves me and we never met...or have we?

For me...her love is enough. Maybe I'll find her neath my moon...when stars are clear enough to see as well as we can hear. With nothing. For nothing...but silence.

When all else awakens to speak instead...

~Moses Apollo

Gracious - A Word by Moe

"As an artificial light gleams off my computer screen, there is 

a candle doing it's very best to remain relevant."

It burns hotter as it dances to Satie gently playing in the background. Peripherally grabbing my attention. Asking that I should hold it close to my heart. As it's shadow sways behind, my gaze is set on holding onto it's gift to me for the night.

In a beautiful whisper I am reminded that no matter where I go or what I do, it must always burn true. Fueling all hunger & desire. Reminding me to appreciate the sight of heaven within both the art of God and man. For in this I find an artistic design to my humanity. The beauty of frailty lost in power. Touch, taste, pain & pleasure...ready, willing & able to be expressed in divine release across light years of existence. Candles burn so time & space can hold no place as deep ever so gently...calls unto deep.

Passion...gracious is the gift...

~Moses Apollo

The King At Forty Five...

"All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life, I've loved them all..."

Just another day in the life of a man that has done his best to live his life in truth, by faith...in love. A man that has understood that the value of love is best expressed in time given. As time is the only thing man cannot replace and he is blessed to have shared his with so many but most of all...those he has loved the most. Something his father has left him as a priceless legacy. You see he may have never had the best things money could buy but he knew he always had his father. He was always close. Always ready to impart wisdom or just "be there" in any way he could. While this age places value in success expressed in money, it has created beings without care, love, honor or integrity. Time requires these things...doled out money does not. So he has chosen to live out his fathers legacy and this has made him...a true king.

And so this day, February 10th, came and went without fanfare, pomp and circumstance for this king. It was a sweet day on his forty fifth birthday. Though sadly incomplete by one, yet made special by two. Quiet, easy and tender. With a knowledge of what is about to unfold kept safe in his heart. A fifteen year wait in faith is now a time of manifest expectation. Only because God has made his heart ready through his father's legacy. As such, his kingdom is at the precipice of abundance. All now replete and ready for change...without changing who he has become. It's a strange feeling...but a welcome one.

Yeah...I'm more than ready. I thank my Lord...

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

PS: Don't you ever forget one thing: Every day, every second is a God given opportunity to become better...to change into the best "you" that you can be. Does you no good to have full pockets if your soul is empty...much love.

Fire, Love and Passion...(2011)

"...cause when I say I love you...that's forever..."

When love is not madness, it is not love.  ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Interesting quote to say the least.  It was posted as the status of one of my Facebook friends.  Reminded me of something I wrote well over a year ago about passion:

"Holding back your heart is a tough thing to do. We do it out of fear and we do it out of pride. Fear of getting hurt and for the sake of pride...not to look foolish. As a young man, I always thought that real love transcended all these things. That it was endearing to play the fool for the sake of the one you love and that the risk of getting hurt or looking stupid was well worth it. To stand out in the rain for an hr just to catch a 5 min glimpse of her and a hello was once considered romantic. Not so today. Today in this "me society" no one is willing to take the chance to look foolish anymore. Everyone wants to play it safe. Reading the poets of old, you would think these men desperate or foolish for professing all they did...but it was all for love. There was passion...real passion. Yet sadly, today that is missing and those that show such passion are looked down upon. Today, its no longer who I love but what can they do for me because I have to "look out for number one". Now I am not advocating the pursuit of a destructive relationship because in it's pure form, real love is not destructive. It's just that I've seen love taking a back seat to convenience too many times to count. That may seem fine in the beginning but what it creates is a long term compatibility lacking in any real passion. Its a form of settling. One can tell the difference even in a kiss. One passionate kiss can create a moment that lasts for an eternity. Those moments you never forget. Sadly some have never experienced this love and for others, if they have, it scared them. It scared them because they finally got what they wanted but didn't really ever realize how intense it would be. The heaviness of it, the work to keep it and the confusion it can bring. For within the same passion your love springs out of, so can other emotions...including hate, anger and jealousy. How can you want to be with someone you cant stand or just had a serious argument with?...Passion. That confusion will cause sides of you to appear you never knew you had...especially if you are one prone to need answers.

I had relinquished all notions of this love when I decided to stabilize my life. Such unpredictability might've been disastrous in my growth. I let it go and became more mechanical in my approach until it hit me square in the eyes one day. I couldn't do anything about it and the road it led me on would've been great had it not been for the timing of its arrival. Instead of a great experience, I suffered loss. In its short time, when it was good, it was REALLY good but when it was bad...it was REALLY bad. The pain of it was more than anyone should ever bear which leads me to the reason for this missive. My perspective was skewed do to my bitterness, anger and pain. To see through their prism will distort your reality and all your conclusions will be wrong. Bitterness and anger had caused me to create images of people that they didn't deserve. Yes they have failed me but there were reasons (not excuses) behind that failure. Accepting those reasons didn't excuse behavior, it just gave way for a change in perspective and my change in perspective gave way to real understanding. Understanding gave way to real forgiveness and real forgiveness gave way to healing for me. Healing that allowed me to see things for what they truly were, not what my bitterness had dictated. My anger had caused me to dismiss love and passion as something to avoid and I was fully prepared to live that empty role everyone figured I'd live anyway. Yet with my healing came the understanding that love and passion were in fact something to cherish...something to shoot for and something never to take lightly. I don't care how much pain I was in or how foolish I looked throughout this process, I was true to my feelings. Like the poets of old, I stood willing to be the fool and endure the pain for the sake of another. I trusted and became vulnerable. I surrendered myself to it because I wanted more and that is never something to feel ashamed of. Even though it seems my passions' target has broadened, I refuse to give up on these notions. I am alive...in my pain, in my hurt and in my elation...I AM ALIVE. 

Passion...without it, I die a slow death."

I re-read this today and wow.  I have since learned the difference between this intense crazy passion for someone that was real and a toxic relationship that may have been passionate...but had become too harmful to stay in.  For the latter, I still hold to that passion and love with the exception that the relationship must be done away with for the sake of those involved. You see I posted this on facebook Monday, July 13, 2009 at 7:50am but it was written a bit earlier.  The quote posted today dates back to the 1600's.  People, truth spans generations.  It remains relevant throughout time.  Re-reading this and looking at my condition today...damn this still fits like a glove.

I struggle between being angry at things I see that make me want to burn every bridge imaginable and moments of the purest desire to relive and create new moments exclusive to one.  It is the hardest thing to write about because it is madness.  It makes no sense.  It has no logic.  All sense tells you this person is no good for you but you insist.  All sense tells you to run the other way but you cant.  It takes a lot to wake one up out of such a thing.  It usually takes something really f**ked up to happen and sometimes not even that will do it.  Passion is sometimes like an uncontrollable fire.  You don't know how it began...you just know you're burning.  Even in times of anger, it can manifest itself in ways where you just want to thrash the object of your passion in complete sexual abandon.  Sounds awesome right?  It is...the only problem is that it's volatile.  Folks talk about "happy love" and "happy happy joy joy" comfort but there is this "thing" where talk of marriage, future, family...all these things just fade in the background of moments together.  Its all background noise in the presence of the one you're passionate about.  It just doesn't rank as high in priority as just feeling that person's breath on you as you lay next to them.  Wanting to bring them pleasure with all that you have as you make love to them.  It's all I ever wanted and the truth is...it is madness.  Real life gets in the way of that and the problem is that without "real life" there is no "life".

I've decided that I'm gonna fix life.  I'm gonna fix it so that it does not get in the way of my passion.  I will take this pursuit to my death as I will not relinquish what my fire has lead me to...ever again.

~Moses Apollo

Tres Copas De Vino (2011)...

"Y te quiero tener...y no puede ser"

My burning candles have me pouring my brand of broken Bordeaux into three glasses...

The first glass looks and feels smooth, the ridges groove as tiny hands slowly and gently stroke.  Rhythmic, hypnotic and still.  Side by side...right there.  The pleasures...steady moist and ready.  Take it slow....nice and slow.  No need for steel since my fingers feel everything sweet.  Every ridge formed by the Gods themselves that man can see their handiwork through fingers and palm.  The breathing is low...until

My second glass gives off a beautiful reflection of pain...yet not the kind you think.  The pain of need to feed on something real.  The pain of desire to be desired by substance.  The loving to be loved as art is loved...with passion and flame.  The wanting to be wanted...beyond it's form.  Beyond it's impeccable beauty and grace...in it and with it...wanted for more...wanted...for real

My third glass is lovely, heady and of a different kind.  It looks like me...but it's not.  For many, too heavy to lift.  For me...easy.  I will sit and watch it from a distance as none could lift it.  To gift it doesn't take much...it takes wine...old wine that shuts off the mind and takes you into places you've never been before.  The places where traces of thought can't stop you from it's magic...it's opening of doorways none have ever cared enough to open before.

Bordeaux ;-)

***Original en Espanol***

Mis velas me han vaciado mi marca de Bordeaux roto en tres copas...

Mi primera copa se ve y se siente suave, las crestas surco como pequeñas manos lenta y suavemente sobandome. Rítmica, hipnótica y sigue. Uno al lado del otro...ahí mismo. Los placeres...constante húmedo y listo. Tome las cosas con calma....agradable...lento. No hay necesidad de acero ya que mis dedos sienten todo lo dulce. Cada cresta formada por Dios para que el hombre pueda ver su obra a través de los dedos y la palma. La respiración es baja...hasta que

Mi segunda copa emite un bello reflejo de dolor...pero no del tipo que usted piensa. El dolor de la necesidad de alimentar en algo real. El dolor del deseo de ser deseada por la sustancia. El amor al ser amado como se ama el arte...con pasión y fuego. El deseo de ser querido...más allá de su forma. Más allá de su impecable belleza y gracia...en ella y con ella...deseada...deseada para más...en verdad

Mi tercera copa es hermosa, fuerte y de otro tipo. Se parece a mí...pero no lo es. Para muchos, demasiado pesada para levantarla. Para mí...fácil. Me sentaré y admire desde la distancia, ya que ninguno podía levantarla. Para regalarle no cuesta mucho...solamente vino...vino viejo que cierra la mente y te lleva a lugares que nunca has estado antes. Los lugares donde las huellas del pensamiento no puede impedir su magia...es la apertura de las puertas nadie se preocupó lo suficiente para abrir antes.

Bordeaux ;-)

~moses apollo apolinaris

By The Moon, As Angels Do - A Word by Moe

"The roses are sung...a moonlight serenade..."

The moonlit mist blankets his soul, stripping his arms of strength but still he rides her clear mist finding his love where beauty's light meets the earth. A light that has been graced to shine upon her as she looks up in admiration towards such nightly calls of grace. 

His heart of flesh beats fluttered. Blessed to make the trip and graced to be able to touch her just enough to leave him pining for texture his skin has yet to describe outside of the ethereal.

For by the moon...he sees as angels do. Watching with outstretched wings that bear heavy burdens longing to be set adrift upon a sea dressed of lightly pressed sunrisen kisses. That all should be made new by the sun. 

Wings that cry on their own that steady his height to gaze...to admire...and to envy those that get to freely touch this work of earthen art. 

So graced by God to watch her gaze upon the very moon that drew him. So cursed by time with not enough of her to satiate...but just enough of her smile to quench the moments thirst for beauty. 

By the moon...as angels do...

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

Arrows - A Poem by Moe

"pull me out from inside"

impassioned, seasoned, scarred and faint

his eyes take in the quiver

her steady arrow seats the saint

transfixion calms the shiver

intrigued, delighted, fates collide

surrender breaks the skin

still holding fast against the tide

of all he's held within

yet worthy strike, invites this love

sent arrows dew the soul

for "stricken" ride the skies above

sailed winds complete the whole

~Moses

Still - A Poem by Moe

"This is your life...are you who you want to be?..."

My cage is plagued by dis-ease and triumphant 

rage. Enslaved by conscience, love and lust 

working holistically inside an ancient text 

from whence my spirit found life. Yet and 

still...hungry.

A sage enslaved to cave. What grace this face 

to taste. To drink to my brink and miss what 

did not kiss. The hunger kept, swept and 

unchecked. Worn, torn, scarred and marred. 

Numb, steady. Still...hungry. 

Bound then unwound. I drown into unsought 

greatness. Still...hungry...

~Moses Apollo 

Catching Fireflies - A Poem by Apollo

"what did you want to ask me?"

The sun inspired me

The moon left me longing

Your voice left me speechless

Your hand gave me comfort

An exhale tells my tale...

I didn't write about the sun, but how 

wonderful it is to know that every day is new

I didn't write about the moon, but about the 

sweet melancholy of a beautifully lit night

I didn't write about your voice, but about the 

joy of what was said in love

I didn't write about your hand, but about the 

substance of real intimacy

muse my fraction in the frame

quicken fanning of the flame

nucleus, it's hearts desire

passion stokes cascading fire

There is no song without a sound

There is no waste in passion found

For all that leads to beauty's gold

Fireflies caught and taken hold...

~Moses Apollo

Finding It Again...In The Balance...

There was a boy

A very strange enchanted boy

They say he wandered very far, very far

Over land and sea

A little shy and sad of eye

But very wise was he

And then one day

A magic day he passed my way

And while we spoke of many things

Fools and kings

This he said to me

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn

Is just to love and be loved in return"

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn

Is just to love and be loved in return"

Yeah...it's still somethin like that ;-)