When Heroes Fall...

"There's a hero if you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid of what you are"

For most of my marriage (now long since divorced), I modeled the family man I was after one that drew the envy of everyone that was blessed enough to know him. In that model of a man, I found a sense of duty and honor. I found purpose in the struggle. It was the beginning framework for all I am today and I know others that could have said the same had they stayed the course. You see we found that model near perfect as humans but as it turned out...it was all too frail as well. In one conversation, I nearly saw the kingdom I had built based on this model...torn down.

I was a 22 year old man in charge of a house of four. Grown to lead my family in what little we had. Building more together...never apart. One night after a dinner, the man I modeled myself after had told me he had failed his wife. That he was leaving her for another he'd been seeing on the sneak for over a year. That he had been lying to everyone. I stayed unmoved on the outside but in his moment of confession...I began to bleed honor. I went home and wept like a child whose parents had just died. Days passed and in anger I lashed out at him. I sought to break him even more in my self-righteousness. I questioned everything. All I was and all I had until I came to a place of decision weeks later. I began flirting with the limits honor had placed upon me and I found myself at the same type of door where he had lost his. As I went to grab the doorknob, I spiritually perceived that all went dark and I found myself falling into a pit. It was tar pit dark, empty and soundproof. It looked like a garbage dump where waste wasn't even burned. It was just left there to rot...becoming one with itself & the deep darkness. I tried to scream but had no resonance...as if its volume went as far as one foot ahead. I walked around and found no one and I was only able to travel in a circle. Constantly bringing me right back to where I was. Feeling like the world was collapsing in and around me, I stopped to bow my head in prayer and that's when I heard a voice that sounded just like my own...

"THIS...IS WHERE YOUR FATHER IS" 

Scared, shivering and ashamed, I found myself back in front of that door I was just about to open. Except now, instead of lust informed by curiosity, I looked at it with disgust...and fear. Fear at what I was about to do and disgust in myself for being a part of the horde that hurt my father in judgement of him. Sending him to that place of lonely spiritual desolation. I ran to my father and in tears, asked him to forgive me for judging him so harshly. I told him that I loved him and that no matter what he'd done, he would always be a great man in my eyes. That I would always stand by him no matter what. We had a good talk that day. It was the most honest we've ever been with each other and it only progressed from there. You see, I got to meet him at his worst. Not just him but inside myself as well and after humbled introspection, I realized that not only did he show me what it was like to live as a man of honor. He also showed me what it was like to face disgrace with honor as well. He showed me that there could be honor even in failure and that I need not go the same way he did. I learned then what would eventually drive me to become the better man I am today. That we are all capable of good and evil. That our weakness need not define us but instead, when owned & placed right according to the design found through self-awareness, it can become a powerful addition within the best of ourselves. I understood then that honor is not found in piety but it is found in the truth of all we are. Living an honorable life demands we live transparent...warts and all. It demands a code of truth. That we should never lie to ourselves, to those we love and much less to God. Such a code forces us to live in ways we would never want to be ashamed of. My father eventually did the best he could to correct his error. Not for me or those he hurt because by then everyone was over it. He did it simply because it's what he felt he should do...for himself. I grew as a man, a loving husband and a father. Pretty soon...my new family would become the "model" my father and my step-mother were back then. Yet and still...it's not the end of the story...

My wife and I decided to divorce about 13 years later. There was no argument, contention or infidelity. You see, we dated and married young and came to the conclusion that our marriage had run its course as we were so we decided to evolve into something else. A family that loves each other and stands by each other no matter what except...no longer husband and wife. No longer "together" as a couple...we still remained a family. Not just bound by children but who we are as people. It's why we've been able to "co-parent" and love as a family all these years since then. Some have asked us how we do it as though it's some mystical feat. In truth, we just love and honor who we are enough to never allow for disrespect and this notion...also came from my father's code of honor. He used to tell me "Moise, I can't stand your mother but she is a great woman. You find a good woman? You do what you can for her when you can even if you're not together. Don't ever disrespect her. Finding that is like finding gold today". Yeah...that one's been a double edged sword since then but still good advice. As for dad and I, we became more than father and son after that...we became peers but that man, although he may not think it of himself is and forever will be...my hero.

Folks, our heroes fail and what externally motivates us can falter but make no mistake...the idea that drove the wind of our sails came from inside us. We believed in something that was real and it's our task to fulfill it where our motivators fail. That...belongs to US. If something that motivated you has fallen in your eyes, hold fast to what they gave you and remake it in your own image. Run with it like someone creating a greater reason to press on. That man in the mirror you want to take pride in, that little one you put to sleep every night, the friend that looks up to you and the masses that look to you for guidance may just need a hero in this world that is full of disappointment. Show them how you succeed, show them how you fail but most importantly...show them how you rise again. Take heart, be honorable in truth and if you fell? Get your ass back up again...somebody may need to see that. Much love...

~Moses Apollo

The Wise Traveler From The House Of Ern Dien – A Short Story by Moe (2015)

"A Way Of Life"

Li got up this morning as he usually did.  Just a day like any other filled with the standard routine of every new monk within the order of Ern Dien.  His routine included rolling out of bed to land upon a wooden floor where he would find no greater option than to pray before he began his day.  After prayer, he would put on the ring of his order and complete all his morning duties.  All just preparations for what he considered the most exciting part of his day...the passing of the traveler.

You see, there wasn't much excitement upon this hilltop monastery so when a man of great wisdom comes up from the towns beneath the hilltop, many become intrigued.  No one knew his name but people would come in droves to hear him speak.  He hid under a cloak but he spoke with such depth, sincerity and passion that he drew people in.  Everyone knew there was something more to this man but where in the valley could he have possibly come from?  How could it be that such wisdom could possibly come from such low places?  Places that were beneath them all.  In just a few days, Li would come to know the answer to that question.  As fate would have it, Li drew closer to the traveler as he spoke than he had ever gotten before and he noticed something that shocked him.  As the traveler bent over to pick up his staff just before he was about to leave, Li noticed that the traveler wore a necklace.  At the end of that necklace was the very same ring Li placed upon his finger every morning...the ring of the house of Ern Dien.  Li hurriedly ran to ask a shepherd about his discovery and was dismayed to receive a terse dismissal in the place of an answer.  He knew then his only option was to ask the Master...something he understood was against the rules.

This monastery had three shepherds and one Master.  The Master would share the teachings with the shepherds and the shepherds in turn would share His teachings with the monks.  None other but the shepherds were allowed to see or speak to the Master so Li's task was one of great risk to his place in the order.  Yet of all the things he has heard of the Master, he knew that the Master would never turn him away.  He knew that the Master had established these rules for the sake of order and not as others had assumed...to remain hidden.  Mindless tradition had made it seem so but nothing could be further from the truth.  Most just followed the shepherds without question and the shepherds were fine with such unquestionable devotion.  Most shepherds took that responsibility with care and these were proven by the length of their tenure.  Yet the ones that abused such absolute power would be cast out in short order.  So Li knew that those that sought the Master beyond the shepherds would find Him and in doing so...would come into what all the shepherds just understood as the realm they called "more".  Most feared entering this realm as a place of confusion and chaos so they kept to the shepherds’ basic training as it was deemed "safe".  Li wasn't interested in the "more", he just wanted to know about this traveler and he knew that the Master was the only one who could provide answers. 

That very night, Li began making the climb on his own as the bedtime gong of the monastery rang.  Tired and hungry, he finally came to the Master's steps and just as he was about to knock on the great door, it suddenly swung open and there stood the Master's servants.  They said nothing but greeted him with a smile and led him to a room with a calmness about it.  In this candlelit room was a comfortable bed on which sat a new set of clothes.  He was allowed to eat, bathe and rest for the night...the Master would see him in the morning.

The next morning Li woke up as he normally did and followed through with all the preparations of his order as best he could given his new surroundings. When he was done, he was instructed to sit in the rear garden in front of the Grand Tree.  This was the tallest tree in the center of the garden and before it...a bench just big enough for two.  This was an odd tree in that it carried a frightening beauty.  Its aroma was bittersweet.  If inhaled deeply enough, it would produce an uncomfortable laughter.  Li was instructed to sit before it and wait for the Master.  He sat waiting and wondering as time passed with no sign of Him.  Several times the servants passed and even though he was tempted to ask them about the Master's whereabouts, he sat patiently waiting.  After a few hours of stillness, the Master came and sat beside him.  Li bowed in nervous excitement, "My Lord!!" he exclaimed as the Master gently grabbed his arm to gently guide him back to his seat beside Him.  They both sat in stillness for some time before...

The Master began to speak in assured gentle tones:

"I know why you've come.  You have come to ask about the Traveler.  You have seen that he carries with him the ring of My Order yet he does not wear it on his finger as you do.  You wonder how a man can carry so much wisdom with him and come from places you do not when you are supposed to be from My house...where all truth may be found."  He stood up and walked to the tree.  Putting His hand upon the tree He continued..."I can tell you this: his plight, you could say, begins and ends at the root of this tree.  He was a prodigy of this order and when he was about your age, he made the climb as you have to ask for the "more" only a few dare seek.  Yet the "more" he sought was not for glory or fame.  He sought the "more" so that he could know Me better.  He wanted to please my heart as well as my soul and he understood that in order to do this, he would need wisdom.”  He turned pointing earnestly to Li and said “Wisdom, my child, transcends beyond the intellect of man, piercing his heart to the very atom of his existence...and by extension...My Own.  He came wanting the Wisdom of Solomon.  A wisdom that can break a man's spirit if he is not centered properly.  Solomon was raised with all the greatest teachers when it came to the laws of heaven so he was grounded in the poverty of piety yet on the other side of his life, he came to know the abundance of self as he came to indulge in every pleasure known to man. Somewhere in the middle of both excesses...he found the bitterness of this tree."  And in a faint whisper, He said "...and the greatest power man will ever possess."  "This, my child, is the infamous Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  She stands in this garden as a testament to all the perils and power of wisdom.”  Turning again towards Li, He said “Solomon was able to identify with and detail the hints of darkness within the light of men as he was also able to identify the hints of light...within the darkness of men.  A task very few men could handle as man is a being created to follow.  He will always choose a side and there is nothing wrong with staying safely in the light but understand that this safety is enabled by limits and limited understanding only requires limited responsibility.  Men that selflessly seek "more" are tasked with greater responsibility as the “more” removes such limits placed upon them.  Some of my greatest servants questioned Me in ways others dared not and they all found themselves many times making decisions I would have never had them make.  Most of them strayed from my path but ALL found their way back.  Yet what was different about them was what they carried back with them...after they had strayed.  They now carried with them a newfound wisdom of the strength found within weakness.  A relatable spirit that was able to reach the heart of all men without the need for judgement.  An understanding of their own humanity and an enlightenment of the true nature of man.  That his strengths and his failings were not dependent on which side of the pendulum he was on.  That virtue and vice could be found on all sides of the spectrum.  This allowed them to see the truth of all things at their core enabling them to determine what kind of word was needed for the wound they needed to heal.  Acknowledging their own weaknesses based on the truth of their awareness to place my essence within them where it was lacking.  This had made them formidable and strong!  Beyond this, they also came to appreciate life at its depth.  That every experience within every second had value because all on this earth has an end.  That the insignificance of man by the virtue of the time he has left on this earth means every life can have meaning...every soul can have purpose.  I despise the fact that some of my monks find that their truth is finite enough that they can look down at the people that live in the valley when the reality is that what truth most of them carry is just enough to lead them safely through this world but not enough to make a real, lasting difference.  It is the difference between watering a tree as opposed to injecting it with the nutrients it needs.  Solomon knew this and so does the traveler you have come to ask me about.  Yes, there is power in this wisdom but it comes at a cost.  Given his nature, he will always be far from perfection but he seeks it nonetheless.  He knows he will never realize his goal of complete wisdom as what his finite mind seeks is infinite but he has found that the journey itself has taken him past the limits most have placed upon themselves already.  It is for this reason he has chosen to live in a world that will not judge him...a world that can not place him enough...to judge him at all.  He carries too much light to live comfortably in the dark and too much dark to live comfortably in the light even though he can exist in both.  He knows nothing will satisfy him because of the futility of most things so he grasps heaven on earth where he can find it.  He finds it in my monastery, he finds it in the art of men, he finds it in the eyes of Eve and he finds it in the growth of his children.  He has silently saved the lives of people from every spectrum in a sentence and most times, he will remain unaware of it...just as he had requested.  He wanted to please My heart and nothing makes Me smile more than this."  He smiled, turned to face the tree again and in a softened thoughtful voice said "The roots of this tree are pure.  As it springs out of the earth, its wholeness divides in two.  True wisdom...my knowledge...is found at the root"  The Master turned to face Li with a smile and began walking.  Li felt an overwhelming sense of peace as his Master just walked away. 

As for Li, he climbed back down to the safety of his monastery and he remained content with the newfound admiration he had acquired for the traveler.  Not much is known of Li after his encounter but one thing remains certain…he was never the same again…

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

All For Nothing, Nothing For More...

"And at once I knew...I was not magnificent..."

Dark elegant room.  At it's center, a large black marble table with a lit chandelier above it making sure it was the only piece of furniture visible in the room.  One by one, men begin to enter.  Each taking their place at this table.  Some dressed in casual attire.  Others dressed in three piece suits.  All carried briefcases except for one.  With every chair taken...the doors close.  They now wait in silence...

One hour passes.  The men begin to fidget and become anxious.  Some stand, some pace, some engage each other in whispered conversation...only one sits still.

The red light above the door signals the coming of their host.  A hush of silence hits the room as they silently scurry to sit as though they had been sitting still the whole time.  The host enters but stays clear of the light.  As yet unseen, overhead speakers carry the hosts voice as the question is posed to them:

"What makes you worthy to sit at my table?" 

One by one the briefcases are opened and each man places on the table their answer to the question asked:  Car keys, house keys, resumes, degrees, trophies, pictures of physical attributes and certifications of every kind.  All did this...except for one.

The one that sat still kept his keys in his pocket.  His pictures and his licenses all remained in his wallet.  He instead decided to place on the table an empty cup and a lined sheet of paper with nothing written on it.  At it's side, a neatly sharpened number 2 pencil.  The men arrogantly scoffed at his display as he stoically sat in confident silence.

They were all asked to leave...except him...

~Moses Apollo 

PS: Only nothing can become something...only "empty" can be filled. Only "broken" can be made whole...only the fertile can be tilled...

Her Beauty...(R)

"...may I kiss you...may I kiss you there?..."

I wish I understood more.  I wish I knew all things.  Wishes that only come true when one is old and all mistakes have been made.  Where you look back and begin your sentences with "if I'd known then what I know now...".  That place in time where your chair is your friend.  Where wisdom seldom does you any good anymore...it is now for others.

Tonight I rip off my skin and replace it with the panoramic digital imagery I have of beauty.  A beauty that few actually get to see because they never really take the time to look.  Some get to sleep next to it every night.  They even get to hear beauty say "I love you".  They give nothing but get everything.  Never knowing what they really have...never really caring enough so as to just do "what is required".  The careless try to rob beauties sheen by creating insecurity and self-doubt through sheer neglect.  Where she is then left lonely in a home full of people...now needing to be rebuilt.  I don't know what's worse; seeing it and not being able to keep it...or not seeing it at all.

Beauty is broken and left by the side of the road.  Beauty is anguish at determined greatness that only arrives for hours at a time.  Beauty is hurt and maimed while continuing to hold on to hope for her healing.  Beauty is laughing through the pain and in the process...making others laugh too.  Beauty is self-sustaining under pressure of heavy weight and burden.  Beauty is passionate and knows how to devour flame through release.  Wife, mother, lover, girlfriend...friend.  Titles that do beauty no justice.

My heart is thankful she can find something in me worthy of her.  I may not be able to keep her but the anguish of such a thing is tempered by what my heart has been privileged to witness...her beauty.

~Moses Apollo

The All Of Me - A Poem by Moe

"...oh the canvas can do miracles...just you wait and see..."

my moon's replaced my sun

as nightly shifts begun

tis gracious to befriend

this tour that's made to end

last watch begins at twelve

my heart makes room to delve

and drink my starry night

while keeping ship in sight

oh ship she gentle sways

relieved now to appraise

for ship is where I'm free

to be the all of me

~moses

Young Man Heed My Words...(R)

"We've been shot up, beat up by the falling of the arrows.  Yeah I'm full of deep cuts right down to the marrow..."

Young man heed my words on this night...

Pertaining to women I can assure you that there is nothing on this blog that will advise you in doing as I do save for one recurring theme..."sincerity".  I have known a few that have envied my life as a free man only because they truly do not understand that for a man like me such a thing runs the gamut of complexity.  Why?  Simply because I am who I am.  As such I define this life differently than most yet use simplistic terminology to help people understand it's base.  Yet what lies underneath it all is way more difficult to explain.

To be sincere means that when you compliment her you are doing so because you mean the compliment. The compliment is not used to lower her defenses enough to engender trust just so you could sleep with her.  You have to mean it or ain't worth shit to me.

To be sincere is to understand and greatly appreciate the uniqueness of every soul.  To listen to the beauty of her song and appreciate just how much of her is in the song she just sang.  Look for her in the song.  If you can't or don't want to it ain't worth shit to me.

To be sincere means that you are surrendered to her moment because you truly believe in her and her cause.  You've come to listen because you are truly interested to the point of being able to articulate it yourself.  If you're not surrendered in her moment then it don't mean shit to me.

To be sincere also means that you must spend time getting to know her heart and mind before you even think about getting to know her body because without understanding the heart and the mind, you can never truly tailor your love specifically for her.  All you will be able to perform for satisfaction is a mechanical "paint by numbers" I've often spoken about and there will be nothing behind your endeavour.  You have to learn her or it ain't worth shit to me.

Now what does all this mean?  It means that if you are a man of conscience you have no choice but to be sincere.  It means you can't fake it even if you tried.  As such you will come to find that a hole between some legs isn't enough for you.  Picturesque model types will need to meet a standard.  Tits and ass even the angels crave will have you yawning if these others elements are not met.  You will require more for meaning and as such, most of the time...you will remain alone.  You will wait for those that can move your soul.  At times you will be let down by those pretending to want the same freedom.  Showing you how wonderful they are yet driven by agenda.  Thinking that because you are just like any other man, you will want that for life.  You will meet gamers that wish to challenge you every step of the way, thinking that you just want a challenge only to find yourself moving on yet again because you just are not interested in playtime over control.  Tit for tat becomes just "tit" as you yawn yet again until all interest is gone

Young man, many think this life free of pain but as a man of conscience and code, it is replete in "uneasy" frustration and slight disappointment.   Those that think otherwise have the idea that callousness is the only way to live this life and they would be correct in part.  Yet because I am not callous and choose to feel, it becomes way more difficult.  Yet no one will know just how hard it is because they will take a look at the women you've loved and pat you on the back because of a posted picture yet never understand or care that you took the time to know their hearts in intimacy.  I was honorable in marriage and I chose to remain honorable...even in this life.  I am a lover...not a dog. Even if I can be one if asked...

So peruse this blog from the very beginning and mimic everything I said and did but if you think it only to be about "motions"...you will fail with every encounter.  You will become nothing more than a male slut that has to travel to get the same shit you can get in the bathroom all by yourself.  Be wise and stay wise...

Now for those of you saying "There he goes again, talkin about how great he is with women"...you can eat shit.  Almost every event that has taught me something profound has had a female lead in one of the starring roles.  It is my life and to speak about my universe without including that aspect would remain an incomplete story and I will never shortchange a message simply because you want me to show the semblance of false humility.  Numbers add nothing to character but oftentimes it has people A) Questioning your veracity and B) Thinking you are full of yourself when the exact opposite is true.

So young man there is no book I can write describing what makes this so called "free life" work.  For that I would need to describe rules and points that I know are completely futile.  There are no absolute rules in this life because they always crumble under the heaviness of their own weight.  Nine times out of ten, you will come to find that it is a rule manufactured for the sole purpose of convenience for the one that wrote it in the first place.  If you on the other hand follow that same rule, the person that initiated it will hate you for it.  Not because they are evil people but simply because they are human.  So always make sure that any demand you place on another is something you are more than able to follow yourself.  When it's good, it's great but when it's bad...it's awful.

You want practice in character?  This is it homie.  I say keep it real in all you do but it's much harder when everything inside is tellin you to use everything (even fraud) to get what every inch of your flesh is crawlin for.  It's just like pickin up a 50lb dumbbell when you've been used to pickin up 20's.  It's how we get stronger.  Remember...sincerity is the only rule you should have.  Any more or less...and it don't mean shit to me...      

~Moses Apollo

Inner Lace - A Poem by Moe

"..._________..."

his comely friend called mystery

leaves secrets yet untold

as all that's writ in history

dries up as waves of gold

what treasure laid be his to tease

while slow they drip out true 

his hidden guest tastes love's appease

in veins, though out of view

from inner space she tastes the bliss

till gold has set in place

tis then all breathless supple kiss

lay pressed on inner lace

~Moses Apollo

Living In "The Age Of Woman"...

"She is the sun...I am the moon. The earth cannot exist...one without the other. Call me back into your embrace. Allow me to see your loving face...again"

In these days of confusion among the sexes, I find myself among the growing few that still gladly hold to the beautiful differences found between men and women. Where aptitude for logic is met with unrivaled emotional content creating a perfect union. Each requiring individual growth coming close enough to perfection to deem them "whole". Of course each can come close to mastering the others innate power but a man will not know emotion as well as a woman...logic will oftentimes get in the way. Nor will a woman know logic as well as a man...as emotion will oftentimes get in the way as well. As a man of logic raised by an even greater man of logic, I was wise enough to know that I knew nothing. So I took the time to learn from four of the strongest women I'll ever meet without surrendering any part of my manhood. I just added a strength I was naturally deficient in instead...

My Dominican powerhouse (my mother), my Ecuadorian stability (my step-mother) and my Puerto Rican mentor (my spiritual mother). In these three I saw women formed and strong with an aptitude for logic housed in emotional content. As a young man, I couldn't see it but as I got older, I found their strength impressive. Watching others falter under the same strain these women seemed to easily endure was enough to impress anyone. When I married my beautiful wife (now ex) at 18...I finally got to see how they became so strong in the first place. Throughout our 17 years of marriage, I was blessed to both witness and share in her growth as a woman. After our divorce, our relationship evolved into a dutiful honorbound friendship built on love from which I've been doubly blessed to witness even greater growth. From them I learned how emotional content can be housed in logic and I will forever be grateful to God for that blessing. These became the standard that I have come to instinctively look for in others. A standard I have seen glimpses of becoming more common. Yet sadly, not by choice...but out of necessity instead.

Today, I see men neutered and detached from their logistical aptitude believing it prudent to lay aside all forms of manhood under the guise of "understanding". A false definition of understanding that looks to "replace" what comes naturally as opposed to "adding" to it instead. A dangerous error that has caused men to retract from all that made them strong. Today, the sense that used to be common has become relative and if we are to be honest about what we are living through...it is based on now seeing everything through an emotional prism. Folks...emotion without logic creates a dangerous imbalance. An imbalance that has frighteningly even made its way into the scientific community. Yet in all this mess, I see glimmers of hope. A new breed of women rising up comparable to the ones I've come to learn from. Women that have decried this imbalance have become the front line in what I consider a one sided war for gender supremacy. They've seen the folly in this idiocy and have decided to fight for true equality instead...the return of that beautiful balance. It's fascinating to watch and thankfully...men are now taking notice...

I watch them in life and on social media taking on the mantle of strength as they must. Providing an example to men that should be doing the same. Creating in men a sense of urgency. Waking up a strength in them they were taught was toxic. Beautiful women inspiring men to fight. A grace that I have seen in the best relationships. Where a good woman will stand by her man...a great woman pushes them to become more. I see it in the single mother struggling against an inefficient deadbeat, in reporters that have decided that truth takes preeminence over bias, in celebrities that stand apart from the herd, in the unrepentant activist that shows no fear and in the everyday workhorse that stands in the place where men used to stand. They go on about doing as they must and for most, their struggles keep them from knowing just how truly inspiring they are to the men that have retained the truth of what they are. Due to this mess, the mention of differences has been shamed into silence by the zeitgeist producing a lack of appreciation for what women have taken on. I watch them in awe and am truly thankful to do whatever I can in this age they are purposed to inhabit.

As for men...they must become the men they were born to be. Not the caricatured savage they have accepted as truth but the true men of honor and strength their design demands. Towards that end, we who have stood must do what we can by all measure of example...and so we will. God bless the age of woman and the age of humanity that is to come. After that? Well now that's a different story altogether lol Much love...I'm out...

~Moses Apollo

Green - A Poem by Moe

"...I am ready, I am ready, I am ready...I am fine..."

the heavenlies did choose them young

and granted gifts of holy kind

since earthen songs were never sung

they sought out caves of flesh confined 

and what emerged was something new  

odd creatures wearing disparate skin

with hearts that beat for holy view 

encased in flesh carved out for sin

though man be colored certain ways

most black and white with none between

these creatures hue was timed for days

when souls will seek uneasy green

~Moses

The Devaluation Of Life...

"...come on get down with the sickness..."

On this Valentine's Day, February 14th, 2018; a young man walked into a school in Broward County FL and began a shooting spree that as of this writing has claimed two lives (updated to 17 lives) and injured about 30 others. As in every mass shooting situation, the blame is now slowly but surely being placed at the feet of an inanimate object that is useless without it's human user. Why? Because it is always more profitable to treat a symptom than it is to find a cure. Especially when those espousing treatment of the symptom are complicit in the propagation of the disease.

I hear "guns", "video games", "rap music" and am as of yet waiting for someone to blame "climate change"...as ridiculous as that may sound. Folks, I don't care what side you're on. I'm just tired. Believe what you want because in the end...the truth of what I'm about to say will stand regardless. I'm sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. Tired of folk wanting to try remedies that are proven ineffective simply because they cannot come to say "What have WE done?"..."Where did WE go wrong?". I'm thinkin it's about time we tell the truth about this...

I remember the day when the main protagonist in a movie was heartbroken over the idea he had to take a life. Now, these same heros kill without remorse. Warriors lived by a code that viewed life precious and that the defense of life itself was the only thing worth killing and/or dying for. Today, hurt feelings seem to be enough. We live in an age where humans are taught that hurt feelings must not only be validated but revenged by external action. Such ideologies have forced us into the stifling of speech for some and allowing the destruction of private property for others. Where violence is justified and even encouraged if some don't get there way. Where even aberrant behavior is normalized to spare some from critique that may even spare them from a painful road. All the while creating a generation believing that the "I" takes precedence over the "you". It's amusing to look back on these traits and see something striking as I recognize them all too well. Do you know where you can find this mindset? In babies and toddlers...

As a father of two men in their early twenties, I've been privileged to watch them grow and have been blessed in studying their beautiful process. Early on, I came to learn that the most important teaching I could ever instill towards their manhood was that "life is not fair"...nor will it ever be. That life, at times is a battle. That although we may be entitled to anger, rage and hate due to its unfairness, we are never entitled to act out in ways that break laws, hurt others or that does unjustified damage. That as we grow, we learn that negative feelings do more damage to our health than unfairness ever could and that before mastering our surroundings, we must first learn to master and/or understand our emotions. Especially the negative ones. Teachings that seed maturity. A maturity that comes with all manner of self-control, humility, introspection, responsibility and most of all...perspective that allows for the appreciation of life itself. Without these things a human will always remain incomplete and life will become a cycle of unnecessary battles. In this age, I have seen politicians and talking heads looking at humans as though they were battering rams for their respective agendas. They no longer see souls. All they see are tools and since their opulent lives are the only ones that matter...your value is relegated to one of utility. No more, no less. Your growth means nothing them and they teach you to think the same way about others. As such, it is in their best interest to rationalize this stunted state, give it a degree...and call it growth. Friend, if your 18 and you don't know that although you have the human capacity to act on a negative emotion but that it is more prudent that you don't? You haven't learned a thing and are more likely than not, being used by people that expect you to brave a cell their connections keep them out of. A "safe space" is not your friend...it ain't nothin but a crutch that you will always need until you learn how to work through your emotions.

What we see today is the by-product of a disease. A well balanced individual should be able to carry a gun, play video games and bop their head to rap music just fine. These are not the problem. Banning these things is akin to putting bumpers by the stairs and covering up electric sockets for the wandering child. Wise tactics used in the safety of our children...until they start learning the real dangers of each through consequential thinking to live out a balanced life. As babies, there came a time when my sons found out that all they had to do was cry to get picked up. It wasn't for food nor was it a wet diaper and we caught on quick. So we decided that when they cried, we had to wait in the other room in agony until they stopped. That action alone began their road to maturity. They learned then that crying would no longer be the way they would resolve an issue. At some point we must stop coddling humans. We must allow them to accept the word "NO" so they can learn to work through rejection as opposed to throwin a fit or in the case of some...beatin on a defenseless garbage can. If we don't...God save us.

Folks...life is valuable enough for the truth that hurts to heal. It's valuable enough for all disappointment meant to foster resolve. It's valuable enough for every fall that forces one to stand and yes, it's valuable enough for the pain of loss that teaches us how to measure true value. Stop talking symptoms...start talkin disease. I'm out...

~Moses