People...

Oh how one day great day can precede one so shitty!!!  Oh how you could laud someone with great accolade only for that same person to treat you like shit the very next day.  Another day, another argument based on a question that needed the receiver to look at themselves.  Discussions that turn into arguments because of fucked up pride.  When logical arguments can no longer be offered, name calling takes place and what they hate about you is brought to light in the ugliest of terms.  So it seems as though they only want the bits and pieces of you that they deem "good for them".  They want your body but not your heart.  They want your mind but not your body.  In this particular case, they love that you care as much as you do but hate the way you show it.  It's fucking hysterical when you think about it.  Those that want it all get pissed because I only give what I can.  Those that get it all...it's too much.  Fuck it then...

So if they love that you care as much as you do but don't like the way you show care or concern?  My only solution is stop caring altogether.  I'm just so fuckin tired...

I'm just so fuckin wonderful right?  Wise?  Beautiful too...yeah I get that one but all that shit goes out the window the second I refuse to appease your sensibilities and needs.  Which begs the question...how real are all those accolades anyway? LMFAO

Rant done...

The Lover's Pine - A Poem by Moe

what eloquence is mine to breathe

when smiling comes from this

that grace on me is to bequeath

angelic gaze and kiss

to set this mortal man ablaze

that feet should touch the sky

to bask in beauty's lovely haze

with love left to imply

so Lord I pray make way for shine

and aim true at my heart

that I may feel the lovers pine

that muse these works of art

~Moses 

Monster Rose Up - A Poem by Moe

With old rusted feathered claws as hands

He roams through the vast deserted lands 

He holds visage low so he can't see

"all of the people staring at me"

His skin is thick but easy to tear

It's charred, burned and uneasy to wear

Looks up to heaven as if to say

"Why, oh Lord have you made me this way" 

His touch is soft and made to infect

Voice for receipt but apt to reject

Eyes that see love in all these rare souls

Also finds dark in like minded holes

Choices now varied, embers to flame

Black to deep red, it's never the same

Built by the blood and flesh from his bone

Child at heart, in a soul fully grown

Eager to fly and eager to rest

Eager to plant what flows from his chest

So all inside, from black went to white

If it goes dark, all colors switch right

Lines in his hands, the same on his face

Hiding so much, those lines have found place

Lines forming roads for years yet to grow

Monster rose up to let it all go...

~Moses Apollo

The Moment...

You know there is always this moment everyone gets.  The moment they decide to do more with their lives.  To be more for those in their world.  It comes as a welcome breeze inviting you into greatness...and then it's gone.

We all have them.  That goosebump inducing vision of all we could be...of all we should be.  It's like a perfect wave that's meeting up with a skilled surfer.  The one they look for to solidify their immortality.  You have to see it coming and when it does...ride those waters till they settle every time.  It never takes you all the way but it does take you some of the way.  Problem is those waves can and will take you far enough to merit goodbyes or "see you laters" and too many are tied in with folk unskilled at surfing the waves.  Levels are as life would have them and anyone wishing you remain at their level when you are set to go on to the next or are there already, is not looking out for your best interest.  So don't miss your moment simply because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings.  If they're true friends, they will watch with great pride as you become all you were meant to.  If they get upset?  Fuck em, they weren't in your corner to begin with.

Don't miss your moment being entertained.  Don't miss your moment standing in a spot where there is no place for it to arrive and most of all...don't miss your moment trying to create an artificial one when the real one is just on the horizon.  Stay hip, stay wise...stay vigilant.  Your moment is on it's way.

Still surfin...I'm out

~Moses  

Woof...

The forward to the new book is pretty much done.  Yeah, fun choice of words and yes, I am glorious for choosing to use those words lol  I'll say this much, to rehash everything provides a good perspective and after rehashing everything, I'm more than just good.  The rehashing is an exercise I must undertake if this is to be done right.  I have to base all things on what was felt as I wrote to be able to piece everything correctly and that my friends, is a welcome trip to say the least.  I just hope my muse will be happy with what I'm able to produce.  She don't read my blog so I'll just let some shit out right quick lol  I'll just "blame it on the boogie" if she finds out.  God, I'm delirious lol  

It's funny but most often rehashes are done by people that have broken up looking to say this or that was a mistake.  Some times they may be right but in the case of this particular rehash which has nothing to do with a break-up, I'm gonna tell you the truth.  I fell because I was supposed to as the connection we have gave me no motherfuckin choice...period.  How's that for truth?  If I no longer loved her, I'd say that I'd do it all again in a fuckin heartbeat.  Want more truth?  Furthermore, we might be on different roads at the moment but that don't mean shit to someone like me as I am one that believes that anything can happen.  I ain't waitin around for it but when and if our romantic roads meet again?  Her room is fully furnished and ready for occupancy.  Why?  I've said it almost every damn post...when love is true, it doesn't change.  The only thing that can and should change is if the relationship was toxic.  In those cases, you have no choice but to love from afar...like another state kind of far.  Now, I can't speak for her but I can only speak for myself when I say this sappy stuff because this is how I view love.

Why is all this so important?  I keep coming back to the same issue.  Most of you find or make up reasons as to why you broke up during your own rehash sessions and start speaking negatively of an ex.  No matter what happens with my muse, I will always see her as beautiful as the day I met her soul for the first time.  So whatever happens from the break-up point or backing-away or whatever the fuck you need to call it should never make a difference when it comes to the truth of things.  All the women I have loved throughout my life had issues as do I but when the good substantially outweighed the bad, I will not hesitate to praise their worth and value.  Never allow what you feel today to taint what you felt then.  If it was real...say so.  If she was a good woman...say so.  If you fucked up...say so.  Just keep it real is all I'm saying.  Back at it tomorrow!!!

On a side note, it feels fuckin great to let this out here publicly since only a handful of people know the story.  Her name will remain safely tucked away but the story is so rich in real merit and truth.  I'm glad I can finally speak on it since I'm putting this all together anyway.  Yet sadly for you all nosy folk, as beautiful as you still are, this is as much as I will say so suck it lol

~Moses Apollo        

PS:  I re-read all this and noticed it was all over the place...but who cares!!! lol  Still true...

Within This Heart - A Poem By Moe

so now as good as memory serves

remind my soul your breath

and find that truest love preserves

all grace that's beaten death

for what is born at depth survives

eluding outer twists

as truest love that's kept relies

on love that still exists

past breath oh please now show me grace 

that truth may be my art

come breathe her soul and show her face

still housed within this heart

~Moses

Okay...

My first installment (Heartbeat Of Apollo) was done loosely and without the professional tools I just finished installing.  Tools that will allow me to create a finished product ready to publish.  The first was more of an "attempt" to write a book as opposed to actually writing one.  This will not be the case here.  This has to be done better.  The theme must be clearer and it's open-ended ending must be felt.  I don't how it's gonna turn out but to say I'm excited at the thought of it is an understatement.

My only vice in all this is the vice of an artist.  The immersion that leads to a seclusion I just can't help.  To create is like falling in love...it's all you think about.  You see it in everything and everyone.  Inspiration comes from so many places and because this creation is inspired by a muse...I must see this muse in almost everything as well.  That will be a tough one as I cannot see this muse in the present but instead I must see as I saw at the writing of every piece.  So my disappearance becomes clearer as I have felt a pull do so.  I guess longer nights await me...and so it goes...

~Moses 

PS:  Love a real artist at your own risk.  If you can't handle things like this then please don't even begin to look their way.  They are unorthodox and eccentric.  They have no rules set in stone but have strong feelings nonetheless about the lines they will not cross.  They love deeper, they fall harder and will never give in to loss.  As for passion?  there is none to equal it's importance for the real artist as this is their life's blood.  There is no box made for us so don't even try to fit us into one.  We don't ease up on the message nor do we compromise our work.  The art is everything and when we create?  It will take a fire to get us moving.  If you haven't learned this by now, then I'm afraid you never will.

Boredom...

As much as I know about humanity, I am still somewhat perplexed by boredom.  I really don't understand it or the power it wields.  I mean think about it.  With all the technology one has at their disposal, you would think that could be used to keep one at least entertained but no, it still isn't enough.  As a child, I would push myself to remain still.  I would just sit.  Wherever my mind went is where I would go with the only exception being what I like to consider "dark thought".  These days, I just brush up on current events or get into studying different subjects.  How boredom can become a trigger to a depressed state in a developed mind is truly beyond "sense".

"So what are you saying?  You don't like to go out?"

That is not what I'm saying at all nor am I encouraging anyone to become a homebody.  When I go out, it's because I feel like it.  For a simple "just because" or for something specific but I am not one to allow myself to be ruled by some wretched thing named boredom telling me that if I don't do as it says, it will turn my mood to shit.  Folks, you will find out in time that almost every emotion's power over your mind is based solely on how much power you allow it weild.

"So I'm wrong for wanting to go out?"

No one said anything about right or wrong but I will say that if NOT "doing" is affecting you in a negative way, then it's not healthy.  See I've known children to "get bored" due to an underdeveloped mind but adults?  I'm not making judgement calls or anything of the sort.  All I'm saying is that you all need to check that shit.  Never allow anything to turn your mood.  Never allow anything that kind of control over you and because I'm mainly speaking to friends I know to be strong...use that strength for focus.  You wanna go out and do things?  Go ahead and enjoy.  Just make sure it's because you want to as opposed to needing to as it can become a crutch replacing your self control just like anything else.  Stay hip my people...much love

~Moses

Exit...

"You see the hands that build? Can also pull down

Even the hands of love..."

Well folks, what can I say but that here is yet another day I draw deeper to my close.  I think I'm done.  Life in social media is grand but real life is much richer and fuller than that.  I thought to stay close was enough but truly, I don't think I'd go missed that badly anyway.  It's not that I am less loved but everyone has roads they're on they must travel.  If they ever truly knew me, they know I'll be around if they need me.  Truth is, I feel I have overstayed my welcome in certain cases.  A man that overstays his welcome can say or do more than they were meant to in any given amount of time and one can never truly know if more harm than good is being done.  I guess I've been procrastinating giving myself time to change my mind but I keep coming back to this.  This isn't anger, disgust or despair as I feel none.  It's probably about time.

So to any of you all that know me on Facebook, I will continue to write as I have been and I will finish my compilation but Facebook is all but done.  I'll return someday but not anytime soon.  I'll finish up some stuff, tie off loose ends and get my time away from it all again.  Those that give a shit know how to find me and those that don't?...carry on!!! lol

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

Climb...

Fire me up to speak this unadulterated truth as I see my antiquated youth selling slabs of gold they hold inside for a fucked up momentary high.  All to escape the "why"  Flickered up weed, liquored up liver so the death giver ain't that far behind.  The chase is what they find behind clean blinds shuttered and closed.  Thinkin nobody knows what's brewin in their ever dying souls.  Body shrinkin, breath stinkin, death linkin as eyes grow dull from the lull of time passin slow when all they want to know is: Where is life?

Ignored question required suggestion that maybe chemical amnesia might help.  Only to find death taking them farther away from answers and closer to addictive cancers hellbent on their destruction.  Obstruction guiding them and riding them deep inside their foggy minds and dirty blinds they no longer need to clean.  Taking them even deeper towards the crypt keeper they now call friend.  This is called the bitter end as the clock that strikes "when" starts cracklin at their door.  Crawl the floor but fuck the door, they need another high to forget the "why" they got this low in the first place when all they wanted to know is: Where is life?

I know the taste of this place and the fucked up face that follows.  Leaves men and women hollow and dead because to feel is too fuckin real.  To see is too fuckin me and the kind that hates the mirrored image looking back.  Too far down for slack to make the climb but in your soul you notice time and what to do with seconds left.  It's all you got so make more time...fuckin climb...

~Moses