The Valley - A Story by Apollo

The wind howls in this wasteland. A group of us walk together but we are isolated from each other's plight. We just trudge along. We cover our faces with an old piece of cloth and push on through this days storm. Every day is something different but each time there's a scar left somehow...as well as a bit of extra strength along the way. Broken mirrors tell the tale of a soul transformed. Transformed by the valley...

Being forced to navigate through the sandstorm, our eyes now see clearer. Carrying around our gear for miles at a time, our grip is now firmer and our backs feel no pain. Enduring the beating sun, our skins are now thicker and with tasks fulfilled...our senses are as keen as they will ever get at this level. Yet this is no place to live. In this place...there is no life that can endure. Everything dies here in time...everything. There is no rest...

So when do we leave this God-forsaken place?

(whisper) "when the mirrors say so"...(whisper)

That's when the path to our mountain opens up. That place we can rest. That place we can feel renewed. Where we can no longer see the valley below. Where the air is clean and the breeze is just right. Where the sun doesn't scorch and the rain doesn't bruise. There is beauty, rest, peace and an abundance of love. It's home...the place we all belong.

A young boy in our group picked up one of the broken mirrors and smiled. He knew it was his time. Setting down the mirror, he saw a path form at his feet that led to his mountain. I held him tight for a long while...holding back tears. His care was one of the reasons I was there to begin with. I told him to run...that I would see him soon. The scars he carried would forever remind him why he was in that place to begin with and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to return. I knew better though. You see...we all come back. If there was ever a place for those that are meant to be more than they are...it is this wasteland.

The valley and the mountain serve their purpose well as two pieces in a cycle towards greatness. The valley takes us through treacherous terrain as a form of training creating all we must become. Stay too long and you risk injury, insanity or death. Shorten your stay and you will never be all you could've been. The mountain allows our muscles to rest and adapt to the valley's training. Stay too long, we become weak, lazy and fat. Shorten your stay and you risk injury at your next training session from not having rested enough. A circle of hard and soft...yin and yang. Good and evil working together creating a cycle of purpose, scheme...and providence.

I picked up a broken piece from the ground...

~Apollo

PS: Whenever you're ready...you know the way home.

My Moon - A Poem by Apollo

My moon has taken breath

She has sworn me to silence

Tales of lust and fire

A passion brewed from fleshly pain

The kind that hungers for skin

Soft and tender to devour

To gently kiss and taste the flower

Between all that is called beautiful

Here now glimpse the monster

Unrestricted and unleashed

That beast of tender tamed

To softly touch and fiercely rend

From the soft to the hard

From the pain to the pleasure

Yet quiet is the beast until unleashed

For she has sworn me to silence 

My moon has taken breath...

~Apollo

What You Choose To See...

I created this video on Thursday, March 6th 2014 from my workout the day before.  I then decided to send it out to certain people that might appreciate it.  When I showed it to my son, he asked me "What's the point of this?" and I proceeded to explain the lesson hidden in the video.  His response was "Yeah but not everybody's gonna get it".  He's right.

There are times that I will write a piece about one thing and hide a message "in plain sight".  Is it in the setting?  The song maybe?  This is the part that I like to leave to the observer.  They may not get it today or even next week but eventually...I do hope they "get" what it was meant for...

~Apollo

Temple - A Poem by Apollo

You are not a showpiece but a work of art
Created in the image of a perfect grace
An omnipotent made for omnipotence.
Housing the very nature of value
Encasing the complexities of order called an eternal chaos
To disregard it's value means death
To overindulge in it's attributes means detrimental excess...

And so drive quickens your tenure
Invigorating your hunger
Moving your anger to passion
Your nails grow sharper and your tongue is quickened
Your hunger is as that of a beast unfed in weeks
Your lust unbridled and chained awaiting a key
While your strength destroys and holds together by a thread
As all weariness and sunken eyes become your house-guest

...until you are complete...

~Apollo

The New World...

As many of you know, I have had my Facebook account deactivated for quite some time now.  Well, I decided to re-activate it.  Not for the sake of nostalgia nor to say hello to old friends but simply to look for an old buddy of mine that was deported to Ecuador when I was a teenager.  It was that or jail-time for him.  Shit, which would you choose?  My cause came back empty but I decided to hello to a few folks...

What I came away with as I reached out to some people I have not communed with in some time was interesting to me to say the least.  Almost to a tee, I read them all write "Wow, where were you?  You fell off the face of the earth".  Now read that again and tell me if that isn't an odd thing to say.  Did I?  Now keep in mind that most of these Facebook friends are all local.  They not only live in the same state I do but also the same borough.  Shit, for most it would take me about 20 minutes by train to reach them so how in God's name did I "fall off the face of the earth"?

Understand that this is not a criticism of my friends.  We are all just a part of this new normal that has brought us here willingly.  It's just the past comes to mind by comparison.  I remember the days when we would travel to see our friends on a daily basis.  We would hang out and seek new friends to join us.  We called this "chillin".  Now these are called "get togethers" and they require invites to be sent by one to many on some "friends list".  Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc, has become "the world".  Never mind that I'm in the next room.  Never mind that I live two blocks away.  If I'm not on some social network...I may as well have passed away lol  I just reminded them all..."Hey, I'm still here" lol  My seclusion was by choice and that's well understood but the reaction from people speaks to the state of the times we live in.  God help us all...

It's a sad thing to witness the deterioration of community through things that are meant to make life easier but that is, in fact what has wound up happening.  Can we stop this?  If we could, would we?  No, this my people is a wheel that has no stopper...except of course if there was a catastrophic power outage lol  Imagine that?  No cell phones, Facebook or Twitter.  Shit, people wouldn't know what to do with themselves lol  Anyway, that's my thought for the night.  I'll be deactivating again...until my next resurrection lol

~Apollo

Conditions...

Sometime in the past, present and future...

We are asked revelatory questions without even knowing it.  Questions that are innocuous enough to illicit a child like truth that reveals more than we'd care to share.

Man: "Do you view me like a piece of furniture in this place?"
Woman: "I just wish you'd contribute more..."

Not the response he was looking for...especially after all he's done and continues to do.  He is now left with a distinct impression and a word keeps ringing in his ear..."conditional".  Now he believes he understands the dismissive looks and lack of affection.  The nitpicking and flippant attitude.  If affection and respect are the natural offspring of true love then by all accounts there should be no conditions placed on their expression.  Even with all that he does, it still isn't enough.  Even though no other man would do as he does, it becomes common place and thus, not worthy of recognition.  So why even bother then?  Since anything received is now in question as being done due to "conditions" being met.  Is he now relegated to being the mouse in the maze that rings the bell and gets the treat?  Fuck that...

This is why I say..."Take care in what you say before you speak".  The response should have been an easy "HELL NO".  Yeah, my boy is bit fucked up over it...

~Apollo  

Intention...

What a word huh?  This is what I like to call the "why".  It is what matters most as it alone is what truly drives the heart of man.  It's never the "what".  People do things as their minds would have them calculate for an end result.  Like planting a tiny unseen seed that is germinated with each consecutive move.  When the end result is seen as something fucked up had it been done outright, this is what most will do.  These folk always tend to keep the "what" in check as something they can easily excuse or explain away.  Where gestures are simple...everyday common occurrences that fit perfectly within the context of the circumstance.  Watch these folks long enough and you can always decode the truth behind the "why".

Consider the woman at the gym.  The slim but curvaceous woman with shape for days that wears everything two sizes too small.  Nothing is left to the imagination to the point there really is no need to get her naked.  Now I ask you, you are going to a gym to sweat your ass off.  You are going to be bending over and getting into all kinds of funky positions.  What the fuck are you doing dressed like this?  You go to a place where there is no room for cute...lookin like you just want to show everyone everything you got.  I had a few incidents where these types saw me working out in front of a mirror and decided it prudent to stretch and bend right within my eyeshot.  Right in front of the fuckin mirror adjacent to mine.  It annoyed the shit out of me because I went there to train.  In any other place, that would be welcome but there?  Wrong fuckin place, wrong fuckin time.  This is one of the many reasons why I work out at home.  Now, that's the "what".  If I would have turned around and said "Hey, I'm not interested!!!", I would have been met with feigned outrage.  She would have lied about the "why" and said "Relax, I'm only stretching...this is a gym you know?".  OK fine...so you say nothing and just ignore the spectacle.  Oh and the outfit?  "Oh please, this is workout gear!!!".  Yeah that's right...because they bought it at Modell's lol  You know what?  They would be telling the truth...on it's face.  She would have given every other reasonable explanation as to "why" because the "what" fell into context.  When the reality was, this chick meant to be seen.  She went to be desired.  She wanted the Alphas to make her feel like an Alpha and maybe pick one up in the process.  To me, that falls under the category of "game".  Shit I no longer can stomach.  Tell me what you fuckin want and get it over with.

Now, while the example above is a bit blatant, others are so obscure they can nary be seen...but I see them lol  Some just want to be the shit. I've seen people just gravitate towards the unavailable simply to satiate their ego.  To be able to say "You see, I can get her if I wanted".  Consider the female boss.  She's in charge and she's passable.  She's happily married with two children and some insecure asshole thinks that she would be the ultimate challenge.  He doesn't want her nor does he find her all that appealing.  He just wants the satisfaction of knowing he can have her if he wanted.  So how does he reach her?  She, out of respect for her family keeps herself at distance from her subordinates which makes her hard to get to.  So...what does he do?  He does what all con men do.  He inches closer through camaraderie and a seeming interest to learn from her.  He makes it known that he is open to innocent conversations about "work" and keeps them short...at first.  Once a good working relationship is established, he slips in a bit of playfulness as the door begins to widen in her mind.  She trusts he respects her marriage to the point where she allows herself to become vulnerable and then ultimately...confused.  He waits for some alone time and that awkward stare.  He's got her.  This piece of shit is happy with himself while she is left now questioning her love for her husband.  She looks to start conversation and he is now disinterested.  He got his reward.  Now, what do you think he would he say?  "What? I did nothing wrong"..."We talked about work and didn't do anything wrong".  His intentions remain hidden within the context of "work".  No one but God could ever accuse him...but he would still be a piece of shit.

I've been amazed at how stumped women get when I've approached them and said "Hello, my name is Moses and I saw you from over there.  I find you attractive and would like to get to know you better...may I sit down?".  I would get an astonished smile almost every time.  Simply because I told them the truth.  The truth people.  If you have to hide what you're doing then there's a reason why.  Maybe it's something you shouldn't be doing in the first place.

It's not always easy to be transparent but it's rewards far outweigh the risks.  Leave the games to the children of this age that giggle every time the blocks fall down.  Be real...and in all things do your best to be honest.  You will find it less exhausting.  Haven't you heard that it's easier to do your work than to try everything you can to slack off?  Anyway, that's my lesson for the night boys and girls...sweet dreams...

~Apollo

Chapters...

"...will you still love me...I know you will..."

I met my great grandfather Vicente Ramirez in Puerto Rico when I was just a young boy.  You would only know he was old by his sagging sun drenched skin.  Underneath was a muscular physique and he had the handshake of a bear.  I asked my father how old he was and his reply was "I don't know...he doesn't know either".  Every morning he woke up to tend the fields only to return at midday at which time he would then tend to his loving wife and no, she didn't know how old she was either.  A few years later, he would finally pass on.  He stubbed his toe out in the fields and never tended to it.  Allowing gangrene to set in just below the knee.  They had no choice but to amputate a large portion of his leg and this now kept him immobile...a state that would bring about his death.  His age was of no consequence to him.  In his mind, he had a purpose.  He had things that needed doing and so long as he kept his mind on his purpose...that's all that mattered.  My great grandmother would pass just a little while after him.  I suppose loving him was her purpose in life...

Today I turned 40 and it means absolutely nothing.  It came and went like any other day.  People wonder why I look so young.  I can say genetics but that's only a small part of it.  I guess I just don't bother with age.  You want to know how old I really am?  Look into my eyes and you might just see decades.  I see many measure their existence in spurts of time but I see no real significance in seconds, minutes or hours.  I see significance in events and moments you will never forget.  Holding my sons for the first time.  The first time I prayed for the love of my life.  The first time I explored my true passions and my unending story of a soul seeking it's true worth.

Chapters begin and end with determination, smiles, the touch of love and the loss of the same.  I have many chapters written...and I have many more to write.  Never afford time the power to make or break a dream.  Never give in to the idea of "It's too late".  It's only ever too late when all effort has been exhausted....not because the clock says so.

I will live forever...until the day I die.  Even then, I shall live on...in you...

~Apollo

What's Left...

After the dust has settled?

Acceptance 

And beyond that?

What grace is yet mine to have :-)

~Apollo

Tonight...

No pithy phrases...

No poetic flurry..

Just another dose of reality

This one didn't hit as hard.  It's only sting was a deep disappointment.  One I had been waiting for but secretly hoped would never happen but it was only a matter of time. 

When one lives as much as I have, you see patterns within the construct of the human soul.  You know when X takes place...Z is just around the corner and sometimes you hope beyond hope that Z will hit lightly but when it hits hard, it does irreparable damage.  It's like watching a boxing match.  Your fighter gets knocked out in the first few seconds and the way he goes down makes you turn away.  All that smack talk.  All that bluster.  All that training didn't mean shit in the end.  He did the one thing he knew he should never do.  He ran in heart first only to be met by the knock-out blow to the head.  Humans make "foolish" decisions all the time and his exuberance to get back in the ring was his biggest mistake.  He didn't study the fighters.  He didn't feel out the terrain.  He chose to fight exactly the way he did in his last bout only to land flat on his back.  This is your soul-friend.  You feel it as he does.  

Now, in the ambulance on his way to the hospital, he opens his eyes and sees me there.  He expects "I told you so".  He expects a play by play of his error.  I say nothing.  I just let him know that it gets better.  It's time to rest now.  That's who I am.  You see he never told me he was entering the ring again but I knew.  I saw it happen and said nothing until he thought it right to tell me.  Now that he has, it is my time to be his corner man.  I've been in the ring just enough times to know what will happen and how bad it hurts to be wrong.  I've been hit with the same blow by the same mistake.  

A blow I fear I will never recover from.

I suddenly open my eyes to find myself sitting in the stands waiting for the fighters to enter the ring.  Maybe the outcome will be different.  Maybe she will prove me wrong.  In either case...I'll be right by her side till the end...

Shit...it's what friends do...

~Apollo