Amazing Talent and Performance...

Te Vistes De Azul Para Opacar El Cielo,
You dress of blue to overshadow the sky
Y Consigues Espejos Para Estar Bien Segura,
And you look for mirrors to make certain
Que Eres Bella,
That you are beautiful
Y Que Hay Que Ofrecerte Tributos De Sol Si Regalas Un Beso.
And that others must offer you tributes of sunshine if you gift them a kiss

Narciso El Instinto Que Domina Tu Esencia,
Narcissistic instincts that dominate your essence
Y Es Idiota El Consumo De Mi Tiempo Contigo,
And idiotic was my time consumed with you
Sueños Rotos,
Broken dreams
Los Que Me Vas Dejando En Mi Activo De Vida.
Those you leave with me throughout my life actions

De Que Me Sirve Tu Cuerpo,
What good does your body do me
Si Lo Administras Con Saldos De Los Que Quieres Darme,
If it's given on lines of credit you want to give me
De Que Me Sirve Tu Boca,
What good does your mouth do me
Si Se Te Caen Los Besos Y Los Recojo Humillado.
If your kisses fall and I have to pick them up in shame

Mujer De Lujo,
Woman of luxery
Mujer Florero,
Woman of decor
Mujer De Risas, Olor Y Caprichos, Con Futuro De Nada,
Woman of smiles, scents and whims, with a future of nothing,
Mujer De Lujo,
Woman of luxery
Mujer Cortina,
Curtain Woman
Adornara Tu Cabeza La Sala De Un Tipo Cazador De Reliquias,
Your head will adorn the living room of a seeker of relics
Y Te Harás Vieja Sin Sueños.
And will make you old without dreams

Tratare De Encontrar En Un Vientre Sencillo,
I will try to find myself a simple womb
El Calor Que El Deshielo Me Apago Tantas Veces,
A warmth that the frost shut out many times,
Y Le Daré De Regalo,
And I will give for it a gift
Lo Que No Tiene Precio Ni Tendrá En El Mercado,
What has no price and cannot be bought in the marketplace
Te Deseo La Suerte, Lo Que No Te Mereces,
I wish you luck, that which you don't deserve
La Que No Andas Buscando,la Que Nunca Precisas,
That which you don't even seek, of which you have no need
Mientras Dure,
While it lasts
Ese Cuerpo Perfecto Que Se Gasta En El Tiempo.
That body that wastes away over time

De Que Me Sirven Tus Manos,
What good do your hands do me,
Si Estan Tan Lejos De Un Roce Como Yo De Tus Sueños,
If they are so far away from brush like I am from your dreams
De Que Me Sirven Tus Ojos,
What good do your eyes do me,
Si Les Importa Un Carajo Si Me Voy O Aparezco.
If they give a shit whether I leave or show up

Mujer De Lujo,
Woman of luxery
Mujer Florero,
Woman of decor
Mujer De Risas, Olor Y Caprichos, Con Futuro De Nada,
Woman of smiles, scents and whims, with a future of nothing,
Mujer De Lujo,
Woman of luxery
Mujer Cortina,
Curtain Woman
Adornara Tu Cabeza La Sala De Un Tipo Cazador De Reliquias,
Your head will adorn the living room of a seeker of relics
Y Te Harás Vieja Sin Sueños.
And will make you old without dreams
Sin amigos
Without (real) friends
Sin me
Without me
Sin nada...
With nothing...

David Wilkerson May 19, 1931 – April 27, 2011

In this life you meet all sorts of people.  People you know that will do great things and people you know that CAN do great things.  The difference is in their willingness to accept the hard road within the task at hand.  A long time ago this man heeded the call of His Lord to do great things.  Tonight, he rests with his Savior. 

One of the most influential men in my life...David Wilkerson.  A man of conviction that led by example.  A man that wasn't swayed by trends and fads.  A man that earnestly desired to hear the voice of His God to the point of granted request.  I will never forget the impact the movie "The Cross and the Switchblade" had on my life.  I remember watching it in a church basement with Pat Boone and Erik Estrada as the leads.  This was the true testimony of David Wilkerson's call to evangelize to the gangs of NY.  The acting was a bit over the top but the message was clear...Jesus loves you.  One of THE most famous examples of modern day grace is on clear display in the scene where Rev Wilkerson is street preaching.  His bold response to Nicky Cruz's threat to cut him up into little pieces has stayed with me for more than 27 yrs:

"You can cut me up in a million pieces and lay them in the street,"..."Every piece would still say I love you."

This, my friends, is what the gospel is all about.  The unwavering grace of a God rejected and dejected by His own children for the sake of their own lusts.  Driven by a love and a passion that surpasses logic, He became a man to save them from themselves and give them a place at His table.  This unmerited favor is called grace my friends...grace.  To love the undeserving of it and to longsuffer great pains for those that would never do the same for you.  It is so perfect...so beautiful...so real.  The most powerful force in the universe...love.  This is what I saw that drew me into the arms of a God that has never left my side even in moments where I have left His and this was displayed in a simple movie adaptation of a novel called "The Cross and the Switchblade".  Over 27 yrs ago I watched this movie and saw for the first time the powerful change those three little words can bring about..."I love you".  It has stayed with me throughout my life and has been the cornerstone of my existence ever since...even in times of darkness.  This man's legacy is found in the millions of lives that came to know as I have...Jesus loves me and I am so blessed to open arms and receive it.  Thank you Lord for Your love and for raising up such a one that had the boldness to speak plain of it. 

Good night my brother...see you soon :-)  

 

Rite Of Passage - A Poem by Moe

Young man to old has made me bold
Conviction friction needed and heeded
Towards what I desire most out of life and love
Level to build an even stronger guild of one
Whose speech is his gun...whose speech is his gun

Now you best run cause Im about to speak
About to prey on the weak and the meek
That seek the bleak and dreary
To remain leary so they dont ever have to move
Their groove is the same...their groove is the same

They pant "I cant" to whatever needs be done
Cant run, cant have fun without the anesthesia
The dull that frees ya enough to laugh
Forget the gaffe, you cant remember anyway
So keep your heart at bay...keep your heart at bay

Drunk stuper trooper ready to giggle
Jiggle for me as I pick your pocket with a smile you
Beguile you and style you...decompile you
Piece by piece and limb by limb
All on a whim...all on a whim

Wake up and take up the cause called you
Just you and God through and through
To make up and break up the residue
You left behind in the midst of the missed
And the frogs you kissed...the frogs you kissed

Crystalize those eyes and gaze on at your feet
As they meet the road you call a street
Moving and grooving to the beat called life
Daytime...it's "move out of my way" time
This is your rite of passage...this is your rite of passage

~Moses
 

The sign that says "WAKE UP!!!"...

Sometimes we hope for things based on what we thought we knew.  We come to find out later that maybe our perception was wrong.  We saw what was presented to us for our benefit and although we had an idea of the truth of it, to accept it would've meant we were wasting our time loving the way we did.

I knew a man that loved this woman with an abandon his controlled life at one time safeguarded him from.  He never let go fully for fear of handing over the reigns of his passion to someone that didn't care.  He met a woman he finally dared to do this with.  He thought for sure she saw his value.  He thought she understood what she had in him.  After their breakup, he sadly came to find that she saw him like any other.  He was just another man passing through...just someone else in her list of failed relationships.  He got sick to his stomach over this because he knew all he gave and he knew for a fact that what he gave was something that could never be replicated as it was unique to him.  He thought she knew this given her declarations of undying love.  He poured his passion into her and this meant absolutely nothing to anyone but him.  He knows he could never replace her because what he gave, he gave to her but because in her mind he was just like any other...he could easily be replaced.  As easily as looking for stragglers from her past.  This would not be an issue for her and as is her custom...she would move on quickly.  I liken it to someone carrying a million dollars in their pocket yet they only see 25 cents.  They lose the million and replace it with what?...25 cents...for real this time.  Why? because that's all they thought they lost.  They walk around thinking they broke even.  Happy, until their eyes are opened to the reality of what they actually had and lost but by then it's too late.  That million found another million and made two.  So now, my man faced with this reality has grown tired of living with it.

There are no more questions to ask because every answer would be colored enough for proper presentation yet would lack meaningful honesty.  Honesty that would provide closure.  So what does he do?  He dies, he becomes better in every way and kills off the man that was duped emerging as something that will never go down that road ever again.  My friend will die but he will go down fighting...he wants to live.  He wants to keep believing that there's a chance he's wrong about her but I tell him that what he knows to be true tells him it's over...it's done.  He can see for himself she has on the same band-aid she had on before they got together.  The one she swore she would never need again...yeah, it's done.  So "good night...sweet dreams"

The Wind...

With all of my heart,
I know I could love you
With all of my soul,
I'm drifting away
With all of my mind,
I know You could save me from myself
And anything else

With all of my strength,
I wanna reach out for You
With every breath,
Call out Your name,
With every step I just want to turn around and say
Please make it ok

Chorus
But I'm so afraid
You've forgiven one too many times
I'm so afraid
To give my heart again just to have a change of mind
And not quite sure that You could trust me
I would hate to have You find me again
Drifting away...
Like the wind

With all of my heart,
I know I've dissapointed You
And although I'm really sorry
I don't know how to say it this time
But if I were to lose You I know I know
I'd go completely out of mind
And I'm runnin out of time

(Chorus)

(Like the wind)
It blows and nobody knows
Where it's goin to
(Like the wind)
It blows and nobody knows
What it's gonna do
(Like the wind)
At night you can hear it cry
As the tear drops fall from Heaven's eyes
And somehow you know it's true

(These tears)
These tears that fall
Are fallin for you like the wind
X4

Fallin for you easy...

Damn well...

Imagine for a moment that you see yourself standing in an empty room.  You're all alone and in comes someone from your past.  Someone that has seen you in a terrible state.  Turns out you two guys did something you would rather no one else knew about...something you said you were ashamed of.  You guys reminisce and all you could do is thank God its only him since you guys were alone when it happened.  Knock two at the door...here comes another one.  Same conditions, same circumstance, same incident yet different person and time.  Your stomach starts to turn because these moments were all moments you wish you could take back.  Moments you and this other person hold as isolated incidents that were "mistakes".  Knock, knock, knock...here they all come in.  One after the other.  Each one holding an "isolated incident" in his mind that no one is supposed to know about except you two.  They pile on in and you are shitting bricks because you are not supposed to be the person of "the isolated incident".  You are viewed differently by the masses.  Those were "mistakes" that should not have happened yet you start to realize they happened way too many times to call them "mistakes" or errors in judgement.  You realize now you have or "had" a problem...a big one.  Something led you to believe it was ok to make this many "mistakes" and now you carry them as shame to everyone but the person it was done with.  When you and this other person talk "it was fun" but share that with everyone else and tell me what they think.  How would they view you then?  All they have to do is talk and everyone will come to realize that these incidents may not be so random and the secret you guys share is in fact shared by everyone in that room.  You are about to pick up what's called..."a bad reputation".  Everyone in that room has seen a side of you that no one should've seen...or at least not this many.  Get the picture?

Now imagine for a moment that instead of these pop-ins being accidental...imagine yourself actually inviting them all to the same place you will be staying.  Ask yourself why the f**k would anyone want to do such a stupid thing?!?!  Especially since these incidents were shameful in nature...why then?  I have NO F**KING CLUE but I just realized someone has been doing this on their facebook and I really don't know what to make of it.  Maybe they get a kick out of it?  I just don't get it.

Anyway...

The Angel - A Story by Moe

"Where are your wings my son?  What have you done?"

Cold wintery weather covered her on most days.  This beautiful young woman spent most of her time wandering in the valleys searching for a place to call home; always coming close to finding somewhere to stay but never being able to really call those places her own.  She would find somewhere warm at times but would find that warmth was just not enough for her until she would eventually move on.  Traveling light with only a few but albeit important possessions; priceless trinkets handed down to her from her grandmother.  Trinkets that carried in them the keys to wisdom and strength; given to her grandmother by God.  Virtues she never sat still enough to discover on her own.  She held them tight and close to her heart....understanding their value.  Most nights the cold was too much to bear, so much so that her shiver was clear and obvious.  Obvious enough for the mountain folk to take notice of and begin plotting.

These mountain folk were shrewd thieves dressed up in Angel's clothes.  They made their way up top by tricking others into believing they were benevolent.  In truth, there was nothing in them close to anything even resembling benevolence.  These didn’t take by force but would study those in the valley for days before attempting to steal from them.  This cunning made them dangerous because you would never see them coming and when you did, it was too late.  Most would find out something was missing only after they had left and many would initially think them sent by God Himself.  They walked the right way and said all the right things by anyone's angelic standard yet there was nothing right about them.  They had all they needed and more but their greed continually drove them to steal. 

Watching her, they had all they needed to begin their work of stripping her of all she had.  They knew what she wanted because it was clear to anyone that would look at her.  She didn’t know how to conceal where she was vulnerable so they began their work.  One by one they came to her..."angels".  Some would bring her a blanket; others would just walk with her.  Each one would find an opportune moment to take something and disappear without her knowing.  Replacing what they stole with a fake.  They would always tell her they would be back with more blankets or to spend some more time with her but they only sent her messages instead.  They would only return when they saw she had more of what they wanted, making her believe they were genuine when all they were doing was slowly stripping her down to nothing.  One day, one of the mountain folk confessed all that had been happening.  He was leaving the camp for more honorable grounds and thought to "out" his friends.  He told her he was no angel and that they had been stealing her grandmothers’ trinkets...replacing them with fakes.  She was crushed but could not accept that all the ones she walked with were this way as this would mean much of what she felt was based on a lie; a truth too heavy to accept. 

Every Angel that came her way was now suspect and her heart grew colder by the day.  All that her grandmother left her was now in question because of what she had learned.  Yet in her pain and disillusionment, someone somewhere was watching...an Angel that lived on another mountain.  He had been studying the thieves for years.  He knew how they operated and helped many in the valley get their possessions back.  Seeing her, he came to love her and his gaze became fixed on her.  He was to help her get back all she lost and show her true love.  She was immediately surprised when he introduced himself because he came with blankets and a bag full of shoes.  As if to say "well, we've got a long journey ahead of us..." and for once in her journey, here's one that meant it.  Where the others had left, where the others had brought only one blanket...he came to stay.  This moved her with joy but it still wasn’t enough for her to trust him.  He looked & sounded like the thieves but where he was noticeably different...was in his steadiness towards her.  Months passed and slowly she began to regain what was stolen but still, even then, she could not come to believe this Angel was real.  So at the advice of some of the mountain folk she still believed to be genuine, she decided to test him by pulling a few feathers off of his wings at a time.  These were the mountain folk she had grown accustomed to and could not come to accept that they were not genuine.  They saw her improving, regaining all she had and wanted her new possessions.  They would make appearances from time to time.  They would send new folk to confuse and con her.  All supposedly without her Angel knowing.  What they didn’t know was that her Angel knew everything and was simply waiting to see what she would do.

More time passed and every night as instructed, she continued pulling feathers until one day he began to feel cold himself.  He noticed himself growing tired and his strength began fading at an alarming rate.  A heaviness compounded as he began to see the fullness of all she had done but his love for her kept him there.  He thought that if he loved her enough, she would see this and be compelled to change but a part of him knew this was just a fool's hope.  One day, passing in front of a mirror he couldn’t believe what he was saw.  He saw that in the place of a pair of beautiful wings there was naught but bare skin.  That is when it really hit him.  Although he loved her, he gradually began to feel his journey with her was not what he dreamt it would be.  He began to realize that maybe he loved her more than she loved him...something his heart could not handle.  He felt himself the fool but could not shake his love.  He now knew...it was time to go back home.  He had never failed to help someone before and this would be his first failure.  He said his piece spoke and decided to leave.  So off he went...wandering awhile before going back up to his mountain.  He couldn’t believe this would end this way...in failure.  As he wandered he noticed three figures in a distance.  It was her...laughing and carrying on with two of the mountain men that were advising her...only days after he had left.  He noticed them picking her pocket as she laughed but in his anger he said nothing.  What he saw made him realize she truly didn’t care and that all he had suffered with her was for nothing.  His pain and confusion was too much for him.  So when the mountain men left, he approached her to ask her why she was doing this...behaving as though they were just another phase in her life.  Something of so little importance.  Questions...she did not like at all.  She became violently angry and proceeded to pull on his wings as if to remove them to prove he was not real.  He held her back so as not to hurt her but as she pulled, she heard a crack and a tear.  Blood began to flow at the base of where she was pulling and he screamed out in agony.  To her amazement...his wings were real.  She realized it then in an instant: if he was real then it meant his love for her was just as real.  This was the first time she had come face to face with the reality of what she had done...and what she had just lost.  Yet now, when everything should have been different...she could not bring herself to believe again.  So this broken angel left to heal and finally came to the base of his mountain...

At that moment, he could perceive a strong familiar presence.  Looking up, he heard the voice of his Lord say "Where are your wings my son?  What have you done?"  Looking down somewhat sheepishly, he responded "Lord, I believe in a love that never fails.  With the power to love an enemy and with a sacrificial passion for the woman You bless me with.  For I know You have loved me this way...inside a love that looks beyond failure to hope.  With a longsuffering that can change a heart and a mind for the better...yet look at me Father as I am broken because I gave this to someone that didn’t see it...or even care.  Even now oh Lord after seeing it...she still doesn’t care.  Why has this happened to me my Lord?  How much time will it take for my wings to mend?  What will happen to her and should I even care anymore?"  The Lord spoke and lovingly said "My son...I have made you for this purpose...to love the way you do.  Although your heart will break, it will endure...it will mend.  Your walk with her was not in vain.  You showed her what it was like to be loved by me.  My love is unconditional and I will chase most down to hell and back if I must but when they reject my love...there is nothing more I can do.  As such...there is nothing more YOU can do.  This one will leave a scar but when it heals, it will be stronger and more beautiful than before...I will see to it.  Don’t worry, your blood was the proof of your love and when it's time, she will remember it and truly lament its loss because by then, it will be a loss she can now only learn from.  So go home, rest in the sun...heal by the moon. You have many more to walk with my child...don’t you ever believe that my love is too much to live out yourself and for another.  As I will always be with you...you will always be with them".  In tears and grateful for the Word of his Lord, he climbed back up to his mountain and rested as his Lord had commanded.  As for her, he left her how she wanted to be...alone with her mountain folk to fend for herself until...

There's so much more...but that is a collection of stories better served to live out than to simply tell ;-)

~Moses Apollo

Just A Word...

Sometimes responsibility means doing things you don't want to do for the sake of that which you are responsible for...or yourself.  It's one thing to be hard on yourself but when you have to be hard on the ones you love deeply...it's no easy task.  It may seem to flow easy but what people don't see is how much it really takes out of me.  How much it drains.  It is something that you have to take a deep breath for before it's let out...it's tough.  You would think that watching me administer criticism that it's something I revel in when in fact the truth is I'd rather just be loving on them instead.  It's something I do not want to do but my love demands it.  My love frustrates me to do so and the reality is if I didn't care I wouldn't say or do a thing.  I love my family enough to make them uncomfortable from time to time but it breaks me every time...

Oh To Be Dense!!!...

You know some people can go through this world "pretending" certain truths about themselves don't exist.  They hold to perspectives that hinder them because to actually change would mean discomfort.  I'm not talking about bullshit change where they just go through the what or "the motions".  Anybody can go through the motions and stop a thing.  It takes maturity to accept the why (reasons for the motions) because that will provide motivation to change that endures.  I hate it when people tell me they "get it" and then turn around using the same tired discounted arguments to continue in roads that lead to nowhere.  I'm sick of it and in truth makes me want to stop teaching altogether.  What use is it to give out what you know to supposedly attentive ears when they are just attentive to appease you.  As soon as you are out of view and far from earshot, its business as usual.  Thank be to God, He sees all things.  Please allow me to provide an example...If some asshole that is in a relationship propositions you don't say "we'll see"...you say "f**k off!!!".  Saying that is the "what".  Why? because if you don't he will always think he has a shot and what that says about you is even worse.  Get the shit together people please!!!

Yeah so apparently...I passed all tests someone thought I needed to.  You see they needed proof that I was all I said I was and now that they have it...it still don't mean shit.  I know who I am and can detail myself to you.  I will tell you things you've seen in me that are negative but were afraid to say for fear that I would rip your fu**ing head off...I'm too real to get upset at a truth about myself.  If you're wrong, I'll correct you but I wont get pissed.  I live in a real world where everyone wants something...including me.  Everyone has a motive and its usually selfish.  Some of those selfish motives are healthy but some keep people in states of dependency they can never get out of until they admit there is a problem.  I am tired of the bullshit ambiguity people rest in because they don't want to make decisions.  Make a decision and stick to it...leave no wiggle room.  Be someone determined and definitive.  Open doors all the way or shut them with locks throwing away the key.  You leave doors open so you can change your mind anytime you want and run to wherever your needs take you even if that includes misrepresenting your motives...just for the sake of feeding your "selfish dependency" or as some might put it..."just for me". 

I have come to the conclusion that all of the realest people I know are f**ked up in one way or another...everyone is.  Yet what separates the real from the fake are those willing to see their deficiencies to make solid changes.  They are consistent in this.  They are solid and stable in this endeavor.  They may fail at times but they get back up because they know and understand the need to.  Their perspective goes unwavered.  They don't run back to an old perspective because changing it was just too hard.  They change and become better...more real.  This quality in women gets me like you wouldn't believe...the pursuit to improve.  That only means I will love you more later.  Some people you watch and find less and less to love because they never change.  Some people you watch, see how consistent they are and find more and more to love...more and more to admire.  They evolve into something wonderful because even with set-backs they never give up trying.  This is a quality worthy of pursuit and one I will never pass up or give up on myself.  I'm tired of the bullshit people...I'm tired.

Filling It With Song...

Good morning folks.  Sunday...Palm Sunday :-)  Hosanna my people...