This Familiar Place...

"is it my turn..."

Strange old familiar place... sittin on the edge of the water for a bit. Watchin all the ships as he once was known to do... as a "No Trespassing" sign now sits in the trash. The familiar and the new bless both his eyes and his heart as some draw close to inquire about docking. The new, like the old, love what they see but he waits for them to see a bit more before they decide. He wants them to analyze anything on his dock that could damage their ship even a little that there should never be a question of what they're getting. If they should decide for him anyway, then he'd know they were worth their stay. He'd know they would find reason to come back from time to time. He'd know they saw something worth coming back for and... that they would treat his island with the care of it's value. He wanted his dock to be something wanted... well beyond something simply needed.

As such, he found his way to go about things. After so many years, he came to understand that flagging them down or even sending out flares was a literal waste of energy, as too many have gone ignored on purpose. What was all part of some sort of gamesmanship that was supposed to have driven his interest has only turned him off from even trying as he believed his welcome reception should've always been enough. No... now he waits to see what ship arrives, which inquire and which will eventually come to dock... even if it's just for a time or two. He's blessed to have real company. Those that simply come to rest and enjoy him and his island without pre-condition or agenda. The "moment" has become "time" for him... and what was once a ticking clock without pause, has lost it's power without any real moments to quantify the weight of forward motion. An idea, that is still anathema to most that continue looking for a place to rest.

Yet after all this time, he sees something happening. The seemingly worthy islands strewn across the seas have slowly but surely become revealed as the frauds they've always been and ships looking for places to dock have been languishing out at sea. Wondering if they will ever find a place to rest. Always looking for ways to survive out at sea without ever having the need to dock anywhere. As for him? To the surprise of many, while others have fallen by the day, he's remained as he's always been. An empty dock just hasn't hit him like it has the rest. He has no need to conform to anyone's standards and none could make demands he feels the need to adhere to. He knows what he has and as such, he has and will continue to always be at the ready to receive even those that have written him off. For what was once shown special and true, without a determined end... will always remain so in his soul. As his mind has seen more and expanded, so has his heart. Even as he sees more ships coming to understand the appeal of his islands "beauty of a different kind". The only problem he's come to encounter now is that some have come to see it too late. They shunned it for conventional islands that turned out not to be what they had thought they were. So some now come to him broken and battered with not much he could do but allow them to dock. Allow them to heal. No longer for him... but for their sake alone. Not for pity... but for the purity of the love he still professes to advocate for. Yet as he sees it... it's just another piece in the fabric of his purpose. Things have truly evolved differently than he imagined they'd be but at the end of it all... he is who he is. Nowhere near perfect but by the grace of God, not as flawed as he used to be. 

Strange old familiar place... sittin on the edge of the water for a bit. Watchin all the ships as he once was known to do as a "No Trespassing" sign now sits in the trash...

~moses apollo

  

Written In The Heavens...

when I look to the night sky

which star is yours?

which of the moons' distant companions is flickering the brightest 

at the sound of your beautiful name?

tell me that I may admire it a few minutes longer

that I may rest on every field it graces with its presence

that no matter where I find myself in the world

I can always direct a whisper of "I love you" at it

wherein at the hearing of that whisper, you will always feel, know & understand

that just as the universe is as old as time itself

so too, are the frequencies of my passion for you 

perpetually written in the heavens...

ever serving as a bridge... between our love

~moses apollo

Quick Important PSA!! LOL

Ok so here's a revelation lol

Turns out I inadvertently upset someone close to me awhile ago & I will say it's for the dumbest of reasons. Turns out they signaled something to me trying to remain incognito to others in the room so it wasn't so pronounced. They said I signaled back that I got it but never followed through. I supposedly then acted like it never happened!! It wasn't that important so they let it go but it always stuck with them. They thought I had an issue with them!! lol

Well, I was able to explain it. It's a bit embarrassing to me (and it shouldn't be) but I am hard of hearing in my left ear and see less from my right eye. So I don't always catch those directed subtleties unless I'm really paying attention. Now, I usually am but in this case and a few others, when things are busy and a lot is goin on, I may miss it but I tend to pretend I "got it" to move things along. I'll see a nod and nod back or gesture something generic. THAT'S where I mess up lol This person was really upset but glad they were able to clear it up. Dammit me too!! I'd never dismiss anyone like that on purpose unless it was from an asshole sayin something stupid!! I remember having to get corrective lenses and almost having to get a hearing aid for my Coast Guard credentials (only because their standards for my duties were high) but thankfully I just slid by on that one. Now I'm only wondering who else that happened with and they ain't sayin nothin... OMG!! I would so kick myself if I missed out on something interesting because of this lol

Anyway, if someone reads this and this happened with you... this is the reason why. I did not purposely dismiss you!! It's stupid but it is what it is & I apologize. THAT... was wild lol

~moses 

Unchain Me...

unchain me to love you. release me to bask neath the glow that emanates from your desire of me. obscure from mine eyes all that would remove me from our moment... or at least make it so that such things should never stand in the way of the beauty that is before them. unchain me to love every bit of you without fear that we should be judged or that anything said or done will be used against us in anger... stripping away all such trepidation. free me to hold you as tight & as tender as a lover would... to kiss you as fiercely as a man obsessed with touch has need of & allow me to make love to you like an artist looking to cement his legacy with a testament to his finale... one that should last for an eternity.

to lay & float in your waters with eyes closed... naked in your sun; allowing my cells to absorb your beauty. drinking your wine until I am drunk with blinding passion. with every bit of me at flow with every inch of all that is gloriously you. all... in the purity by which we were created. all... as we were meant to. without the stigma of sin and shame. without condition... & without the chains that have been forged from a fear of a potential pain that holds every one of us back...

forgetting the past... surrendering the future... fuel the hunger of my soul. even if just for a moment... unchain me to love you...

~moses apollo  

Do I Have To Tell The Truth?...

"Do I have to say the words? Do I have to tell the truth?

Do I have to shout it out? Do I have to say a prayer?"

More and more, I am coming to the conclusion that truth is a liability and that depending on its contents... it is fast becoming the killer of persuasion lol I see so many falling for anything that can be easily seen as delusion for one reason and one reason alone... they want it to be true. 

I saw a video posted online of a man coming home from a supposedly hard day of work to a doting wife that laid out a convenient perfectly framed camera for the Tik-Tok world to bask in the glory of her marriage. He sees her and immediately is taken in by her beauty, her hair color and length... wanting to do nothing more than lay with her and simply "cuddle". Even stating as much. You see he "missed her" so much for those back breaking eight hours, he couldn't stop playing with and commenting on how beautiful her hair looked with an almost entranced expression. All this to her amazement... almost like it was a bit much. Checking the comments, you'd have thought this man was ready to receive the Nobel prize of husbands from women that swooned at every stroke of their keyboard and from men stating "oh yeah, I do this too". Myself and a few discerning handful said "hold on there... something is way off here". Some even saying his behavior was "cringe worthy". Even coming off as a future skin wearing serial killer lol Now some of you might think me cynical but if you've read this blog, even peripherally, you'd know that I believe in such things as a romantic but this? It just felt so wrong... almost diabolical in nature and YET... a large majority were buying into it. It was actually disheartening. Not that it was what they wanted but because this was something they'd wholeheartedly fall into without question. Some that mentioned how off it was were even scorned... including the PhD in psychology that posted it as a warning...

Folks, I hear from so many about their devastation at falling for a lie or a misrepresentation yet when told the truth up front... they treat the truth teller like something they no longer have to be human to. It's an amazing dichotomy as it reveals the motivations of many that claim they treat everybody the same. These same people will claim this virtue yet primarily treat well only those they can get something from. People really don't understand that subtleties matter the most because they usually go unnoticed. As such, they aren't minded or self censored by most and that makes them awesome "tells" of character.

As for me, I just throw up my hands and say "whatever man" as there is nothing I could do to convince anyone of anything they are determined to find out for themselves. I put the truth out there and let them decide without judgment. This way, NO ONE can come to me with "why didn't you tell me?". NO ONE can come to me and ever accuse me of misrepresenting anything. I will tell you how I honestly feel but I will also tell you if and why my hands might be tied if that is the case. I will not hide or lessen my shine or feelings to spare someone's disappointment. I'd rather you be disappointed by my truth than be disappointed in finding out I've lied. Only one of these two is redeemable and only one maintains ones character. I tell you what's up and you decide if you want to take a risk with my truth. If not... I'm cool with that. I leave that part in your hands. It just sucks that so many would rather take a risk on a possible lie than stand a better chance with a probable truth. Truth IS a liability... but it's one I will always have to live with. I'm out...

~moses apollo

Well...

Woof...

As every event unfolds before me... nobody really knows what they mean to me in earnest and its not something I can talk about until they happen. I understand it more and more everyday... and I'm good ;-)

My Lord has been and will continue to be... good to me... I am grateful.

From my heart to yours...

~moses apollo

60 Seconds...

He woke up realizing he had been holding her for hours but right before his waking... he had a 60 second flash. A vision of a revealed moment in time:

He was standing behind her in a rust stained shower. She, a young beautiful specimen of a woman, muscular in design with everything in the right place... simply stood there... alive, but seemingly almost lifeless. She was wearing gym attire that consisted of tan spandex shorts and a tan cropped tank top. He began to look her over as though he was officiating the inspection of a machine. You see, in this world, he was only known... as the "creator". It was unsure what he was creating but he was certain he had something to do with the creation of this beautiful creature before him. As such, he had always understood that due to this... he could not ethically allow himself to feel any attachment... but oftentimes, as is human nature... he did anyway. All the while, painfully knowing this beauty needed to flourish on her own. All of this feeling was clear within seconds into this part of the vision.

After the inspection, a flash of lightening emanated from him. It looked like a part of his energy force painfully left him to strike her into life and as she began blinking, he knew it was time for him to leave. Yet as he began to walk away, she stopped him and held his face in her hands as if to pull him into a kiss. With his eyes slightly welled up with tears, he pulled back and whispered "I can't" as he tried turning away once again. Yet without saying a word, in her hands appeared a hammer and a chisel. The same hammer and chisel he once thought he controlled... was hers all along. It turned out that he in fact was not the creator he thought he was. He only supplied the life that inspired the "living" of all they had created for themselves. In part, a better version of themselves they thought he could love. He realized in that moment that his life only served as inspiration and that all he did was help guide them along the way... on a journey of their own making. All of this to assure him of something she was unready to declare until that moment: "you can love me now". With his sorrow turning to release, relief and fascination, he pulled her in for the most long awaited passionate kiss they could have ever imagined was possible. He finally understood... he was finally free.

Upon waking, he tried to dismiss what he saw as just a few seconds of a days-brewed fantastical dream but as it ruminated in his mind... he began to understand that of the many things that held him back from truly loving as he wanted, this might be the biggest of them all. A conscience that was created with rigid lines that were necessary at the time. Attached as training wheels for a different version of himself... a version he couldn't fully trust. A version long since gone. Here was one such issue perspective through revelation could finally aid in freeing him from. 

My beautiful people, as time rolls on, my heart turns free. I see more and feel more. As such I understand more of my "power." How to use it, how to grow it and how to cultivate it yet I refuse to be less than what I was when the environment was different. An environment... that is very close to becoming a reality again. Except this time, with a greater understanding and sophistication. It feels like I'm being prepped for something. More than even I expected was possible. Last time I faced vices and temptations unknown to me. I could say I was almost overtaken by them. This time... I own them all and they are mine to control and do with as I please. I choose life... I choose love... I choose faith... and I choose passion. I'm out...

~moses apollo  

It is...

"I'll do my time, oh, keeping you off my mind

But there's moments that I find, I'm not feeling so strong..."

...what it is.

And connection with me... is way too real. Seen or unseen, outspoken or silent... near or far. Even I can't understand it every time... but I go with it and flow with it. I "see" you beautiful... and I'm a better man for it. Blessed, humbled and privileged... all at the same time. My Lord is good to me. My love to your heart...

Love,

~moses apollo

The Difference... Redux...

"I'm a full grown man...

I'm a natural born lovers man..."

For quite awhile, I've skirted around the question: "what makes you so different?" when it comes to intimacy. Is it technique or is it something more? I will never detail it out fully as that is something exclusively mine but even on the surface of what I will offer to explain, most will never truly get it in this climate. What climate you ask? The climate that dictates the differences between masculine and feminine energies... as though these were palpably listed in neat alphabetical order. There is a reason we are designed to have both testosterone and estrogen flowing through us in a harmonious imbalance that is specific to gender. We are meant to "fit" like puzzle pieces that match. Pieces that can co-exist on their own but when put together... create a bigger, more perfect picture.

These days, men and women have wandered into each others roles since the early attempts at trying to understand each other. Yet in the pursuit of such a noble endeavor, they have gone way too far along their journeys and have completely forgotten where they came from. What does this have to do with "what makes me so different"? Mindset... while most men have discarded their bit of feminine in an attempt to overdose on masculinity as an answer to feminism... I have kept mine. While most men have sex from the viewpoint of a man... I have always kept to heart that I am there to do for the woman I love first and not to simply "bust a nut". As such... I had decided to first, learn from a woman... what makes a woman. Learning to love every inch of her body. Seeing the potential in the beautiful peaks and valleys. Seeing her as an island worth exploring. Becoming empathetic to her body's movement and desires. Actually giving a sh*t that she gets off in the best possible way. Yes... a woman WILL cum being "f*cked" as a man would "f*ck" but consider the pleasure a woman receives from another woman and ask yourself how that can be so explosive... even without a dildo. In my initial studies, I took this very question heavily into account and realized something profound. Porn is designed from the male perspective and that masculine vantage point has been accepted by many women as what is expected from them to achieve pleasure for themselves. In their usual description of what they "like" (based on what they know) in bed, you will find many detailing out a man's fantasy and to be sure, there is no wrong in it... I just find it skewed and as such limited. Think about that the next time a young girl talks about "wanting to get choked out". Is it exciting? Sure... but is it optimal pleasure from the feminine vantage point?... or the masculine? Even some women that are intimate with each other have been subconsciously influenced to perform what a man would want to "watch". On the topic of "control", it has been one of my most illuminating discoveries.

What I know (purely anecdotal on my part) is this: When switching between two extremes I've found the pleasure more intense for a woman when she is risen like a wave into ecstasy than when there is the  simple "plug and play" without much thought. "Plug and play" has an inevitability due to the mechanics of it but there is not much else there and in truth... all that can be achieved on their own. You are nothing but a body in that case but when care and love is involved in the desire to please (which should be everytime no matter the session... short or long) there is a sense that an "experience" just took place. My way involves incorporating both depending on the flow. Once that is established a few times, it is learned and becomes baked in. An unparalleled freedom takes hold and that flow is developed. A flow that needs nothing more than a look to get it started. You have no idea how many times I've heard a woman say she has a problem having a clitoral orgasm with a man. When I was married, BOTH my then wife and I were shocked to hear this was a reality and came to find out in short order, after our divorce, that it is more common than we thought. We realized that we were the odd ones and that our mindset was completely different than what was in the zeitgeist. So what then was happening? All mechanics... no empathy... no feeling. Just a "f*ck" for the sake of the f*ck" (purely masculine energy) and many came to believe the erroneous idea that this was interchangeable with making love.

So where does that take us now? First... stop with the sexual revolution bullsh*t. Drop the "red-pill" & 3rd wave feminist garbage and get back to being complete human beings. You are both masculine and feminine... embrace them both according to your innate design. Take this understanding into all your interactions... especially intimacy. Learn each other through empathy and when you are "together"... do FOR each other... and not just yourselves. Men, she's gonna say she wants what you want in the beautiful attempt to please you but understand that she may not know or has ever experienced the slow burn of her feminine erogenous zones. If you truly love her or are simply looking to be a better lover... get in touch with your feminine bit and learn where those are on her. Hint: It's usually beneath the skin ;-) 

So folks, by design, this is only a general outline of "what makes me so different" and I will say it now: All I described will fall on quite a few deaf ears because all this takes time to develop the sincerity required to make it work as it should and we live in a fast food, paint by numbers society. I'm sure someone will come up with a category to put me in someday but am I now and will forever remain the unconventional lover that I am... and proud to be so. 

It is what it is... and I am what I am... I'm out...

~moses apollo      

Release Them...

"I know the waves will come... by the moon and the tide

Like a man and his bride... I will wait on you, Lord

And we will run so far from here

To your... safety..."

There's an anguish somewhere that remains hidden... and silent. It's not mine. What is going on? It's so used to being kept... the tears won't even drop. Oh but they weld up... until the busy mind shuts them off on purpose. You shake your head bewildered: "No time for that... no time". Make time... This is not strength. Strength is facing them and not allowing yourself to get lost in despair. I know the worry is falling into a depression but you MUST face them... whoever you are... release them. It's the only way you can truly heal. If I can feel it... it is because I am meant to. I'm here and I "see" you... it's ok...

~moses apollo