Human Radio...

"i'm reachin' out to the human radio

to get a jump on 'em, a witch hunt on 'em

get the money, throw the tantrum

the human radio is playin' your anthem..."

ok folks, im going to talk about something i've spoken about before...being empathic. eyebrows raised? smirkin? scoffing? don't care, just keep reading. too many (including "empaths") think this is an "out of this world" super gift that requires chanting, meditation & a consistent zen-like state...bullsh*t. if you know anything about frequencies then you'll understand what i mean. ANYONE (no, we're not special) that is internally/eternally minded WILL at one point or another "pick up" a strong emotion the same way a radio "picks up" a signal. the greater your mindset into these areas, the farther/deeper your reach will be. this is why most people will claim they "feel" a certain way about a subject...even when said subject (logistically) should not affect them at all. consider how the mob mentality works: those that USE it for control will always claim it's a thought or an idea that moves people when they know full well...it's all emotion. every event involving a mob always involved an emotional story that drove the narrative that drove the mob. we are actually "picking up" frequencies being shared among the masses (political/world affairs) or in the case of one more "in-tuned"...someone specific (personal affair). when does this become dangerous? when you start claiming these feelings as your own. this is when you are either being controlled (mob mentality) or when you start asking yourself "why the hell do i feel xyz?" and jump to the defaults: oh i must be bi-polar, depressed etc (go down the f*cking list and pop a pill) and you start to believe there is something wrong with you. nope...you're fine, stay mindful. you're a just a "human radio"...congratulations. you can brush it off like most do or you can cultivate the "gift" to use it for good.

i have to say this: there are some extremely rare folk that will somehow (either naturally or developed over time) have the same frequency as you do...down to the decimal points. they are usually family or lovers but sometimes they are folk you ain't even met yet. you feel their deep emotional states even when they've become adept at hiding (or dismissing) them entirely. there are many times my mother will call me and instead of saying "hello" will immediately ask "what's going on with you?". that is where it is used for good. that for me is a normal thing and it can also be a pain in my ass. why? because there are times i'll know when something's goin on with someone that will always give me a "i'm fine". in those cases, i've learned to just pray over them and deal with the emotion. lately i've perceived a sense of deep heartache i know is not mine but for some reason, i also "know" this emotion is not theirs either or in the least is meant to drive them into a state of sorrow or confusion over something perceived in error. how do i know this? it comes with the gig. they may be entering into a state of sorrow they are meant to help someone else with...someone close to them. with some of these, i know it is no longer my place to say. not my choice...

now, there are people that will tell you to embrace all emotion...even if it makes no sense. to a point, i agree with the premise but if you are experiencing an emotion that is unjustified by reason (you know that thing we humans have to use that is in short supply) then either shelve it, surrender it in prayer or knock on some doors to see who may need help. do not entertain something you know is a 2 but are feeling as a damn 9. you will make huge mistakes in judgment and you will also start sobbing over hangnails. this is mainly for those that lack the self-control that tempers expression. "trusting your feelings" only works AFTER you've interpreted them properly. you feelin something? give it time and think it through before going all half-cocked. everyone has somebody you'd rather not text with too much because you know they will read into something you say as a negative. these folk, for whatever reason, do not take the time to question themselves before allowing a conclusion to set in. before you know it, they're pissed at you and you don't know why. it's a normal thing that happens. as a writer, that happens with me all the time but i cannot parse my words for fear they will be misinterpreted. it's frustrating as hell sometimes but i can't be mad at them so i deal with it since its all i can do. gotta wait until they figure out you didnt mean what they think you did. some will read that and "textbook" shout "gaslighting!!" but gaslighting requires one to gain power over another and this is far from that. this is a call for everyone not to waste time on emotions that drain you for nothin. to really explore what you're feeling and more importantly...why. after that...you do you. if you are indeed picking someone else up...you might just be in a position to help, listen or pray.

so why this topic today? because i give a sh*t and topics like this are seldom discussed outside of quackery. i see more and more folk that have this ability getting confused or thinkin they're losing it in this emotionally charged era. these will draw and be drawn to hearts and minds that will have them opening portals and doors they DO NOT want to be opening. 9 times out of 10, what comes through will not be having their best interests at heart. remember that this is a "soul" thing (human) way more than it is a spiritual thing. you want to cultivate it? learn how your internals work the same way you would learn a friend or lover. learn to take the time to listen to your hearts true direction. test and temper intent. we all get things wrong about people yes? what makes you think you wont get anything wrong about "you"? i get things wrong all the damn time and people call me wise...go figure. anyway...we return you back to your regularly scheduled programming. i'm out...

~moses apollo

Where The Music's Going...

Tell me where the wind is blowing cause that's where the music's going

You are my big dark blue and I want to swim all around you

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

I feel like I know you but you're just a ghost to me

And when I sit beside your shadow somehow it comforts me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are the island of love my remedy to rescue me

You are a breeze of a song that carries me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

La

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

La

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

La-la

I've got a hole the size of your touch that fits in your arms as much

And when I try to fill it up the hole gets bigger every time

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

You are my island of love my remedy to rescue me

You are a breeze of a song that carries me

You are the sweetest melody I never sung

Canta canta mi luna mi luna llena

Esta melodia que es el abismo adentro de mi

El abismo adentro de mi

Mi luna mi luna luna llena

~Patrick Watson

One Season Ends...

'yeah you bleed just to know you're alive..."

and another...begins...

"he said there'd be no more warning, no more "tryin", no "more extra miles" or proofs of life or love. that all would be determined as reaction to action/in-action, hostility, interest or indifference. matching "energy for energy". that no matter what he said or did...this was now his unspoken constant. he's revealed enough of himself that there is no longer anything left to prove or much left to say. that if those he's known for years were still waitin on some shoe to drop or were still looking for proof he wasn't genuine because of what they've been exposed to outside of himself...they could do that without his presence. he ain't bouncing any more balls for the sake of personal gain, agenda or even a potential lovers heart to entice. only what needs doin and /or what true energy and/or passion call for in the moment. that test results are what they are and that he no longer feels the same heaviness behind those results...it's done. he's more than simply "good"..."

in the advent of change, i looked from the outside in and wrote this from my heart. it was some time ago. though how it's "worked in" is still in question...it's sentiment remains key. it is in fact the stripping down to the bear essentials of a man on a journey that takes only what he needs to survive. except in my case? i'm not lookin to just survive...i'm lookin to live. with only slightly more than the bear essentials in tow as passion and my love of "love" itself has not left me...nor will it ever. i am re-learnin "me"...and everything that is supposed to mean.

i will NOT be one to become "set in his ways", live in cycles or re-make the same mistakes. i refuse to allow this world to bury any unrealized worth and passion inside a heart of stone whose only beat is a fake-ass virtue signal that means absolutely nothing to anyone outside of the conformist. time has so far been my friend but time can be fickle in it's choice of friends. the wise come to learn this and instead of trusting a clock...they lookin out for alignments, met & unmet. i can no longer afford to miss out on mine. i still have a few left im watchin out for...

i need..."to bleed"...i'm out...

~moses apollo

PS: notice how i speak of "change" yet my song choices for the most part stay the same? some lyrics and/or notes are still waiting to become relevant ;-)   

It's Funny But...

"i heard there was a secret chord that 

David played and it pleased the Lord..."

I'll tell you what i've noticed. It seems to me that folk that go through growth spurts of heart are way easier to love...but just harder to comprehend and I think that's what makes them "heavy". Is that what's happening to me? The building...it looks and feels "easier" but it's structure is way more complex. Almost nano-tech in nature lol I know I'm overthinkin this but it feels like my priorities list just got "thinner". I guess that's what happens when so much is thrown at you at one time. You just learn how to manage your energy better. I'll figure this out (or not) in time and you all are more than welcome to join me on this journey...or not lol In either case, I'm grateful for you all...

Kinda feeling like the guy from "Office Space". Think I'll just head on over to Chachki's before I go home and binge watch on 5 star Kung Fu movies. Wanna join me? Cool. If not...well that's cool too lol If you've seen the movie you're smilin right about now. There it is!! Beautiful smile btw...thankful for that too. I'm out...

~moses apollo 

To Be...

be arrogant

be elegant

be brilliant 

be proud...

yeah...somethin like that ;-)

~moses apollo

Small Epiphanies...

"such thirst doesn't always permit for...tact. look at that scenery...it's lovely"

i personally don't think it's that big of a deal but i kind of got the gist today that if folk had the option of turning me into something more conventional...they would. i am in constant flux...always looking to head towards something bigger and folk seem to make the mistake that this automatically translates to my feelings for them being in constant flux as well. not being able to separate character improvement/refinement/development from emotional content. sometimes they overlap but not very often (very rare) because when i find a connection, i take my personal "movements" into account and ask myself if that connection can withstand something like that and 9 times out of ten...it can (except im the only one that seems to be convinced of it lol). i find that somewhat refreshing because it means you literally cannot label me in any way, shape or form. consider what's commonplace today: she does A...he'll do B. she does C...and he will immediately jump on D, E & F. it's like clockwork due to the conformity that's taken place. in my case, she does A...and i will laugh and say "what? you expect me to do B?". never in such a way as to feel like i'm avoiding manipulation or in an aggressive way but moreso in a vibe that says "i get that this is the way it usually is but with me...you gotta be human".

so what do i usually get after awhile? folk that would rather not have to think so much in their dealings with me. i can see it in time and it's somewhat amusing. this is why i usually get relegated to "the fine, deep conversation guy" or the guy "i'd like to have something with but it might be too much work". they'll usually have some dude or dudes they got buttons for they talkin to. not to really get too serious with but just because it's more familiar. i'm literally laughing as i type this. to make a decision towards me is like some "life changing" decision for some of them lol they gotta get their families together and make the announcement "ok family...i've decided to get serious with Moe" lmfao to which I'm pretty sure the response would be: "who?" lol the "bold" (i mean this in the sense of entreating me) are the ones that roll with me because they've either known me long enough to "get me" or their desire/curiosity outweighs their logistical brakes. the latter are usually noted by the fact that they just don't care how they sound...they want what they want. i will talk about something current and they'll say something (smiling) like "i have no idea nor do i care...when can i see you again" and i'm honestly good with that kind of realness. i'm also good with those that are intellectually compatible but are far from being snobbish. it's easier to touch on topics and there's no "one-upping" the other on "what we know". in short...it makes little difference to me. character above all else folks...

you know what? i dig this kind of writing. i consider this piece a light-hearted revelation...

so yeah...folks? you don't have to tip-toe nor do i have any particular expectations. some folk read my writings and formulate their conversation style/topic around that expecting me not to notice but once again...NOT a negative. why? cause everyone "tries"...why fault anyone for that? i'd just rather you be yourself and let me make the choice if that's what i want to be down with. oh and just so everyone is aware...i got the manual...i read the manual...hell, i might've even had a hand in revising some of it. i just don't bother with the manual and when it comes to me...neither should you...i'm out...

~moses apollo

Flavom...

Anol shalom

Anol sheh ley kon-nud de ne um

Flavom...Flavom

M-ai shondol-lee flavom

Lof flesh lay

~moses apollo apolinaris

The Hope & The Dream...

"I dream of rain...I dream of gardens in the desert sand

I wake in vain...I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire...those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire

And in the flames...her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire..."

the dream is that thing you've envisioned in your heart that has either been a peace or a solution to a problem you've wrestled with a long time. it's a passionate desire, a want that always seems out of reach due to circumstances or just bad timing. you come to the place to receive it...and for whatever reason, it's just not ready to receive you yet. like two ships that pass each in the night's fog. you can hear it and see it slightly...but the tides won't allow it yet. there are even moments where it's just an inch away. so close that you plan your life around it...only to lose it again. at every one of these instances, your resolve for it weakens from the heaviness of frustration. a frustration you decide is too heavy to endure. so you decide to force yourself want it less for the sake of your own sanity and begin to believe that maybe it was something you dreamt up or imagined. as such, you come to reconcile your mind to not wanting it all & every hint at it's final acquisition is now met with scoff or even self sabotage. all to relieve yourself of any more disappointment.

i once felt this way...no more. i have a decades long dream that came & left me more times most humans could bear but i learned over time that the frustration of not having a thing has very little to do with that particular thing's journey. either it wasn't ready for me...or i wasn't ready for it but it was to be mine none the less. i've jumped the gun on many things in my life only to have them come to ruin. they were hard lessons to learn but needful to say the least. so now i handle my dreams with care. i house them in my hearts pocket & blow on their embers from time to time lest their flame should ever wane. i allow myself the joy of getting close even if they don't come to fruition lest their sweetness turn sour. my dreams will come and as i hold fast to them, i train my soul in hope...that hope should never be a burden but something that is worthy to endure. when the time comes...i can say i never gave up. even if i should leave this earth with them unfulfilled...i can say that i never gave up...and that my heart remained full. i will always be the one that will tell you "keep looking for it" even after everyone else has said "give up". I may change my posture towards people but i will never stop believing in what i know to be true about them and no...i will never give up on love. it is the driving force of every dream i've ever had and will ever have.

Noah built an ark on a promise that took him decades to build. he was a well respected man whose word was sure yet after some time, his belief cost him his standing...even among those closest to him. promised rain was his claim after a century of drought and when the ark was ready...the rain became ready for it. yeah...i feel a few drops comin on...i'm out... 

~moses apollo

The Why - A Word by Moe

to embrace purpose on past its' power

to digest every grain poured out in nuance

to articulate every newly formed wrinkle in time

to hunger on past it's pain has subsided

to feel her sped up heartbeat from miles away

to experience the warmth of her smile as an eternal embrace

and yes...to share the gift of being able to touch every inch of her through the passion expressed in verse alone...

for healing...for strength...and for love...

this...is the "why"...

~moses apollo

What It's Like - A Word By Moe

"we've got our own grave with both names, it's do or die

i can't hear you but I can feel you, you're by my side

to feel the time move the hues that paint you, you can't hide

we've got our own grave with both names, it's you and I..."

light sweat on my skin...a slightly unbearable heat. no breeze to ease it...no choice but to surrender to it in stillness & silence. both taking me to a singular thought...what it's really like.

after you've eliminated all that could pull your attention away from being completely present, there is only one thing left...the moment. a moment that is meant to be defined by all it could be...all it should be. your mind switches off & in that moment, there's no thought, no plan, no steps to take. no questioning of technique or form. your hands take you to where your passion leads. telling you what you want to taste, bite or touch. surrendered, effortlessly rhythmic...bodies flowing by feeling alone. in that moment...you just want to "feel". to take flight upon this newfound synergistic, symbiotic wind...unafraid & bold. letting it take us to places we had no idea existed outside this coupling. where climax happens from the experience alone...never feeling so free or safe. a new place that becomes our own. none else will ever see it...none else will ever know it...exclusive to us alone...

this...is what it's like...

~moses apollo