On this Valentine's Day, February 14th, 2018; a young man walked into a school in Broward County FL and began a shooting spree that as of this writing has claimed two lives (updated to 17 lives) and injured about 30 others. As in every mass shooting situation, the blame is now slowly but surely being placed at the feet of an inanimate object that is useless without it's human user. Why? Because it is always more profitable to treat a symptom than it is to find a cure. Especially when those espousing treatment of the symptom are complicit in the propagation of the disease.
I hear "guns", "video games", "rap music" and am as of yet waiting for someone to blame "climate change"...as ridiculous as that may sound. Folks, I don't care what side you're on. I'm just tired. Believe what you want because in the end...the truth of what I'm about to say will stand regardless. I'm sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. Tired of folk wanting to try remedies that are proven ineffective simply because they cannot come to say "What have WE done?"..."Where did WE go wrong?". I'm thinkin it's about time we tell the truth about this...
I remember the day when the main protagonist in a movie was heartbroken over the idea he had to take a life. Now, these same heros kill without remorse. Warriors lived by a code that viewed life precious and that the defense of life itself was the only thing worth killing and/or dying for. Today, hurt feelings seem to be enough. We live in an age where humans are taught that hurt feelings must not only be validated but revenged by external action. Such ideologies have forced us into the stifling of speech for some and allowing the destruction of private property for others. Where violence is justified and even encouraged if some don't get there way. Where even aberrant behavior is normalized to spare some from critique that may even spare them from a painful road. All the while creating a generation believing that the "I" takes precedence over the "you". It's amusing to look back on these traits and see something striking as I recognize them all too well. Do you know where you can find this mindset? In babies and toddlers...
As a father of two men in their early twenties, I've been privileged to watch them grow and have been blessed in studying their beautiful process. Early on, I came to learn that the most important teaching I could ever instill towards their manhood was that "life is not fair"...nor will it ever be. That life, at times is a battle. That although we may be entitled to anger, rage and hate due to its unfairness, we are never entitled to act out in ways that break laws, hurt others or that does unjustified damage. That as we grow, we learn that negative feelings do more damage to our health than unfairness ever could and that before mastering our surroundings, we must first learn to master and/or understand our emotions. Especially the negative ones. Teachings that seed maturity. A maturity that comes with all manner of self-control, humility, introspection, responsibility and most of all...perspective that allows for the appreciation of life itself. Without these things a human will always remain incomplete and life will become a cycle of unnecessary battles. In this age, I have seen politicians and talking heads looking at humans as though they were battering rams for their respective agendas. They no longer see souls. All they see are tools and since their opulent lives are the only ones that matter...your value is relegated to one of utility. No more, no less. Your growth means nothing them and they teach you to think the same way about others. As such, it is in their best interest to rationalize this stunted state, give it a degree...and call it growth. Friend, if your 18 and you don't know that although you have the human capacity to act on a negative emotion but that it is more prudent that you don't? You haven't learned a thing and are more likely than not, being used by people that expect you to brave a cell their connections keep them out of. A "safe space" is not your friend...it ain't nothin but a crutch that you will always need until you learn how to work through your emotions.
What we see today is the by-product of a disease. A well balanced individual should be able to carry a gun, play video games and bop their head to rap music just fine. These are not the problem. Banning these things is akin to putting bumpers by the stairs and covering up electric sockets for the wandering child. Wise tactics used in the safety of our children...until they start learning the real dangers of each through consequential thinking to live out a balanced life. As babies, there came a time when my sons found out that all they had to do was cry to get picked up. It wasn't for food nor was it a wet diaper and we caught on quick. So we decided that when they cried, we had to wait in the other room in agony until they stopped. That action alone began their road to maturity. They learned then that crying would no longer be the way they would resolve an issue. At some point we must stop coddling humans. We must allow them to accept the word "NO" so they can learn to work through rejection as opposed to throwin a fit or in the case of some...beatin on a defenseless garbage can. If we don't...God save us.
Folks...life is valuable enough for the truth that hurts to heal. It's valuable enough for all disappointment meant to foster resolve. It's valuable enough for every fall that forces one to stand and yes, it's valuable enough for the pain of loss that teaches us how to measure true value. Stop talking symptoms...start talkin disease. I'm out...
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love...and be loved in return..."
Jack was as a young poet. A boy with a pure heart that wandered the country side in search of his one true love. He came across a beautiful young maiden that drew his attention by her ocean blue eyes and golden hair. She had a soft demeanor replete with all manner of tenderness to her. Needless to say, he fell in love quickly with this beautiful angel. He did everything for her. Going out of his way in every sense to accommodate her needs and he was more than happy to do so. At times when he couldn't fulfill a request, she would cry and this would move him to do even more than he had because he could not stand to see her in pain. After some time, he began to hear whispers about her and others that he would simply brush off. He even began to hear about her ability to manipulate by easily turning on tears but he would not believe it. His love for her for was unbending, it had blinded him to any suspicion. One day, he was in an adjacent room when he overheard her arguing with her father. As was her way, she began to cry and as he was about to enter the room to comfort her, her father left and the tears all of a sudden stopped. She didn't know that Jack had seen it and as for Jack...he was crushed to his very soul. He began to search out the whispers and found them all true. With every new truth uncovered, this uncompromising love began to die within him. Not just for her...but for love itself. By the time he came to say goodbye, Jack had become cynical to all the loves that came after. This young man filled with passion for hope had now become a man that hoped to find passion again but was only met by those with the same cynicism he was doing his best to rid himself of...
Jill was a beautiful young maiden. Filled with a well of love, hope, dreams and aspirations. Beautiful in every way. With a smile that could melt the hardest heart. One day as she was working at the marketplace, a handsome young man approached her and she became enamored by his charm and wit. He would visit her daily and soon she would fall in love with him. She knew little about him, but she believed in the purity of love. She believed that he loved her and that was all that was needed. He promised her the world and soon, they would move into his home up in the hills. He told her they would soon be married after he had gotten all his affairs in order and the first few months, she could only describe as "heaven". As time went on, still unmarried, his demeanor went from charming to forceful. He would at times purposefully make her feel ugly when other men would look at her and as for her dreams of going on to university, he would cry to her saying that she didn't love him if she went away. All so he could keep her in his home. He would even give her more duties to perform so she had very little time for socializing and after awhile, the only soul she would ever see was him. She lost all interest in taking care of herself and all dreams she had were soon lost in him as well. She didn't mind it of course. After all...she loved him. One day, she decided to finish her duties early and go off to the marketplace to see some friends and what she found crushed her to her very soul. She saw him in an embrace with another young maiden she had been friends with in times past and she ran home crying. When he had arrived, she confronted him about what she saw and he became enraged beating her into submission. With every blow he threw, her love felt every hit. Dying...with every strike to her frail form. Not just for him...but for love itself. She left the next day and every new love that came after...was met with suspicion. This young woman filled with passion for hope had now become a woman that hoped to find passion again but was only met by those with the same suspicion she was doing her best to rid herself of...
and thus began the extinction of "true love"
Oh my beautiful friends...at one time or another, in one form or another, every one of us has been a "Jack" or a "Jill". Wounded animals are we that dared to love as it was meant to be in a callous world. We carry those wounds into other relationships. Our instinctive defense mechanisms kick in, inadvertently wounding others so that the cycle continues until love exists as it does today. A cheap imitation of itself. Just another Checkers match for supremacy so that we will never be wounded again. Causing "love" to become nothing but a curse word. An emotion that needs changing or tweaking. Redefined as less than itself simply so that we can keep having companionship without risking a thing. How do we end this? How do we give "true love" it's worthy breath again? I can only offer my opinion from my experience and I will tell you that the first thing that needs to happen is a little something called "healing". Allow your wounds to heal before you enter into anything else. Let those wounds become worthy scars. Find your lesson in each scar and learn where you went wrong. Study your choices. Study yourself until every scar carries a lesson. Forgive those that did you wrong without making excuses for them because making excuses for them will only carry you back to the same garbage you just left. Back to them or the same garbage found in others. In time, your scars will reveal to you that love had nothing to do with their lack of character and that at least now, you have a roadmap to what you will accept and what you will not. All without pain, fear or bitterness, each new soul will be judged on it's own merit based on all the understanding your scars have afforded you. Soon, true love will not be a thing to be feared...but something you will pine for in the realms of possibility. Heal up, choose right, love strong and in the end...you will break your cycle.
As for me? I proudly carry many scars with me. Some wounds I can say have not fully healed but they are healing even at this writing. With every brutal look I take through inspection and introspection. With every consequential thought I entertain I make myself better. I forgive all that have done me wrong but because I have learned from their wrong, I also know I can only go so far with them and they know this because the boundaries are made plain by me. As for love? I only know it as true love. I don't fear it or any pain that may come while I'm in the throws of it. Every second I have with it affords me an unparalleled freedom to exist for lasting purpose. It is pure and wonderful and beautifully fleeting at times but it is just as powerful today as it ever was. It abides in the pure at heart and in those that have been able to carry scars without the bitterness of pain. It even abides in those that fear it because at least they give it due diligence enough to respect it's power. So, even as endangered as it is, I will always welcome it. As a poet and a lover of passion...I have no choice ;-)
A time and place when love is all. Where we all agreed to respect our differences without imposition. A season when politics took a backseat to the truth and peace was seeded in logical determinative symbiosis. Where change was neither shamed or coerced and debate came to a conclusion that was meant to be actionable. Where folk took the time to see the heart before taking political positions into account towards the determination of their characters. Imagine a place like that...now take the next step into your imagination. What would it take? Yeah that's where it gets tricky. Sadly, so long as there are people on this earth that desire power above all...there will always be people forced to follow. So long as tribalistic attitudes exist...there will always be factions. So long as those in power stoke the fires of anger between the faction for even more power...there will always be unrest. What then can be done?
Folks, the collective mindset will never work without stifling freedom so it behooves us to find this utopia on an individual basis. Perspectives must change and vantage points have to expand past tribalistic myopia. Character must take back its place in how we see another beyond the meaningless externals bias has us prioritizing. As to the voices that choose to divide us into labels, we cannot nor should we silence them but we can decide to tune them out. Above all, we must learn to tune out the bias and preconceived notions in ourselves...determining instead to find the better in every soul we meet. Sounds easier than it is...but it's worth every ounce of effort we could muster towards a better world.
Consider any relationship you've had. Your man keeps leaving the toilet seat up and you've decided that such action means he has a character flaw. You tell your friends and they reinforce the conclusion enraging you even more. You find a study online that confirms your conclusion and the next time you see him...you're ready to give him hell and bounce. Stop...think. What just happened? All the good you know, all the love you have...is it gone? No...it's now buried. Buried in an anger meant to feed a bitterness that ends in destruction. You entertained a thought process that could have easily been handled through brutal introspection. Asking yourself: How important is this adherence to your rules? Is it worth your relationship? Is it worth you throwing away a human being over? Does it bother you that much to check the seat before you sit? I know this sounds trivial but the truth is...most things are. If it aint happening to you personally, it may be serious but when you really analyze the issue, rarely does it ever rise to the level of hating another. Nor can consequence be laid at the feet of someone that didn't personally wrong you by some indirect extension. Take stock people. Carrying that much hate doesn't hurt anyone but the one carrying it. Let.it.go...
My friends run the gamut of politics but I know their hearts and I despise those that have made it their job to cause them to question my character simply because I disagree on an issue. Now you may think I blame the media or an external source but no. They contribute to the problem but the brutal truth is...the choice is always ours. We allow them to affect us. We give them the power to reach us. I can tell you to jump off a bridge but it's up to you to decide if you're going to jump or not. Folk blame the devil way too much when it's really them. You decide what carries weight and what doesn't. You decide what stirs your heart and you decide what you will ultimately do with that stirring.
My sister was going through the toilet seat issue with her man. Instead of kicking his ass (yes, it was an option for her) or calling him all sorts of names, she decided to take a different tact. She decided it wasn't worth all that drama, waited till he fell asleep, got up and removed the toilet seat. She was awakened by an "AYE!!!". Turns out he went to take a dump in the middle of the night and his narrow behind fell in. He sure enough started thinkin about that experience every time he hit that bathroom and she kept right on loving him after having a good laugh. There's always a better way...find it.
Folks, I'm a dreamer and a fool when it counts. I know this post won't change the world as we see it universally but if it helps to change one persons smaller world then it's worth writing about. Try to imagine if that one changed world...decided to help change another? Small things remain small if you decide to keep them small. Turn it around. Keep the small grievances and irritants small. Let's start exaggerating the things that bring us joy in others instead. Who knows...maybe we can change the world after all. It all begins with you...me too ;-) Much love...
The world is hectic, unbalanced, destructive and full of fear. In all this...I still advance undeterred. I'm still tryin to figure out how this is a problem.
I speak of my weakness...I am called humble. I speak of my strength...I am deemed vain. I'm still tryin to figure out how this is a problem.
I write of my passion for God and I am labeled too pious. I write of my passion for skin and I am labeled full of sin. I'm still tryin to figure out how this is a problem.
As another year on earth has past, dear friends pass into the eternal. Loves move on to places I've already been. Tidal waves and harsh winds crash to break all in their path. Ebbs and flows paralyze from uncertainty and yet...I am still. If you ask me...I'm not the one with the problem ;-)
Oh my people, this is neither rant nor complaint. Instead, it is me taking stock of all that I am in my new year. Many look back and measure life by all they externally possess. They find not having all they desire a problem and though I have enough...I choose to look inside instead. I need for nothing, I ask for little, I share too much and no matter how dark the day...I still "believe". That...will never change. In this my new year, I am blessed and ready for more. As such I will ever bless my Lord for Him, His truth, His love...and for you ;-)
"I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit, I'm just the same as I was. Now don't you understand, that I'm never changing who I am"
On this day, I received part of a two-fold blessing I've been waiting for and I'm ok letting go of the constant strain in thought this miracle now relieves. I know there are more blessings coming my way and a couple of others that are meant to shine brighter than me before I can fully walk in the plans that keep my mind looking towards the future. I used to wrestle with that and within parts of my humanity...I still do. Yet it's that truth that allows me to place my priorities correctly with the ease of a man that can walk blameless before God and man. Staying true to who I am keeps me staying true to those I love and in this...I find my peace.
Folks, I've seen too many husbands and fathers reach the world in ways they've never even tried to reach their wives or children. They officiate their ability to save the world while their personal world stands in turmoil from neglect. I've heard prison prophets speak about Nietzsche and Muhammad to fresh minds coming off the bus to fresh cells. Telling them it's time to change and stay out of prison while they openly plan on doin dirt as soon as they get out. You see it feels good to be able to influence souls but what good are you building yourself up in speech if you already know you're gonna fall short in deed? Too many love being seen as "the answer" without letting anyone know they are just as human ahead of time. Without letting the listener know that the only thing that makes them wise is the fact that they've been able to surpass the state of the person they're speaking to at the moment. I'm not special because of me...but in spite of me. There's a responsibility that comes with inspiration and influence that very few understand. The thing with me is...I do.
You won't ever hear me preach about outward piety without telling you that the most important piety you could ever possess is that of the soul. Something folks will seldom see unless they are willing to look that deep. I will never preach about the greatness found in wisdom without lamenting the truth that wisdom could be a burden at times. Having so many answers can become a burden when there's something you can't figure out and there's no one around to help because they believe you have it all figured out. I will never preach about abstinence without telling you that to me, connections and love at times go deeper into the heart of God than pieces of paper can ever reach and that these serve as a prerequisite for keeping it meaningful. Nor will I ever preach about church without telling you that though it may serve as a primer, that in itself won't get you closer to God if your heart is closed off to His voice. While I may present the bar of my humanity the same or higher than average as knowledge permits, the bar of my soul will always be shown to have no ceiling...because that's real my people.
Some people call themselves real because they're quick to throw out an insult but that don't mean a damn thing. Real is being willing to insult your truest intent for the sake of course correction without applause. Real fits everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Real has many acquaintances and a handful of true friends. Real is conflicted before its assured. Real is changing your heart before you could change your mind. Real is quiet before it's loud but most of all, real is ugly...before its beautiful. In short...real is growth.
My conscience was once loud enough to rob me of choice and through the years, has become soft enough to follow as easy as the voice of a wise lover lookin out for her man. Even though I may hate it at times...it serves me well. I'm staying true to my inner world so that I can stay true to the world that is nearest to my heart. In time, if God wills, I'll fully branch out further without ever having to bear the heavy weight of the hypocrite that needs to hide behind a wall of fraud. Stay true to who you are and those closest to your heart. Do right by you and them first. Along the way, do what you can for others always keeping your truest priorities at heart. Stay real my people...I'm out.
"...si me vez andando por tu misma via, si me vez llorando mi melancolia... dejame en mis enredos..."
Waterman's mother always said: "Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you what you're about"
As wise as his mother was, Waterman never made any judgements by those anyone was acquainted with. He understood from experience that you could hate the way someone lived but still have the ability to see beyond that to come to love that persons' heart...not every heart beats exactly the same. Others will always judge by what they see so his mother's phrase made sense...but it wasn't always true. So Watermans friends ran the gamut of characters and they all knew what he would accept in his own life and what he wouldn't. It was respect that allowed him to be the man he was around them.
As eclectic as his friends were, one could say the same about the women he loved. Some lasted, others didn't but all drew his heart in depth. He did however take note of an odd occurrence in a few cases. He noticed that several women had a common set of acquaintances that for one reason or another, took issue with Waterman's understanding of true freedom. What was even stranger was that these individual women had no idea their acquaintances were connected to the others. In two cases, this group forcefully tried to entice Waterman to be bound to each woman as he came to know them but Waterman would have none of it. It turns out that this nameless group had countless successes in this regard in the past but Waterman already knew what they were about. Unlike many, Waterman would not be ruled. Only One ruled Waterman and that was by consent. He never believed that love or commitment should be forced upon another nor should it be enticed by outside forces. If commitment was to be real...it must be organically grown. This group did not like Waterman. Much less...his power to resist them.
One quiet night, Waterman ran into a lovely soul. A beauty that was meant to spark new life into his passion but he would soon come to learn that she was more familiar with this group than the others had ever been. They knew that they could not entice him and in this case...they didn't want to. They feared that in time, his love would draw her away from them so they devised a plan. A plan...to draw her away from him.
Waterman, being a man of strength, had many routines worked into his training and one involved the digging of ditches. The movement of digging ditches trained specific muscles to last beyond exhaustion like no other movement or known training could. He hated doing it because he had no love for dirt but he found it the best way to train these muscles. For several nights, they took her to the place Waterman trained. He would choose ground away from all eyes lest anyone get the wrong idea and they knew why he was digging but you see...they never told her. They only allowed her to see what they wanted so she would begin to doubt him. As planned, questions began to flood her mind. How could this lovely man be involved in digging ditches? What or who was he burying? How could she even ask him?
After a few days, he could feel her distance. He knew she had a concern but was afraid to ask him. She knew that if she asked him, she would have to admit on spying on a private moment that was never meant for her eyes. She knew that such a thing was out of bounds. As she began to ask him questions about training specific muscles, he immediately caught on to what they had done but he never told her that he was fully aware of what she had seen. If she wasn't going to ask straightaway, he was not going to say a thing. All she had to do was trust him with the whole truth and he would have explained it all...but fear dissuaded her. He knew that what they had done was wrong and if she was going to allow them to put doubt in her mind, there was nothing left to do. After the questions, he could tell lingering doubts remained and in time...things changed. He knew things changed for many reasons but this groups' scheme was the advent of that change.
Waterman has since kept her in his heart as his love for her has never changed but he understood that their relationship would never advance without the interference of that group. A group that to this day still sees him as an enemy...and they always will. He doesn't care because he knows they can do nothing to him but they still fear what he can do to them. They know his love for her will never wane or falter nor will his care of her and there is not a damn thing they can do about it. He understands all too well that they will soon be revealed for what they really are and when that time comes...justice will be met. As for Waterman, he will always know one thing: It matters not how others feel about him or view him...he will react in accordance to action. So long as he never changes...his heart remains untouched and as such...at peace.
