I have found no better investment than the investment into pure unadulterated brutal truth. The kind that makes me question my self. The kind that breaks me into a thousand pieces I must now pick up and examine. It tries my faith, my mind and my soul. It lets me know that I can't hate another over things I have done in my own mind. It forces me to be honest about my wants and my needs. It forces me into vantage points I might never have examined. It helps me see the "why" behind the "what" and more than anything else...it forces me to be a better man in places where no one else will ever know about.
Such a thing creates a conscience one will at times despise because abiding it's call...can keep you from taking what you know you shouldn't have but desperately want. It's a hard way to live at times but it's worth it. If you know the innermost truth of all the good, the bad and the ugly you are, you can see it in others at the drop of a dime. You know why some are brash. You know why some are cocky. You know why some have self-imposed limits and why some have none. You empathize to the point of seeing greatness they can't even see in themselves. The "gift" of empathy is a by-product of brutal introspection and when I call it a gift...that is no exaggeration.
I don't care if you're on the right or the left. If we agree on everything or not. My list of acquaintances runs through the pendulums extremes and it's not because I'm better than you. It's just because I'm honest about who I really am. This sainted sinner is filled with the most eclectic puzzle pieces you could ever imagine and I see those pieces in almost everyone I come in contact with. Something I would never have seen without brutal introspection. That...is a blessing to me. So before the year is out, do your best to spend some time in front of the mirror. Examine yourself beyond what you or anyone else can see. You might find unsettled pain that still needs tending or might find something beautiful you have yet to see. You may come to understand why your friends mean as much to you as they do and you may also see the face of an enemy looking back at you that you now know can no longer be labeled as such. In this...there is peace. Much love me gente...
There are too many questions that oftentimes torment the minds of men into stifling stagnation. A state that if prolonged can disease a soul into a depressive nothingness. For this cause...I write tonight to provide two examples as to why "what if..." is a useless endeavor.
David was a King ordained by God. Blessed with victories in battle and the love of his people. His concubine could satiate the appetite of the most lustful man one could ever imagine knowing. Through him...God would bring about His greatest work. Through his line...Yeshua Hamashiach (Jesus the Christ) would be born into the world. Yet with all these blessings, David took a stroll one night to entertain his idle mind and began something that had the potential to destroy both him and his kingdom. He saw a beautiful woman named Bathsheba bathing on a rooftop. He decided to summon her and sleep with her even though she was married to one of his most faithful soldiers. Making matters worse, Bathsheba would soon find out she was pregnant. To cover his disgrace, he told Uriah, her husband, to sleep with her because he'd been away so long but this faithful man did not leave his post due to the love he had for his King. David decided on another course of action since the initial attempt at a cover-up didn't work. He sent Uriah to his death by making sure he was on the front lines of the battlefield. After Uriah's death, David took Bathsheba for his wife and the child she was carrying died shortly after being born. Yet as disgraceful as this was, her next child would be known as the wisest King Israel had ever known. Furthermore, through his lineage...Jesus the Christ would be born. Why? God had a plan...
Fast forward to 1509. King Henry VIII was crowned King of England after the death of his father. He would come to marry Catherine of Aragon only to annul their marriage after falling in love with Anne Boleyn. His marriage to Anne Boleyn almost destroyed England and in time, he would sentence her to death on the trumped up charge of witchcraft. Yet before her death, they were blessed with a daughter named Elizabeth. A woman whose tenure as Queen would soon oversee one of the greatest periods England has ever known. They deemed her reign "The Golden Age". So after all the shadyness and grief his marriage to Anne Boleyn produced, it also produced an heir that is revered even to this day. Why? God had a plan...
Now what if David has shown self-control on that rooftop? There would be no Soloman. What if King Henry had decided to stay faithful to Queen Catherine? There would be no Elizabeth. How many times have you posed the "what if..." question in retrospect? Ruminating on past failures that you truly believed may have derailed your destiny and/or purpose. Folks, in all my years on this earth, I have faced what I considered many failures I felt may have ruined my purpose...only to find myself farther along on my destined path. Acknowledging this has allowed me to understand that sometimes failure is part of a universal plan that is set aside for each and every one of us. Propelling us on a purposed road that God has set us on. A road that takes into account every failure we've had or will ever have in the future before it's even laid out before us.
So take a minute and look back on your life and take stock. Lay all regret by the wayside and deem all the "what if..." questions useless exercises unworthy of holding space within your hearts and minds. It doesn't matter how old you are or what office you officiate. Understand that all the mistakes you've made have served a purpose beyond your comprehension and if you can't see past the mistakes you've made then you will never come to fully understand the necessary place they've held within the book that house the chapters of your life. Open your eyes and seek comfort accepting a truth: That so long as you decide to live on...your purpose will always live on as well...I'm out
"...I know that spittin's a bad habit but I can't help the taste..."
The most beautifully complex rollercoaster you've ever seen. Invested in your immersion. Ridden to satiation. Evaluated for elevation. Satiated...you gaze mesmerized the first few times but after awhile, you know you've seen enough so you no longer bother watchin. You're now more interested in the folks gettin on...and those gettin off. You peg em as soon as you see em. Who's gonna scream and who's gonna cry. Who's gonna hold on for dear life and who's gonna raise their hands in abandon. Who's playin tough and who's fakin weak. You watch them to see if anyone can make the ride interesting again. In between them gettin on and gettin off? Well...unless something interesting shows up...you got shit to do.
It's been close to one year that this man lost his wife to cancer. As a testament to enduring life and love, today...he and his kids celebrated her birthday and with his permission, I share this now. It is one of the most moving things I've ever read for many different reasons...yet one thing stands out more than any other. Perspective is a powerful cure to many ailments...
"Last year we celebrated your birthday at Vic and Anthony’s restaurant in Atlantic City. The meal was delicious, our table was next to Jackie Ward trauma/PACU RN, the weather was bitter cold, we then walked around Borgata casino because we loved to people watch. It would be our last official date and this our last picture taken together. If we could go back to last year and you told me I have one week left with you, I wouldn’t have taken a bite of that meal. I would’ve stayed awake every minute of every day just to cherish what precious little time was left. You could’ve crash- course taught me to speak Spanish or better yet you could’ve taught me how to cook. Instead I’ve spent the last year looking at photos but mostly watching all the home movies of us at the beach, you teaching the boys salsa, birthdays and holiday get-togethers, Ocean City Maryland footage ad nauseum. Today we went to Cherry Hill Mall (but didn’t see Santa like we typically did) but oddly enough I had coins to toss into the fountains to make a wish (past 3 or 4 years - no coins) and your memory was mentioned frequently. We got a big tree and small tree at Lowe’s and I cried right there because it hit me; over 12 years since I bought a tree on my own. We sang Happy Birthday to you and had cupcakes but intentionally no candles. Then we each wrote you a little note on 3 separate balloons and released them so you can read them in Heaven or use them for your party up there. Jaxson took today very hard, the most I’ve seen him cry since he was a baby. And now the day is over, another ‘first’ for me is in the books, but to hear your voice on the home it still seems like you just went out to the store and will be right back. We will never forget about today and what it represents. I look at this picture and I still can’t believe how my life changed just 7 days after this was taken. You are loved and missed more than you’ll ever know. Happy Birthday Diana..."
I know the world is a big place but never allow the smaller the world that is you and your loved ones take a back seat to it. Make an honest assessment of your life and take stock at how good of a friend you've been, how much you've invested as a spouse or how much love and guidance you've shown as a parent. In the end...these are the things we will be remembered for which is why your smaller world carries so much weight. Live life and love...and live them well. Much love...
New York night like any other has me Miles away from where I'm sittin. Holdin on to fallen satellites like shooting stars I'm blessed to catch. Dreams unknown to me I get to breath back into souls that shared a moment inside an open hand. Lovers lost and found and lost again. Loving eyes and lips that speak to me in beautiful memories housed inside my soul re-igniting something...anything but still..."something".
Clings to me closer than my skin...calcified in bone. Enduring life, loss and pain to still be able to witness the glory of God in the soul of something sweeter than me. Better than all I see in the mirror. That sounds sweeter than any sound this earth can produce. A frequency known only to those in tune with all that's majestic. Electric and eclectic in spirit. The fantastic made real in a moment of ecstasy you will never forget. It has a heartbeat all it's own.
If you know what I'm talkin about...you can hear it even now. Whispered, it crawls on your skin...hinting at the sweet spots. Flowing like holy water...intensified by surrender. Teasin the mind I find in kind...easy. This one's from me...
