Unseen...

"I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand..."

Been out of the public eye for quite some time and it's been quite liberating.  Yet, there is a secret I must share.  You see most people revert to who they are when they feel they are not being seen because they feel they are not being judged.  They start letting go in their training.  They start eating more and sometimes even turn to vices.  It reveals so much of who a person is and what they truly believe.  Do they stand on the same principles and faith?  Or do they just let go of all the principles they only pretended to believe in to save face in the public eye.  As to being seen; how could someone say they believe in God yet not feel they are being seen simply because they are out of the sight of men?  If God was real to them, would they not feel the conviction of an ever present God?  I don't know, maybe I'm just from a whole nother era.  In truth...I miss some days gone past but we live in the time we are given and we are who we are.  True strength is found when we are able to swim against the tide.  Not because we're told it's right and not because we've convinced ourselves of our cause.  We swim against the tide because we know it in our bones that this will be the better way.  This knowledge ensures that even when we mess up, we get right back to swimming.

My secret?  I am who I am.  Seen or unseen...this is me.  In fact, I tend to become more disciplined when I'm unseen.  I guess maybe it's because I have no one judging me for being old-fashioned or too rigid.  Something I feel I'm getting a lot of these days.  To see people I've known to be seasoned "try on" some new fad or some fucked up "do-me" dance is comically sad.  I get the "try" but when they need to change their well-earned perspective to stick with this new flow?  I get to questioning just how serious they were about their belief system to begin with and I don't give two fucks who reads this and wants to toss me aside for being this way.  Sure you dig me when you need someone to talk to or receive advice from.  Im Mr fuckin wonderful because I'm physically disciplined and I require way more than a pussy to get off.  You all love that shit when it's fuckin convenient.  When fuck boy can't do the one thing you have him for and when you get tired of trying to explain complex deep issues with someone that couldn't care less, I get a "hey!!!".  Well guess what?  All the shit you all love about me is based on my deeply held belief system.  I love deeply because I see deeply.  I am loyal first, apologetic first and giving first because I believe that one doesn't deserve what is not given first.  Get it yet?  Can't deal with it?  Then you can't deal with me and THIS is why I feel lonelier by the day.  I'm tryin hard not to be bitter about it but it's fucking hard.

I know what's right and I ain't changing for anything or anyone.  The only change I'll accept is an expansion within the best of me...as I have always done.  I still have a long way to go but the me that stands for all I know to be real is rooted in a truth that can never be uprooted.  If it leaves me lonely?  Fuck it...I'll be lonely and free to be and do right.  Oh and just so you all know...I ain't complaining about shit.  I'm making a declaration to anyone interested in knowing where my mind's at.  I was walking about today and I saw an amazingly beautiful young girl follow me with her eyes and mouth wide open.  Anyone of my friends would've told me to bend on this one.  Most men would've engaged but nah...I'm good knowing who I am.  Unseen...

~Moses Apollo

This Wretched Host - A Poem by Moe

"times we know will soon be gone..."

now forced to look inside
I'm torn by solitudes
I seek my place to hide
from soulless multitudes

that seek out rotted flesh
whose end is buzzards meat
I'm trying not to mesh
with clay that chains my feet

for I am now a wretch
to them that find disease
as honor does not fetch
or seeks the aimless breeze

it's time to call on death
and find my freedom's ghost
alone to walk the breadth
without this wretched host

ode to Rimbaud...

~Moses Apollo 

And So I Write...

"may you never be broken again..."

I set this blog as a place where people could come and understand that what they feel is not exclusive to them by revealing my innermost.  I've done so with rants, lessons and poetry.  You see, the truth is when we go through hardship and life, it's comforting to know that not only have others felt the same...but that they've made it through or found joy in the differing processes we go through in the everyday.  It's always good to know that there is a light at the end of tunnel.  I can attest to that fact a thousand times over and tonight is no different...so I write.

I see cracks of light shining through the dark clouds I've grown accustomed to.  My heart beats the same and my love is just as strong.  I will never allow this world or my trials to jade me...so I write.  Darkness only sticks if you let it.  My Lord has allowed me to look beyond my clouds into the light of others and into the joy I can expect at the end of my trial.  This time has been hard but I know others have had it worse and somehow they've made it through by the grace of God.  I know my lesson will serve another someday...and so I write...much love

~Moses 

Broken - A Poem by Moe

"hourglass we can't rewind..."

his vessel filled to brim

with all that hinders him

unknown he fights the spill

protecting stubborn will

till purpose says no more

and seals shut every door

that he may sound the cry

for help God won't deny

for this is where we break

to drain for newness sake

with vessel now bone dry

his limits reach the sky

~Moses

Useful Idiot - A Poem by Moe

I lay here in a pool of blood

death nears it's final stage

a darkness covers like a flood

to take me to my cage

but how did I become so cold

with rage enough to kill

the seconds left I have to hold

recalls my stolen will

for I have heard of these great men

whose plans would save the day

but evil men whose names Id pen

would soon become my prey

the talking heads and learned folk

would speak of all their sin

till anger, malice, hate did stoke

the fire that raged within

these men of sin and hate would seek

to stop salvation's day

but talk was proving way too meek

so I would find a way

although my ways they cried for peace

these greats frustrated war

so found I justified release

to strip me of my core

I heard the cry of all the greats

that sketched this man of straw

drawn racist, sexist evil traits

till that is all I saw

soon souls became no more than names

that needed snuffing out

when those that played those evil games

upon me feigned devout

a weapon blinded by their rage

is what they made of me

and I now sit in hellish cage

as they live fine and free...

~Moses Apollo

Kissed - A Poem by Moe

"A light hits the gloom on the grey..."

mix love and lust divine

to call it making love

this sweet and bitter wine

tastes better shared above

the heavens tame the hour

to slowly disappear

I rest inside your flower

my heartbeat's all you hear

now lost inside this grace

where time does not exist

what's temporal can't replace

this ever I have kissed

~Moses Apollo

Poisoned By The Truth - A Poem by Moe

"and at once I knew...but I could see for miles and miles and miles"

an ailment struck my soul

a matter none too small

while staring down this hole

as sight has been my call

the call to see all things

as they are sent to me

inside the depths of kings

as they were meant to be

but dark is long at view

as all takes time to change

and when the time springs new 

my heart must rearrange

but what if all that dark

took longer than you thought

suspicion leaves a mark

to fight the faith you brought

such doubt and fear consumes

all manner of belief

but rooted faith it blooms

when heart is weighed by grief

yes ailment struck me wrong

and burdens fought my youth

but tested faith's made strong

when poisoned by the truth

~Moses

For Him - A Poem by Moe

"I'll never be your beast of burden, I've walked for miles my feet are hurting

All I want is for you to make love to me..."

these tested winds and wandered streets

a conscienced heart in man completes

and settles wholeness in this heart

to bring forth shine in every part

and what you find you wish to own

for here this man is wholly grown

you seek to love him in your space

without a thought to his own race

you say that he is made for you

as love it cloaks the rest that's true

your needs will fill your cup to brim

and fail to ask...are you for him

~Moses Apollo

Destined Call - A Poem by Moe

"With these waves crashing over my head..."

the rain is steady on this night

and clouds obscure my second sight

to clean the waste that's left behind

by shattered pavement I have mined

oh I could cry at being blind

but I know truth I'd never find

without this rain that falls on me

my eyes would crust with naught to see

for waste it covers all that's great

within the soul that's made to wait

and so I sit as raindrops fall

to heal my path for destined call 

~Moses

Night Writer - A Poem by Moe

"I love to turn you on..."

insomniac from death to wake

now sleepless goes his soul

his moon to rise will find the make

of air that breathes the whole

for sun does feed the busy mind 

ingesting all it's care

but moon gives way for soul to find

and organize it's air

the nightly stills and quiet hums

elucidate all schemes

to quiet down the daily drums

and pen his waking dreams

~Moses Apollo