Today and The Morrow...

"So You can make me whole..."

  

Today I saw something beautiful...the chance to bring life where there wasn't. I pray the planted seeds take root and produce good fruit.  Enough for the day's lifetime and the eternal found in the morrow.  

Once step a time...one day at a time.

More To It All...

More than just a phrase.  More than just a smile.  More than just an image.  More than my beliefs.  More than life itself...just more.  More than just a want, a need or an empty desire...I have to find it...so I will.  I pray you do to...

~Moses Apollo

God Save The King...

"It’s who we are; Doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far; Doesn’t matter if it’s all okay

Doesn’t matter if it’s not our day...So won’t you save us"

Calculations and deductions are the norm for humans always looking to gain the upper hand but what about the soul that's been used to the upper hand?  The soul that has grown tired of fighting for place and just wants to live?  Well he isn't so naive to believe that anyone will simply allow that to happen without challenging what they deem "a threat".  Yes, I said "a threat" (as ridiculous as it may sound)...but to whom?  Their own self-image.  Does this mean I think myself above others?  False humility will tell me to say "no" but true humility will demand I say "no, but I am beyond some and behind others".  I offer myself no praise nor accolade for simply allowing growth to take it's course but the insecure will always find cause to pull one back to their own state of growth.  You know, the stagnant kind.  When this happens, never give them power...it's just too easy to get sucked into a game designed by fools...

Now, I understand that my life has taken me in many directions.  Forcing me to become a "thing" that can fit anywhere without compromising who I am in any way yet even in this...I am judged.  No need to complain or cry "foul" because I am a man.  I am not a naive child that needs to believe that people can actually cease doing what is naturally inherit to them and it is this "judgement" that allows me to discern who is with me for "me" and who is with me for "themselves".  I purposely place three options before a mind.  The superficial, the esoteric and the ethereal.  Which one draws them lets me know what they want and allows me to exclude what is not edifying to me straight away.

If all you see is a picture, that is not me being vain yet some would think me so.  They will judge me straight away as a "show-off" and respond as one would to someone that uses their body as bait or they would take what they consider bait to try their hand at the lure.  Neither benefit me.

If all you read is a piece on a certain subject, that is not my attempt at convincing you that what I believe is a surety but most would think so.  They will judge me "mean" or judgemental in the most brutal way or they would seek to know my mind to either prove me wrong or find validation in their own minds in agreement.  Neither benefit me.

If all you read is a poem, that is not me "trying" to feign being a romantic yet some would think me so.  They will judge me straight away as a cad that lures women with useless words of enchantment or they would fall in love with a man that expressed a moment in time through creativity's entitled spirit. Again...neither of these benefit me. Although I must add that when it comes to the artistic, something powerful can actually occur when a like-hearted soul "catches" what you are writing.  It's even stronger when you actually "perceive" it & they come to mirror the same perception. Not many have experienced this but my "tuning fork" is...different. Apparently...so is theirs to almost the same degree & frequency.  Rare experiences like that go beyond a simple "benefit" & are so special they're hard to quantify in words.

Three pieces to a puzzle with every piece having several pieces of their own.  Which one draws you will always let me know how long you will stay and the reasons for it.  If all three should draw you? Well at that point you may fear that I may be false and doubt will creep in which is something I cannot control or assuage.  You may stick around or not but at least I know I have truly been "seen". To me, that is an enrichment to my soul.  Something I find is of great benefit to me.

Folks, Kings and Queens earn their titles through honor and it is this very honor that does not allow room for arrogance.  Yet you must understand that the royalty I speak of is not based on inheritance or race but it is instead based on the world we carry within.  In our innermost, are we a slave to vice? Or have we overthrown the inner vices that kept us slaves to them?  True Kings and Queens grow into royalty by identifying & understanding their "masters" which in turn allows them to officiate themselves as "Masters" above the very vices they were once enslaved by.  A feat anyone sincere can accomplish.  Now, as a king, you can reign loud or you can reign in silence but make no mistake about it...you will reign one way or the other.  I need no place in anyone's eyes so I choose to reign in silence and leave my safeguards on the screen before you as well as in the image I present you with at meeting.  Yet don't ever get it twisted...I am more than all you can read or see.  One piece does not define me and never think I can ever be judged so easily.  If you do?  You will always get me wrong...

~Moses Apollo  

The Stallion and The Mare - A Fable by Moe

A stallion drew close to a lovely mare one day.  For nought but a simple glimpse into her heart had him wanting to inquire all the more...and so he did.  The mare thought him quite strange as advances seemed slow compared to others yet for the depth he sought, patience was his ally.  For others drew close to her eyes and quickly turned primal.  This particular stallion remained primal throughout all the levels of courtship...but for something more.  A "something" that was usually used as a strategy employed by other horses to take from her what is special by trickery.  With this particular stallion, there seemed to be no taking that which was not freely and truly given up in earnest.  Yet she still could not understand. So one day, he saw other horses of every caliber grazing in her field.  He thought nothing of it since she was desirable and he saw no need to be alarmed.  Yet something odd happened...

They all began to line up in a track as if to race.  She would take the lead and they would all begin the chase.  The horse that caught up to her first...would win her heart.  This is when he understood that she did not see him as special even though he was not looking for the same as all the others.  This is when he began to understand that his place in her heart was not as she had made it out to be.  To her dismay he sat back in amusement watching these horses run against each other for a prize they would never fully have.  He looked on as horse after horse raced into her heart for her to only find disappointment.  A disappointment that slowly turned into a stark disillusionment.  He loved her and cared for her but he knew she was not ready to understand that her truest value could never be measured by an empty race.  For those that understand their value will never compromise such a priceless thing simply to appease a case of loneliness.

This stallion has once ran in a silly race and has been chased in others only to find such things empty and fruitless.  With those needing to win against another and with those needing to be caught.  Both seeking a form of empty validation from a source that bears no real weight.  A validation the self-assured have no need of.  The stallion knew he was beyond such things and that those that were to have him should be beyond them too.  You find those like him in their fields alone most times even when they don't have to be.  Many come to watch them trot but it makes no difference to them.  They seek nothing but if something were to find them, they know it must be more than just companionship.  That if something should come, it should be what they've never had or even sometimes what they've had...but at deeper levels.  A warm body will never be enough because they know they are way more than that themselves.  They have come to understand that it is always better to stay alone as hidden gold than to give it away to the unworthy.

For the stallion and his value, loneliness was a burden worth bearing...

~Moses Apollo

What Pain Is Mine To Bear...

"From the perfect start to the finish line..."

Inches and yards mean less to me than the roads I see paving "forever".  Such a gift has made me a seer of the morrow as it has quietly "kept" my present.  Making me a man of consequential thinking.  Making me a man that can see life and death on the horizon.  Choices made and some deterred for the sake of an untangled life but when it involves your children, what do you do?  What carries more weight?  What you want to do within the construct of parental love or what you must do for their growth?  One is easy and the other is always hard...too hard to bear most times.  My love would shield them in perpetuity yet the seer in me would let them feel the pain so their own shield would become strong enough to survive without me.  My heart and mind fight for supremacy...and it carries a heavy hearted weight that lingers with every passing day.  So be it...

My trust in God is my refuge yet I am clear that "to whom much is given...much is required".  We pass the stages of babes and suckling enough to provide for the babes that we are now entrusted with.  We develop this over time as we allow ourselves to learn the right lessons.  We learn how to fight so we can fight for another.  We learn how to provide so we can provide for another.  We learn how to love so we can show love to another and we learn to live...so we can soon be blessed to live for another.  Such things make us great and nothing hurts more than being made.  Parents feel it until the clouds part enough to see the evidence becomes clear that their children have now been born into manhood.  There is nothing like the love of a parent.  I now understand my Father, His God and mine...like never before.

So I will endure and my trust in God will carry us through.  I will soon witness the grace in this as I have always done but tonight...I allow myself a moment.  The morning will come, the clouds will part and the storms will cease.  Until that day we are strong...only to become stronger still...

Till next time...

"One day we will reveal the truth..."

~Moses Apollo

Doing Your Best...

Life takes the many twists and turns needed to reconcile the day and it doesn't always work out the way you wanted.  Work doesn't always pay what you'd like.  Grace isn't always returned and sometimes love is reciprocated with a slap in the face.  Do you walk away thinking "what more could I have done?"...of course you do.  So long as you're prepared to accept that you did, then that question should be more than welcome.  To think that you are to blame when you put your very life on the line should be enough enough to let you know that your efforts were not in vain.  Be prepared to accept that you cannot love someone into change.  Nor can you become someone's doormat in an endless pursuit of accommodating bad behavior hoping that they will see your grace.  There comes a time when you have to let God and life teach the lessons they must teach.  Whatever happens...know that you did your best...

~Moses

Through - A Poem by Moe

I closed off ears to sacred sounds

the kind that make their solemn rounds

this symphony that draws me out

for love and lust and showered clout

now set aside for roads set straight

with strength enough to bear this weight

for ready willing abled care

I set aside my fabled flair

but now I hear that sound once more

appears for me this sacred door

with care I slowly walk on through 

doors purposed old are now made new

~Moses Apollo

What Is Constant...

Trickle the fickle mind with a sincere consistency they've never seen before...become a soothing balm where none other can be found.  A man or woman that is self-assured/aware can be likened to water in the desert for those that have traveled far and wide.  For those that have wandered finding only the pessimistic noose growing tighter.  Looking for something that doesn't melt in the sun or sink to the bottom of the sea.  Looking for that something special that can withstand all the elements of life and remain internally unaffected.  A beautiful miracle that has found roots in truth that can never be ripped up...ever growing, ever producing fruit.  I know this is true of my Lord...

For the sake of true character, true strength in humility and most of all...true love.  May it be true of me as well...

~Moses

Beast Becoming - A Poem by Moe

as birds and angels bless with wings

and moonlight sanctions peace it brings

as all that turns now turned to gain

with gentle breath he seized the rain

for wandered inner childless man

as growth has birthed in all it can

to set upon these newfound forms

with sacred wings that sail the storms

becoming comes and goes with him

to seal off weathered useless whim

and carve this beast that sails the skies

without the aid of flesh born eyes...

~Moses Apollo

Storms...

"I know everything will be alright..."

Storms...you can't avoid them.  Those that have you in the center of the eye or on the outskirts feelin the gusts of wind.  Even those that are far enough for you to marvel at.  Some people avoid them altogether by turning away or remaining in their sanctuaried bunkers.  Others watch them for far too long and others...well.  They learn to ride them out like masters.

I knew a man that seemed to keep his cool in any situation.  It was as though he was unflinching in his steadiness.  My father once told me "You see him?", "He can watch a building burning and seem as though it was an everyday occurrence".  He was describing my pastor and though his assessment was spot on, I now know better.

It wasn't that he didn't care or was unmoved.  His trust in God gave him a deeper understanding.  That although that building was burning and chaos surrounded him, he believed enough to know that God was in control.  That although the chaos surrounding him could be felt on his skin and bones...that's as far as he would allow it to go.

My dear friends.  He didn't avoid bad news.  He didn't hide in his comfort zone or in a bubble where everything was just the way he wanted it to be.  Watching the storm as long as he did allowed him the foresight to separate true dangers from the fallacy of mass hysteria.  He came to know when to wait and see and when to act.  There was no room for panic or fear because he was informed with all the possibilities but most of all he understood something even more powerful.  That some things you can change and some things are beyond your control.  His comfort came knowing that what he could not do...God would.  Call the uncontrollable "fate" or whatever you want but some rivers are meant to flow in one direction.

Armed with these two weapons, you will always find peace no matter where you are or what mess you find yourself in.  Don't be afraid to take in the gusts of wind...just learn how to fly.  Don't be afraid at the flow of the river...just learn how to swim.  If you find yourself overtaken at any time, the fact that you are alive only means that your "overtaking" is gonna take you to a place you were meant to go...sail on my loves.

I got this watch ;-)

~Moses