My World...

At times, you may read that I am a king and refer to my kingdom.  Other times, you may read about my world.  To read this surfaced is to say that I am living in a delusion when nothing could be further from the truth.  I don't often reveal much about my terminology but for what I am about to share...it may be required...

Yes...I am a king and my kingdom can not be quantified by lands, wealth or possession.  Instead, my kingdom resides within me.  My subjects are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control on one side of my kingdom and adultery, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, and envy on the other. At the center of my kingdom, these have all learned to work together for the good of the kingdom. So you see, I am made king because I do my best to govern myself and all that is within me.  Now, notice how I never mention ancestry, skin color or tribal affiliations.  Too many consider themselves kings and queens simply so they can claim an air of superiority and acclaim by way of a delusional ancestry that engenders a sense of entitled respect without the same respect needing to be returned in kind.  I detest such thought because these people come off unmerited usurpers forcibly claiming a title they are not worthy of.  As such I cannot in good conscience consider one that cannot rule his own kingdom as worthy of any crown.  Too many seek to control their external environment and all those in it while not being able to control themselves.  Me?  I earned my crown folks...

As to my world, this is my circle.  Family, friends and lovers that are close to me share in my world as I share in theirs.  So with all being made clear, I can tell you that my world at times has not made sense.  Things I thought I should've seen early kept me in breathless anticipation.  Now, I can see them manifesting before my eyes in my very children.  If I told you that I was emotionally moved when I learned that my youngest has taken to broadening his musical interests by including classical music and The Beatles, you would think nothing of it.  If I told you that I jumped for joy when I saw my eldest buying parts to build his own computer system, then to watch him build it asking me technical questions very few could understand, you would probably say "that's a good thing".  Yet to me, this is them finally manifesting bits of all I consider "good" within myself.  We watch them grow somewhat crooked even after we had instilled in them all that is good in us that they may build upon that good becoming better than us.  I had no doubt it would happen but we get impatient and begin to wonder if we did enough.  If we said enough.  Or maybe even that our mistakes has caused them to abandon all thoughts of emulation.  Folks, your children will fail you.  Just as we have failed our parents in times past.  Yet we grew into the better of them as our understanding increased to include empathy bringing us to the point of appreciation and awe that they could go through all they went through and still maintain their integrity albeit flawed in some cases.  I'm seeing this now and my world is all the more beautiful.

My beautiful people that are parents...be patient.  If you did your job, it will bear fruit in time.  It'll come together soon enough...trust it.  I'm out...

~Moses  

My Wind...

My wind has never let me down.  Even when I met trusted gusts that were riddled with tiny shards of glass.  When dust and dirt was swept up with me among my sails.  Where ever I finally landed was a space meant for me.  At times needing nothing to find it's peace and at other times, needing me to see through eyes of glass, dirt or dust to be able to appreciate the ground I was swept away to.  I may not understand it all, but that's always ok so long as I have landed where I am meant to be at any given moment or space in time.

What tender moments came, came at the behest of my wind.  What beauty has come, came ordained by my wind.  What pretty purple laced rainbows I have yet to find the end of...will also be found by the patient guidance of the same.  Until then, my wind will take me to parts and places unknown. With eyes fixed on tender, beauty and pretty purple laced rainbows...I fly on...

~Moses 

Immortal Stars - A Poem by Moe

what's housed within immortal soul

seeks manifest immortal role

to love with everlasting flair

and lay at rest without a care

they'd talk for hours about the day

and make the sun bless all they say

beneath the moon they'd lay embraced

till stars avail what's wholly graced

her glistening skin cries out for kiss

with slow caress to flow from this 

this love made spring from reservoirs

gives life to new immortal stars...

~Moses    

What Twisted Song - A Poem By Moe

what somber note to lose and gain
what twisted song to sing
for one to smile and still feel pain
without a tear to bring

for joy and grief are but two states
that come and go in time
but now to deal with both these fates
should now be deemed a crime

but still we press to count our bliss
ignoring all that ails
to move on past the spirits kiss
contending with our sails

what light awaits, one cannot say
for still we sail till dawn
but night has left all doors to sway
till all that's left is gone

~Moses Apollo 

Here's A First...

"I want more than just ok..."

Up till now, I have kept all of my physical progress pictures on Facebook to motivate folks into some form of exercise.  I get the feeling though that I have gone past the point of relatability.  Somebody told me that my bar is too high.  I might agree except that I would remove the word "too" because if I could meet this standard, then I truly believe anyone can.  It is only a matter of how far they are will to push and for some reason, people have been drawn into lulls of an unhealthy contentment.  I believe in contentment so long as what one is content with meets one's value.  Not just in the physical realm but in everything else.  More and more, it seems people are settling for shit that doesn't take work and when someone does go beyond their comfort zone, they are applauded as though they have done something grand when that should be the "norm".  It seems that people look at me as though I'm some sort of monster and I know guys out there bigger and more defined.  I guess the only difference between them and me is that I stay looking this way or better year round as opposed to getting lean just for a contest.  

I put these up to motivate and also as a way to gauge my progress since I delete them from my system.  Posting them is a good way to see progress.  I won't be doing this as much here since this is more a blog for writing but one thing I feel must be clear.  I don't do this to impress or to intimidate.  My goal in physical prowess has less to do with appearance and way more to do with molding my outer man to match my inner man in strength, beauty and longevity.  I seek wholeness my people.  A balance of the spirit, soul and body.

These were taken today (9/16/2016) and I am currently weighing in at 215 lbs

My goal is body recomposition which is the simultaneous gain of muscle while losing fat.  In this case the scale does not change but your appearance does.  Lose a pound of fat and gain a pound of muscle means zero loss on the scale but a heavy gain in appearance and strength.

Ok "Do What Now?"...

I'd like to thank a blond Texan that shall remain nameless for the acquisition of the titles phrase.  It basically means "say what?" or in Brooklynese "What the fuck did you just say?" lol  Yeah, something like that.  I had to come on here to reiterate a principal I live by when I am in a relationship.  It's quite simple:  Be a gentleman when most appropriated...

There are many ways a man can be a gentleman but for our purposes, we'll discuss the the use of discretion.  To not use discretion is more fool-hearty than it is a stoning offense.  Especially when it comes to his woman.  My mother, my father and life itself has shown me the reason why discretion is so very important.  They always made it clear that any man that would put out his sexual business in public is not simply demeaning himself, but more so the woman he is with because it presents her as a sexual object left to the imagination of the reader or the listener.  I am not passing judgement on anyone.  Being the way I am and who I am, I find it disrespectful and foolish.  Here are just two examples out of many I can cite...

First example:  I was a young man at a friends house.  My friends brother was apparently dating a freak.  He had a picture of this woman in his wallet in the nude...vaginal lips spread open by her fingertips.  He thought it cool, we thought it disgusting but the image remained ingrained in our minds to this very day.  It wasn't even properly taken.  Anyway, he decides to get serious with her, marries her, has children with her but seemed to forget that he had shown his brother and I a picture of his current soulmate in the nude...spread eagle.  Awkward?  You have no fucking idea!!!

Second example:  I know this guy that was dating a young lady that thought it ok to strongly imply he had a large penis by way of using the phrase "You have noooooooo problem in that department" on Facebook.  As one would imagine the "ooo"s took the place of inches.  Long story short, her friends were not very respectful to their relationship when they all finally met as they thought it ok to be quite handsy and flirtatious to a high level of discomfort.  She blamed him...huh?

Now, I have seen two current incidents that really bothered me.  Why these in particular?  One, because I care about the women involved and two, because I can't say shit given the fact that neither they nor their friends said anything about it as it happened either.  This leads me to believe they either think it's ok or the men got a "talkin to" later.  I hope it's the latter but given the climate of the times, I'm just not sure.  I can't say anything to them but I can vent about it here.  Gentleman, give your woman and your relationship the respect they deserve.  Boys, learn to be gentlemen.  Being a gentleman does mean that you are a pussy.  It just means that you can show manners and decorum when and where it is needed.  As for these two women, I know them and I know they deserve way more respect than that.  Especially on fuckin social media that is accessible to anyone and everyone...including children.  So please stay aware folks...I'm out

~Moses

Epiphany...

Well, this will be by next.  The title may change as may the design but "pretty" is essential so that must stay.  I'm keepin it cool but I'm kind of excited that I'm gonna start compiling the new pieces for the second installment.  Send prayers, good vibes and well wishes folks...I'm out

Nothing For Today...

...and unless something interesting happens or an epiphany hits...maybe nothing for awhile folks...

Stay Beautiful

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

My Horizon Cometh...

"So I set out on my own just to breath again. 

Touch the light that calls me home just to reach the end"

The storm that appeared suddenly had begun to dissipate.  Looking over my ship I found many valuables tossed overboard from the force of the storm.  Yet nothing worth being grieved over since the horizon promises so much more.  Going over the passenger manifest I found many had taken the lifeboats when they saw the storm coming.  In truth it made me feel a bit melancholy because I really thought they trusted me to get the ship through. Yet at the same time I felt somewhat relieved to at least be able to identify those that sought the glory of the horizon without the willingness to bear the cost it took to get there.  I suppose one could say the ones that stayed had earned their part.  I will also make honorable mention of a few that entered the vessel during the storm.  They bailed water like honorable seamen worth their weight in gold earning their part as well.  My trip took longer than expected but by the grace of God, we are still underway.  What storms await only God knows and what strength it takes to get there I am sure He will provide.  Nothing worth having ever comes easy and what value is placed on what we seek is made manifest by what sacrifice we are willing to undertake to have it.  This trip has taught me this much thus far.  I am content to press forward with less...

A captains log I came up with to illustrate a point.  You will set goals and follow through.  Some will see it and cheer you on.  They may even hitch a ride on your bandwagon.  Watch what they do at the hiccups you face along the way.  Do they bail on you?  Or do they stick by you?  This not only determines who is and isn't your friend but it also makes known who actually believes in you and who just stuck around to be able to take something from you they didn't earn.  Keep quiet and press on.  Those you lose, you didn't really have anyway.  Hold no bitterness or anger as they did you a kindness.  They let themselves be known for you without having to find out later...when you do meet your goal.  I make nothing known or unknown.  I just watch and learn.  From what I've seen?  Shit lol  I'm so close to unplugging it's unreal.  I'm down to three things keeping me around...if my stomach can still handle the rest.  I'm out

~Moses  Apollo

More To Claim - A Poem By Moe

"Don't close your eyes, something beautiful is still alive..."

this house is built of stock and stone

made art through irons strike

for chiseled muscle skin and bone

made home for none alike

this soul is built of life and love

made art through sacrifice

to learn and feel through push and shove

made gold at heavy price

this spirit came from long ago

born art through spoken Word

years grown methodical and slow

yields power undeterred

so find you what you need in this

tri-partite goes our frame

imbalanced whole finds life's abyss

so build the more to claim

~Moses