You just got yourself a new home. Imagine yourself packing. You look around the old home and wonder what you can take with you. You size up your old sofa and you notice that it won't fit into the configuration of your new living room. You see that your bed will do but the dressers won't. The kitchen table you have is too damn small for your new kitchen. Even some of the appliances now seem outdated. You realize you have to leave all this stuff behind but come to the realization that even if you move into an empty home, it's still better than what you had before. So yeah, it's time to furnish from there. Time to find what will fit beautifully making this place your home with only traces present of what you left behind.
Now you can take the above paragraph literally or you can take it figuratively. In either case, it'll work but for this piece, it is but a figurative analogy. To what? To new beginnings. So many people miss out on what a real new beginning looks like. It can be as grandiose as a new house or as small as a change in perspective. Every new change that has taken on a life of it's own marks a new beginning and must be treated as such if one is to capitalize on it's greatest benefits. How one deals with changes marks the difference between a planted seed that will either become a strong tree or a feeble shrub. It is always up to you. Take what you can with you but if it is something you can do without, if it is something that has been a hinderance to you or if it is something that just cannot live in your new environment...leave it behind. Some things just can't grow with you. Don't allow them to become an albatross that keeps you from growing. Think about why you are stuck and you'll come to find that some of the familiar you found comfort in has really been nothing but a set of brakes holding you back from new zones needed for growth. You want growth? You need to find new comfort in the discomfort of the "new".
I am one to always set a new goal at heights that once reached...become my new bottom. Crack open your ceilings, celebrate but don't linger. Set up the new ladder. Keep climbing until you reach nature's potential. When you've reached nature's potential, look to heaven's potential. That's where all that you built will find purpose enough to set up ladders for others. What? You thought this was all for you? Think again...
I grab my institutionalized, memorized, regurgitated list that brings me to rationalized procrastination as I knowingly seek out endangered perfection looking for neo-lite out of a little black book I like to call true-love-lite. True love and true neo has no place for a man like me. Been there, done that and guess what? It hurt sometimes so fuck that. I pick one off the list to satiate my need to be desired finding validation and begin to feign deep interest. I hold my breath at times when I'm with her simulating the "take my breath away" effect. I send her messages telling her "I'm thinking of you" just so I can feel like she consumes my day's thoughts when she really doesn't. I'll listen to a love song and do my best to place her in it when all I could think about is the fact that I haven't eaten and it's getting late. All these machinations made not to trick her or fool her into a false sense of security but all this to convince myself of something. All this to make me feel like I'm experiencing something genuine and deep. All without taking any risks because hey, they off the "lite" list anyway. So long as it shines a hue of yellow, it might as well be piss but with a little bit of imagined spit and polish...I'll call it gold.
You see I know true love and it fucking hurts sometimes. It really takes my breath away to the point of hyperventilation all due to my emotional investment. Every song I hear has a face attached to it and my days are a mess because my thoughts of them are ever consuming. I lose control like I'm some fucked up teenager on a pubescent high and I despise the distraction of it all. I safe-guard myself with those I'm familiar with because it's easy to say goodbye when the truth I knew at the outset is finally made manifest. It doesn't hurt as much and I can let out an easy "oh well...next!!!" when it's over. What's best in all this, I can proclaim to the masses that I have known love in many ways and I would be a liar. Wait!!! I'm sorry I was looking in the wrong mirror. That's not me...it's you!!!
Folks, after watching an extremely attractive family member advertise themselves while jumping from one to another on social media, I just had to write about this shit. Some social media websites are eye-opening to say the least. This may all just be tongue in cheek but it's the reality for too many today. Now, they would never admit to such a thing because in many areas, they are strong and are seen in overall terms as such but in this one area, they show a hidden weakness. It takes real strength to allow true love to take hold and after taking on a few hits, they don't even want to think about goin in for some more rounds. Now lest you brutal truth haters think me judgemental, I can relate to this because after having been hurt, I thought to travail down the same path so that two paragraph entry...might as well have been me. Yet I came to a strong realization. If I wasn't strong enough to stand alone, then what makes me worthy of anyone else to begin with? What do I as an individual bring to the table? A nice body with a big dick? A nice smile with a mind? Am I in need of another's strength to complete with my own or do I have what it takes not to "need" but to purely "want" without "need". I took my time alone to create something for myself and came to the place where I knew I had the right to be picky. Which is where I am today. Picky and thankfully alone with the hope to find what I know to be true love and the patience to wait for it.
Today, I watch as so many strong, beautiful, sexy, amazing souls that could stand on their own do not. Either because they honestly desire to be "kept" or they just don't know all the true strength they possess inside. As someone that has been approached with payment by rich women, I can tell you from my standpoint, I find it abhorrent. I am not a man to keep anyone or be kept because to be kept is to be owned and that is not love...that's fuckin "pay for play" slavery. To add insult to injury, kept women are always lacking in one area to the point they start looking for shit on the side. I say so only because I've been approached. These women with all they have given to them just truly want one thing their men cannot easily give...to feel like a woman. Listened to, worshipped in bed and loved even in silence. Every man does this on the outset, but once they cinch the deal...it's over. So these women begin to look elsewhere when they come to find that their king ain't nothin but a serf with some money.
My loves, to be in the throws of true love has a cost but it's price in moments of bliss is worth every damn penny as there is nothing like being wrapped up in a quilt of pure light. Kept warm and cool at the same time. To feel like nothing can touch it when it's just you and she taking on the world. How do you know? It's those moments that keep you coming back as there is nothing on this earth more perfect God has granted unto man. Don't cheapen it by accepting anything less...
So to my men out there: Be mindful. Don't treat your women like meat or possessions. They are way more than furniture. Keep love true. To my women out there: Don't fall into that category. You are stronger than you know. Beyond your beauty and what is between your legs there is a soul to explore and inspire. Keep love true. I'm done here...
I don't know much about this great contemporary poet but a beautiful friend of mine wrote an article about him that endeared me to him as one of the most relatables writers to myself...without ever having known his work. This particular quote grabbed me:
"Somebody asked me: "What do you do? How do you write, create?" You don't, I told them. You don't try. That's very important: not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more. It's like a bug high on the wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out, slap out and kill it. Or if you like its looks, you make a pet out of it."
- Charles Bukowski
I know just what he means...
Oftentimes when we try to force out creativity, we are tainted by formulaic "method". This is then allowing the backdrop of someone else's voice and it is cheating yourself out of all you could accomplish tailored exclusively to your soul. This can extend to all aspects of life as all my truest successes have come to me when I was ready to receive them and some were thrust upon me even though my insecurities had me thinking I wasn't. Happily coming to find...I was. In my physical training, I tried almost every method known to man only to settle on what worked perfectly for my body. Learn what you can, glean what works for you in segments and create the method that works for you. You may be the only one in existence that writes "like that" or works "like that" but guess what? It's all yours and it works perfectly for you. You waited for it to come and when it was within reach...you grabbed it. Sounds about right huh? Yeah...I thought so...
Moses Apollo~
Special mention goes out to Lina Bonell for this one...
Myself is my earthen vessel made to jump from pure instinct without thought or purpose. As strong as the earth would allow it. Gravity bound and eager to feed on anything and everyone. Without conscience as it's only motivation is survival and domination for itself...by itself. Anger, hatred, lust, fear and all that inspires immediate forced action are it's voice. Trainable by forced execution and resistance. Forged as steal is forged through fire. We are one...
Me is my soul or mind if you will, inspired by intellect and emotion. Moved by logic and emotional content. As strong as it fed whose trajectory is determined by what it is fed. Able to extend into human contact beyond touch through senses. Emotion allows for empathy and sympathy in order to extend outward for the sake of others. Trainable by intellectual absorption refined by real world experience. Flourishing as a flower flourishes, nourished by it's surroundings of darkness or light. It holds a latent power unto itself that can be used by good or evil. We are one...
I is my spirit that is inspired by the science of the unseen. A child unto itself as this world has not mainstreamed it's existence. As such it goes unfed yet still is able to speak through whispered intuition. Oftentimes conflated with the soul as they both extend outward. Both can be selfless except that the spirit cannot be selfish as it mirrors the creator. It sees beyond intellect and emotion to the truth of things and cannot be tainted by either but is seldom heard. It's eyes see beyond the veil into the other realm. We are one...
This my friends is what I like to call the science of the triune man. To learn each one in oneself allows the learner to see who they really are. You are your center. Where your intellect and thought processes are formed through life experience. You decide based on these factors alone. To the left and right of you are voices with intent all their own. Your center decides between the two and if your spirit's voice is loud enough, it can guide you without fail. Problems arise too many times because what is being heard is your center's voice as it is often mistaken as your spirit. You have heard it said that your gut will never fail you so why don't you listen? That is simply because your spirit requires no context to see the truth but because your soul has all the context, you wind up forgoing your gut instinct for what you think you know. Take time to identify the distinctive voices and take stock. Find out how much time you wasted on earthen anger, jealousy or pride believing that all the while you may have been justified in what you said or did in the name of "keeping it real" when reason or selflessness could have told them to shut up. Learning each voice develops a maturity based filter that cannot be contested and will often be admired. Learn them and grow...
Now, there is so much more I can say about all three and the outside forces that are capable of driving them but I usually keep these things to myself because most will dismiss this outright as spiritual quackery but make no mistake about it...there is power here. Things like Astral Projection and Transcendental Meditation are nothing to play with but these go a bit beyond the focus of the topic in this piece which is self control, governance and growth. The man or woman that has mastery of their wholeness is one that is formidable in every respect as they understand where each innate inclination is coming from and can either dismiss the inclinations outright or take them seriously. Most live out an unbalanced life. Deciding to focus entirely on one aspect of themselves believing that are advancing where others are not only to find themselves lacking in so many other areas. Like I said, I can say much more but I won't so if you accept my writings on this matter, build off of it...start listening. If not, there ain't nothin I can do for you and will advise you to go on to the next entry. God's speed...I'm out...
So what makes a good story? I am no expert but I can tell you at least from my experience what might. First, you must have the main protagonist. The one who the story centers around. The main protagonist always has something to overcome providing an invaluable lesson at triumph. Then you have those that contribute to the story. Usually these are just fillers providing exposition at times but I prefer my stories to have more meat so I believe that the other characters should not just serve as backdrops to the story but instead be interesting enough to serve as main protagonists to their own. Their roads meeting in interesting ways as a result creating everlasting connections that are either strained or collaborative but each advancing a greater picture.
I know where mine began but I honestly don't know it's end and as for those that are in my story? They are all deserving of their own. All amazing in their own right. They just don't last very long in mine and it's something I've both come to accept and live with. You might think it sad and some of it is but it's all part of life. So yeah, it can be sad. That is of course, until you start reading the new chapters. Replete with new characters and some old characters making an appearance with intersecting arcs. So indulge me a bit...
Allow me tell you a story:
It's about 3 AM and a man is in bed with his wife. Outside his wife hears a couple fighting across the street from their second story window. She gets up to investigate waking him up. She opens the window and he follows behind her to see what the problem is. They witness a man physically manhandling his woman as they are actively arguing. He and his wife begin shouting at him to stop yet they continue arguing. The man, after repeated attempts at stopping what could turn ugly says that he would be calling the police. To his disgust, the woman in distress finally shouted back "mind your own fucking business!!!". The man, deflated and annoyed said "ok", closed the window and had a bit of trouble going back to sleep. All he could think about was how this woman would either one day become the heavy bag to a fighter's constant barrage or wind up dead because of course "she could handle it". As for her so-called man? He'd most likely wind up somebody's bitch in cell block D or dead after beating up on the wrong woman. So as the man lay there in bed, he thought he did all he could do and felt satisfied with his efforts yet found himself disappointed none-the-less. You see, he did his part with an extended hand but his hand was not just rejected, it was struck away. He learned a valuable lesson that night that he would take with him in every other similar human interaction:
You can't save everybody and you can never force anyone to do what's in their better interest. That sometimes, you have to let people fail and find out certain things for themselves without your input or safety net. Only problem is...it's a gamble. Depending on the circumstances, their lesson might lead to damaging scars or worse...death. Yet because you did your part, rejected or not, you can sleep a bit easier. So what ever happened to the arguing couple? Who the hell knows but I can only hope that the lessons that were learned, if any, brought them a better life. Honestly? I sincerely doubt it. Good story? Yeah...true story.
You see as soon as the woman shouted at me telling me to mind my business, the part she played ended in my life's book. Yet there are some in my life's book that have not found their conclusion and are currently living out their own until theirs and mine intersect again. You just have to know when to accept their resignation and when it comes, you must learn how to continue forward without them. If it ends, it ends. Yet if it is to continue at a later date, then it must remain loosely open-ended. Like the abused woman, some decide it's done but there are others that choose not to close you off in finite terms so they can come in and out of your chapters. It is in these circumstances where it is up to you to decide if they contribute enough to your story justifying their back and forth. Me? I'm easy in that regard but I am no fool either. I know when to write them out of the story. I allow them to make the choice either by word or deed and as much as it may pain me to watch them leave, when it's time...it's time.
Always remember this my beautiful people. The very best tales are the ones that have their good and bads and ups and downs. Yet one thing is certain about my book. If they were ever in it, they must have been characters of substance having their own storylines to live out so who am I to deny them such a thing? I'm out...
I cannot begin to express the impact SE Hinton books and the subsequent movies had on my childhood. To find out that SE Hinton hid her gender to get her books published was an added inspiration. It was almost as though she was on a mission to inspire irrespective the discrimination of the times. This Robert Frost piece was the diving board into the hope she would inspire writing the novel named "The Outsiders"...
The piece itself is the only one I've ever truly read as I always wanted my voice to be my own but beyond that, it serves as a clarion call to all it's readers. Nature has it's timeline as it flows in finite terms but the book added a "hope" if you will. For a humanity that grows stale and lifeless with time, SE Hinton was saying it doesn't have to be that way for us. We can still find beauty in the simple things. We can still experience love even if we've seen it whither. We can still smile at sunrises and cry at sun's setting even amidst the harshest realities. It taught me one thing that I will forever hold dear:
I can intricately know the mechanics of many things and still find wonder in their operation. I can see the future's good and bad tides but still want to brave them as unknown fascinations. To still see the beauty of all things left behind and all that is to come even when you have their detailed exposition at your disposal. Gives one the hope needed to "try" and the longing desired to "experience". Things I truly thank my Lord...I still have...
