Skywriting - A Poem by Moe

he hears her voice while writing verse

to formulate his rhyme

that soft and gentle sounds immerse

the words that seep to climb

as spirit are such words of love

when all that's said is true

they seep inside to rest above

and kiss like morning dew

in heaven now his words abide

all cast as works of art

for all to see but one to hide

as heaven is her heart  

so hearken unto him once more

before his time is passed

for stands he soon before the door

to greater rooms at last

his words at ever present stand

where presence did caress

now letters serve as soothing hand

that love should prove no less

and should those letters lag behind

keep keen the lovers eye

place hand to heart and you will find

his writing in the sky...

~Moses

Awakenings For Growth...

"I want to be a good man...I want to do right..."

Humans are funny things.  No better than animals operating on instinct when they're born.  Selfish and inconsiderate.  Wanting only for themselves all hours of the day and night as they never take into consideration the fact that you have to get up early in the morning to work.  Learning manipulation early as tears and screams are nothing but a ploy to make sure they get carried.  Wanting all the attention for themselves even though there are others in the room.  Oh...you thought I was talking about infants?  Nah, I was talking about some of the adults I know...

Good one right?  I'm sure you know them too as they are ever increasing in this day and age.  Older folk that should know better and don't.  Is it because they weren't taught?  No, it's because we live in a society that says "we're fine as we are" and there is no need to change.  Problem is...it isn't true.  Selflessness, honor and sacrifice are traits that we learn when we have our eyes open to how we can improve upon our own condition.  Without open eyes to the truth of our condition, we can grow intellectually and even have some success going through the motions but remain immature to all else.
At base, everyone and I mean everyone...is exactly the same.  As we grow, our experiences bring out all that is unique about each of us and hopefully, the best in us.  All based on perspective that is based on vantage point.  How do we become better?  Change your vantage point to add to your perspective. Add to your perspective to be able to broaden your vision.  The more you see, the more you process and the more you process...the greater the number of choices available to you beyond instinct.

Many ask me how I could know what so and so will do or say.  It's quite simple.  Guage their maturity level.  If they are mature, they will be conscientious of their own thought process and you can measure out the many choices available to them.  If not...they are infants that are capable of doing anything and everything to have their way through instinctive measures alone which in fact, are few.  Animals acting on instinct are knee jerk in their responses.  Never taking time to consider what is actually being said or done.  Now, irrespective of our maturity levels, we all have base instincts that will always exist.  What separates the mature from the immature is that the mature have enough sense and experience to keep the destructive instincts under control.  The immature don't even care as they have yet to have that awakening that says..."I have a problem I need to work on".  Today, that hour is drifting further and further into what should be considered adulthood.  By that time, much damage has been done that needs repairing.  This is specifically why I, as a parent, have been focused more on my children's character than academics or anything else.  Intellectual barbarians are a dime a dozen...good men are hard to find.

I live, I watch, I live, I listen and never fully disclose all I see.  The many souls that have come and gone through my life are studies in light and darkness but the soul I have learned the most from...is my own.  To look and see my own darkness and light as they both reside at the base of us all.  I understand myself fully and understanding myself allows me to understand you.  Now I could use this to easily manipulate you or I can use this to help you.  I have chosen the latter to my own detriment at times but it's only because I have given myself no other choice.  Why?

 "11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."

Get it yet?  There are only a few that actually will which will always give those that do an immutable advantage.  I'm out...

~Moses Apollo

Staying Sweet-Like...

Too many have become so hardened that they have lost the ability to truly love...even to dream. Some can call me one the most hardened men they will ever meet because I see the brutal truth of what is but this does not make me strong. It just makes me acutely aware. I am strong because I allow my heart to beat and bleed beneath a calcified chest that should by all rights not be able to make room for such things but it does so nonetheless. For me, stoicism is an invaluable often used tool...but not a way of life. I don't know about you but there is something special about the fairy tales we grew up reading that still reverberates inside. "The Wonderlands" and "The Neverending Stories" filled with magic and something called "true love" that granted it's wielder the power to fend off evil and break spells. There is no question that clouds are coming and that living in a bubble is akin to wandering a battlefield clueless, without weapons...without even knowing why anyone is fighting. By all means stay aware and keep raising your awareness but don't let your hardened eyes overtake your soul...

My loves,..every once upon a time, it's good to recall that field of dreams where the sun is high and the birds are still singing. My once upon a time is quite simple. I can see the day dress she's wearing flowing in the warm breeze revealing just a hint of her beautiful form and I'm walking up that hill of flowers to meet my love. She's greeted by a soft, lingering kiss and the warmest hug she's ever received making us both but a backdrop to God's creation like a soft sigh that just goes on and on. Her hand is gently held as we walk...just walk. No words need be spoken because our presence and touch have read verse inspired by the greatest poets of our time. Our landscape consists of mountains of green, trees lightly swaying and just a bit further...a stream that we can sit by. The bubble dream where there's no one but us. No governments controlling need and no media controlling thought. With the delight of freedom to believe in life and love as it was meant to be...freely ordained by the beauty of the soul God granted us.

To most this may seem far fetched. An ideal long since dead and gone the way of romanticism and chivalry but these things exist in me today more than ever before. They fuel my passion as much as the skin that rests upon the soul I'm blessed to love. I am who I am...and I will never change. No matter how bleak my condition or what doom surrounds my world. My weakness to love, to care, to bleed and to believe makes this man stronger than a hundred and twenty men.

Yeah, I believe in love and all that comes with it and I will manifest it in this pessimistic place as best I can. Whether it be through duty in honor, redemptive grace, immutable sacrifice or surrendered passion. I will always do my best to stay..."sweet-like".

My loves...I pray you do the same and add some much needed color to your worlds of grey...much love...

~Moses Apollo Apolinaris

The King's Sun - A Poem by Moe

"Leave a light on..."

the king awoke at daily rise 

to catch a glimpse of her

while penning verse for sweetest eyes

for one he did prefer

at night she'd smile to sweetest themes

as king would speak soft tones

that she may rest to sweetest dreams

and feel the love she owns  

but then one day the time did come

eclipse would shield his day

for needful would his day be glum

that growth may come her way

celestial are rotations placed

for cycles to make straight

the path to truth all bodies faced

regarding wisdom's fate

so king imbibed all duty's wine

with paintings to appease

just knowing that his sun would shine

did set his heart at ease

now if eclipse outlasts his night

he knew his sun still shined

and if eclipse brought back her light

he'd love the more he'd find

  

~Moses

Shit!!!

"I am the Lizard King...I can do anything!!!"

I think I may have broken my toe in a fit of non-sensical rage that had me kicking a garbage can the wrong way.  God I hope not...but it sure does make for a funny story!!!

On a side note, I guess I have embraced my place among the Gods of "silly".  I have said it before but this time I am seriously thinking about capitalizing on it while taking it to the next level.  My head is where it should be about it more than ever before so all fear has gone from me concerning such a thing.  I guess all I can say now is...let's see what happens.

~Apollo

Stlll Learning...

How many times have I posted the same title?  Too many times?  No, not enough...

Today I uncharacteristically got caught up in a non-sensical argument that should have ended at it's inception but to both our shame...continued unchecked.  We saw it in time but the fact that it happened made me wonder.  What has changed in me?  Or is it elsewhere?  Or everywhere?  Folks to do this right requires brutal honesty and if you're so caught up in your daily bullshit affirmations telling you that you can do no wrong because you're "a good person", I suggest you pull your head out of ass and admit some truths about yourself.  It's the only way we grow.  You may be "good" but you like anyone else will fuck up.  Admitting you're human is a good step but it doesn't excuse it.  Nor does "understanding it" give you license to continue your fucked up behavior.  Understanding is the first step to change and it allows others to look past it IF you are actually making the effort to improve.  Stop tryin to convince yourself that your shit don't stink and get with the fuckin program.  You don't like my talk?  Fuck off and eat shit...

Now, take a look at the paragraph above.  Do I sound angry?  Did that piss you off?  Well guess what?  I'm not angry in the slightest and I wrote that with a smile on my face.  I wanted to show you something.  How easy it is to create a perspective and by extension...fan the primal flames of discomfort.  Easy right?  Well what do you think you are being fed daily?  Yeah...you're gettin it...

Times will change whether you like it or not as that train has long since left the station.  As the times change, we will need to change as well.  Not with the times...but against them.  I'll explain what I mean...

I am perplexed at how some people believe that can say they have things "figured out" when in fact, they have only scratched the surface.  We "introspectives" develop an "other" intuition.  Not just the ability to catch what is going on outside ourselves but also and more importantly, the ability to catch what is going on inside.  As the times change, so must our tolerance levels to greater stimuli.

Some may be aware of training techniques employed by fighters.  One such technique is to train for endurance by the expansion of lung capacity.  How do they do this?  They train in the mountains...where the air is thicker.   Training under normal conditions these men can run for miles at their best.  Put them in the mountains and they will tire quickly.  So in the mountains, they train to adapt to the new conditions.  Adding as yet another advantage over their opponent.  This is the same principal we must employ to the inner man as the times begin to drastically change.

What we learned to endure will no longer matter.  As things get worse we will need to learn how to adapt.  Our inner lung capacity will need to expand even more in order to be able to breathe in the environments that are on the way.  Those that have it "figured out" will be swept up into the chaos and lest you think I'm talkin about meteors with apocalyptic meaning, I'm talkin about the loss of reason and logic.  The time when feeling will replace truth as standard.  I'm talkin about the ever increasing violent streak that is becoming acceptable.  When the insane will be validated as sane simply because we can no longer "judge" sanity by truth and fact.  When an argument over politics will be decided in blood to a cheering audience of voters.  Sounds extreme?  Think about the random knife slashings going on in NY.  How that "trend" is spreading across the country.  You think that's new?  Well, if you didn't know, these things can all be connected to a knockout game that was being "played" by youths across the country to gain some online celebrity status.  The scariest thought here is that these little pricks will one day be able to decide whether my old ass is worth living or dying...not if I can help it.  Watch yourselves.  Keep your anger and depressive states in check.  Hold on to truths that have been proven as fact and if you are unsure, do your research again if need be.  

Keep your antennas up, in and on.  Don't allow yourselves to be swept up in the chaos.  Don't allow yourselves to get taken by the tide of the times.  I always tell people to "keep pushing".  Inner growth is no exception as it is the central station to all other growth.  Stay vigilant...I'm out

~Moses Apollo  

"Letting Go" - A Process...

Imagine yourself in a new burgeoning romance, fling...whatever you want to call it.  Circumstances keep you both from expressing all you want to but you risk the frustration of it anyway because you don't want to lose a good thing.  Now imagine your feelings grow and the circumstances now become something you can no longer deal with.  What do you do?  Allow me to explain this one as best I could.

Please understand that what I will reveal could make me very vulnerable as I do not reveal too much of my processes lest any should think to take advantage but please be forewarned that I set this up for my inner man so that my processes could never be influenced or tricked by outer stimuli.  Having said that I will begin...

Given the example above most would say "let's end it".  What that means for them and what it means for me are two very different things.  For most it means a complete cut-off with an adjoining "soul searching" that includes finding justification for the cut-off which basically means assigning blame.  Most will seek to amplify the negatives of the other to the point where they now view the people they just left as "toxic" even if this was never the case while they were together.  They will take themselves out of the equation completely when seeking reasons why the relationship failed and omit all understanding they gained concerning the "negatives" while they were together creating for themselves a reason to say "fuck em!!!" whenever the memory of them springs up.  It is easier to deal with a complete cut-off this way but it is an exercise for cowards that do not want to deal with inner struggles honestly.  Folks, there was a reason you loved them as you did and that never changes with an argument.  Arguments happens and things are said that can be biting but these are said through a primal inclination we have to win at all costs.  When I get this way, I know that I have no thought to resolve a matter but instead subjugate the person I love as I would an opponent.  This is where I stay silent to regain my thoughts and think clearer to be able to share my point and listen to hers.  To come to the place where I can say "I was wrong" in this and she can say the same.  That is the ultimate sign of self-control and maturity.  Sadly that doesn't always happen and you are left gritting your teeth but I digress as I will deal with this topic on another day.  How does this "letting go" differ from my own?  This is where it gets tricky or as I like to say..."nuanced"...

Now, the reason why this is common place is because most feel that in order to maintain "love" certain steps must be taken.  I do not share this view as I believe love by it's nature is unconditional.  I cringe when I hear someone say "If you love me, you will..." as I see that as a manipulation tactic.  I see true love as a separate entity that conjoins the souls of the two involved irrespective of action, time or distance.  The things we do are an expression of that love but those things do not make or break it in the slightest when it is real.  When there is true love, I view it as a rope that is forever attached and the purest evidence of this in found in the natural expression of the purest love...parenting.  In the case of two individuals, this rope I speak of never begins short but after years can end up that way.  This rope for me has notches that describe how much of that love I am allowed to answer to.  The first notch can represent care and the freedom to express it.  The next may represent a greater knowledge and understanding of each other's inner workings.  The next might represent a deeper expression through tender platitudes of love, greater affection and a deeper spiritual intimacy.  The next could represent the allowance of physical touch and greater physical intimacy.  The next may even represent the deepest and most profound levels of physical intimacy through "coupling" until finally all is freely expressed and "self" includes each other in most things.  Mind you none of these are set in stone but they give you an idea of what I see when it comes to "love" and "loving" in practical terms.

Now that you understand this, I can tell you that where most would cut the rope, I will often choose go back a notch and I do so given the circumstances provided.  If the relationship was toxic, I may have to cut but given the level of understanding I have acquired concerning the women I have loved, I can thankfully say none have really been that toxic to merit a complete cut-off.  What does that mean in practical terms?  It simply means that my love will remain.  Now you must be saying "Oh so they can just come back and you'll go back up some notches?  Hell no...it just means that I have come to the place where I can accept that my love's expression for them will exist in perpetuity but will have boundaries that must be adhered to if there was some level of toxicity that was harmful to me or anyone in my family or given the circumstances in the moment.  Too many believe that if there is even a hint of love that everything must be allowed.  That is simply foolish because I have known women that will say they still have love for men that have even beat them or cheated on them.  Imagine a woman or a man going back to that?  There are women I love that I know I will never have a relationship with and there are women I love that I can see myself having a relationship with if the circumstances were to line up right.  Most I keep in the "care" notch as I truly look for them to succeed in all their endeavours and I can truly say that only one or two are above that in some way shape or form.

As for the "flowed" application of my way (if you want to call it that), I choose to make my expression dependant on what I am perceiving from her.  I will never push my way up the rope nor will I use trickery or deception to pull anyone closer.  If I see them moving towards me, I will do the same.  If I see them backing off, then I will respect their wishes and do the same.  If I see a back and forth, then I wait to see if any movement solidifies.  Not everyone is comfortable moving closer given their circumstances (or mine), fears or hang-ups and one needs to respect that especially if there is love.  Understanding, respect, care and patience are all by-products of true love.  This does not mean you are at a stand-still painstakingly pining for anyone.  It just means you understand your place in their lives and if their should come the time where you hold no place at all, then you would not have lost a thing.  You check in on them from time to time, you make sure they are OK and if there is anything you could do to help in any situation you do so.  Love engenders this and it is a reality that the intellectually honest cannot escape.  In this setting I remember all the beautiful while understanding that there will either never be a place for us OR I can look forward to a time of possible change for an attempt at getting closer again.  My love will always remain...for some more than others.

Lest you think me callous in this application, I can tell you that every time I have had to go down a notch, it felt like a loss.  With all the pain, confusion and heartache that comes with it.  It eases in time and you become settled into your new position.  Yet it is harder when you know you have no way of getting any closer.  Oh and one other point on the motivation behind this.  This is in no way a back pocket device.  I don't "keep women"...I love them.  Love asks for nothing but gives all.  If you are placating past loves just to have a place to go or because you want to use them for something later, then you are being dishonest with them and you should make your boundaries with them clear.  Doing so will keep you honest as it would be dishonorable to go against your own word.

So now you know my people.  For me "letting go" simply means that I have backed off from the posited expression I held.  This isn't a "program" nor is it a gamer's ploy.  It is "me" working with my inner man and not against.  True love is perpetual and you can decide to accept the truth of it or make up some bullshit to make yourself feel better.  And so ends our lesson of the day...till next time...

`Moses

Everlast - A Poem by Moe

the strangest altruistic

for cogs that hold your soul

uncommon deals the mystic

that fills the empty hole

healing lifelong surfaced pain

he burrows deep inside

risking all his surfaced gain

for peace life had you hide

seeing joy with heart at ease

at distance love holds true

spaces built for granted keys

remain a home for you...

~Moses  

The Light - A Poem by Moe

"Lilac wine is sweet and heady where's my love?..."

the sun did hide behind the clouds

uncertain shadows crowed

he looked for light among the crowds

to claim what he'd been owed

the crowds disperse as they would do

when needful was his heart

reminding him of all that's true

that lonely is his part

so somber was his state thus worn

to sit and wait for rest

as flowers birthed new heavy thorn

from failed unspoken test

remembers he that loves first kiss

is all that he did need

to find that hopeful heady bliss

and plant that inner seed

the seed that grows in passion's flame

that only he'd produce

he's thankful for the kiss that came 

to plant for future use

ignoring knocks outside his room

his steady mind now honed

the thorns did wane as flowers bloom

from inner light he owned 

~Moses

Fakin For The Green...

"Some love is just a lie of the soul.  A constant battle for the ultimate state of control.  After you've heard lie upon lie, there can hardly be a question of why..."

Here ye oh beautiful women and some of you "in demand" gents!!!

I come baring gifts of yet another glaringly obvious ploy that "shits and giggles" often tend to hide.  I have oft times spoken to you about the need I have for transparency and now I will explain my reasoning as to why.  It all begins with my disgust for gamesmanship when it comes to intimacy and love.  Why you might ask?  Allow me to explain...

My insistence for transparency is a reflexive recoil from what I have seen others do that has utterly disgusted me.  So I decided long ago that I would take on transparency as a code to live by when it comes to most things...especially intimacy.  Folks, pure intimacy is dependant on trust and without it, you will fail miserably at achieving what intimacy is meant to accomplish: the purest connection available to mankind.  I will begin any courtship by being completely transparent when it comes to all the negatives I believe will drive one away.  At which point an informed choice can be made by the woman I am talking to.  She will then decide if she wants to continue the courtship, write me off altogether or keep me as a friend.  Why do this?  Am I not risking a hit by telling the truth?  Yes, but what I gain is far more valuable to me.  Respect and the proof provided that I can always be trusted.  Too many these days reveal just enough to get the person they are courting comfortable to continue in said courtship.  Leaving out details that would normally red light the person they are courting.  Oh these "liars by omission" plan on telling them...just not yet.  Why?  In order to lull them into a false sense of security and break down the walls long enough to get into their heart and/or mainly...their pants.  They rightfully figure that given enough time, they can take what they want and provide any excuse they want once their dirty details emerge to be able to take even more.  They count on a false intimacy developing and once that happens, all decisions are usually made by emotion as opposed to logic.

I write this as someone that has been on the receiving end of this ploy and as such, I have found it deplorable.  I give no one the green light to my whole person until I know and confirm they are telling me the absolute truth about themselves so I begin the process by opening up myself to rejection right away.  This way I stay true to my honor and I show them by example what I expect in return.  I have known friends that I have had for years give me parts of a story to do the same.  Something that I find tragic because years should have built up enough equity for total transparency but when someone wants something from you, they will say anything you want to hear to take it...especially in this age of "me".  One must accept a universal truth:  All things will come to light one day...ALL things.  Which is why it is always best to be and stay transparent.  A beautiful soul once said to me that "transparency is a motherfucker" and she was right.  She had just told me something that wasn't "wrong" per say but just knew I wouldn't like.  Yet because she told me, I naturally recoiled for a few seconds and then came to the place her transparency took me to be able to say..."At least she's being honest about it".  You see, in most cases humans need a redeeming quality in order to afford someone grace after they have committed an error and immediate transparency does the job.  There is nothing wrong with failing (outright or in someone's eyes) but there is everything wrong with lying about it to keep the illusion of one's piety and/or suitability in tact.  Think on this the next time someone tells you a story that has you thinking "there's definitely more to this story".

Folks, no matter how much of a good time you've had or how long you've known them, don't let anyone fake you out for the green light.  Keep that red light on until you have your questions fully answered and verified.  Just keep in mind that if they lied about something once, they're probably still lying to you.  I like to believe you're better than the people that do this.  Trust somewhat but fully verify...I'm out...

~Moses