Recycle my ethereal...placed and replaced. Graced to nurse my health from a steady wealth of diction contradiction. Quenching my addiction for loss and gain. A fleeting pain I train to maintain my lust for more and all I adore. To have and to hold. Dying old to live again. To choose the same without the confines of game. To show up and sew up. All to be left wanting...flaunting my nothing. To freely give is how I choose to live upon a stage without the cage of an audience. My knees they fold to fill what's been told about life's existence. Driving my insistence that there has to be more. More to love, more to life, more to give and more to live...
How many times have you come across a beautiful suit for sale in a storefront window. It looks perfect on the mannequin and you naturally assume it would be perfect on you. You don't hesitate because the price is right. You give the salesperson your measurements and you take it home. You try it on and it looks ok but within two weeks and two wearings, it's already looking ragged. What happened? The suit was beautiful but the fabric and stitching was cheap. Then again, what did you expect for $89.99? You were a victim of false advertising and so it is with humans that outwardly Peacock what they don't inwardly possess...
What do I mean? I'm talking about those types that say whatever they think any "interest" around them wants to hear. It's like carrying around a fully laminated resume ready to pull out when opportunity strikes. I love reading posts on Facebook from beautiful women when they ask "What would a date with you look like?" What is then posted becomes one clique after another. I almost expect theme music at the reading of some of them. You no doubt get "roses", "champagne" and let's not forget the famous "walk on the beach". After all is written and the unassuming women have swooned into their male posters' fragile egos, I purposely decide to write the obvious. "I can't tell you what I will do until I know who we are talking about because one size does not fit all!!!" To which I am met with yawns and light praise which incidentally makes me chuckle. No one bothers to ask if she's allergic to flowers or maybe she prefers a specific flower to the ordinary fare. What if she doesn't drink? In such a case, wouldn't it be better suited to her if you purchased a non-alcoholic brand? As for the beach? What if it's December in New York? You still gonna take her? I'm sure you'll be able to feel the skin of her palm through them thick ass gloves...how romantic.
Listen folks, I find amusement in this not at the expense of those that do this stuff but at the expense of formulas that have nothing to do with what makes anything special. Especially since everybody does the same thing. It takes no thought to copy the cinematic ideal of romance but it takes time and real effort to get to know someone intimately enough to make a moment special specific to them alone. If you listen closely enough you can find something that will make them remember that 30 second moment you created for as long as they are alive. All I'm saying is that in many ways, we've traded meaning for flair and like all flair...it shoots up, pops into pretty colors and is quickly forgotten. I'd rather be the subject of memory than the suit I wore or the flowers I carried.
So I take a different tact. I just show up with an empty bag. A figurative bag with nothing in it. If you focus and judge me by it, I know you ain't interested in me. If you want to know me even though I carry it? Then we can talk. I am confident enough in who I am inside that they cannot help but take notice. Understand that if you have something worth anything inside, what you will carry is an unavoidable presence. Once that is noticed, a genuine curiosity produces "get to know me" sessions that can make for real moments. You'll learn each other and eventually come to a place of comfort at which point you can Peacock all you like, except now, you're carrying her favorite flower and ordering her favorite meal. So yeah, try something new...be yourself. Let that be enough...I'm out
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love...and be loved in return..."
Jack was as a young poet. A boy with a pure heart that wandered the country side in search of his one true love. He came across a beautiful young maiden that drew his attention by her ocean blue eyes and golden hair. She had a soft demeanor replete with all manner of tenderness to her. Needless to say, he fell in love quickly with this beautiful angel. He did everything for her. Going out of his way in every sense to accommodate her needs and he was more than happy to do so. At times when he couldn't fulfill a request, she would cry and this would move him to do even more than he had because he could not stand to see her in pain. After some time, he began to hear whispers about her and others that he would simply brush off. He even began to hear about her ability to manipulate by easily turning on tears but he would not believe it. His love for her for was unbending, it had blinded him to any suspicion. One day, he was in an adjacent room when he overheard her arguing with her father. As was her way, she began to cry and as he was about to enter the room to comfort her, her father left and the tears all of a sudden stopped. She didn't know that Jack had seen it and as for Jack...he was crushed to his very soul. He began to search out the whispers and found them all true. With every new truth uncovered, this uncompromising love began to die within him. Not just for her...but for love itself. By the time he came to say goodbye, Jack had become cynical to all the loves that came after. This young man filled with passion for hope had now become a man that hoped to find passion again but was only met by those with the same cynicism he was doing his best to rid himself of...
Jill was a beautiful young maiden. Filled with a well of love, hope, dreams and aspirations. Beautiful in every way. With a smile that could melt the hardest heart. One day as she was working at the marketplace, a handsome young man approached her and she became enamored by his charm and wit. He would visit her daily and soon she would fall in love with him. She knew little about him, but she believed in the purity of love. She believed that he loved her and that was all that was needed. He promised her the world and soon, they would move into his home up in the hills. He told her they would soon be married after he had gotten all his affairs in order and the first few months, she could only describe as "heaven". As time went on, still unmarried, his demeanor went from charming to forceful. He would at times purposefully make her feel ugly when other men would look at her and as for her dreams of going on to university, he would cry to her saying that she didn't love him if she went away. All so he could keep her in his home. He would even give her more duties to perform so she had very little time for socializing and after awhile, the only soul she would ever see was him. She lost all interest in taking care of herself and all dreams she had were soon lost in him as well. She didn't mind it of course. After all...she loved him. One day, she decided to finish her duties early and go off to the marketplace to see some friends and what she found crushed her to her very soul. She saw him in an embrace with another young maiden she had been friends with in times past and she ran home crying. When he had arrived, she confronted him about what she saw and he became enraged beating her into submission. With every blow he threw, her love felt every hit. Dying...with every strike to her frail form. Not just for him...but for love itself. She left the next day and every new love that came after...was met with suspicion. This young woman filled with passion for hope had now become a woman that hoped to find passion again but was only met by those with the same suspicion she was doing her best to rid herself of...
and thus began the extinction of "true love"
Oh my beautiful friends...at one time or another, in one form or another, every one of us has been a "Jack" or a "Jill". Wounded animals are we that dared to love as it was meant to be in a callous world. We carry those wounds into other relationships. Our instinctive defense mechanisms kick in, inadvertently wounding others so that the cycle continues until love exists as it does today. A cheap imitation of itself. Just another Checkers match for supremacy so that we will never be wounded again. Causing "love" to become nothing but a curse word. An emotion that needs changing or tweaking. Redefined as less than itself simply so that we can keep having companionship without risking a thing. How do we end this? How do we give "true love" it's worthy breath again? I can only offer my opinion from my experience and I will tell you that the first thing that needs to happen is a little something called "healing". Allow your wounds to heal before you enter into anything else. Let those wounds become worthy scars. Find your lesson in each scar and learn where you went wrong. Study your choices. Study yourself until every scar carries a lesson. Forgive those that did you wrong without making excuses for them because making excuses for them will only carry you back to the same garbage you just left. Back to them or the same garbage found in others. In time, your scars will reveal to you that love had nothing to do with their lack of character and that at least now, you have a roadmap to what you will accept and what you will not. All without pain, fear or bitterness, each new soul will be judged on it's own merit based on all the understanding your scars have afforded you. Soon, true love will not be a thing to be feared...but something you will pine for in the realms of possibility. Heal up, choose right, love strong and in the end...you will break your cycle.
As for me? I proudly carry many scars with me. Some wounds I can say have not fully healed but they are healing even at this writing. With every brutal look I take through inspection and introspection. With every consequential thought I entertain I make myself better. I forgive all that have done me wrong but because I have learned from their wrong, I also know I can only go so far with them and they know this because the boundaries are made plain by me. As for love? I only know it as true love. I don't fear it or any pain that may come while I'm in the throws of it. Every second I have with it affords me an unparalleled freedom to exist for lasting purpose. It is pure and wonderful and beautifully fleeting at times but it is just as powerful today as it ever was. It abides in the pure at heart and in those that have been able to carry scars without the bitterness of pain. It even abides in those that fear it because at least they give it due diligence enough to respect it's power. So, even as endangered as it is, I will always welcome it. As a poet and a lover of passion...I have no choice ;-)
Understand that all things matter. All things carry some form of relevance to someone in this world. What isn't important to you may mean the world to someone else. Now that you know this, also understand that you can never change who you are to please everyone. If that were the case, you would need to lock yourself in a room lest anyone be offended at the way you look and you would need to put tape around your mouth lest you offend someone with your speech. In essence, you would lose who you are completely and that is never an option.
Take care what you do and what you say to them that matter most to you. Change for noone but let them know that you understand them by being conscientious in the areas that affect them most. Hopefully, they can do the same for you but don't wait for it as usually such things tend to be one sided. Be the best of who you are...live always knowing you made the best decision you could at the time. Change perspective if you need to staying true to all that you are. Do right anyway. Be right anyway. Care anyway. Love anyway.
"Sometimes I flow staccato, strip you of vibrato. While you be acting macho, I try and switch it up. I see the games you play and the traps you lay. Not fit to fall in but I let you play them anyway..."
In my youth I was a skirt chaser. I was a young man and I didn't know who I was yet so that's fine...it was expected. As I got older, I started to notice it was all too easy surmising that there must be something about me they wanted...fine. When I married, I thought I was in a "safe zone" but found out that even then I had to take care how I spoke and carried myself lest I give anyone the false assumption that I was available. I learned rather quickly that the ring was not a safeguard against come-ons and traps so as yet still...it was up to me to make it clear. By the time I divorced, I knew all I needed to know as a married man but knew nothing about being single so I took my time to learn.
Still, for whatever reason (take your pick) in demand, I found it all too easy. Even easier than when I was a youth skirt chasing. I found the aggressive woman wanted something surface, the coy woman wanted to control anyone in demand for the sake of pride and the demure woman wanted to be seen as such to fool the unknowing into believing they were the type most longed for. The type that are feared and wanted the most by men. What type am I speaking of?
The woman that seeks for nothing but her own growth. This woman doesn't care about praying for, looking for or finding a "man" and as such, is the most frightening and alluring of them all. I watched as men had no words to capture her attention with. No lines or games to play. There was no entry point to her and what's more? She knew it and didn't care. She knew something that I came to understand by watching her and others like her. In the so-called dating game, most swim the ocean looking for fish. Some put out bait and wait for bites but there are the very few that don't fish at all because they know that are the catch for not just any fish, but quality fish. She knew that if she put out her bait, every fish would bite. She also knew that to take that swim would be too dangerous for her safety as every single man would pull her down. So she went about the business of self-improvement and steered clear of every play in the book. Turns out that only men of character saw beyond her looks to her worth and when they did, she knew it. They were few are far between but when you know what you're worth, you only allow the best access to you.
So impressed by this, I wound up taking the same tact. Understand that every time you put yourself "out there" way too much you open yourself up to use and abuse. Men and women will see the needy as an opportunity to take even if they have to pretend to give for a bit. Especially if you are attractive. Now I'm not saying which way is right and which way is wrong. I also understand the need for companionship. I just find it more prudent to concern oneself with self-improvement and let those that are truly interested start the courting process with the proper respect and motivation required. Just yesterday I'm walking the street and some woman asks if she can "touch me" like this is gonna get her somewhere. No, not happening. When they are right, they will do right. Sometimes you will meet a like minded individual and you guys will just click on deeper levels. Sometimes you will be interested in someone and make a subtle move to see if any interest is there. If so, they will then take the lead and you can watch how they approach you. You can gauge their motivation and make your decision on your own terms. Given your worth, you will take care not to come on too strong but see how everything feels slowly. Ask yourself these questions: Is this person at your level? Will they be an asset or an impediment to your growth? Will this person be conscientious of your issues? Add any other details you may require and I'm not talking about cars and money. There is a reason why it will seem as though I reveal much about my finances but I take painstaking care never to disclose everything. I had an incident where I gave a potential mate money for something and they automatically assumed I was wealthy. So much so that they blurted it out in conversation. After that I made like I was broke most of the time and her demeanor changed...lesson learned.
Always remember that if fishing is easy for you then chances are very good that you're gonna pick up some empty cans and rotted fish along the way. Sifting through all that garbage will take up way too much of your precious time. Concentrate on improving yourself and let them come to you. This way, you will always be able to weed out the quality from the shit. Now if you think calling someone shit is extreme you need to either get out more or open your eyes a bit more. If all they want to do is lure you into a false sense of security to be able to use you as a fuckdoll? Yeah, I'd call that trash...I'm out
Oh and for the record? My game is called "no game". I've met the most beautiful souls that way...including the pretty. So yeah, I stopped fishing years ago...
