Tonight was an interesting night. As I paid my respects to this beautiful sister that had impacted many lives, I found myself befuddled by a young man that told this man how he had impacted his life. The thing is he brought up details that the man had no memory of...and I know why. I have always had the idea that the things we do for others or the "right" things we do should never be placed on some score board or even reserved for memory. Nor should they be done for an audience that would add to my largess. Not for some false sense of humility but simply because I always wanted to feel as though I have not done enough. That there was always more I could do and that if the only audience was God, then I would have no reason for pride on so-called measured accomplishments. I prayed for this as a young man and have lived my life this way ever since. Tonight...I was reminded of that. I only share this to state a simple truth. Never keep score...let God do that. Do all you feel you can do and forget about it if you can. If somebody saw and was blessed then bless God for it. If what you do has the right spirit behind it you will never need praise or feel deserving of a thing...shit, I still don't lol So folks, do what you can, keep it moving and let God handle all the rest...Good night my people...
You know people throw around the word "trust" just as much as they throw around the word "love". I can understand that given the importance of the two. My only problem is the blanketed simplistic explanation on how these words are defined because how they are defined by any one particular person will tell you how they will be applied.
There are different levels to "love" and as such, differing applications depending on the circumstance but in your mind all you will hear from me, given the limits of the English language, is..."I love (philía) you but I love (agape) her". How you interpret that is dependant on your limited definition. In the same vein, there are also different levels of "trust" and I will tell you straight...only about 5 people get the ultimate level of trust from me because I only trust (pepoithesis) these 5 but I also trust (pisteuo) a few.
Do you know how you can tell that you are getting the ultimate level of each? Can you tell how much someone loves you by what is purchased or by how much time is being expended in thought or effort? What about trust? Can you tell by the seemingly intimate details being shared or when passwords are freely given? If you lean on these examples to reveal these levels of love and trust then you are one that can easily be fooled into believing you are trusted and loved. So what is it then? How can you really tell?
What's interesting is that the ultimate levels of each are exactly the same and are identified by the factor of something that can cripple...the factor of vulnerability. If I tell you something or give you something that has the potential to irrevocably harm me then I trust you implicitly. I surrender a great gift to you...control. If I sew my heart into yours so much so that I risk internal bleeding towards death if we somehow are ripped apart then I love you implicitly. To you I surrender one of my most precious gifts as you become something more than just a mate. You become...one of the few reasons I have left to exist. Yeah...real love will do that folks. Those that have had it can tell you it's true ;-) So folks...stay hip, live free, trust less, love more...
I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a dear friend of mine the other night. He began telling me a story of one of his regrets. As he shared this story I began to realize that his regret mirrored my own to a lesser extent. One that I understand may have no remedy and it is one that I have come to learn from. Yeah people...a lesson. This is the only way a regret can become an addition towards one's personal growth which then in time...loses the title of "regret" it once had. The only time this evolution doesn't take place is when it involves someone else. It remains a scar that itches at times. A bittersweet moment you wish you could take back but can't. I have them compartmentalized in those innermost places as moments I can do nothing about and as such, they neither move me to sorrow nor catapult me into undo action.
My lesson became clearer through self examination a few years ago. You see, souls of thought and calculation can make the mistake of needing proof beyond that which is evident already. Some have been hurt so badly going down a road they jumped into on faith that the next time they come to the same intersection, they need mountains of evidence that the course they've chosen is correct. So much so that a days journey can take years. At one of these intersections I decided I would ask my passenger a test question. I asked if I could deviate from my course. If she said "ok" then I would know that the course I was on had no surety but if she had fought my decision, this would mean she had confidence in our journey. It would mean she was all in for what could've been a long road ahead. What my calculations never took into account was that beautiful human element in those that seek not to disappointment. Yet in not wanting to disappoint, my calculations required me to change course. She got out at the nearest bus stop and I continued driving on my new set course...alone. In hindsight she was right to get off but I always wonder what could've been had she said "no, we must stay the course". I only wonder...but it stays bittersweet to this day.
Folks, I have come to understand how powerful calculation can be but I have also come to appreciate the power of acting on faith. To draw from both means that you take in what you can and run the numbers. If the numbers say "close enough" then take the leap of faith on the things you can't possibly know but require time on your journey to find out. That "close enough" merits the time needed to find out what you need to without driving anyone away. Maturity implies that one has ventured through various terrain and has gleaned all that one can for oneself. For me, it was no longer enough to be a man of calculation. I understood that faith goes where logic cannot. I wish I knew this then but at least I thank God for showing me this when he did...
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends"
I have read this quote from Christ and have heard it spoken literally hundreds of times knowing how it directly speaks to Christ's sacrifice for man. Yet I pondered it's applicable meaning for the everyday man and it is quite clear. I mean think about it. What are the chances you will ever get to demonstrate this kind of love unless it be in wartime or in an accidental setting? So I have seen this applied without a physical death being necessary but rather something a bit harder...the death of self...the death of ego.
How many times have you been in a position to help your friend or lover attain a level beyond you with no recompense whatsoever? Speaking for myself I can say I've been there quite a few times and at every turn I considered it a huge honor to stand in the shadow of my friends. Only because I knew that this was an opportunity to demonstrate the purest manifestation of love available to man...the denial of myself that the one I love should flourish. It is the hardest thing one could do. Especially in a romantic relationship where you know without a doubt that her progression will mean challenges to the relationship. New stature means new environments. New environments means new faces and new faces means new options. Options that the comfortably insecure would rather not deal with. His world is just fine as it is. His ego is satiated to the point of complacency. All while she stays the same...never meeting her true potential...just for him. Folks I'm telling you now, true love would risk it all. True love only wants the best for them. True love bears the weight of all insecurity and possible heartbreaking loss if it means that she will meet her potential. Even if it costs you your friend or lover...at least you can rest in the fact that you gave it all. Even if no one else sees it, rest assured that God does and the success of those you helped push up into the sun will always serve as a testament to that love.
So folks, if you ever want to show your love? Flowers, candies, gifts...yeah that's nice enough to appease someone for a bit but understand that there is no greater demonstration of love then the willingness to lose so the one you love can gain. Now take a moment to look across the spectrum of your relationships, both romantic and platonic. Ask yourself if you've seen this love. If you have...don't thank them. This does nothing for them because they didn't do it for a pat on the back. Thank God for them and keep the knowledge that these are true in your heart. If you haven't seen this love, give them some time and keep an eye out for the moment when their opportunity to demonstrate this love arises...watch what they do. They may surprise you, solidifying their position in your life or they may disappoint you, lowering their standing with you. Oh and if you're in a relationship where your success hurts your partner or friend? Move on because these will only make your upwards climb all the more difficult. Besides, their misappropriated hurt is a testament to the fact that what they truly love is having you...loving you?, not so much. So my friends, all I can tell you is love...truly love. Understand that if your love is true then "keeping" them should never be as important as doing your best to set up conditions for the best of them to flourish. My Lord is right in what He said..."Greater love hath no man than this"...much love mi gente
For years his boat was docked. With the gangway down, many came and went as they pleased. His ship became a beautiful tourist attraction and he thought all was well until he noticed something that troubled him. This once beautiful ship was now littered with garbage and his once pristine furniture was now worn from overuse. You see, some that came and went never bothered to show enough respect or appreciation to even clean up after themselves or fix anything they had broken.
In dismay, he pulled up the gangway, untied the mooring lines and decided to sail a mile out while he restored his ship to a condition of beauty that superseded anything it had been before. In solitude, he created something new...something more. Yet throughout this endeavour, something else happened. He began to really appreciate the value of his vessel and he came to the conclusion that his position a mile away from shore was good enough to keep those would do his ship damage at bay. He decided to place a small boat with oars on the shore that was tied to his ship that was anchored a mile away. On this little boat, he left a sign: "If you want access to my vessel, all you have to do is get in this boat and row a mile out". If those that he knew would do his vessel no harm wanted to come aboard, all they needed to do was get in the boat and he would pull them onto his vessel. Everyone else would have to row themselves.
At no surprise to him...no one came ;-)
You want to know who understands your value? Make it hard (not impossible) for people to get close to you. Those that will row one mile for you understand it and may just be worthy of it. Those that don't? Train your mind towards their indifference...they will do you no good anyway...
Have you ever taken a stroll through a beautiful hillside far from city lights? Whose only sights consist of flowers, trees, grass and all that God had created? Have you ever just stood at the top of that hillside and taken in the everything it has to offer? It can be simply amazing...if you let it. Now come back to New York City. The cars, the noise, the flat pavement and the constant motion of the masses. To most it seems like night and day but ask yourself...what's the real difference? I mean really think about it. Take the time and stop somewhere. Try to take in the people as you would the flowers. Take in the buildings as you would the trees and the pavement as you would the grass. The only difference is that one was created by God, the other was created by man but to me...art is art.
Everyday we have a chance to see something new...to learn something more. In every single day of our existence, we have the chance to take in something we missed because we were too busy. To appreciate that which we have taken for granted. Whether it be on a hillside, smack in the middle of 34th street or even in the soul you have known most of your life. Just remember, there is NEVER a good reason to be "bored". The appreciation of life is the essence of "living". All you have to do is keep this at the forefront of your mind: where you are...is where you're at. Stop thinkin about where you want to be or where you have to be at and take the time to actually "be" wherever you find yourself. You'll be surprised at what you will begin to see that you didn't before...
I climb mountains that cause vertigo. Traverse internal valleys with internal alleys that would scare the life out of most. Demons ain't just some metaphor when it comes to battle. You won't see it so you can't clear it in your mind. All you see are the results. I don't do it to be seen. I compete only with the man I was 5 seconds ago. I do it because I am thirsty for meaning in a world devoid of it. I can't find it in sweet sounding books or in first rate looks. It's all counterfeit to what once was so I don't even try. Real meaning is hidden in the internal reservoirs of "why"...so I dig. This makes all of me too heavy for most. Too strong for the weak...too pliable for the stiff-necked yet this is why it will always be...some of me will always be preferred to none of me...
I stopped lookin for Neo a long time ago so I entreat only those on their way to becoming Neo-lite...these bring out the better of me ;-)
She gets slippery at night when she's all about the need. The hunger that exists in longing eyes to feed. Longing eyes of pain she can't restrain but must because she's all about what's just and right and pure...
Hunger is human and who am I to judge. I'm the man she'll nudge and text for late night context...just to chill. The slip, the slide, the soul collide...until. Her impression requires discretion and I'm the man for the hour...or two. Without you...
Her saving grace is found in the mirror. Whose face to find is mine. To touch me is to touch herself for justification of her inclination and for such a soul...I am blessed for the night...
I see tears when you think wet. I feel fears as I am let...to soothe and ease with touch or grace. As I cusp the face of a goddess in my hands, I inhale her essence as plumes of smoke with prescience fill this secret dimly lit room...
That none should ever know how far she will go...in this world of empty. To find solace in this man of plenty she can't keep...but can have as they are the same. To forgo the game for a lifetime of moments that time could never relieve...
She gets slippery at night when she's all about the need...and so do I...
Conflicted by the worth she knows she carries. A worth defined by the burden of responsibility her beautiful shoulders seem made to bear. Her value multiplied by the genuine care for something greater than herself and the sacrifice of all she wants for the betterment of child, cause or heaven. Taking on these burdens like a champion at war, you'd never know she cries herself to sleep at night...but sometimes she does. Conflicted only because she does her best to measure out how much she should allow for herself as she makes sure that what she carries should always receive the greater measure. She pushes forward under pressure and is not easily moved by tempest or storm. Producing a sheen of beautiful strength that cannot help but to entice. Predators see her as big game while gentlemen hunters do their best to shield her from harm...even from themselves. For some, there will never be anything greater in the world of man than Eve as she was meant to be. Shedding skin to daily scar, she is more than just beautiful...she is divine...
Quality men...do your best to identify these and do what you can to alleviate their burden. To define your quality...ask for nothing in return...
