I'd like to share something. Back in the days of my debauchery phase, I was able to map out the times when sexual energies were "peaking". Like a weather man gauges the weather, I have the ability to gauge energy. I came to notice that late February/early March were the times I was sought after the most and I thought myself "the man" until I realized something... Spring was on it's way. What does this mean? Well, it means that the desire for everything new begins to emanate from the earth and makes its way to permeate... into the zeitgeist. As the energies to close chapters are prevalent in the Winter, the energies for new love connections are heightened in the Spring. I came to calling this the season of "Springtime/Flingtime". When I realized this, "at last I knew, I was not magnificent" lol "Glorious" maybe, just not "magnificent" lol Without a doubt, it felt good to be the first one (or even one of the first) women thought of in that haze because those times tend to have you making a choice among the "candidates" in your "feelings" line-up and yes, EVERYONE has a line-up of those they've thought about. If you say you don't, you are straight up lyin out your ass. At that time, I didn't care about the external highs of it. So long as there was a connection, I went with it and I became too "busy" for my own good. After a while, it seemed more meaningful to flow in intimacy without the driving force of it being the high that was in the air so I'd wait a bit to see if it was more than just what was in the atmosphere. Understand that the high does not dismiss the feelings in any way. I just liken it to needing to take a drink or a drug to get intimate. It means more when they're clear eyed and in the midst of the highs and lows of life, it says "I really want YOU" as opposed to "I really want...". The difference is subtle but meaningful.
So having said that, I'll say this... in your thoughts and feelings, be mindful to look inside. Take advantage of the heightened emotions to come to learn the difference between what you WANT and what you NEED. Who pops up first, second and who are the consolation prizes. Take that to heart and wait, measure, feel and reason. Too many wind up jumping to their own detriment at this time. I no longer have that issue. I know what I know and I go with it. I have come to understand that there is an inevitability to things that feel "meant to happen" and due to this, I am released from feeling like "I'm missing out" when an opportunity is missed due to overwhelming circumstances. Those that know me in real life will tell you that I have been known to jump in the past. I've also been one to try to force a thing and call it "initiative". Only for it to wind up going badly because I kicked against a moment I knew deep down had the ability to derail everything. So I've learned since to walk that line, like everything else in my life. Too willy nilly and you could get burned. Too cautious and you might never know how hot it could've been. Some might deem this "overthinking" but with experience comes seasoning and seasoning teaches you how to calculate rather quickly. And for the record, this not only applies to sexual intimacy but also, to simply getting to spend time with somebody. Some settings and times can be too short or too involved to really get a feel for the person you're about to meet or catch up with.
I had a friend that had waited years to get with this chick. I mean he wanted her BADLY. One night she called him up and said that she'd like to get together asap. She asked him where he was and he just so happened to be in the middle of a gig in NY. They gave him a sweet hotel room with a beautiful view. It seemed like the perfect opportunity BUT... he was sick as a dog. Cough medicine, ibuprofen and coffee was his breakfast, lunch and dinner. He called me to tell me she was on her way. I told him, "tell her you're sick and that you're hopped up on meds... DONT DO IT!!" He told me that he wasn't up for it but that he had "waited years to hit that ass" lol Well... long story short: She showed up, they went at it... and "noodles" lol He should have known better. Listen, I don't care how mad she wouldve been had he said "no". I'll take a bit of mad but I will not accept leaving a false impression of my prowess when I'm not even close to my best. Not for the sake of pride but because something like that can create a false representation. Especially when a "do-over" would be hard to come by. She actually told him: "ain't that some sh*t. niggas be talkin about all they can do and don't do sh*t". He had imagined droppin a bomb on this woman for years... only to have Nyquil rob him of his moment. From the way my boy described her, I never would've imagined she would say that but THAT one will sting for the rest of his life and why? Because "he took the initiative" at the wrong time!! Don't do that...
So in conclusion, I know that there are MANY fine ass people that read me and no doubt you will have many options before you in this Springtime/Flingtime season. My only advice is to stay mindful of your feelings. Don't jump when you shouldn't and don't play in the consolation prizes backyard. You don't want to come out the haze realizing you made a mistake. This seasons loneliness will pass and its desire will temper but bad choices can scar you for life... I'm out
~moses apollo
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