There was once a beautiful box... whose assembly came without set rules. A creation of heart and soul that had men and women actually needing to learn each other before putting it together. It was this very process that made it special... and beautiful. A process that created boxes that were unique to every couple. Imperfect in design but special nonetheless. Yet due to it's seeming imperfections, some decided to create manuals on how to iron out the wrinkles of these boxes... and they marveled in their intelligence as they came to create "relationships in a box". A series of books, videos, social media posts and articles replete with psychobabble meant to inspire the creation of a series of lists of what one would want out of a relationship that usually included the only acceptable bar set so high, none but one percent of the population would be able to meet it. And so it went...
Men and women began to list out the superficial everyday needs that pacified "trigger points" of discomfort. Doing their best to remove the disagreements, the arguments and the disappointments that were known to be standard among the original boxes. The very things, that once overcome as humans, created something special... were now tossed aside. Yet along with those things, what was also tossed out... was the wider net of prospects. Men and women of "value" went from once being men and women of character to now being described as men and women that could meet the transactional needs that would make everyone "happy" and all things "perfect". The problem is... such things do not exist on their own. Just as it was, they needed to be created unique... not by meeting the terms on a list but by the ability to listen through touch, feel, passion and patience. By generating an understanding of each others inner workings so each could leave their own unique branding on their box. This didn't eliminate the "trigger points" but they were allowed to exist as part of a learning process that inspired growth. An inter-growth that allowed each to work through them as complete individuals able to express their most authentic selves without judgment.
Most men have checked out because they have come to understand that they, by virtue of these lists, can no longer meet the standards asked of them and those that can, now find themselves cycling through escapade after escapade of women that believe they will be the one to catch the "catch". Not understanding the power they have handed a slim minority of the population, they now find themselves disheartened by the imitators that claim "value" in their "doing" but are really only driven by a sexual agenda or an agenda of control. The complaints among the sexes have over spilled on the net as more and more realize the truth... you can "create" a home on your own but you cannot expect to find a human heart that will perfectly compliment that home without work & mutual sacrifice. In other words, humans are not robots. Nor do they come ready made to fit you alone. They are complex & require work to "become" but too many believe they could write out a list of what they "demand" or "deserve" (that's a funny one) and these will magically appear. Folks, if one does appear to meet all the check marks on your list, chances are... you're being duped someplace, somewhere and you will find out in time... and it will hurt.
As for me... I've decided to sit this one out altogether. My way is old school mature and I've written about it ad nauseam. I remember the old timers I used to talk to about relationships describe their endgames on the matter. Folks that were set and seasoned in their ways that pretty much understood that starting a new relationship with all the bells and whistles would require them to put up with a lot they have already exhausted the need and tolerance for. They actually believed they found a way to remove all the BS from their "relationships" without the need for lists or demands. You see these were folks content in their lives but missing that piece of passion and companionship every human craves. They did the "kids thing", the "white picket fence thing", the "PTA thing" etc... They just wanted someone they could connect with. Someone to just "be" with that was real when they said the words "I love you" or "I want you". They didn't need them to change their world... they could have their own. All they needed was to experience the truth of feeling wanted, loved & truly desired by something real. Even if that thing provided only half of the normal conventional "relationship"... they knew that if it was real... they would still have way more than those that had the 100% fake. I've seen these work till "death did them part" and it was impressive to me. I figure one or a few real ones like this and I'd be straight but there is no way in hell imma be bendin over backwards meeting expectations that I have already struggled to meet with others in my life. Especially when the "trend" is to meet this without reciprocation. I been there done that. I just want to love, laugh and live in earnest with someone that wants the same while I'm with them. No pretense, no expectations, no demands... just respect, love and passion. Most want it this way but are often too timid to admit it. They're afraid of being stigmatized so they accept it in secret. I have no problem with that and I've had to do that at times for THEM. I have loved and lost in excruciating pain and pleasure and guess what? I'd do it again and again in the fullness of all that I am... without apologies.
Today, I see so many folks waitin to meet "the one" that will fill out these lists facing disappointment after disappointment. Only to come to the point of giving up on love altogether or settling for something so bland, it makes you sad. They actually believe that what I just described is somehow degrading when in reality, it's keeping alive the most important part of human existence in ways that allows one to remain who they are after the most important parts of who they are have been branded into life (age making no difference in this equation). The problem? It requires brutal self-awareness, a mature mind, a tiny ego and a perspective willing to buck convention and today... this is few and far between. What's messed up is that most eventually come to this mindset a little too late. They come around as a last resort and by that time, sadly, among the masses... they have come to lose some of their appeal and wind up settling for the fakes they actually know are looking to use them. I look out into the zeitgeist on many topics and what I see here has me concerned about humanity's ability to think through love and despair. To be able to look into their prism and identify all the colors in between that allow them the come to the proper conclusions. Conclusions that inform their decisions on who or what they will allow into their lives and to what capacity. Too many are hurt... too many are lonely. I refuse to be a part of that. I am choosing to go my own way, even if it means I lose some of the ones I love... I'm out...
~moses apollo
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